My Ashram of Shiteness in Poopna - Now back home - thanks God, no more Chicken Napalm!

[Junkman]

It was a merely 89 years.

And what did you do to the Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese and Italians?

[martc]

Although the Raj may have only been in existence for 89 years we were shafting the Indians trade wise since about 1600. The Chinese - opium wars and colonising Shanghai and Hong Kong for a bit and Prince Philip, and the Italians - second world war.

 

Not sure we have fallen out much with the Thais (other than the usual British yobbo abroad stuff), and I guess being friendly with the USA wouldn't do us much good in Vietnam.

[Junkman]

Anyway, I think I found me a car.

 

https://www.olx.in/item/ambassador-mark-2-in-all-original-condition-IDY01EL.html

 

There is also this:

 

http://pune.quikr.com/Chevrolet-caprice-1986-vintage-W0QQAdIdZ264008192

[Felly Magic]

Offt that Yank will set our resident Septic barge fetishists off, even fake wire wheel hubcaps for ultimate shite points

[eddyramrod]

As if on cue...

How much does the price of that Chevy translate to?

[Dave_Q]

100,000 INR is approximately a grand, so 1.5 million = £15000.

[Split_Pin]

Seems like everywhere is being overtaken by the same sort of anodyne, shit type of car. I would have seriously been expecting some weapons-grade shite if visiting India too.

 

At least there seems to be a lot of other interesting things there though!

[Dave_Q]

I was in Bangalore in 2009 and there were a fair few proper bo sheds, barried astras amongst others.

 

The most popular motors were mainly Maruti Suzuki Altos and SuperCarrys, Tata Indicas and other local joint venture shite like the Mahindra-Renault Logan.

 

 

Anything "premium" was a fairly rare sight, although our hotel did use E classes and Skoda Superbs as taxis.

[andrew e]

I thought you could export from India? What's the deal Junkman.

[Junkman]

There is no car older than five years on the road. The majority of personal transport is not done with cars at all, but with huge, white SUVs with

Early 50s American quantities of chrome up front and super balloon tyres.

What is there, is below my radar, so even if it were shite, I'd not recognise it as such, because post 1986. Just because a new Datsun Microbe

has a four inch long boot grafted on, doesn't make it shite for me, sorry.

 

Then there is a myriad of completely nondescript newfangled scooters and motorbikes, with the exception of  a few vintage looking (and sounding)

Royal Enfields in between, which are in fact still being built, cost about 2.5k new and are predominantly ridden by young guys, who look like they

will upgrade* to one of those hardly dangerous motorcycles the moment they can afford them, which appears to be pretty soon.

I have already seen a few American mobile toilets so far, the only imported bikes I could recognise and the only ones bigger than the rest.

Be prepared for them being built in India soon. So no big Jap four cylinders, let alone rubber cows.

 

People here can be quite relaxed, since they don't have to fear their jobs being outsourced to India, hence they take out any credit thrown at them by Muslim banks.

 

Having said all this, everything commercial or public transport is delightfully mid of last century 3rd World.

Even the 1980s Mercedes TN/T1 transporters have nicely been facedropped into the 60s.

 

Despite it is still Summer here, it gets dark around half seven and I'm working Finnish office hours, so there is literally no occasion to take photos.

Also, life here is a bit like in SoCal, i.e. the great indoors. One spends most of the day in sealed, air conditioned glass palaces.

My daily excursions into the outside have hence all happened after dark.

[Jim Bell]

It sounds like no fun if I'm honest.

[mercrocker]

Nah, its fucked like the rest of the world......Hey Junkman I will be well impressed if you pap a Baby Hindustan or a Landmaster.

[Junkman]

It sounds like no fun if I'm honest.

 

There is. Lots of it. Just none car related. For that, you'd have to join the local classic car club, I guess.

The beer is orderly in this country, though, and the people friendly.

 

Nah, its fucked like the rest of the world......Hey Junkman I will be well impressed if you pap a Baby Hindustan or a Landmaster.

 

You got that shit right. It's all about this global sacrifice of culture, heritage and dignity for the benefit of a self imposed elite.

I'm meanwhile convinced that Sector 13 is where this trip is heading, no matter where you are.

Re. those conveyances, I don't even know what they are, so pappage could be unlikely even if there were some.

[fotorabia]

Cool...my BOAC Junior Jet Club membership failed on the way back to the UK in 1973...and we were stranded in Calcutta for a few day..i was only 6...epic night bus journey from the airport in a glass-less late 1930s model..i insisting the driver continually pressed the Hoohaa horn.,,my first exposure to huge poverty and seeing people sleeping on the pavement..on arrival at the enormous Empirical England Just Left Hotel..we were in a lift..depositing tourists to each floor..door opens..and there was a cow standing in the hallway...lunch consisted of a full brass band resplendent in red uniforms....and in true fashion...the swimming pool was out of order..so my sister and I spent our days in a fountain.We were taken on a tour..we're we watched a snake charmer cobra act..being the smallest..i was only a metre away from the reptile..but when the fakir whipped out a mongoose from a basket..Mum made her excuses and made a fast exit.I saw hemp being woven into rope..my first exposure to cannabis...and when we finally left..at DumDum airport..as my sister and I slept on the luggage..a huge gang of local children surrounded us and stared silently at our pale blondeness.Have fun buddy...

[Junkman]

Sounds very much like last century to me.

Oh, wait...

 

Anyway, nowadays there is no obvious poverty and no people are sleeping on the pavement, there are no cows anywhere, no brass bands resplendent in red uniforms, the rooftop swimming pool is a dream and has a fully stocked bar, there are no snake charmers with mongooses, no hemp is being woven into rope and no huge gangs of local children stare silently at my pale blondeness. The only thing that remained the same is that horns are still permapressed, but so they are in Italy.

As I said, it all reminds me much of the drab hickstowns in the Western US and I wish I would have visited India before it fell victim to the global gleichschaltung.

[mercrocker]

 

 

 

 

Re. those conveyances, I don't even know what they are, so pappage could be unlikely even if there were some.

 

Baby Hindu = locally produced Morris Minor, the Landmaster is the first incarnation of the legendary Ambassador, still using pressings shipped CKD from Cowley.   It has the same front as the British Oxford/Cowley.   Long dead in both cases, pretty much.....

[Junkman]

Baby Hindu = locally produced Morris Minor, the Landmaster is the first incarnation of the legendary Ambassador, still using pressings shipped CKD from Cowley.   It has the same front as the British Oxford/Cowley.   Long dead in both cases, pretty much.....

 

If one of each would actually still exist, it'd be in a museum or someone's private collection. Apparently I just missed the annual vintage car rally taking place in Pune end of April.

Minors are advertised between 500 and 1500 quid, but there isn't one for sale in Pune.

Bear in mind that Pune is something like the Detroit of India, so the old car density is lower and the incomes higher than elsewhere in the country.

[r.welfare]

The real eye opener for me was blokes pissing on the pavement, in broad daylight in rush hour. A bit like if you were stopped at the lights in Knightsbridge, casually turned your eyes to the left and saw a bloke taking a leak against Harrods' window displays.

 

Do they have the policemen who stand on a raised platform at big junctions where you are, Junkman? They did in Bangalore last time I went. They don't seem to do anything except bear the heat and pollution stoically while cultivating the most amazing mustaches. We dubbed them "traffic admirers".

[Jim Bell]

Last time I was in India there was women literally shitting in the street while their children ate from bins.

And when I say India, I mean Middlesbrough. I've never been to India. I'm not going back to Middlesbrough.

[Sloth in a bowl]

http://www.automartindia.com/web/index.jsp

 

You can get a Tata Nano for under £500 but there is not any good choice.

[Junkman]

The real eye opener for me was blokes pissing on the pavement, in broad daylight in rush hour. A bit like if you were stopped at the lights in Knightsbridge, casually turned your eyes to the left and saw a bloke taking a leak against Harrods' window displays.

 

Do they have the policemen who stand on a raised platform at big junctions where you are, Junkman? They did in Bangalore last time I went. They don't seem to do anything except bear the heat and pollution stoically while cultivating the most amazing mustaches. We dubbed them "traffic admirers".

 

 

No such thing whatsoever. The pavements are clean and everywhere are traffic lights and speed bumps.

Many intersections are in the process of being converted into roundabouts with special block paving and trees and flowers in the middle.

 

The country is in fact annoyingly politically correct.

For example, there is a massive anti smoking campaign going on, to the extent, that whenever someone smokes in an old film shown on the telly,

they superimpose a banner saying that smoking kills. That even happened when Dirty Harry lit his cigar after he just had shot three guys.

 

Today I read in the paper, that no new diesel cars over two litres will be allowed in 2017, which effectively means, there will be none left in 2022.

All new development I can see is in the shape of those standard 100 sq ft apartments, so Agenda 21 is rolled out on a massive scale here

like everywhere.

 

Also, my shit still keeps its shape after depositing, despite I actually stopped being careful. There is no point.

 

On my stroll tonight, I saw the first older car since I'm here, a Lada Riva shaped Fiat in mint condition with a Vintage Fiat Club sticker in the backlight.

Sadly I didn't have my camera on me.

[Jim Bell]

Fiat's AND firm shits.

 

 

Are you SURE you're in India?

 

It's meant to be running Tata's and runny Ka-kas.

[Eddie Honda]

We need some Sipani Dolpin/Montana spottage...

[forddeliveryboy]

 

Minors are advertised between 500 and 1500 quid, but there isn't one for sale in Pune.

Bear in mind that Pune is something like the Detroit of India, so the old car density is lower and the incomes higher than elsewhere in the country.

 

Sorted -

https://www.olx.in/item/morris-minor-two-door-ID134FrP.html#80556d5f59

[Junkman]

Fiat's AND firm shits.

 

 

Are you SURE you're in India?

 

It's meant to be running Tata's and runny Ka-kas.

 

 

Nah, man, Tata is making teacups now and the trots doesn't occur even if you try.

[JohnDeere]

I once drove a Maruti 800 in India. 1989 version with no seat belts. I lasted 200 metres before smacking it into the foot-high unlit kerb in the middle of the road and bent the suspension. Also drove a Tata Sierra when they were still new, asthmatic Pug-based diesel and dog-leg gearbox.

 

I don't think Maruti ever deleted a model, so ISTR they had about three generations of Alto on the go at once at one time. Back in the 90s it was wall-to-wall Contessas, Ambys, 800s and the Esteem, a booted Swift.

 

I remember the CKD 309s arriving (not for long), as well as the very short-lived Montego - have seen one of those and a few SD1s out in the wild.

[SOUL]

Right. Sadly today I had to work until after dark, so no outside shite pappage was forthcoming.

However, to not disappoint you lot completely, I found two Tatas for you:

 

 

TATA also own Tetley tea in the UK, so not surprised they have mugs to put it in!

[Junkman]

While I was waiting for my chauffeur this morning in front of the hotel, I had the second old car sighting since I arrived here.

The old chod sparsity was made up for in sensational fashion by a superb 1953 De Soto wafting by, no less.

Of course I didn't have my camera on me, what else.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

While I was waiting for my chauffeur this morning

 

[glances at address bar in browser]

[alf892]

I visited Bombay and Cochin in 1979 .quite a few times as it was a regular run..........things that stuck in my mind from Bombay were the Fiat 110 style taxis while posh folk had an Ambassador. They were loads of street beggars and people with missing limbs who got around on improvised flat trolleys. Loads of people lived on the streets and there was a massive gulf between the haves and have nots. Like a lot of places I suppose but to a 17 year me it seemed a very stark contrast and has stayed with me - it must have been very noticeable as all I was interested then was beer, food and pussy.

 

We used to go to the Sheraton hotel for a slap up dinner and if you put a cig in your mouth a uniformed bloke would appear to light it. Oh..........and the Cages made a memorable trip out.

 

Cochin was just like 'It ain't half hot mum' with tracks marked out with white painted stones. And when we came into dock boats would come to watch us moor up......in these boats were girls who would strip if you threw a bar of soup.........

 

Fuck.........hark at me going on.......... I'm old!

 

And, you, JM are a lucky bugger..........of all the places I went I think India would be the only one I'd be really keen to go back to