Jump to content

Woollarding


trigger
 Share

Recommended Posts

I reckon its pretty difficult to get a quality Woolard going. I would say Dr_Cockscreen has nailed the look pretty well, it seems to be quite difficult to strike a balance between looking like you're earnestly trying to explain something to camera, and just looking like you're trying to strike a pose for a publicity photo.

 

I would go as far as saying he is the only person so far to achieve a full Woolard. I think the trick might be to get your assistant to take multiple shots while you recreate the whole scene. That and keep your crotch to yourself of course.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I reckon for a 'full Woolard' you need to have your leg nearest the camera lifted up on the wheel/bumper/tortoise etc, and you need the arm on that same side resting on the leg. Smiling is out as is any kind of tomfoolery, but also looking morbid is out as well. The look you are going for is 'earnest'.

 

Not that I have a 2:1 B.Woold. (Hons) degree from the University of Allman Brothers Band of course, these are just the notes of an interested observer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to agree will Bollox here.

1) Woollard attempt using wrong leg Ã¢â€°Â  woollard
2) Grinning or any other facial expression other than intense / earnest whilst attempting a woollard ≠ woollard
3) Foot placed on wheel instead of front bumper ≠ woollard.

 

I suggest these and other incorrect woollarding techniques are referred to as foollards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have to agree will Bollox here.

 

1) Woollard attempt using wrong leg Ã¢â€°Â  woollard

2) Grinning or any other facial expression other than intense / earnest whilst attempting a woollard ≠ woollard

3) Foot placed on wheel instead of front bumper ≠ woollard.

 

I suggest these and other incorrect woollarding techniques are referred to as foollards.

 

But those of us with rearward opening bonnets have no real alternative but to use the wheel. It is, after all, essential that the engine is visible. Otherwise I agree - for conventional forward bonnets, the foot should be on the bumper with the crotch fully out of sight.

 

It is, IMHO, no coincidence that the brownest, beigest Woollards so far have each featured a Rover V8. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But those of us with rearward opening bonnets have no real alternative but to use the wheel. It is, after all, essential that the engine is visible. Otherwise I agree - for conventional forward bonnets, the foot should be on the bumper with the crotch fully out of sight.

 

It is, IMHO, no coincidence that the brownest, beigest Woollards so far have each featured a Rover V8. :)

 

OK, then... in the absence of any photographic evidence of the man himself sanctioning such a pose for a front-hinged bonnet, I propose as a pro tem measure that the official term is "wheellard" for vehicles with rearward-opening bonnets, but all other woollarding conventions should be observed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m mildly concerned that might lead to confusion in the (admittedly rare) case when it is necessary to perform a ‘Wellard’, which is of course standing earnestly with one foot on the head of Robbie Jackson’s dog out of Eastenders.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1) Woollard attempt using wrong leg Ã¢â€°Â  woollard

3) Foot placed on wheel instead of front bumper ≠ woollard.

 

 

 

tractorwoollard.jpg

 

Woollard was a more diverse performer than he's being given credit for, seamlessly adapting his house style here.

 

Check the gentle right handed body caress, the crotch-forward stance, and the reassured use of the front wheel in the absence of a bumper or other bodywork ledge. No wonder he found such inner peace later in life.

 

Quality. Absolute quality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fucking hell. He's adopting the "crotch on display" pose too.

 

All bets are off, then. It seems that freestyle woollarding knows no bounds.

 

Speaking for myself, I am now prepared to concede that a woollard is valid where the woollardist is gently knocking their forehead against the vehicle's bonnet whilst riding an adjacent exercise bicycle naked from the waist down, shrieking verses of the koran through a vuvuzela.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Holy cow that ‘Tractor Woolard’ is taking it to another level.

 

I’ve just checked him out on Wiki, says he’s an oxford graduate and trained fighter pilot! The guy is more hardcore than I thought.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...