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Coprolalia's Asylum - '89 Scirocco - older, slower, dirtier engine swap

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A Diesel Rocco would actually be about my ultimate daily driver. 


Ditto. I've been after one for years.

I've even considered a tdi Corrado as well.


As often happens with these things the timing kind of sucks for me … , plus it's red, and I have too many red cars.

Unless you fancy a deal with 2 or 3 different red cars and some cash? No, didn't think so.


One day I'll have a diesel 'rocco, just maybe not this year :(

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Unless you fancy a deal with 2 or 3 different red cars and some cash? No, didn't think so.


One day I'll have a diesel 'rocco, just maybe not this year :(




What's available?


I've been contemplating selling both cars, so clean sweep might be interesting.


At the same time, I've never used this as a daily, and part of me really wants to try it.

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I've done some man maths and showed the wife some pictures.


She gave me that "don't you fucking dare" stare. Given I fucked off to Malta for a week recently to go drag racing and the week before that drank so much I kept her up till 4am vomitting, and that I quite like my balls where they are, I reckon I won't be purchasing this one.


Someone on here definitely should do though, so I can swap it for a far more suitable car at a later date.

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For a diesel 'rocco ... erm, the e36 325tds, roffle Scooby, and 205TD.

Potentially available also a w203 c220cdi  koop (not red, resale silver) … but I wouldn't as it has a very annoying minor issue, stepper motor(s).


The 205 was/ is on my radar, in the absence of any sort of 205 D-turbo/STDT on the market.


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Breaking news just in.

The alternator is buggered and it's a pig to get a replacement. For some reason VAG specced a 45W with a different design to every other bloody 1980s VAG engine. Autospark has found somewhere to refurbish the old one, and is connecting up the rev counter.

The Octavia's NS footwell is 3 inches deep in water. I've filled it with rice and bought a dehumidifier. Time to clean the sunroof and scuttle drains. Picture after mopping.


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  • 3 weeks later...

The Scirocco came back from the garage with a working alternator, it having been sent off for repair (twice) by a man in a shed. 




With electric juice back in the system I've got some mojo back and been using it a bit. My wife absolutely hates it ("it's too noisy", "it smells of diesel fumes") so won't get in it. As I've been driving it about it started struggling on more than half throttle. Remembering Dieselassist's comment earlier I checked out the placca cone fuel filter.




Deadun! I got a cheap fuel filter from ECP in their Christmas sale, but I suspect I won't be able to mount it, so may swap for a LR or L-series one. Think the hesitation was minimal fuel supply, so hopefully will be maximum boost next week.




The rev counter is proving to be a bit more of a problem as this is a CE2 car. The auto electrician has run the wire, but we're scratching our heads about how to connect it up. I'm going to take the dash out again at some point and have a look with a wiring diagram to try and chase where it should go. In related news, the temp gauge has completely stopped working. Given that I'm getting lovely warm air from the vents and the fan is coming on appropriately I don't therefore think the previous cold running was a thermostat issue, but may be a dodgy temp sender. Again I'm going to clean up the contacts and if that doesn't work I'll swap the sender, which happily shares parts numbers with the one on the old petrol engine. I also need to secure the fuse board more substantially, currently cable-tied to the bulkhead. 




Meanwhile I bought a cheap dehumidifier from Gumtree to supplement my 75p Savers dehumidifier pots, and cleaned out the Octavia. Several pints of tepid water removed so far. I attempted to clear out scuttle drains but struggled to remove the scuttle panel in the rain before swearing at it and giving up. Chucked a load of water through the scuttle panel drain and rodded out the sunroof drain. Whilst cleaning I noticed this door seal was sagging. It's been replaced before (by Halfords Autocentres), and is directly above the flooded footwell. I've gummed it back up with body sealant, so hopefully we're watertight again and it's a case of drying everything out.

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  • 2 months later...

Slow and steady progress.


The Scirocco has sat for a bit while I changed jobs (again) and tried out different fuel filter options. We've eventually gone for a BMW 325 TD in-line job, which is now mounted to the front wing.




This has solved all the hesitation and bogging issues. It's also had a service with fresh oil and filter in an attempt to flush out any crap left in the engine from it's long garage layup. Generally seems to be running much more smoothly. I punted it in for an early MOT and it only bloody went and passed. Shouldn't be surprised since it's only done a few hundred miles.




The underside has a few bits of surface rust which I'll attack this summer, nothing too serious. The paint is now really bad. The coolant temp sensor is still completely dead, and the sensor unit looks pretty old and crusty so once I work out the part numbers they'll be up for replacement. Generally just niggles now to fix, and with the job change I'm going to start using it as a commuting weapon for my 40 mile/day round trip. I'm still debating selling it, so if someone wants to put £2k in my hand and take away an unusual daily driver with 12.5 months of MOT then PM me.


Octavia is now dry inside but the clutch is a bit slippy on max-boost. It's due a cambelt and tensioner soonish, so it's looking increasing like I'll chop it in at a dealership for an old 2.5 Forester. Just got to find one. Message ends.

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  • 1 month later...

Scirocco is now officially for sale. I can't buy more until I'm rid of it. Ad can be found here:




In preparation for sale I've been replacing the underside of the dash and attempting to sort the temp gauge. Replaced the sender but no difference, so dash out:




One of the connections has broken off. I'm unable to find a wiring diagram, but I'll nip a bit of solder on it and then see how things are. Whilst under there I took the opportunity to strip out a redundant immobiliser:




I bit the bullet and had the clutch done on the Octavia, so that will have to serve a bit longer on daily duty before being replaced.


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did you manage to get the revcounter working on the daysul 'rocco?


..while you have the w terminal, your present petrol revcounter wont read right; it'll need recalibrating to diesel function; I added a revcounter to my caddy mk1 diesel cluster; basically I bought a mk1 GTi full cluster took its revcounter out n sent it to a chap in UK; 'regcheeseman' - who was on the caddyforum, n a bit of an electronic's whiz; he also appears on 'vwdiesel'.net - where these a thread about the process/ whats involved with the soldering of diodes etc to trim back the values to get a petrol cluster to read a diesel's W output...


This is getting on for 8 years ago now; last I heard regcheesman could also be found on the T4 forum.... as mk1 golf's never had a diesel revcounter 'from the factory' getting one added involves all the above...


AFAIK, (having broken a 'roccos for spares) their clusters resemble mk2 golf's, more than mk1's (round face clocks vs square face) - anyways you might be able to get a mk2 golf or jetta TD pacific revcounter cluster n either use the full cluster (as it'll have a glowplug light) or just liberate its revounter n put it in the present rocco's cluster... that said TD non clock mk2 clusters are probably scene tax'd up on the bay these days...


...Good luck with the sale - Id love this, if I ; wasn't so far away/ wasn't skint/ didn't have so many cars already etc etc

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  • 1 month later...
On ‎4‎/‎27‎/‎2019 at 9:26 PM, dieselassist said:

did you manage to get the revcounter working on the daysul 'rocco?

No, and thanks for the knowledge, I'll look into that. I know regcheeseman as he's also on another forum I use, and he's sold me stuff in the past. If this doesn't sell I'll ping him a PM over there to see if he can help.

MK2 'roccos switched mid-run from CE1 electrics to CE2, so the early ones have mk1 golf style electrics and dash, and the later ones have mk2 golf electrics with a hybrid dash. Mine's right on the crossover, but turns out has a CE2 dash. I bought the CE1 mk1 golf GTD dash in error, and mk2 golf/ jetta TD dashes are hard to find., and scene-taxed as you say.

In actual project news, I took the dash out and found one of the tracks on the PCB had some cracking. I soldered that up and it appears to have made bugger-all difference. I suspect the issue is somewhere in the wiring run, but I've not had time to check it all through, and since it runs fine I'm in no great rush. I've replaced most of the interior trim now as well, in preparation for selling it.

I've dropped the price over on the for sale thread, as I just want rid but don't want to deal with eBay twats. Someone take mercy.


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  • 9 months later...

It's been another nine months on the most interminably slow project ever, so here's an update.


Drove it a bit last spring/ summer. Failed to sell on here and a couple of other forums. Facebook/ eBay provided only the usual broken xbox tonight crew. So I stuck it in the garage over winter on SORN.

On the jobs list:

  • The wiring needs tidying up (currently the fusebox is cable-tied to the bulkhead)
  • The coolant temp gauge is on the fritz
  • The rev counter doesn't work - incompatible with the new alternator
  • The gear selector mechanism hits the exhaust, making a nice tinkling noise for about 200rpm of the range.
  • The paintwork is terrible. 

I tidied up the wiring a bit, but it needs a proper autoelectrician. After soldering up the dash and replacing the coolant temp sensor I'm still getting no proper signal on the gauge. It seems to have a mind of it's own, and I think it may be down to a bad earth somewhere. Also a job for an autoelectrician.

I found a local garage that specialises in classics and has experience with shit old VWs. Booked it for an MOT today and to have the electrics looked at.

Charged the battery, started first turn of the key, pulled out of the garage. Then...



That belts brand new. And the waterpump/ alternator/ lower pulley are all free.

This car doesn't want to live.


Also failed to sell on here or anywhere else. I didn't actually realise it was ULEZ compliant too, so cheers @Alan_Green.

Jobs list:

  • Cam belt due (last done 2014 at 74k) - now done
  • Headlining sagging and torn in places from years of carrying lumber
  • Drivers seat bolster has collapsed due to my fat arse
  • Passenger rear footwell gets damp in heavy rain - I've fixed the inner door weather proofing, so think it must be the Halfords Autocentre fitted door seal.
  • Few scuffs and parking dings
  • 5p sized rust spot on leading edge of bonnet, similar size piece on tailgate, 10p size piece of bubbling on one wheel arch
  • The rear window washer doesn't work 
  • The Secondary Air Injection pump (emissions device to pump warm air over the cat) has packed up. 

I decided better the devil you know and had the cam belt/ waterpump done. That means it should be mechanically good for the next 30k.

I re-rodded all the shite out of the sunroof drains and resealed the doors with Tigerseal. It now seems to be drying out, despite all the heavy rain. If it's dry and mechanically sorted I'll drive it until it dies. We're re-doing the kitchen at the moment, and the Octavia's a hell of a van.


So Scirocco will get a new aux belt, then MOT and electrics. The Octavia will probably get an ebay SAI system to shut the damn thing up. That's all folks.


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  • 3 weeks later...

The alternator belt turned out to be an odd size (of course), GSF/ECP etc didn't stock it. It took a couple of weeks for a replacement to turn up off eBay. It's at least a decent Gates one, so hopefully it lasts.

Gone in for MOT and tracing of the temp gauge fault today. 

I think the old cheap tyres on the back may cause a fail. I've got a set of 15" BBS RAs I acquired off a wrecker a few years back, so if it fails I'll get them refurbed and replaced as new rubber.


Still smokes like a banshee at idle. Bastard.

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Two weekends fettling has seen little progress, but here's the deets.

As above, I've been using the Scirocco to commute (68.9mpg!), which means the Octavia has been sat during the week. The battery has been on it's way out for a while, and this was the last straw. A quick eBay carparts4less session saw £50 traded for a new Lion job. No photo's because if Halfords could do it you lot won't be interested.

The Octy has been doing a sterling job as a mobile skip, so I thought I'd use lockdown to get round to Secondary Air Injection system (SAI) on it as well. The SAI is a rudimentary emissions system, pre-EGR, they stuck on these to make the fairly old-skool 1.8t design meet more modern emissions standards. During cold start the rich fuel mixture required means you get incomplete combustion and more CO/NO etc. The SAI pumps fresh air from the intake straight to the exhaust during cold start, to allow further combustion in the exhaust and reduce NOx.

The solenoid valve into the exhaust get gummed up, and then the electric air pump dies trying to force air through a closed valve. Tuners remove the system completely, as it makes bugger all difference day to day. But that throws up an EML, and you have to flash the ECU to remove it. Bugger that. 

My air pump was still working, but sounded like a strangled cat. Suspect was therefore the solenoid valve.


It lives on the right side of the engine, under the breather system and between the block and air box, above the gearbox. The fresh air piping is the ribbed stuff coming off the airbox. I started stripping and then realised it was all held together with these single-use Oetiker ear clamps. You have to destroy them to remove them. I didn't have any of the right size worm hose clamps and shops were shut. Delay no 1.


After getting to the shops for a load of 5-15mm worm clamps I cracked on.


There's the bugger. With all the fixings removed I tried to get access to the two hex bolts fixing it in. They screw upwards from a flange on the engine into the solenoid unit. Here's a shit photo taken from behind and below the valve with my hand bent back on itself so I could try and work out how to get at it.


You can't get at them from below because the gearbox is in the way. The only way is bending in a U-shape in the six inches of space. You also have to remove a lower coolant hose and what I think are the turbo oil lines.

So fuck that. I'm not draining all the coolant and the oil from the turbo for a slightly annoying noise for 5 seconds on startup.


Jobs list: 

  • The wiring needs tidying up (currently the fusebox is cable-tied to the bulkhead)
  • The coolant temp gauge is on the fritz - fixed
  • The rev counter doesn't work - incompatible with the new alternator
  • The gear selector mechanism hits the exhaust, making a nice tinkling noise for about 200rpm of the range
  • The paintwork is terrible - winter 2020/21 project

Time to tackle the wiring.

When I bought the Scirocco it came with a working but decrepit Blaupunkt Bristol. I replaced that with a working, better, less decrepit Blaupunkt London from the same era. It's recently started spitting the tape out, which is irritating for my 25 mile motorway commute. No cassette-to-aux choons. Plan was to replace it with a mid-'90s era cassette deck out of my old mk3 golf.



Out it came.



Eugh. A lot of people have been at the Scirocco's wiring before me. Those chocolate blocks lead onto further spade connectors further back in the dash. None of the wiring colours match the wiring diagrams. I hate wiring diagrams. My preferred reading option for them is well alight covered in petrol. 

I've now started labelling off what things are, and ordered up ISO connectors and heat shrink wrap to bring the radio wiring into this century. I think I'm going to have to chase out each individual wire. Which bodes well for this mess.


Le sigh.

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Hot multimeter action batman.

Further Scirocco wiring was slightly delayed as our bath made a break for freedom through the kitchen ceiling. Had a bit of time on it last weekend though.

Equipped with a broad selection of tools I stripped out the old speaker spade connectors. There was evidence someone had been here before, converting the four channel wiring into two channel for the old stereo. 

I've had all that out and wired in a cheap chinese ISO kit, with all the wiring correctly labelled. This involved chasing all the grounds and lives to the speakers, as none of it was labelled or matching the wiring diagrams. 

The power already had an ISO connector, plus two spade connectors piggy-backed using these 3M branded connectors. I checked the pins and ground, perm 12v and the night illumination circuit all had the correct voltages.

1868604582_2020-06-0717_23_07.thumb.jpg.21b9bd2c6f28eaa17276e1f18e6545f4.jpg 960517389_2020-06-0811_24_54.thumb.jpg.0322a1ac54950253c6be87ab2accff43.jpg1740978521_2020-06-0811_24_49.thumb.jpg.5230e0cc96a348ec2486cb407493adb3.jpg



Plugged in the early-90s VW spec Sony head unit and got diddly squat. Tried another noughties glowy-flashy Blaupunkt head unit I had on the shelf. Nada.

Plugged in the old Blaupunkt unit with the spades, and it powered up fine.

Given there's power at the black ISO harness, I'm left thinking I've two duff head units. Being sat for five years in a damp lockup/ cellar probably did them no good.

I've ordered one of those cheap bluetooth 'retro' head units off eBay so will investigate further when it arrives, and as I work my way through the fusebox.

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Not much to report here.

The 'retro' head unit, which I was assured wasn't coming from China, was coming from China, but the seller cancelled the order after two weeks of messing about. I then purchased a working head unit off our very own Dick Van Diesel (gr8 seller A+++). That didn't turn on either, so think the old black ISO connector must be buggered.

I've been driving it to work daily. It is gradually settling down, fewer rattles as everything beds in. MPG remains impressive. 

It is loud. 

The Octavia gets used when I fancy air con or listening to podcasts. It's now on 140k, and has done another impressive turn as a skip for our ongoing kitchen rebuild. The EML for the SAI system is back on. Ignore.

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Seem to remember chatting about buying that off you. We never quite got it together.

Recommend buying a new fusebox. Meyle one is around £80 from VW Heritage.  May seem a lot but those boxes are murder when the get old.

If you come around to sell again please pm me.  If the sun, the moon and a stick coincide we may well be able to do a change of project ownership.

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Interesting to see a diesel Scirocco.  I fitted a 1.6td with intercooler to mine in 2010.  It’s done about 60,000 miles since then and is still going strong.

A GTD injection pump, injectors and intercooler will make a big difference to the torque.  You would need the GTD inlet manifold too I think. 

Good luck ? 

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  • 2 weeks later...

@billy_bunter, timing is always the way eh? I'll remember you if/ when I come to sell it. It's likely to hang around a while now. I have a spare, good fusebox if required I took off the white GTX breaker, just in case.

@MJK 24, nice to see you on here, I think it was your post on the Scirocco Register that got me thinking of the 1.6td conversion. @skattrd of this parish can also be found over there occasionally.

This is the JR low blow, so no intercooler. The GTD spec SB engines are getting pricey now, there's one going on eBay for £600 odd. The lump in this was what I could lay my hand to at the time, and came from @cobblers garage floor, originally from his mate from a Type 2 van conversion that didn't happen. 

If GTD parts come up I'd be tempted, but for now 400 miles/week at 60+mpg is quite handy.

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The 60mpg is handy!  Mine might do that at a super steady 60mph.  Mine usually returns 50mpg on short urban journeys and 55mpg on a motorway cruise around 75-80mph.

I used to have a 1.6d without turbo assistance.  That was a 70mpg machine but I had to change it as it was so slow, I couldn’t safely pull out of my road in rush hour ???

Did you ever sort the Rev counter?!  This has been a blight on my life for over a decade!

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No, still non-working.  I bought a Golf diesel dash to use the rev counter, but it was CE1 electrics, and my Scirocco as a late model is CE2, so it would have been a right nightmare. 

There's a few build threads online which mention unsoldering the existing resistor on the back on the clocks and putting a new one in to fit the alternator pulse frequency/ voltage/ wattage. It's beyond my comfort levels. Dieselassist above mentioned regcheeseman is able to do them, but I've not contacted him yet. 

I just change gear when it starts to sound strangled.

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CE (Central Electric) 1, look like this:


Single plug, plus a few separate connectors. They changed mid-run in the Scirocco, in the late 80s/ early 90s, to CE2, which had dual plug. A lot of sciroccos are a mishmash due to the long production run. Best way to check besides the dash is the fuseboard.



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  • 2 weeks later...

Update on continued works.

I spent some wasted time wiring in a new ISO connector for the power feed. Tried this with a known working head unit from @Dick Van Diesel, with no joy. Had 12v at the head unit side of connector.


After asking on here and a bit of digging the problem turned out to be lack of switched live. Apparently these Sciroccos (and same era Golfs) did not come with switched live to the stereo from factory. The old head unit ran off the permanent live. All newer head units need a switched live.

I'll run one off the heater-blower control, or a spare fuse on the fusebox. No bad thing as I was a planning to install boost/ oil pressure/ temp gauges anyway which will need a switched live feed.

In the meantime I've been driving it a lot, and think I now trust it. Some of the valvetrain clatter has stopped, along with the smoking at idle, so suspect there was a sticky valve which has opened up. It pulls better, and still does silly mpg. Currently on 350 miles for half a 50l tank of derv.

Had to go to Swansea for a COVID antibody test (negative, boo). Came back the fun way, over Rhigos mountain, then down through Treherbert and Tonypandy. Which were all decked with bunting for some reason. She got a bit warm on the climb, but fan kicked in ok, and had a little rest at the top.


Finally a disgruntled patient has been leaving nails strewn across our clinic car park. One took out the Octavia OSR. It's been doing a sterling impression of a van through home renovations, so deserved some love. Got a new pair of boots fitted at my favourite backstreet garage, and there's a chinese eBay secondary air pump on order.


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  • Coprolalia changed the title to Coprolalia's Asylum - '89 Scirocco - older, slower, dirtier engine swap
I really should update this more often.
In July, during one of the brief lockdown respites, I visited family friends to have a tinker and grab some stuff from storage. Here's a selection of what's around the workshop at the mo:
My bro's girlfriend has inherited her grandma's Octavia. So here's the family shot:
During this point the Octavia clocked over 140k. It's MOT came up this month, which it went through with a sidelight bulb (it was working when I checked!), and a rear caliper (basically service items, TADTS). Finally got round to swapping the buggered secondary air pump out. It lives buried down the front of the engine bay, and while it's easier to get at, access to get it out is a bit of a bugger as it's hung on an odd O-ring mount. You can see in this photo from below how the rivets have rusted and popped off the top of old pump, causing the massive air leak.
Here's the fitted new £30 chinese pump from eBay from above. Of interest to @phil_lihp, replacing it has solved the 747 take-off start up noise, but has also turned off the EML, settled the idle speed, and it seems to pull more cleanly. Guess the ECU is happier.
The house renovations are now almost done, but while they've been ongoing the garage has been been full of materials with a lack of working/ storage space for cars. I've barely touched the Scirocco since September, and it's living on the street where it met a period friend.
I've had better power and light run to the garage, so looking forward to moving it in to improve later in the winter.
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      The other car is the first "classic" car I bought, so I can't bear to sell it. It's a '77 Dolomite 1300 and it cost £1400 (about £400 too much) and has been nothing but a pain in the arse:

      It looks much prettier (from 100 yards) but that's most due to the darker paintwork hiding the rust. It lives a mollycoddled life in my garage, where it somehow still manages to rust, and is utterly rubbish. 0-60 is measured on a calendar, top speed is 80ish but at that point it uses more oil than petrol, it rarely ventures over 50mph and if you encounter an incline of any sort you can kiss that sort of speed goodbye, along with about £20 of 20W50 as it vanishes out of the exhaust in the form of blue smoke.
      One of the PO's had clearly never heard of the term "oil change" so it developed into brown sludge that coated everything internally with the next owner(s) blissfully pouring fresh oil on top of it. This lasted until about 600 miles into my ownership when there was muffled "pop" from the engine bay and the car became a 3-cylinder. The cause was catastrophic wear to the top end causing a rocker arm to snap:

      As this was my first classic car I'd assumed it was supposed to sound like the engine was full of marbles, it wasn't.
      I put the engine back together with second hand bits declared it utterly fucked and promptly did another 5000 miles with it. After about 3500 of those miles the oil burning started, valve seals have gone so it's been relegated to my parent's garage as a backup car and something to take to local car shows as the 1850 is now embarrassingly ugly. I'm keeping my eye on eBay for replacement engines (deja vu, anybody?) Oh, I also recently reversed it into a parked Ford Fiesta and royally fucked up the rear bumper, rear panel and bootlid. Did I mention I'm incompetent?
      There have been two other cars in my life. My first car, a 2008 Toyota Yaris 1.0 an it's replacement a 2012 Corsa 1.4T. I didn't really want either of them, but it's a long story involving my parents and poor life choices. Ask if you want to hear it!
      So that's a brief summary of my current shite. If you want more pictures or details of anything do say as I've got photos of almost everything I'd done with the cars.
    • By Tickman
      First some background:
      I was brought up with no car interest, a car was transport and nothing more which resulted in a selection of poor cheap cars being the cars of my youth.
      Fast forward many years (just over 9 years ago) and I have a wonderful* Vauxhall Vectra estate to carry us about. Unfortunately it is crap and throws fault codes at us with nothing being there when it is checked (even at Vauxhall)
      As Mrs T is the main pilot of this chariot with the two little miss T's on board, it has to go.
      The hunt is on for the new steed to safely and comfortably carry the family around. I have a company car at the time so big journeys are not an issue.
      ebay is my weapon of choice to find the new family car. It has to be good value cheap for no other reason than I am tight.
      Weeks of research with lots of cars that are too expensive and too far away for easy collection end up in my watch list.
      Finally a possible is spotted in Fife. I go and have a look and find a poor looking but solid car. One previous owner and lots of history.
      The auction was to end on the Saturday at midday, we were going to be out! I decided on how much I was willing to gamble on it and on the Saturday morning I put in my max bid but straight away it went to my max bid, I was winning but it had three hours to go with no room for me to go up! We went out anyway.
      I spent the next three hours kicking myself for not bidding more while we were out as it was the first car I had seen that fitted my criteria. Fate was in charge.

      On returning home I go straight on ebay to find 'Congratulations.............'
      For the grand total of £500 I had just won this fine vehicle!

      It has 5 months MOT and after fitting seat belts in the rear for the girls car seats it is pushed into daily service.
      My gamble and subsequent use results in a perfectly reliable car that actually does what it is supposed to do.
      Even more importantly Mrs T loves it so a win all round.
      All my cars have names (most are earned over a bit of time) and this one is called 'Gwendolen' ( G reg car and from Wales originally. I hate the name but I am not going to argue)
      That sums up part one, more will be along later (probably much later)
    • By BorniteIdentity
      This week, for the first time ever, I felt old. I have sciatica which swaps from one side to the other, arthritis in one hand and what I think is the beginnings of IBS. On top of that it took me 2 weeks to remember a registration number that once would take me 2 seconds, and I forgot my parent's wedding anniversary.

      I'm only 32.

      Shit. No I'm not. I'm 33. I forgot that too. (Genuinely)

      So, it's about time I committed some of my tales to paper. Well, a shonky server... but that's the best you can do in 2016.

      First up, a list of the cars I've owned (as best as I can remember) in chronological order.

      Main Cars
      1985 VW Polo Formel E. C158 TRT. This was given to me even before I passed my test.

      1991 Rover Metro S. J801 TAC. Bought about 3 months after I passed my test as I was convinced the Polo was about to shit its gearbox.

      1987 Volvo 360 GLT. D899 CBJ ___ Managed three months in a Metro before the small car and smaller petrol tank became a bore.

      Ford Mondeo and Honda Civic Coupe by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1999 Ford Mondeo Zetec. V384 DBJ. Still the most I've ever spent on a car. It was 3 years old and cost, from memory, about £8,000. Just think of the Rover R8s you could buy with that now!

      1987 Volkswagen Golf GTI 8v by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1987 Volkswagen Golf GTI D79 CVV. I very nearly bought a MK1 Golf 1.1 but was persuaded, by my father amusingly, to buy this one from a different friend. From memory I gave about £500 for it, and sold it to some racers later that year for about £300. Amusingly, 16 year later I'd sell the Hartge wheels that came with the car for £530.

      1999 Toyota Avensis CDX by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1999 Toyota Avensis CDX. V781 GDP. By far the best car I've ever had. Bought in 2002 for £5300, it had previously been a company car at British Telecom. I ran it from 62,000 to 174,000 before it became surplus to requirements. A German chap bought it on ebay for about £500 and drove over to collect it. Hero.

      2001 Ford Mondeo Zetec by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      2001 Ford Mondeo Zetec. Y821 EEB. I should have loved this car. I gave £500 for it in 2008 which was stupidly cheap by anybody's standards. It needed 4 tyres (which actually was nice to pick good ones for once) and a coil spring. Sadly, it was just bill after bill after bill. I sold it and promised to never own another Ford. I nearly succeeded.

      1998 Nissan Almera by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1998 Nissan Almera GX Auto. S58 NLO. My late Grandfather's car and, upon reflection, my first proper attempt at bangernomics. I bought it for £500 in 2008 from the estate and ran it for well over a year and 30,000 miles. It was also my first automatic which, whilst a bit dumb, did lock up into overdrive and give a good 36 mpg no matter how it was driven.

      2004 Ford Fiesta 1.25 LX and 2006 Ford Focus 2.0 Ghia by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      2004 Ford Fiesta Zetec. AG53 BWL. My wife's car which I ran for a couple of years when I bought her a Focus as a wedding gift.

      2003 Rover 75 by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      2003 Rover 75 Club SE. AX53 BFA. This is where my career as a serial car buyer really began. Ignoring all of the warning signs I decided to press a K Series into a daily 100 mile commute, which it did with aplomb. This wasn't actually the car I set out to buy, the one I'd agreed to buy OVERHEATED ON THE FORECOURT whilst I was doing the paperwork. Consequently I couldn't leave fast enough and bought a different car later that day.

      2004 Toyota Avensis T30-X by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      2004 Toyota Avensis T3-X. KT53 DWZ. Sensible head back on, I decided to get back into something I trusted when my 3rd son was born. This was a lovely car, but not without its problems. The VVTi oil burning issues are well documented and do frequently occur. Ironically, this was less reliable than the Rover it replaced! Despite fearing the worst and 3 months off the road, the new owner has just MOTd it.

      1999 Toyota Avensis SR by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1999 Toyota Avensis SR. V263 GDP. Back into bangernomics territory again. The last MK1 Avensis I had was the best car I'd ever had, so I hoped to replicate it with another T22 Avensis. This one came up for sale in my favourite (and rare) colour with a numberplate sequential to my previous car - so it was meant to be. I still have this now, and tomorrow it will tick around to 185,000 miles having been bought by me at 100,500.

      Side Bitches

      1974 Morris Mini 1000 by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1974 Morris Mini 1000. GEL 517N. Well, I always wanted one - and was young, free, single and well off at the time (2003). A memorable trip to buy it when I called my new girlfriend by my ex girlfriend's name 20 miles into a 200 mile weekend away. She's never forgiven or forgotten but we're still friends. Oh - and married.

      1977 Ford Capri II GL by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1977 Ford Capri II 1600 GL. SMY 675R. I can't remember why I bought this, other than I thought it'd be amusing. It was bought from Norwich for £350 and was perfectly well behaved for the 8 months that I had it (other than a flasher unit expiring). I remember being shocked just how much the windscreen would ice up inside, and duly sold it in November to a guy who was going to drive it daily! It's still alive and now, apparently, black! (Update - it's now silver!!!)

      1989 Volvo 340 DL by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1989 Volvo 340 DL. G67 AVN. I bought this for £80. Unbelievable. It was utterly bloody perfect. I wanted to do a banger rally which is why the guy gave it to me so cheap. I'm still yet to do that rally, but no longer have the car. I sold it for about £300 to a family who were clearly down on their luck who, I hope, still have the car.

      1996 Toyota Granvia by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1996 Toyota Granvia. N775 JEV. My wife and I decided to increase our numbers further and, with our 4th son on the way, larger transport was required. We quickly realised you can either have 4 children and no apparel, or apparel and no children. After trying a very tired Mercedes Viano, the Granvia was found for 1/4 of the price and it's still here 2 years later. I can safely say that we'll never sell it - it really is another member of the family.

      1993 Mercedes 190e by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1993 Mercedes 190e. L795 COJ. I've admired these cars since I was a child. In fact, one of the very few toy cars I still have from my childhood is a Mercedes 190e. Regular readers of "Memoirs from the Hard Shoulder" will know what a PITA this car has been since day 1, but I get the feeling it's a keeper. We'll see!

      1983 Ford Sierra Base 1.6 by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1983 Ford Sierra Base. GVG 510Y. Not explicitly my car, but it should be documented here for reference. Oh - and the V5 is in my name. The story is online for all to read as to how five of us acquired what is believed to be the only remaining Ford Sierra Base. Make a brew and read it, it's a fantastic story.

      1982 Ford Sierra L by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1982 Ford Sierra L. LCR 503Y. I accidentally won this on ebay for £520. Upon reflection, I shouldn't have sold it - but short stop of saying I regret it. I could never get truly comfortable driving it and, in fairness, I could scratch my Sierra itch with the base if I wanted. Sold it at a stupid profit of £1250. It is believed to be the oldest remaining Ford Sierra in the UK.

      1979 Volvo 343 DL by Bornite Identity, on Flickr
      1979 Volvo 343 DL. DBY 466T As you'll see above, I'd had a 360GLT as a younger lad and fancied one of these earlier cars. The variomatic is, frankly, terrible but amusing. This car has just 8000 miles on the clock and inside was absolutely timewarp. Sadly, the huge bill for the Mercedes 190e cylinder head rebuild meant I had to sell this car shortly after acquiring it. Since then I've had a bit of money luck, and now realise I didn't need to sell it after all. Typical.

      I think that's it. My arthritis is playing up even more now. I've left out a few cars that were actually my wife's, but if I find pictures will add them in at a later date. I'll run this as an ongoing thread on cars and what's happening.

      Current SitRep:

      Purple Avensis: Just about to click over 185,000. Minor drama this week when an HT lead split but otherwise utterly fantastic, fantastically boring and boringly reliable.

      Granvia: Just done 1000 miles in a month around Norfolk, 6 up with suitcases. 31mpg achieved on the way up which is good for an old tub with a 3.0 Turbo Diesel on board. ODO displaying 175,000 which is a mix of miles and kilometers. Say 130,000 miles for argument's sake.

      Mercedes: Being a PITA. It's had the top end completely rebuilt after the chain came off. Now needs welding to pass another MOT and the gearbox bearings are on strike. It's about to go into the garage for winter until I can stomach it again. 151,000 miles on the clock.

      Sierra bASe: Still on sabbatical with AngryDicky who only took it bloody camping in cornwall! Legend.
    • By Supernaut
      What does £191 on eBay get you?
      An E36 BMW 316i with two sets of wheels, a DAB radio, an MOT until December, 110k miles on the clocks, a slightly* fucked back box and a bit of grot on the driver's side sill.






      This is co-owned between me and 17-Coffees and our plan is to do a light restoration and just generally piss about with it. It's actually really nice to drive, and is surprisingly brisk for only being a 1.6.
      Yes, the alloys are getting sacked off ASAP as it came with the original steel wheels with all-but-new Toyo Proxes on them!
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