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Memoirs from the Hard Shoulder: bASeman's Spot of the Year award.


BorniteIdentity

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14th July today. Happy Birthday to this old relic. 

8EEA1CE6-FFC3-41BE-81BA-8C3123B5D4F3.thumb.jpeg.e0ab4f1ba5813dc2f47612a8b6c323e2.jpeg

Quite unbelievably it’s 36 today - same age as me.

Today’s also the day that I finally accepted that the old lady needs a new home. 

When I lost my job last month, I was very fortunate to walk straight into further work. Unfortunately there is a slight pay gap - and I have another contract which will fall off in the next 6 weeks. The grim, crippling reality is - between now and me being able to fix it - there will be a million and one different demands on my time and money. I’m not willing to be custodian who watches over this car’s deterioration. 

So I’m starting to have conversations with the appropriate people and hope that this will be the beginning of happier times for the bASe. It’s been really hard to reach this point, and I could just keep kidding myself that I’ll get it done eventually. The car will be forever linked with happier times. But for the good of everyone, it needs a new home. I don’t have the money, the time or the talent. It hurts to say that, but it’s only the truth. 

I will keep you all updated. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

As much as I've put it off, it really is time for the Mercedes 190 to find a new home.  Apologies to everyone who's been in contact about it - I've been run off my feet with work, and really haven't wanted to do anything about selling it at all.  But, here's the quandary.  Really, it occupies the only slot that can rotate and afford me new chod.

Avensis: Absolute keeper.  Wife wants to keep it forever and ever and hopefully bore the tits off people at car shows in 20 years time how we've had it forever and driven it everywhere.

Granvia: Only 7 seater.  Would like to camper convert it when the kids have FRO so we can trundle down to France or whatever.

Mini: Family heirloom innit.  It's absolutely unsaleable.  Plus I'm the only fool who'd buy one that rough!

Sierra: Well, whilst my friend Emma is still alive then I can't let it go.  Even after that she'd probably haunt me - so it's sat in the naughty corner still.

 

I'm not sure what to replace it with.  I know that A) It must free me up some money - so ideally 3 figures only.  2) It must be different to what I have so not a 3 box saloon, not a mini and not an MPV.  D) It must be something that I can sell on easily enough.  Oh, and no fucking Invacars.

I would like to pick something up from France for a laugh.  My mate James is a proper Francophile and I reckon it'd be great to come back with something like that AX Bic from the tat thread.  Other than that, perhaps something like @purplebargeken's Triumph - but  I'd never make the numbers stack, and one broken car is probably enough.  I really want to LOVE that Mondeo that @egg found but, whilst it's hot, I'm not sure I can justify that sort of money on a mondeo to myself - never mind anyone else.  All suggestions welcome - and I will get back to people about my 190.  Please drop me a line if you're also interested.

Sorry for the ramble!

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Agree about that Mondeo. I would buy it, because I'm a bit daft, but only to keep and polish it - deserves a gentle retirement and then FOTU prizes in about 5-10 years time. It is a little rich. But then it is a great representative of early 90's 'peak car'. But it won't blow you away - it will just basically be 'an car'.

We'd all enjoy a French caper I'm sure, but the late great Dave numbers was generally right that nothing over there is cheap. Three figure stuff is often pretty rough. Though, Nigel B reckons an early Twingo would be good (launch spec original colours 1993 - keep it early , son). But rust will be inevitable...

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44 minutes ago, SiC said:

Very non AS answer, but what about nothing? Save your money for now while keeping your eye and ears open for a bargain to appear on something you'd really like but didn't think you could get. 

Or go fuck it and buy @xtriple XJ-S 

If I had sold the 190 I’d probably have pulled xtriple’s chain on that jag. Yes the purchase price is just the entry fee - it’s the bar prices that hurt, but it’s about two grand too cheap so that helps mitigate. 

I would like to keep that fleet space occupied because - once lost - I fear it’ll be difficult to get it reinstated by management. It was a happy coincidence we arrived at this place anyway! It might be that I just indulge myself in a few chodtastic snotters for a while. 

Or not!

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  • 2 weeks later...

A little update then. 

The Sierra bASe will be recommissioned ASAP. The head is currently being painstakingly rebuilt at a garage in the village who have a great reputation. It won’t be cheap, but if it lasts another 35 years then it represents excellent value. Oh, and the car gets to keep its own heart which, strangely, seems important. I’d like to think we could get it back and on the road (via a sympathetic tester) in the next 6 weeks.

As a result, I’ve agreed a sale of my Mercedes 190 to a friend of a friend (subject to collection).  The bill for the Sierra, and a surprise bill for the Avensis deducted from the sale price of the w201 should leave me a nice amount to buy further chod.

I already find myself in advanced negotiations on a Breadvan! I’d like something 80s with a bit of credibility in the sub £1k bracket.

I’ll keep you updated!

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The Mercedes is Sold Subject to Collection to a friend of a friend. Actually - small world; we used to work for the same company. So that’s three consecutive owners with a radio connection. 

A few reflective moments were endured this morning. Still don’t know if it was the right thing to do - I guess you only know stuff like that in the fullness of time. 

I was chatting to a bloke about a smashing little Breadvan but it looks like it’s going to need too much work to get it back on the road at a sensible financial outlay. Whilst there are others around for £NotMuchMore it’s difficult to justify. 

Dunno. Might still do something stupid. 

 

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Avensis is back from the garage and I’m £400 lighter. Fortunately:

1. I’ve stopped “Bean Counting” now the bangernomics project has been concluded.

2. The garage only ever charge minimum labour. Two calipers, discs, pads, complete overhaul of rear drums and a new washer pump was charged at 90 minutes work. 

It’s now stopping beautifully - certainly better than I can ever remember. 

Now the 190 has gone - the Avensis is back on front line duty and, quite weirdly, I’m enjoying driving it more. It’s not exciting or fun or sexy but it is utterly dependable. 

2BBD63C7-3AF4-4D41-9391-E196D5DFBF7D.thumb.jpeg.a0c0666834df46f4ad98198df2728111.jpeg

252,527 miles (not out)

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1 hour ago, beko1987 said:

You should take that to the FotU next year! 

Meh. It’s still too new really. In a few years time we will be able to happily show it off; the Avensis is a genuine success story of the UK industry and mine will have a big mileage count by then! 

I’ll review it in 5 years! 

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Seeing as y’all seem to be enjoying the runt of the litter, here’s one more pic. No fancy products here (it’s a car worth a day’s pay) but Turtle Wax and some elbow grease seems to bring it up well. It also smells glorious.... 

 

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Seeing as y’all seem to be enjoying the runt of the litter, here’s one more pic. No fancy products here (it’s a car worth a day’s pay) but Turtle Wax and some elbow grease seems to bring it up well. It also smells glorious.... 
 
C96BFBE4-9880-4C06-9A82-A482ABB9C7F0.thumb.jpeg.27f801c8eb6c4a4ae7a1a0a8d90f3f37.jpeg


That is a fantastic colour and still looks in really great condition.


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6 hours ago, jumpingjehovahs said:

11b3f7dad6d09e8bf980e1f85b972df9.jpg

Without wanting to be too “the call is coming from inside the house” I was amazed to pull into the car park at work this morning and see this!

Looks amazing in person, like a car with less than half it’s age and miles.


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Ha. Fucking brilliant. That’s made my day! 

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On 8/13/2016 at 8:07 PM, BorniteIdentity said:

This week, for the first time ever, I felt old. I have sciatica which swaps from one side to the other, arthritis in one hand and what I think is the beginnings of IBS. On top of that it took me 2 weeks to remember a registration number that once would take me 2 seconds, and I forgot my parent's wedding anniversary.

I'm only 32.

Shit. No I'm not. I'm 33. I forgot that too. (Genuinely)

So, it's about time I committed some of my tales to paper. Well, a shonky server... but that's the best you can do in 2016.

First up, a list of the cars I've owned (as best as I can remember) in chronological order.

Main Cars
1985 VW Polo Formel E. C158 TRT. This was given to me even before I passed my test.

1991 Rover Metro S. J801 TAC. Bought about 3 months after I passed my test as I was convinced the Polo was about to shit its gearbox.

1987 Volvo 360 GLT. D781 ___ Managed three months in a Metro before the small car and smaller petrol tank became a bore.

28343168063_aef51f330f_z.jpgFord Mondeo and Honda Civic Coupe by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1999 Ford Mondeo Zetec. V384 DBJ. Still the most I've ever spent on a car. It was 3 years old and cost, from memory, about £8,000. Just think of the Rover R8s you could buy with that now!

28673944450_fed0905c87_z.jpg1987 Volkswagen Golf GTI 8v by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1987 Volkswagen Golf GTI D79 CVV. I very nearly bought a MK1 Golf 1.1 but was persuaded, by my father amusingly, to buy this one from a different friend. From memory I gave about £500 for it, and sold it to some racers later that year for about £300. Amusingly, 16 year later I'd sell the Hartge wheels that came with the car for £530.

28927619766_5ab360b14f_h.jpg1999 Toyota Avensis CDX by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1999 Toyota Avensis CDX. V781 GDP. By far the best car I've ever had. Bought in 2002 for £5300, it had previously been a company car at British Telecom. I ran it from 62,000 to 174,000 before it became surplus to requirements. A German chap bought it on ebay for about £500 and drove over to collect it. Hero.

28927664766_dcf93df335_z.jpg2001 Ford Mondeo Zetec by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
2001 Ford Mondeo Zetec. Y821 EEB. I should have loved this car. I gave £500 for it in 2008 which was stupidly cheap by anybody's standards. It needed 4 tyres (which actually was nice to pick good ones for once) and a coil spring. Sadly, it was just bill after bill after bill. I sold it and promised to never own another Ford. I nearly succeeded.

28674046270_cd0f083b0c_b.jpg1998 Nissan Almera by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1998 Nissan Almera GX Auto. S58 NLO. My late Grandfather's car and, upon reflection, my first proper attempt at bangernomics. I bought it for £500 in 2008 from the estate and ran it for well over a year and 30,000 miles. It was also my first automatic which, whilst a bit dumb, did lock up into overdrive and give a good 36 mpg no matter how it was driven.

28855340172_8de43906a6_b.jpg2004 Ford Fiesta 1.25 LX and 2006 Ford Focus 2.0 Ghia by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
2004 Ford Fiesta Zetec. AG53 BWL. My wife's car which I ran for a couple of years when I bought her a Focus as a wedding gift.

28959548855_8bc77a5883_b.jpg2003 Rover 75 by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
2003 Rover 75 Club SE. AX53 BFA. This is where my career as a serial car buyer really began. Ignoring all of the warning signs I decided to press a K Series into a daily 100 mile commute, which it did with aplomb. This wasn't actually the car I set out to buy, the one I'd agreed to buy OVERHEATED ON THE FORECOURT whilst I was doing the paperwork. Consequently I couldn't leave fast enough and bought a different car later that day.

28343570193_39c619e654_b.jpg2004 Toyota Avensis T30-X by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
2004 Toyota Avensis T3-X. KT53 DWZ. Sensible head back on, I decided to get back into something I trusted when my 3rd son was born. This was a lovely car, but not without its problems. The VVTi oil burning issues are well documented and do frequently occur. Ironically, this was less reliable than the Rover it replaced! Despite fearing the worst and 3 months off the road, the new owner has just MOTd it.

28927903526_c82e81f214_b.jpg1999 Toyota Avensis SR by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1999 Toyota Avensis SR. V263 GDP. Back into bangernomics territory again. The last MK1 Avensis I had was the best car I'd ever had, so I hoped to replicate it with another T22 Avensis. This one came up for sale in my favourite (and rare) colour with a numberplate sequential to my previous car - so it was meant to be. I still have this now, and tomorrow it will tick around to 185,000 miles having been bought by me at 100,500.

Side Bitches

28340942624_eb03d558b8.jpg1974 Morris Mini 1000 by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1974 Morris Mini 1000. GEL 517N. Well, I always wanted one - and was young, free, single and well off at the time (2003). A memorable trip to buy it when I called my new girlfriend by my ex girlfriend's name 20 miles into a 200 mile weekend away. She's never forgiven or forgotten but we're still friends. Oh - and married.

28927768746_0b425ac038_z.jpg1977 Ford Capri II GL by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1977 Ford Capri II 1600 GL. SMY 675R. I can't remember why I bought this, other than I thought it'd be amusing. It was bought from Norwich for £350 and was perfectly well behaved for the 8 months that I had it (other than a flasher unit expiring). I remember being shocked just how much the windscreen would ice up inside, and duly sold it in November to a guy who was going to drive it daily! It's still alive and now, apparently, black! (Update - it's now silver!!!)

28854977262_5a173cc0e4_z.jpg1989 Volvo 340 DL by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1989 Volvo 340 DL. G67 AVN. I bought this for £80. Unbelievable. It was utterly bloody perfect. I wanted to do a banger rally which is why the guy gave it to me so cheap. I'm still yet to do that rally, but no longer have the car. I sold it for about £300 to a family who were clearly down on their luck who, I hope, still have the car.

28246436494_1a6b520b5c_b.jpg1996 Toyota Granvia by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1996 Toyota Granvia. N775 JEV. My wife and I decided to increase our numbers further and, with our 4th son on the way, larger transport was required. We quickly realised you can either have 4 children and no apparel, or apparel and no children. After trying a very tired Mercedes Viano, the Granvia was found for 1/4 of the price and it's still here 2 years later. I can safely say that we'll never sell it - it really is another member of the family.

28674308470_791ed2a155_b.jpg1993 Mercedes 190e by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1993 Mercedes 190e. L795 COJ. I've admired these cars since I was a child. In fact, one of the very few toy cars I still have from my childhood is a Mercedes 190e. Regular readers of "Memoirs from the Hard Shoulder" will know what a PITA this car has been since day 1, but I get the feeling it's a keeper. We'll see!

26427549733_4e56a0a2f6_h.jpg1983 Ford Sierra Base 1.6 by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1983 Ford Sierra Base. GVG 510Y. Not explicitly my car, but it should be documented here for reference. Oh - and the V5 is in my name. The story is online for all to read as to how five of us acquired what is believed to be the only remaining Ford Sierra Base. Make a brew and read it, it's a fantastic story.

26425197603_cbaf075108_h.jpg1982 Ford Sierra L by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1982 Ford Sierra L. LCR 503Y. I accidentally won this on ebay for £520. Upon reflection, I shouldn't have sold it - but short stop of saying I regret it. I could never get truly comfortable driving it and, in fairness, I could scratch my Sierra itch with the base if I wanted. Sold it at a stupid profit of £1250. It is believed to be the oldest remaining Ford Sierra in the UK.

28309364775_ece85920b4_h.jpg1979 Volvo 343 DL by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
1979 Volvo 343 DL. DBY 466T As you'll see above, I'd had a 360GLT as a younger lad and fancied one of these earlier cars. The variomatic is, frankly, terrible but amusing. This car has just 8000 miles on the clock and inside was absolutely timewarp. Sadly, the huge bill for the Mercedes 190e cylinder head rebuild meant I had to sell this car shortly after acquiring it. Since then I've had a bit of money luck, and now realise I didn't need to sell it after all. Typical.

I think that's it. My arthritis is playing up even more now. I've left out a few cars that were actually my wife's, but if I find pictures will add them in at a later date. I'll run this as an ongoing thread on cars and what's happening.

Current SitRep:

Purple Avensis: Just about to click over 185,000. Minor drama this week when an HT lead split but otherwise utterly fantastic, fantastically boring and boringly reliable.

Granvia: Just done 1000 miles in a month around Norfolk, 6 up with suitcases. 31mpg achieved on the way up which is good for an old tub with a 3.0 Turbo Diesel on board. ODO displaying 175,000 which is a mix of miles and kilometers. Say 130,000 miles for argument's sake.

Mercedes: Being a PITA. It's had the top end completely rebuilt after the chain came off. Now needs welding to pass another MOT and the gearbox bearings are on strike. It's about to go into the garage for winter until I can stomach it again. 151,000 miles on the clock.

Sierra bASE: Still on sabbatical with AngryDicky who only took it bloody camping in cornwall! Legend.

I think I’ve said before that my 7 year old loves the heaps more than I do. He’s taken to looking up the registration numbers and seeing what he can find. 

Unbelievably, he found not one but two of my old “Side Bitches” got pimped. 

The Burgandy Mini now looks like this... 

6180815B-5671-43DD-BC96-4249F041A78C.png.d5a6c446ee26133b72aa2ed12a434282.png

And the £80 Volvo? It got a Williams Renault engine and some daft Minilite wheels. I will contact both people who shared the pics to see what the latest is with them!

 

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The w201 left the fold this afternoon for a new home in salubrious Oundle. I’ve known of the new owner for a long time but never met him until now. 

He promised it a good home and looked sympathetically towards my 7 year old who sobbed his eyes out as the car drove away. 

Next? God knows. Probably nothing. Maybe a modern to use for work. Most likely something shit like a bathroom or new carpet. How fucking showbiz. 

 

4633576D-7EE4-4946-BF06-876BE9D3F9F1.thumb.jpeg.ebdbd6d25de85dae25ba9918cc4ae713.jpeg

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Avensis is at UK renowned Japanese specialist “Japex” for a blank cheque refresh of many worn and broken items. I reckon it’ll be there a week or two.

Over the years I’ve become quite friendly with the owners, allowing me to specify my courtesy car of choice.

Behold:

A18316C4-414D-45B2-954C-2B5620496DA0.thumb.jpeg.ab730836146612b11472ded84383e9e9.jpeg

It’s flippin’ ace. Tight as a drum and as banal and boring as it should be. 

Remember friends:

”You can’t get more Rock n Rolla, than a Y2K Toyota Corolla” 

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