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The Bavarian Misery Wagon [1995 BMW 316i]

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What does £191 on eBay get you?





An E36 BMW 316i with two sets of wheels, a DAB radio, an MOT until December, 110k miles on the clocks, a slightly* fucked back box and a bit of grot on the driver's side sill.
This is co-owned between me and 17-Coffees and our plan is to do a light restoration and just generally piss about with it. It's actually really nice to drive, and is surprisingly brisk for only being a 1.6.
Yes, the alloys are getting sacked off ASAP as it came with the original steel wheels with all-but-new Toyo Proxes on them!

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That looks not too bad- just be aware that the sill could be fuckin hingin!


Yeah, we think it might be worse than it looks... Hmm. Any welders want to have a look at shite prices?

The grot is very far forwards too, in that photo, the join to the right is the front wing!


Also, Tayne, we picked it up from Bathgate, but stopped in Dundee on the way back.


Oh yes, 17-Coffees is now a certified speedometer repair technician. I drove it a couple of miles after picking it up and stopped in a petrol station, while filling it I told him the speedo was fucked. He leaned in the window and thumped the top of the dashboard and the speedo worked flawlessly all the way back, for 2 hours+ of driving.

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Oh yes, just let it be noted that me and 17-Coffees are Shite White Knights.


The seller said he was planning to lower it on some BBS alloys...




The aim of this exercise is to be the Scottish equivalent of the Sierra Base.

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It's got EVERY bit of paperwork going back to 1998, spent all of it's life in Chiswisk, London (borders Hammersmith & a stones throw away from Kensington) and has had no expensive spared!

A damn fine car to drive, power is somewhat lacking(in comparison to the LS400...) but mechanically it seems fine and on the drive back up, sitting at 70 on the A90 is was fine...only downside is the bloody back-box. or 'Lack of' back box.

Oh, and the potentially killer rot.


Now for some Photos of "Shed IV" as it's unofficially-officially named...

28044758363_d3871619f9_h.jpgWriting on the wall... by C C, on Flickr


28376685720_4f08a2786a_h.jpgShed IV - Side by C C, on Flickr


28628691446_6212db3778_h.jpgAlloys or Steel? by C C, on Flickr


28582512431_5b3d48c0e7_h.jpgThe Cockpit. by C C, on Flickr


28044693763_5977086b90_h.jpgPowerhouse that is... by C C, on Flickr


28661080155_e433b1974b_h.jpgOh Bollocks... by C C, on Flickr


Will be having a full check over of her later. :)

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Minor fixorations happened today.


I replaced one of the brake light bulbs and one of the reverse light bulbs, so we now have a full compliment of working lights!


After that, I went over all the plastics with bumper and vinyl gel. It came up a treat.


We also swapped it onto the proper wheels.






The alloys had 4 totally different brands of tyres, of various tread depths. These steelies have a full set of almost-new Toyo Proxes!


Alloys are also up for sale locally to try and make some monies back.



We investigated the sill, and it doesn't seem too bad. The jacking point partially collapsed though. It basically appears that the outer skin of the sill has gone, and the jacking point has, but everything else around it is still solid. Potentially fixable?


The exhaust situation also got better* when we took off the left rear wheel. The back box may well have a hole in it, but it's not even connected to the rest of the exhaust system! Fucking thing's snapped at the front and is dangling. 17-Coffees will have a photo of it, as my hands were filthy at that point, so wasn't going to get my phone out.


Mr Coffees also found the invoice from the previous owner purchasing this car. The previous owner bought it on the 15th of June this year, from a local-to-him BMW specialist for... £850! Then he also bought the alloys separately!

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That looks pretty good for the money. The sill doesn't look too bad but it's an awkward shape . It might be worth getting the scrappies to cut you that bit off one with all its bits intact .

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Wheel trims are staying on, and going to try find another set in better condition if possible/price is right. 


As for the sill, I know a few people who'd do it as a homer or at least point me to the direction of someone who would. Not looking for it to be perfect for the time being but just patched up & safe* knowing it'll be okay.  

The exhaust will be fun, but easy enough. The front section has been done in 2012 if I remember the paperwork correctly (There is alot of it!), so just the rear section. Case of reverse it onto a ramp and hopefully the bolts at the flange come off easily, if not then the angle grinders out! 


Anyways, pictures of said exhaust & more rust...

28679198275_c654b0fe34_z.jpgDouble Bollocks... by C C, on Flickr


28647516346_8a69623d8d_z.jpgTriple Bollocks... by C C, on Flickr


28395327970_e164530cf4_z.jpgFixed it... by C C, on Flickr


28062662094_63938a7d14_b.jpgOh well... by C C, on Flickr




Really wanting to drive it today, but not sure how tax is as last owner canceled his direct debit for it. And the fact If I taxed it today I'd loose an entire month! Will be taking it to work tomorrow if the weather is kind and hopefully come up with a better* cover for the sill. Thinking heavy duty rubber held in place with silicone sealant...

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I was just thinking about the flange at the front of the rear section, and the strap holding the back box up. If we can at least get the bolts out (even if we have to destroy them) I have loads of nuts and bolts here.


I may invest in a bottle of aquasteel (I think that's the name) so we can give the back box hanger a coat of that, followed by some black hammerite or something, just to protect it from further rust. I also need some for the Xantia anyway.


Edit: Just ordered a litre of the stuff.

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I'm liking this a lot. Original spec E36s are super-rare, great work saving and preserving it.


Do not even think about dropping the wheel trims (not that it sounds like you are). Black wheels are strictly for fashion victims.


Edit: I've just realised this is exactly what Hairnet said, only he put it better.

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Other things/parts needed will be...


- O/S/F brakes....disc is worse for wear as are the pads, and I'm guessing the caliper slider pins could do with being replaced or given a good clean up & lube. Worn more than the N/S/F have.

Rear brakes should still be good, having been replaced back in 2014, at least the shoes, springs, etc were anyway. Drum looks naff from the outside thanks to surface rust. 


- The passenger side fog lamp blank is missing. Some up on eBay for £10 and up! So hopefully find one at the scrappy, even if it'll be the wrong colour...


Could do with a service, as last one was back in June 2015. Personally like to do it yearly or every so many miles. But the problem is do we do it ourself, saving cash but sadly loosing the tag of "Full service History" or get it done at a garage for the sake of a stamp?  :?

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But the problem is do we do it ourself, saving cash but sadly loosing the tag of "Full service History" or get it done at a garage for the sake of a stamp?  :?

It's a £191 car for fucks sake.


It's not as though you intend to auction it at Bonhams with "immaculate provenance".

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