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vulgalour

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I like to make up little stories for those terrible pictures you see on car brochures and in adverts.  Some are superb and I'm sure I'm reading a different message to what's been attempted by the original creator.

 

Take this advert for a Dacia Denem.  Personally, I think it looks like the result of a divorce where he gets to keep the lovely lemon Jag but she's lumbered with several children and a Dacia Denem.  I can't decide if he's a hero or some sort of monster.  Either way they'll both end up miserable while they await breakdown recovery at the side of the [insert miserable motorway here] remembering all the mistakes they ever made that got them to where they are now.

 

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I think that it's depicting the family/cars in the hot summer of 1983, where the father of the family is going to drive off in his air-conditioned Jag whilst the mother & kids are lumbered with the Dacia with keep-fit windows and the spit on your face to keep you cool.

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That's their Dad, waving them off after doing his duty for a weekend every month. (They're already divorced)  He can afford a flash motor because he has no kids to pay for. Their Mum gets to borrow her Dad's Dacia under stress of ' Don't scratch it lassie etc..... it was expensive.... luxury item' and so on.... watch one of the kids throw up on the way home......

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Jack rolled his eyes when he saw the size of his father's suitcase. "Jesus, Dad, you're going to a war crimes tribunal, not Butlins".

 

"War crimes tribunal?" said Grandpa Hans, dropping his tennis racquet in shock. "I thought we were taking the kids to boarding school!".

 

Grandpa's trial did not go well. 

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No, this is the family that have encouraged Grandpaps to "Go to the seaside for a week or two". He's not entirely sure why there's an estate agent board outside the house but his son has said it's probably an error on the part of the agent, it was probably meant to go to another house, he'll get it sorted. Meanwhile, the staff at the Sunnycharms Home For the Mentally Feeble are preparing his room and doing their best to get rid of the smell of the last resident.

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"Now, Mr Burton" said the salesman, "you might find this a little strange, but on page 62 of the brochure there is a photograph of the two of us looking at the picture of us in the brochure". 

 

"Whoa, trippy" said Mr. Burton, before asking how much the optional alloy wheels cost. 

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I like to make up little stories for those terrible pictures you see on car brochures and in adverts.  Some are superb and I'm sure I'm reading a different message to what's been attempted by the original creator.

 

Take this advert for a Dacia Denem.  Personally, I think it looks like the result of a divorce where he gets to keep the lovely lemon Jag but she's lumbered with several children and a Dacia Denem.  I can't decide if he's a hero or some sort of monster.  Either way they'll both end up miserable while they await breakdown recovery at the side of the [insert miserable motorway here] remembering all the mistakes they ever made that got them to where they are now.

 

2233220205_68bce0ff4e.jpg

 

the wife is shouting to the husband "if you wanted a car that represents penis size, you should have bought a mini"

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To be fair to the cheeky dacia  i'd imagine as long as the c1J or c1e?? head gasket is crisp and fresh i which it would be being all new then probably the jag is a good % more likely to be at the side of the road with possibly double bank omghgf or oil pressure prolapse so potentially the egg is could be on his face for being the 'big man' 

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"Still commuting in the old ground crawler, eh?" smirked Doug, glancing at his colleague Martin's Capri. "Yeah" Martin growled in response. Everyone in the office was getting tired of Doug's smugness since he exploited a loophole in the company car scheme to get himself the plane. Little did they know Doug was being crippled by the BIK payments. 

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"Still commuting in the old ground crawler, eh?" smirked Doug, glancing at his colleague Martin's Capri. "Yeah" Martin growled in response. Everyone in the office was getting tired of Doug's smugness since he exploited a loophole in the company car scheme to get himself the plane. Little did they know Doug was being crippled by the BIK payments. 

 

Howard Marks and 'The Kid' at Shannon airport 

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Because of Miss Money Penny messing up, Sean Connery, 007 as been reduced to using a Renault 4. However he gets his revenge by wiping his balls on her avocado pears when she’s not looking, just before serving them, hence the devilish look.

 

“That will teatsh the bitsh to mesh up my avish rental again" 

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Fuxake mum. We have told you - we will WALK to school, we dont want the our friends seeing dad dressed like that.....

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"Yes! yes! it's me" exclaimed the man as he stepped out of his car. "I can't live on the run anymore, I know the net is closing in, I just want it to be over. I want to hand myself in. I admit everything. I was responsible for the ethnic cleansing in Yuknastistan during the 1986-89 civil war, I ordered the execution of the prisoners of war, I led the massacre at Nightmare cavern in 88, I was responsible for all of it". 

 

"What?" said the boarding school teacher. 

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*Cheesy American ad voice*

Hey you groovy hep cats - That visible vibration is an all-new built in design feature. With Spectra-Vibe engaged, you'll feel like you're doing 100mph standing still! Wow! Just look at the expression on that guy's face: he's been in there for an hour now, and he's seeing the future! But don't worry, he's only looking like that because he's seen the funny side of a place called Autoshite. Another hour, and the hallucinations might even make him think he's posting rational replies there. Now, hey! Wow! Wouldn't that be amazing? You too can have all this for $99 down, and...

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"So, Doreen; how'd you like the new Vauxhall Cavalier 1.6 GL the board decided I should have?"

"Erm...it's lovely Malcolm. So...erm...modern and now and stuff. But why is it toilet avocado?"

"Just for you, Doreen. It's avocado inside too. Would you like to see?"

"Just for me? Well...erm...maybe later Malcolm"

"Good girl, Doreen, that's the idea!"

"Eh?"

"Well, it's exactly the same colourscheme as the executive toilets, so maybe later we can see if you feel as at home with me banging you silly, in the back of the Vauxhall Cavalier 1.6 GL, as you clearly do, in the executive toilets."

"Well I never..."

"You definitely did, love..." *Sid James laughter to fade*

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Yes, Darling, wave to the nice man in the VW Golf in the next studio....

Say good bye to Grandad he's not coming in our lovely new car, it's something to do with forced labour on the Burma Railway

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