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bigstraight6

Light blue touch paper, and stand well clear!

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Well, according to some newspapers this morning, from April next year you could well be receiving visits from Government sponsored door to door travel advisors, who will beret you if you use a Planet killing car and tender advice about how to ride a bicycle or get on a bus.Another monumental waste of tax payers money, the last thing I want after a long day come evening mealtime is some Transport 2000 agenda tree hugger at my door, they will be dispatched quicker than any double glazing salesman/God botherer :twisted:

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Excellent!I look forward to their visit. I can show them my large collection of mainly immobile shite (0 miles, 0 carbon footprint!), my auto-body repairs made of reconstitued domestic packaging, my biodiesel refinery, and my pitiful attempts to recreate the idyllic lifestyle of Tom & Barbara Goode. I will enforce this point by locking the tree-hugging bike-tards in the duck house with the demonic ducks from hell. I am in two minds whether to (a) starve the ducks so that they turn feral and attempt to eat the lentil-eaters like some kind of deranged avian version of ALIVE, or (B) feed them up so that their already impressive ability to generate their own bodyweight in stinking faeces every half hour goes into apocalyptic overdrive. WELCOME TO ECO-HELL, MOTHERFUCKERS!

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Lock em in the composting toilet is what I say.

 

Man from the Ministry: Why dont you take the bus to work?

 

Fat Bastard: Because in order to get to work I would have to leave at 5am, change busses 4 times, lugging 2 suitcases of case notes, prescriptions, some medical equipment and also a gross of assorted fruit flavoured condoms. Next stupid question please?

Man from the Ministry: Will you stop hitting me over the head with that old exhaust pipe please?

 

Fat Basket: No

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Fat Bastard: Because in order to get to work I would have to leave at 5am, change busses 4 times, lugging 2 suitcases of case notes, prescriptions, some medical equipment and also a gross of assorted fruit flavoured condoms. Next stupid question please?

 

Hey, it's do-able.

Today, I managed to lug about 40kgs of awkward bastard kit round several worksites on me tod via the tube & some sweaty, angry footpower (yeah, dressing for november was a bad move. Thick coat + springlike temps + kit = OMGz!).

My feet and knees ache like a bastard and my arms will never be the same (length) again.

A VAN! A VAN! MY KINGDOM FOR A VAN!!!

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