Sold 1981 Austin Princess - [expletives removed]

[Noel Tidybeard]

I was thinking of going for this. I have a Saab in parking space no. 1 and a Minx in parking space no. 3 but parking space no. 2 would be ideal for a Princess.

 

However, unfortunately the other two cars aren't keen on the idea. They think I'm just trying to drive a wedge between them.

get your coat the door is over there------->

[philibusmo]

It’s about time I put up a proper for sale ad for this. I was going to do it earlier, but having a nap was a preferable idea.

 

First the updates, late on Friday the displacer from Vulgalour arrived, packed in a trillion tiny pieces of paper which made a bit of a mess but it was worth it for the fully functional displacer.  I set out bright and early on Saturday morning to fit it, and it was really rather cold.

 

Fitting it was pretty straight forward and amazingly for this car went together without incident. ZOMG SLAMMED YO! YOLO

 

I then set gingerly off on the mile drive down the hill to my local Ford dealership. With no hydrolastic fluid in the passenger side system, the ride was bone jarringly uncomfortable, much like a modern car. After doing my best to avoid all the pot holes, fighting the steering from veering right and holding everyone up, I got there in one piece and pulled into the valeting bay ready for pumping the suspension back up.

 

This Ford dealership was an MG Rover dealer up until ‘the troubles’ in 2005 and had been with the brand it’s various guises since the early 80s so they have a hydrolastic pump that a friend of mine who works there managed to dig out of the back of a shed.  It looks like the worlds shittest dalek but was quite a simple kerjigger to use, which was lucky as neither of us had used one before. Photo has a smudgy out of focus look due to hydrolastic fluid on the lens.

 

 It took a fair bit of pressure to get it to rise, but once up to pressure it shot up quite nicely and with some jiggling about and making small adjustments to the pressure we had it set to the correct height and I took it to ATS again to have the tracking done, so now the steering is slightly less vague than it was previously.

 

Stay tuned for a proper for sale advert.

[vulgalour]

They wouldn't be interested in selling that Dalek would they?  Because I'd be interested in purchasing it.

[philibusmo]

Why not treat your family at Christmas by buying this delightful* and well cared for* 1981 Austin Princess 2.0 HLS for only £500?

 

This super example is resplendent in its original lightly pogweaseled red with black vinyl roof and less-original dried blood red doors and boot lid along with a beige velour interior with contrasting piping, brown carpet and an overwhelming feeling of dread.

 

It has very nearly 12 months MOT so the purchaser will have nothing* to worry about until next December. Incidentally it has recently had a new alternator, rebuilt rear brakes and carburettor, new head and manifold gaskets, good used radiator and front displacer, service including an oil and filter change, cooling system flush and brake and clutch fluid change.

 

This car comes with the renowned Complete Car Care Package  Ã¢â‚¬â€œ only from Phil’s Horrible Car Emporium – where complete customer dis-satisfaction is guaranteed. Complete Car Care Package is limited to 6 minutes from moment of purchase or 600yards, whichever happens sooner. Complete Car Care Package does not cover parts that are not already in the boot of the car, labour, logistics or any other costs at all.

 

The engine runs well, gets up to temperature nicely and then stays there. It does use a bit of oil but then it is a product of British Leyland so what more so you want, a fucking unicorn. The steering is a little approximate, but the power assistance works, the suspension is pumped up and is quite squishy and yet it still feels pretty planted.

 

The brakes work well and all four tyres have tread that is well above the legal requirements even if they do lack pedigree and grip in damp conditions.

 

Electricity is regulated by a switch attached to the battery clamp, when the car is started to commence the supply of electricity the  switch must be turned on for about two seconds and then off. If you forget to do this then you will run out of electricity. Other characterful elements of the electrical system include the relay for the left indicator which sometimes isn’t a relay at all and just makes a complete circuit. The clock doesn’t work, nor does the interior light, dash lighting for anything but the speedo, the fuel gauge and the radio is missing and the connector for it is full of match sticks for no obvious reason. The headlining is not in the best condition but is currently 100% free of wasps and garden spiders. There is a spare headlining somewhere in the boot and changing it would be a good idea as the current one looks like it might have started the Ebola crisis.

 

The front seats are very comfortable and the rear seat makes an excellent bed which has come in useful a couple of times when I have stopped for a quick nap while the car has be not broken down at all because that would never happen.

 

Some of the windows go up and down. Others will only do one of these things and others will do neither but I have forgotten which one will do what. The heater works but isn’t exactly the same as a roaring log fire in any way and there is an icy breeze somehow getting into the drivers footwell.

 

One of the rear doors isn’t properly aligned, there is some patina and I would strongly suggest getting some Waxoyl or whatever on the underside or it will dissolve but it is currently very sound.

 

Spares are included but I can’t remember what’s in the boot.

 

So what are you waiting for – get your arse down to Tiverton brandishing 500 notes and drive away with a stupendous Austin Princess that’ll make you an instant hit with the ladies.  It is five minutes away from Junction 27 of the M5 and not far from Tiverton Parkway station. Tiverton does not have an airport. Payment accepted in cash or by Access card – your flexible friend.

 

Now for some pictures, interior shots will follow when I work out a way of disguising how horrible it is. I might fill it with cats. If I do then please note that the cats will not be included in the sale.

 

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Ha ha, this is flipping brilliant. I love it!

[RedSparrow]

I love those little hydrolastic robots. My dad's go one somewhere.

[vulgalour]

And that, my friends, is Numberwang Autoshite.  Simply the best advert I've read.

[Pillock]

I want to buy it just for the advert. Would you believe me if I said it won't fit in my garage, so I'm OOT....?

[Anglevan]

Great advert. Good luck with the sale - I hope someone on here gets it to keep the 'love' alive...

[eddyramrod]

I'm having a very torrid time here convincing myself that it won't be me...

[vulgalour]

VULGALOUR DELIVERY SERVICE IS AVAILABLE (for Eddy).

[philibusmo]

I want to buy it just for the advert. Would you believe me if I said it won't fit in my garage, so I'm OOT....?

I would also make sure that you make yourself scarce on the day it does get picked up by its lucky new owner.

 

- Vulgalour, I'll ask about the dalek for you. There were two of them, the grey one pictured and a black one which was a bit squashed from where a drunk had fallen through the roof of the shed on to it. I'll ask if they still need both, I doubt there's many occasions where they have two Allegros or whatever in to be pumped up at the same time.

[Shep Shepherd]

The British version of Christine?

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I love those little hydrolastic robots. My dad's go one somewhere.

 

 

 

...UNTIL YOU CAN'T FEEL IT (the bumpy road surface)

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

You could-a have a Princess, you'd be a king

 

 

Once upon a time we fell apart
You're holding in your hands the two halves of my displacer

 

 

[xtriple]

Mate of mine at the garage made one out of a brake master cylinder! Worked a treat.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I made a few out of grease guns and flogged em on ebay. And I made another big one out of some hydraulic hand pump I bought off there for £30 which i still have.

[philibusmo]

I took this to work and back today without incident. That's an entire 36 miles!

 

This is the ultimate car to win the 'durable car' thread with.

[vulgalour]

Were there complaints about the lingering aroma of BL velour in the office?

[philibusmo]

No-one want this beautiful Princess?

 

If this Princess went to America, if a basket ball player put his arm around it then he better hope his tetanus shots are up to date.

 

It'll be going on car and classic very shortly and then on eBay before Christmas as I need shot of this before the 12th January.

[philibusmo]

Right then you lovely people.

 

This is now on ebay,current bid £70 with just under a week to go.

I am open to offers from you lot and I may just take a derisory offer if it means I don't have to deal with ebay mongs. A buy now, pay later scheme can also be worked out for trusted shiters if money is currently a little tight.

 

I need this gone by the 12th January at the absolute latest otherwise it will likely have to be scrapped (yeah I know how much of a cunt that makes me sound) so get those offers in...

 

Here is the ebay ad if anyone is interested:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1981-Austin-Priness-2-0-HLS-MOT-December-2015-/251772706798?

[fordperv]

This site's not what it used to be

[montytom]

What an absolute sweetheart of a car.

Being absolutely skint does me no favours sorry

[vulgalour]

If, and it's a big if, nobody bites at a reasonable price I'd like to discuss a buy-now-pay-later on this fine automobile.  I will do everything in my power to prevent scrappage.

[philibusmo]

If anyone wonders where the listing has gone, due to a slightly iffy C key on my laptop keyboard, the listing title was for an Austin Priness, which was shit for anyone using the search option on eBay.

 

No problem I thought, I'll just use the revise item option to add the C into the title and job jobbed. Nope, with this being eBay which has to be consistently leading the way in making life as difficult and frustrating for sellers as possible I could not add a single letter to me title as the auction had been running for 12 hours and 14 minutes, which was 14 minutes too long for me to revise the title in any way.

 

After talking with eBay customer services who were nice enough but of very little help what so ever I have had to end the listing entirely, then re-list with the C added and have to spend an extra 6p to change it to a five day listing, starting on Tuesday evening so that it ends at the weekend.

 

I'll add the link as soon as the listing goes live. Once again start bid of £70 with no reserve.

[phil_lihp]

I had the (mis)fortune to be picked up in this yesterday morning and later on got to drive it too.  I'll say this for it: it's a lot better than it looks.

 

The engine is very responsive and runs well, it tracks straight, rides very well, the brakes work well and the interior doesn't smell as bad as it did a couple of months ago when I last saw it.  It's comfortable and spacious and with the amount of attention it attracts when out on the road, you'll never be lonely.  Dare I say it, I actually quite enjoyed driving it.  

 

With a good tidy up inside, some new silencers on the exhaust, some work on the electrics and a wrap or repaint it would be quite acceptable.

[purplebargeken]

Chuck the linky when ready. 

[philibusmo]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1981-Austin-Princess-2-0-HLS-MOT-December-2015-/251773321016?

 

And we're back in the virtual auction house. Get bidding chaps...

[philibusmo]

Also INTERIOR PICTURES! With two that are 'eBay grade'.

 

[mat_the_cat]

One of the watchers is me (just to see what it goes for), so don't get too excited...