Confessions Corner? Forgive me Father for I can haz sins.

[bub2006]

Bastards to get to. The one on my mates entailed taking air box out. What happened to just taking bulb out without dismantling the car

[Pillock]

I once took the engine out of a Polo without draining the oil. Kept it upright, no problems. Got it halfway across the road from my exMIL's drive to my back yard and it fell off the trolley, chucked about 2 litres of nasty old oil on the freshly resurfaced road.

 

The other two litres were still in it when the scrapman took it away. I suppose I should have let him know, but given that he was well known for just helping himself to anything metal (including two Type 3 doors on my back garden) I thought I'd let him find out himself. Which he did, when he laid it down on his pickup.

[ayd]

found myself in the unusual situation the other week of being in my Wife's 5 Series with no Wife and no Children so I flicked it over to tiptronic and proceeded to give it some beans down the back roads where we live.

Inevitable happens and a van comes the other way, no bother as I've just passed a passing place so I'll flip it in to reverse and back up.

The car will not go in to reverse...nothing I try will work, nudge it forward, nothing, say a little prayer...still nothing.
In a split second the 'oh shit I've fucked the gearbox the Wife's going to kill me and I'm in this guys way what am I going to do?' comes over me.

So I look up through the windscreen, and instead of mouthing : 

'my apologies dear chap but it seems I'm having some issue with my gearbox and it won't let me select reverse, this is a new fault and hasn't happened before so would you mind awfully being a pal and backing up so I can continue to the garage to get it looked at and sorry for the inconvinence'

I mouth : 'I can't reverse'

So  Mr Van driver shakes his head and in a torrent of verbal abuse containing words like 'typical BMW drivers' and 'fu**ing c**t' begins to reverse some distance to the passing place much further up the road.

Of course as soon as I pull off I realise the problem and being the thick twonk I am, the car is still in tiptronic therefore reverse isn't selectable.

So as the van driver continues to reverse, I practice the speech I'm going to give the van driver about what an idiot I am and my apologies etc. but before I can drop my window he's off in a cloud of wheelspin and dust still mouthing off at me.

I have vowed to hunt this man down and explain I can reverse I was just being a complete and utter tit.

[purplebargeken]

When I was 18 I had spent a year restoring my brown Toledo. It was lovely. I cleaned and polished it and it shone like a new car. One bright summers day I had finished polishing the glass. Mum called me and I went to stick my head out of the drivers side so I could hear what she wanted when my head came into contact with the glass. It was so clean I forgot that the bastard thing was there and nearly knocked myself unconscious.

 

I also slammed the drivers door shut............ with my fingers still gripping the B pillar. It hurt so much I couldn't speak and was just able to whimper in absolute agony.

 

Prior to having a licence I was given a Wolseley Hornet. This was sitting in my parents garage. One night when Mum was at the bingo and Dad was at work, I took the keys, started the car up and was doing little wheel spins in the garage. Full of bravado I took the car round the block. I clipped a parked Marina, ripped its bumper off and promptly thought 'oh fuck' and floored it. Never had the journey to my house been done in such a short time. The car was driven straight into the garage and hidden. Luckily no-one clocked me and I got away scot free. I was too scared to go and look at the Marina.

 

Also in the Toledo I was travelling along Carr Mill in St. Helens and had a car load of mates crammed into whatever space was available. I did a risky overtake of the car in front and was confronted with a coach bearing down on me when I was on the other side of the road. I just closed my eyes and yanked on the steering wheel. Luckily it was perfectly timed and all was well. No one noticed my panic induced eye closure at the time and I never admitted that it was anything other than skilled driving that saved the day.

 

I had a go of a mates fairly new GPz550 and nailed the throttle whilst going down the quiet side road not far from my house. I misjudged how well my feet were secured on the footpegs and slid back as I rapidly accelerated, actually it felt more like engaging warp drive as I battled to try and relax my death grip on the now wide open throttle as the revs nearly redlined and my pants filled. Luckily he was out of earshot and I calmly handed the keys back saying that it pulled really rather well. 

 

Another bike related one. I used to have a MuZ 301 which was the most miserable, god awful pisspot of a bike...... ever. 2 stroke fucker that it was. I used to have to go and visit patients at home and gave a lift to one of my New Zealander colleagues. Lovely girl, a bit nuts and a bit on the padded side but used to ride bikes herself. I over throttled away from the lights at the roundabout by the Hammersmith flyover and wheelied for several yards with her clinging on for grim death. I had never pulled a wheelie before but somehow managed to steer the bike around the roundabout with the front wheel scraping air whilst 2 up. Brain engaged and I managed to prod the rear brake lever and normal 2 wheeled service resumed.

 

I used to have a tidy CX500 and commuted to work when I was ward based at Billinge Hospital. I was on nights and had just started the shift when I got a call from home telling me that Ben who was a mere toddler at the time had fallen down the stairs. One of the other nurses called Yasmin said that I should be careful going home and not speed. So what did I do? I rode like a bat out of hell. I then skidded and came off the bike. As I rolled down the road, I took note of the damage being done to the bike as it scraped it's way down the road. So, 'roll', fuck, there goes the front brake lever, 'roll', fuck, there goes the engine bar, 'roll', arse, there goes the rear brake pedal, roll, roll, roll until I stopped in a heap in the gutter. Luckily a car full of rather pleasant young ladies stopped and eagerly attended to me having just that same day completed a first aid course. I didn't let on that I was totally uninjured and proceeded to lap up every single bit of attention that they gave me.  The ambulance rolled up, scooped me off the road and whizzed me to A&E where I had a lecture from the A&E doc about the dangers of riding a bike. Like I listened.....

 

Last one. I set off from home on my Yam Diversion 600 with a spare helmet looped over my arm as I was going to collect Ben from school. Somehow my arm and said helmet got in the way of the steering and I came off the bike 3 foot away from home. I toppled into the road and landed on the side on a R11 that was parked up. I made a huge dent in the side of the car and was in so much pain I thought I had broken my shoulder. A little old lady stopped to see if I was ok. I said that I was fine and thanked her for stopping. I then silently screamed at the pain as I managed to scramble from under the bike and then rode off after checking that there were no witnesses. They never bothered to repair the Renner and it was a silent accuser for about 2 years afterwards until the owner moved.

[I_am_Diesel]

After attempting to tune my Mini years ago, it developed a mis-fire. After much head scratching and checking my Dad deduced that the head gasket had gone. I changed the head gasket and it was still exactly the same, mis-firing like a blind sniper. My Uncle Dave wanders over, swaps the HT leads over on No.2 & No.3 cylinders and the bloody thing starts purring like a moggy with a gut full of cream.

 

Stuck my fingers in the moving lever on the wiper motor of my Dad's Series 2 Land Rover when I was a kid. I lost quite a bit of skin.

 

Got some girl pregnant and got financially arse raped by the CSA for 18 years.

[catsinthewelder]

I've had a bike crash caused by helmet looped on arm too, it  knocked my hand off the clutch as I was pulling away on a NSR125.  Like a twat I clung onto the handlebars with my other hand which was holding the throttle open,  I even shortshifted into 2nd when it redlined, then I hit a wall.

 

Fortunately it was only 2' high so I summersaulted over it and landed on my feet,  my knee blew up to the size of a football though as I'd twatted it on the tank on the way over.  The mate who had just got off the bike helped me drag it round the corner (no T+T, insurance etc) and I set off at a high speed limp 1/2 a mile up to the bike shop I did some work at.  They took pity on me, gave me a huge spliff to calm me down and one of the fabricators from the next unit drove me out to fetch the sorry remains in a big transit pickup.

 

A bit later I swapped the utterley knackered remains for a working TZR125 with a customer that we hated.  Over the next month or two  the indicators packed up followed by the speedo then the clutch.  I didn't stop riding it till the gearbox died then I pushed it home and left it to get covered in parking tickets then stolen.

[Jon]

A few years back, when I worked for Royal Mail, I took full advantage of their ruling that safety clothing could be ordered without the permission of the boss (e.g, proving the old bit of uniform is broken, worn etc.), so decided to treat my brother to a pair of steel toe-capped boots. Ordered a size larger but made some bullshit excuse about my current boots being too small. Felt very smug.

 

Since we had no staff car park due to city centre location, I commuted by bike and this particular shift finished when the last mail dispatch left for the night at 10pm. I lived on the route the lorries took to head south, so would often catch them at traffic lights and slip stream them down one of the big hills, managing to keep up with them for the next 1/2 mile or so to the up hill bit. Only this night, there was a bus at the bus stop on the top of the hill, just beyond the amber traffic lights I'd pedalled through to catch one of the lorries.

 

Naturally, said lorry brakes in front of me all of a sudden (not knowing I'm inches behind him with traffic from another set of lights approaching close behind me) and I go to do likewise but can't, as I'd looped the plastic bag carrying the boxed boots over my handlebar. Being too cool for school, naturally I wasn't wearing a helmet, so the sweet karma that is me trying to get one over the generosity of free safety boots leads directly to my front wheel making contact with the rear bumper of the 7.5 tonne Daf LF. Said wheel abruptly comes to a stop, at which point the rest of the bike and me spin upwards in to the full length metal tailgate which acts as the rear door. Luckily, I didn't fall off and in to the path of the following Saab, rather stumble and wobble and generally look like a cock, but one that lived to tell the tale....

[Sloth in a bowl]

A minor point, but one worth learning. When using exterior trim spray (turns plastics dark grey/black again), wear a face mask.

 

The Halfords bog standard stuff has done a wonderful job, but I have a stinging headache from using it.

[cort1977]

When I was about 20 I bought a reasonable G plate Cortina Mk 2.   It was pretty good apart from the wings, floors solid, sills repaired.   For some reason i decided that i would do a complete restoration rather then replacing the wings with fibreglass and enjoy it which i what i should have done.   I took the whole thing to pieces, realized i had no money and no ability to fix it and it ended up scraped.  

 

Forgive me father for destroying a fairly tidy example.

[Pillock]

I bought a floppytop GTE that was perfectly savable (had rear arches made of actual metal and everything), put it on the driveway and watched it turn into something fit only to break for a few spares.

[dangerousdave]

a few from me I once went to the white rose centre in leeds parked car up had a look round came back to same car park (or so I thought) looked round could not find car start panicking im in leeds cars been nicked how do I get home then realie its in the next car park

 

a while ago I did the starter motor on my range rover all fine went to see an old friend came back out all lights came on but not turning over so I thought great whats come loose checked everything all fine thought that's it what have I done old friend comes out and says its not in gear is it I says no its auto looks at the shifter its in drive put it in park fired up

 

id once gone out with a few work mates id took car so not drinking checking my pockets couldn't find keys looked everywhere got dj to put an announcement out then somebody said theyre not still in it are they sure enough they were in the ignition

 

the last one I again was checking my pockets couldn't find keys very short panic till I realised they'll be in the ignition considering I was sat at traffic lights

[drum]

My drive is narrow then opens up to two car widths at the top. I was reversing my L200 double cab out of the awkward side of the wide part of the top of the drive, checking the driver's side mirror to make sure I was missing the corner of the house.

After about two feet of travel I felt some resistance. Assuming this was a brick that I had been using earlier as a wheel chock, and not being arsed to get out and move it, I eased forward and gave it a bit more welly.

 

There was a noise and only then did I check the passenger side mirror. Sure enough, there was the wife's astra that had been parked behind all along.

[Richard]

When I drove taxis I suffered complete brake failure on a 1.9 petrol 405 (which I once wound up to an indicated 130 on the B939, I suppose that's another confession), no handbrake either, just a tiny amount of braking right at the end of the pedal travel. I didn't think it was a good idea to broadcast the fact on the radio so I lived with it until the end of the shift.

[gordonbennet]

I drove car transporters for about 20 years, in the 90's i did loads of work for central London rental co's.

 

Just arrived at one regular West End rental site,  and am reversing the lorry and drag up towards a Post Office Sherpa van, anyway as i'm getting near to the van it starts to pull away, but Jeesus the clutch judder on the van must be bad cos its hopping down the road.

 

Out the corner of me eye i can see a London cabbie chortling away looking at me, he calls over ''is he in your way mate?'',   ''no he's just going''   ''well he would be you're pushing the fackin van down the road''      gulp.

 

At that very moment postie jumps in the van and disappears up the road, luckily no damage as it was one of those that had the two big bump bars sticking out either side of the rear shutter, cabbie pissin hissen by now.

[explosive-cabbage]

a few from me I once went to the white rose centre in leeds parked car up had a look round came back to same car park (or so I thought) looked round could not find car start panicking im in leeds cars been nicked how do I get home then realie its in the next car park

 

a while ago I did the starter motor on my range rover all fine went to see an old friend came back out all lights came on but not turning over so I thought great whats come loose checked everything all fine thought that's it what have I done old friend comes out and says its not in gear is it I says no its auto looks at the shifter its in drive put it in park fired up

 

id once gone out with a few work mates id took car so not drinking checking my pockets couldn't find keys looked everywhere got dj to put an announcement out then somebody said theyre not still in it are they sure enough they were in the ignition

 

the last one I again was checking my pockets couldn't find keys very short panic till I realised they'll be in the ignition considering I was sat at traffic lights

Some interesting tales in this thread.

 

Shame about these ones- I am completely unable to make head or tale of this post due to utter lack of punctuation...

[Bobthebeard]

This comes more under 'stupid' than ' confessions' but:

Poking around today under the bonnet of the recent MG ZS listening to an engine noise* with the car running.

Was wearing a hoody type of top with the strings for the hood. Tucked strings in to avoid any dangling into the rotating bits, but one string fell out and narrowly missed the alternator pulley. I felt physically sick imagining what could have happened. Never, ever again will I do this! What an idiot.

 

* Engine noise sounds like the hammers from hell btw. Possibly just stuck hydraulic tappets. I hope...

[catsinthewelder]

At the age of eighteen I'd taken a few driving lessons but wasn't too bothered about passing my test and getting a car,  mostly because I couldn't afford to run one.

 

My three best friends Mac, Tom and Chippy were all running Fiat Uno's.  Mac's 999cc 5 door had a broken gearbox endplate which was one of the engine mountings.  He worked on the railways and was away a lot so asked me and the others to get the part and help fit it.  Chippy drags us down the scrapyard the next morning where he shows us his uncles old car, a 999cc Fiat Panda that had arrived the day before.  I think some environmental regs had just come in and scrap prices were at an all time low so you had to pay to scrap a car then. 

 

I asked how much for the plate and was told I'd have to buy the whole box for £35 but I could have the car for £30.  A deal was made of £10 each but funnily enough neither of them had any cash on them but I'd get it later.  So we bought it this was mistake no.1.  We found some really thin rope and hooked it up to the back of Chippys Uno and set off back to Mac's with Tom steering and me sat next to him.  Now Chippy could be a very good driver but did lack common sense so it shouldn't have come as a suprise that the rope snapped at the first hillstart.  That hillstart could have been in a better place thoughhttps://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=milburngate+car+park+durham&ll=54.777168,-1.57877&spn=0.00198,0.004136&client=firefox-a&channel=fflb&hq=milburngate+car+park&hnear=Durham,+County+Durham,+United+Kingdom&t=h&z=18&layer=c&cbll=54.777202,-1.578977&panoid=0Pi49OcE-WwS_-2PBQEwBA&cbp=12,288.83,,0,0

 

We hauled the rope in, fired up the Panda and dashed back the mile or so to Mac's house and parked it up on the drive.  It was a bit distinctive being pogweasled to an orangey colour with a black bootlid and a green passenger door and that was when we found out that the key we had only fitted the ignition.

 

Stupidly we were expecting him to be pleased with our money saving initiative but he wasn't and demanded that it leave his drive forthwith.  At this point Tom refused to drive it any more so came the sinking sensation that I now had to find a home for the flaming thing.

 

We drove to some woods near my dads house with me at the wheel (shitting myself) and arrived without drama.  A bit of razzing round took place and Chippy managed to break the back screen. Then we drove it further into the woods on a reasonable track aiming for a flat area that the university use as a compost heap.  We were about 10 yards from the top of the incline into it when we ran out of fuel.  It was nearly dark by this point but at the bottom of the incline was a sort of crossroads with a gate that was usually locked but wasn't today opposite the incline.  On the other side was a public footpath that had very little use so we rolled the car down there and left it for the night. 

 

Bright and early at 10ish the next morning we re-assembled,  someone had borrowed a fuel can and put about 2 litres in it but we lacked a spout and the fuel cap was locked.  Not a problem to someone of my mechanical lack of ability I hit it with a hammer.  The plastic neck disappeared into the wing and I fished it out from under the wheelarch and cut the top off with a junior hacksaw.  We used a crisp packet as a makeshift spout and soon had the car running.  We drove it back up the footpath and through the gate,  shut the gate and headed back up the incline and ran out of petrol in the same place as last time due to the amount spilt and evaporated.  I left Tom and a friend of his in the car while me and Mac took the can and walked back along a woodland path that made the 4th leg of the crossroads to where he'd left his car (we were nearer to a different road and he didn't want to damage his car driving a mile along a mud track).

 

Fairly soon we heard an engine and looked back expecting to see that they'd got it going,  to our horror it was a police car investigating an abandoned car in the woods.  He couldn't see the Fiat as it was around a 90 degree bend that he was heading towards.  Like loyal friends we legged it,  the other two had the same plan except they forgot to put the handbrake on,  it was very quick thinking on one of they're parts that reached into the moving car to engage it otherwise it would have reached the crossroad at speed just as the police car did.

 

We decided to fetch the fuel anyway and claim not to have seen the plod.  We did and my phone rang,  hello dad,  do I know anything about a Fiat in the woods?  why? because the police have found my wallet in it,  have they now?  erm it's Chippys,  I'll nip down and fetch it back from the nice policemen.

 

The plod weren't over impressed but couldn't work out what law we were breaking at that moment by parking a scrap car on a private road so let us off with a bollocking and buggered off.  We chucked some more fuel in to get it up the hill and pulled the plate off,  took the plate back to Mac's Uno and found that Uno's don't have the same engine mountings as Pandas.

 

I couldn't get down there for a few days so when I next walked down to the compost heaps it had gone,  I was a little miffed but slightly relieved.  It hadn't gone though they'd just moved it to the top of the track as I found later on with no wheels and this on the screen

 

Now at that point I should have walked away but mistake no,257 Tom got me to sit in it for a photo (a copy of which I would dearly like).  Round the corner comes the Escort van belonging to the university security guards.  Legging it wasn't an option as I knew one from work and they often gave me lifts home when seeing me walking late at night.

 

So I made some calls and it cost me another £30 to scrap the bloody thing.

[wuvvum]

I once lost the brakes on a Saab 9000 Turbo on the Paris périphérique at rush hour.  Handbrake didn't work either, and the car was automatic.  Being 19 at the time and not having any form of breakdown cover, I thought "fuck it" and proceeded to drive from Paris to Norwich with no brakes.  Surprisingly, keeping my distance and using the gearbox as much as possible to slow down worked OK, and I only had two really hairy moments, once when disembarking the ferry when I had to drive down a steep ramp with a tight 90 degree bend at the bottom, and once coming up to a roundabout on the A11 when I was unable to stop for a lorry which was turning right and ended up having to drive round on the verge.  The fact that it was gone midnight by the time I got back to Blighty probably helped, but I shudder to think what could have happened.

[The Moog]

Reminds me of a bodge on a saab 9000 i did. For some reason I had to remove the rear brakes and two of the bolts sheared on one caliper. Being young I decided that I would use the next best thing, cable ties. So lashed it up with 6 cable ties and drove it for about a week before the inevetiable happened and caliper sheared off and locked the back wheel on a roundabout. Pulled over, lobbed some more cable ties on it and drove home to order new brake bolts.

[R9UKE]

I too have been caught out by the starter inhibitor switch in an auto.

 

Delivering pizzas after school in my first ever shite, the mighty L reg Volvo 940 SE, I returned to the car after delivering the first of three pizzas to find the bastard wouldn't start, sat right outside the first customers house with two rapidly cooling pepperoni specials in the back. Lots of swearing, lots of regret in putting my trust in shite, a call to a mate to come pick me up, at which point, after hanging up, I look down and see the shifter in D.

 

Stuck it in P and that Swede never failed.

[ShiteRider]

I was going to put my staggered appliance wheels on my cortina along with some -2" front springs and H/D estate rear springs (stance yo!) and then stick it on the blue for a grand more than i paid.

[mat_the_cat]

one string fell out and narrowly missed the alternator pulley. I felt physically sick imagining what could have happened.

 

I've done similar whilst wearing a tie And for anyone who knows me, just the idea of me in smart clothes is probably amusing enough.

 

I've just remembered another one - when I first got my Alfa 75 the non functioning fan had been diagnosed as seized by the previous owner. I managed to find the complete motor/matrix/flap assembly in a scrapyard and removed it. The dash was an absolute bastard to remove as it was riveted in place, so I just cut it into pieces to get the thing out.

After checking that the new motor spun OK and worked when I connected a battery, it took me about 10 hours solid work to carefully remove the assembly from my car and fit the 'new' one. It was only after neatly re-riveting and refilling with coolant that I discovered that the flaps for directing airflow were completely solid and inaccessible. To make matters worse, the motor was not working either!

"Bother and blast" I said, or words to that effect. I ended up putting the original assembly back in (the motor was not seized after all) as that had perfectly working flaps, and replacing the resistor board. This was a simple 5 minute job as it was just screwed to an accessible part of the air ducting. Two whole days of my life wasted!

 

So now I don't tend to rely on other people's diagnosis...

[stuboy]

working on my old polonez, freezing cold day so left engine running for warmth, lack of concentration with a spanner saw my frozen fingers touch the engine fan... the pain was excruiciating, thought of chopped off digits flying everywere, mind you if may of hurt less.... makes me shudder

[stuboy]

best one was holding a starter motor while mate was drilling out a bolt and the drill bit snapped and drill into my thumb touching the bone... everything went dark and was nearly chucking up

[Luckythirteen]

I broke my car, before I owned it. I tapped (honestly) the front wing with a shopping trolley, by accident. I didn't realise that Clio 2's have plastic wings, or that it would crack like that. Right up from the rear edge of the bumper. Ouch.

The actual confession is that I lied to my gran (who owned it at the time. It's been around the family for a while) that some unknown random Mr Nobody had done it. Not me in any way. She went to ask the security if they'd seen anything, luckily for me, the guy couldn't be arsed/was blind/sorry love it's policy. Duck tape fixed it up, and a secondhand wing sorted it, without insurance getting involved. Sorry gran...

 

There was the time I kept my face straight enough, to have a mate believe that KY Jelly was a good plastic cleaner. Nuff said...

[Guest Breadvan72]

I haz parked a rather heavy autobox car facing downhill on on a slope and got out to check something that seemed brokked at the front of the car, leaving wife and child in car and the car in Drive.    Nowt happened, but the heap was starting to move as I got back in.  

[cros]

When I re-engined my P4 I put an overhauled diff in to cope with the extra 3bhp. I was pissed off that though it had a new pinion seal and gasket there was always a few drops underneath.

It's been my experience that it don't take much oil to makes a big old mess, so I just ignored the growing dark patch on the concrete where it lives.

On Saturday afternoon I swapped the battery over from my Morris (the 2 vehicles have to share as I rarely drive them both at the same time) and I left the hatch off as I was in a hurry. Mr Rover sensibly put the battery under the rear seat away from his nasty hot engine.

I noticed the axle whine immediately, but put it down to the missing cover. Back home on Saturday night I thought I'dbetter investigate, and found the drain plug only finger tight and not a drop of oil in the diff.

It's now filled with ep90 and the plug tightened properly, but I must have done 30 miles with no oil, so it remains to be seen if it's knacked. It whines more than it used to. Forgive me Fatha.

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

A mixture of stupid and forgetful mostly with mine..... 

 

R19 - 16v version and I loved that car...... it was seriously epic in every way. Even the Renault electrics...... but it would totally randomly boil its piss. Never worked out what it was and it would be hot/cold/inclement weather - trolling along or bumbling/ragging its arse off...... Had some mates in the car and another lot following as they were all southerners - so I thought I'd show em a weekend up North. True enough - Renault decides it'll piss me off again. I was too busy explaining the pressure build up to my mates to notice I wasn't slowly releasing the said pressure as I undid the cap........ cue a shower of almost boiling coolant all over the engine bay / electrics and my left hand side as I tangoed off down the hard shoulder peeling off my t-shirt....  

Car stank as we pee'd in the radiator to fill it up again ( I didn't have enough water on board) - electrics made it into a mobile disco as we pooled off again - with me hanging out of the window shirtless at 80+ so I was kept cool enough and didn't burst into tears! They had a great weekend though apparently..... 

 

Triumph 2500S restoration - I was relocating the battery to the boot..... removed the battery tray from engine bay etc... and battery left on top of wing to be charged later.... got on with tidying and running cables. Boot floor drilled and stay bars mounted for securing battery. Distracted by oil leak found under rebuilt gearbox - I dropped that and got on with stripping it...... 

End of day - tidied up and dropped bonnet - right onto the sodding battery....... nice kink in the edge now. Lovely! 

 

Same car - gearbox going back in - it rolled from the homemade cradle I had it on...... silly fucker here tried to stop the momentum single handed..... cue seam/knuckle interface and a massive slice in across the hand. Almost boiling water and superglue - good to go.... 

Few days later - munchkin decide he was to enter planet earth..... in the delivery room. EX decides she will have drugs actually thanks a lot.... and yes - needs a hand holding.... nurse leaves to find doctor. Cue EX grabbing wrong* hand and squeezing the hell out of superglued repair. It popped - I cried - and blood all over the floor by the bed. 

Nurse came back in and went into full on panic! Took a minute or two to calm her down. Doctor laughter his head off...... stupid English etc...

 

Not car - but in garage - plug backing broke off on the grinder - as I pushed it in...... that split second you see something and notice your thumb is pushing towards electrical connections in slow motion.... and you wake up on the other side of the garage on the floor. 

 

There are more - but I'd be here all day! I've said it before - I'm an idiot.......

 

I once also potato into tailpipes the bosses car...... he was a group commander on an RAF base..... he deserved it! 

 

Old boss in IT firm. Handed in notice.... he went mental and wouldn't pay last expenses. I had the company car for last few days of the week - told him if the amount wasn't in by Wednesday he'd pay some way or another,..... it wasn't - so the Vectra SRI was duly loaded with mates - 5 up and the local hump back bridge vaulted several times (near Slough). Friends then shown how to do handbrake and j-turns in it. He got it back absolutely fucked........ he was an arse and deserved that too.

 

I once bought an MG Midget out of an auction house...... got about 20miles out of it and the gearbox was screaming - no oil. A mate* showed me the old banana/sawdust trick - he did it, not me, so I'm not sure what he used. It quieted it for that moment, I polished the shit out of it and cleaned it within an inch of its miserable little life - then straight back through the same auction house a week later........ 

 

Sorry......... 

 

the amount of stupid things we did in service vehicles was incredible

[iainrcz]

Can I make a confession on behalf of someone else?

 

Namely the moron who over tightened one of the injectors on my 508 GT so a few months in to my ownership it ripped free of its threads in the cylinder head and tried headbutting the underside of the bonnet.

 

Cheers for that.

 

You made me have to drive a ford focus estate for two days.

 

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[DodgeRover]

I have a desire for an electric CF, I need forgiveness.