New Top Gear

[sierraman]

This week on Top Gear... Paddy McGuinness test drives an Astra 1.4 round Chorley... Freddie Flintoff visits Cleckheaton Trade Sales with a £200 budget and finally the other bloke does a 15 minute report on Lister Diesel Engines live from his very own garage.

[Lacquer Peel]

^ As an aside, people without TV's are like vegans.

They just have to tell everyone about it.

That's nonsense. When I grudgingly tell people I don't consume any animal products that's all they want to talk about, usually after saying they couldn't live without bacon.

[Mrcento]

That's nonsense. When I grudgingly tell people I don't consume any animal products that's all they want to talk about, usually after saying they couldn't live without bacon.

Thankfully not all Vegans are on a conversion mission, but a large % are. And there's often a reason folk react when someone does say they are a vegan, having met the moral preachers so many times before, there's usually a lecture coming.

 

I used to work at an animal rescue centre (this is basically a vegan magnet, it attracts the craziest of the crazies, the sort who would willingly take a knife out of the cupboard and threaten to kill you and feed you to the animals if you even dared saying you were in the mood for a bacon sandwich)

 

Several of us there used to go to a nearby cafe at lunch (after 7 hours of an 11 hour shift) and come back with bacon rolls, the handyman would often microwave meat feast pizzas, i know at least 3 of us were reported to HQ, one by a girl who left in floods of tears because we were "all basically murderers and couldn't possibly do the job we did if you eat meat". and we "all repulse" her.

 

Oddly, all people there apparently fine with the animals eating meat. Which seemed a strangely preachy line to draw the rules at.

 

I think i've got somewhat off the topic of Top Gear...so to bring it back, i'll just say it's going to be shit.

[MorrisItalSLX]

I would like to add that Top Gear USA has also been ruined by a recasting.

 

I liked the original line up with Tanner, Adam and Rutledge, they worked well together in the same way Clarkson, Hammond and May did.

 

The new cast with two random blokes and Tom Ford of 5th Gear fame is just shit.

 

 

I'll just stick to repeats of early 2000s Top Gear, reviewing new cars that grace these here beige pages today.

[Cavcraft]

Are people really still vegan bashing? Just give it a rest, FFS.

[New POD]

That's nonsense. When I grudgingly tell people I don't consume any animal products that's all they want to talk about, usually after saying they couldn't live without bacon.

I couldn't live without air, but thefts of oxygen continues to rise.

 

Edit: not suggesting vegans are oxygen thieves.

[New POD]

Are people really still vegan bashing? Just give it a rest, FFS.

Have you tastesd the egg free, butter free gluten flour free, sugar free cake, all ingredients organically grown in a home made green house with glass made from recycled plastic bottles and watered with recycled bath water?

No.

Whatever you do, don't say you don't like it.

Don't say "What the fuck is this?" Or

Spit it out shouting "baaaarrrthhhh, errrhhhh yeuuùuuuuuk"

 

Ask me how I know this is the wrong reaction.

 

Not wanting to bash vegans but they still want to call this stuff cake, when it's technical term is "composite of healthy shit that tastes like vomit - literally vomit."

 

No offence to any vegan it was just one person's quest to poison the rest of the office.

 

Top gear you say? I'd rather watch "sink holes and how they develop"

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Tom Ford of 5th Gear fame is just shit.

Is that cunt still breathing?

[alcyonecorporation]

CARS

 

CARS ON TV

 

YOUTUBE

 

FUCK SHIT WANKER (DRIER SKIP WANKER)

 

GO TO 10

[MorrisItalSLX]

Is that cunt still breathing?

Unfortunately so.

[Lacquer Peel]

 

 

Have you tastesd the egg free, butter free gluten flour free, sugar free cake, all ingredients organically grown in a home made green house with glass made from recycled plastic bottles and watered with recycled bath water?

No.

Whatever you do, don't say you don't like it.

Don't say "What the fuck is this?" Or

Spit it out shouting "baaaarrrthhhh, errrhhhh yeuuùuuuuuk"

 

Ask me how I know this is the wrong reaction.

 

Not wanting to bash vegans but they still want to call this stuff cake, when it's technical term is "composite of healthy shit that tastes like vomit - literally vomit."

 

No offence to any vegan it was just one person's quest to poison the rest of the office.

 

Top gear you say? I'd rather watch "sink holes and how they develop"

Gluten is vegan, I abhor most gluten free products. There's nothing you can't make without animal produce and I've had some great vegan cakes.

[davehedgehog31]

This week on Top Gear... Paddy McGuinness test drives an Astra 1.4 round Chorley... Freddie Flintoff visits Cleckheaton Trade Sales with a £200 budget and finally the other bloke does a 15 minute report on Lister Diesel Engines live from his very own garage.

That I'd watch.

[Rocket88]

Ideal cast list for Top gear;

 

Fred Dibnah

L J K Setright

Mark Williams

 

Top two might be difficult to release from other "contractual obligations..."

[New POD]

 

Gluten is vegan, I abhor most gluten free products. There's nothing you can't make without animal produce and I've had some great vegan cakes.

I know this to be fact. I know you probably can get a decent vegan cake.

It was just I was working with a woman who insisted on bringing in cakes for any spurious reason, but nobody was brave enough to tell her they tasted shit.

[djoptix]

Top gear you say? I'd rather watch "sink holes and how they develop"

 

I'd watch that!

[Stinkwheel]

Ideal cast list for Top gear;

 

Fred Dibnah

L J Setright

Mark Williams

 

Top two might be difficult to release from other "contractual obligations..."

 

I would have loved to see a version of Topgear fronted by L J K Setright, that would have been epic. Someone telling punters why what they were driving was shit and could then tell them exactly what they should be driving and why with very specific technical detail.

[JimH]

Are people really still vegan bashing? Just give it a rest, FFS.

Aye, leave them be.

 

They suffer enough as it is.

[Bradders59]

True. Whats the point of living if you cant have a bacon sandwich ? 

[Dick Longbridge]

Does anyone remember that fella from the blue who categorically refused to own a car with leather seats, due to his food intake preferences?

I wonder if he applied for the TG job? I can imagine it already.

 

Guv: “Test drive that new Lambo please, Dave. Make sure you sound a lot like Clarkson and stress random parts of words.”

 

Dave: “Sorry guv, can’t drive that one. It’s got leather seats. Have got one with fabric instead. Oh, same for the steering wheel, too.”

 

I’ll leave the whole food-based thing now. I’ve clearly started something, and I can see mods getting grumpy in a minute.

Next time, I’ll take the piss out of the Cornish, although I may offend myself.

Difficult one...

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I know this to be fact. I know you probably can get a decent vegan cake.

It was just I was working with a woman who insisted on bringing in cakes for any spurious reason, but nobody was brave enough to tell her they tasted shit.

 

 

I'm eating a self made chicken curry - rogan josh base sauce, extra coriander, turmeric and chillies, onions, chick peas and chopped bananas and white rice boiled with a spoonful of honey.

 

Fuck your Vegan nonsense.

[Andyrew]

I have had some lovely vegan dishes.

Let people eat/ not eat what they want.

 

But that halva shit needs to join the new top gear line up and follow my directions below.

 

 

In you go . .

[martc]

Have you tastesd the egg free, butter free gluten flour free, sugar free cake...?

 

Not wanting to bash vegans but they still want to call this stuff cake, when it's technical term is "composite of healthy shit that tastes like vomit - literally vomit."

 

 

 

 

 I've had some great vegan cakes.

 

 

 I know you probably can get a decent vegan cake.

It was just I was working with a woman who insisted on bringing in cakes for any spurious reason, but nobody was brave enough to tell her they tasted shit.

 

Anyhow, what do we all think about the new Great British Bake Off?

 

Ducks, gets coat, leaves.

[Cardinal Wolseley]

Another that has not watched Top Gear for years, since the days of Chris Goffey and Sue Baker when it was actually a programme about cars. I recall famously when seeing that vacuous idiot Jonathan Ross interviewing Clarkson (showing an old clip of TG pre the three numpties) and fawning how much better the programme is now, no Ross it wasn't.

 

If I can add a moan about the GBBBO here too, I've not watching it since the transfer to C4, I enjoyed it more in the early days before it became a "thing" anyway.

 

Don't get me started about the loss of Stars on Sunday, how I miss Jess fingering his organ.

[New POD]

I'd watch that!

 

My midweek landlord's TV has many pointless channels. One was showing "Blah blah blah..........Sink Holes, blah blah blah"  it genuinely was a documentary about sink holes. Obviously overdone, and with an attempt to make it all look quite scary but strangely interesting.  

[AnthonyG]

I liked LeBlanc, he is enthusiastic about cars and appeared to be actually enjoying himself, which Evans certainly didn’t. He is able to take the piss out of himself, which is rare for a celebrity Yank - a BBC2 series named Episodes where he played an exaggerated version of himself is well worth a watch (also features Tamsin Greig, who I know from another thread has fans on here!)

 

LeBlanc and Harris seemed to have built some genuine rapport in the last series, such as that ‘in the woods’ camping bit in America, which reminded me of Clarkson and May in their fresh days mid-Noughties.

 

I have no idea what Flintoff would be like and McGuiness strikes me as a right twat, so I doubt I’ll be watching any of these.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

The MLB Aston 007 without trousers bit was a LOL. He was good. Flintoffff comes across as a shouty Jacamo thug.

[Rocket88]

Another candidate would be Rowan Atkinson...............actually knows about stuff, and is amusing....

[andy18s]

My midweek landlord's TV has many pointless channels. One was showing "Blah blah blah..........Sink Holes, blah blah blah" it genuinely was a documentary about sink holes. Obviously overdone, and with an attempt to make it all look quite scary but strangely interesting.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=853473894854400&id=222505331284596

[alcyonecorporation]

I have a telly but the aerial feed is so crap I never bothered to get it fixed (after the fifth time it failed and the third TV I tried it on failed to find any channels).

 

I watch youtube on it instead.

[quicksilver]

Anybody seen this utter tripe?:

 

I quite enjoy Modern Wheels or Classic Steals just for the comedy value of seeing how much that Elo bloke can disregard the buyer's requirements. Saw one the other night where the chap wanted something small, spacious and economical for £5-6k. What did Elo offer him? A 12 grand Triumph Stag of course.