Lies people tell you

[Lord Sterling]

"You'll really enjoy your new job"

 

"If your good in this job, they'll offer you a permanent contract/they are always taking people on"

 

"Lot's of scope for climbing the career ladder"

 

"It'll come to you" (as in; girlfriend/wife, house, good job)

 

"You will find someone for you one day, it will happen"

 

"There is someone out there for everyone"

 

"Those KV6s, they always break down"

 

"It's a Rover/Land-Rover so it'll have the Honda engine, if it's a diesel it'll have the ultra-reliable BMW engine"

 

"Honda engines never break down, they can put up with a lot of abuse"

 

"My mate's Dad's etc... had a Rover an 'ee said they were crap"

 

"Germans make good cars"

 

"VW/Toyota are one of the most reliable cars in the world"

[vulgalour]

That bit doesn't work, but I've not tried to find out why, it never really bothered me.

translation: I tried to fix it, but now it's properly broken.

[chrisjvm]

'Barry White saved my life..... got me back with my ex wife'

[Asimo]

If you fit this HUGE exhaust girls will think you have a HUGE dick.

 

£4000 down, £400 a month for three years and then just walk away   -  Is a Bargain!

 

(The older I get), the faster I was.

[wackywacerwill]

''The old boy who owned it before me fully reconditioned the engine''

 

Translates to ''I've steam cleaned all the evidence of HGF''

[brickwall]

"Dispatched Today"

[Cavcraft]

Static caravan sales: 'Only £105 per month including ground rent' actually means 'only £105 a month including ground rent for the first year then it's 'only' £547 per months for 6 more years.'

 

Also, I got the MOT date wrong on the A3 when I chopped it in this morning at a car dealer, but I did tell him. After the deal was done.

[mercrocker]

"sounds just what I am looking for.....I will be there between 3 pm and 4pm..."

[DeeJay]

That OMG light on the dash only came on last night.

[Junkman]

Don't worry about it.

[Junkman]

I'm sorry.

[lisbon_road]

"The milage is absolutely and totally genuine."

 

"So why is the milage the same on all the MOTs for the last three years?"

 

"The speedo is broken.  Won't take much to fix though."

 

This is real.  He really said all that.  His point was though, that the car was a genuine low miles one - and it was!

[Taff]

95% complete.

 

no, it wasn't

[HH-R]

Whenever I go to a garage with a car problem, then I get the car back:

 

"Running sweet as a nut now, spot on."

 

Oh aye, so why after driving it for more than 30 seconds, or having been left for an hour to cool down before I pick it up is it still running like shit?

[Junkman]

I'm advertising this car for a friend who has no computer.

[chrisjvm]

"The electric roof works perfectly"

 

"The bite's always high on these"

 

"I bought it for the missus but its too (fast) (big) (she cant get the pushchair in it) (she doesn't like the colour)"

 

"I spent four years looking for one of these"

 

"I'll be really sad to see it go"

 

"I'd honestly never noticed that"

 

"No mate,I'm not a Trader"

 

"If you have any problems,bring it straight back and we'll sort them out for you"

[srad34]

'Yes of course, it will be finished on time and in budget'.....(to anyone in the building trade)

[TRW]

'New (fugly) baby forces sale'

 

In advert selling something like an Acclaim, Orion, 216 SD3, Belmont etc etc.....

[Doctormop]

'I'm not being funny with you; but'

[rml2345]

In a similar vein, "I'm not being racist but..."

[DeeJay]

"I'm not pished."

[Micrashed]

"Vasectomy forces sale"

[mercrocker]

Another builder lie......."And we will be back  next Wednesday to  clear all that rubble up for  you......"

[Angrydicky]

Girl, in response to being asked out:

 

"Oh I'm sorry, I can't make tonight. No, I can't do anything at the weekend either. Sorry, I'm busy tomorrow night as well".

 

In reality she thinks you're ugly, boring and your car's old and crap. She really wants some twatty bodybuilder type with big muscles and a new BMW on tick.

[Skoze]

Au contraire - the Capri's great for getting bitches in Southend. Outside Mayhem one night "oh ma gawd i larve your mustaaaaaang". Er, thanks. 

[twosmoke300]

Your parts will be in before lunch ( my local factors - yesterday)

 

 

Still waiting a day later , 2 cars blocked in and many many more waiting to come in the workshop.

[Angrydicky]

Au contraire - the Capri's great for getting bitches in Southend. Outside Mayhem one night "oh ma gawd i larve your mustaaaaaang". Er, thanks. 

I'd rather nail my ballsack to a wall than set foot in Mayhem. Orange girls with plastic tits aren't really my thing! haha the only place worse is that Jumpin' Jacks club daaaaan the Festival Leisure Park, chav central (apparently).

[rml2345]

One from Yodel, "24 hour delivery".

[Luckythirteen]

One that consistently gets up my nose; that lie in song lyrics (usually near the start).

"My heart stopped when I saw you/kissed you/whatever..."

No it didn't. You're still singing. Unless of course, you were eyeing up a paramedic, and they had a defibrillator handy.

[Parky]

"Oh yes sir, it's a very simple operation, you'll be fine after a day or two"