catsinthewelder Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 A month late due to camera issues here is Mr Ramrod showing us how it should be done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I reckon its pretty difficult to get a quality Woolard going. I would say Dr_Cockscreen has nailed the look pretty well, it seems to be quite difficult to strike a balance between looking like you're earnestly trying to explain something to camera, and just looking like you're trying to strike a pose for a publicity photo. I would go as far as saying he is the only person so far to achieve a full Woolard. I think the trick might be to get your assistant to take multiple shots while you recreate the whole scene. That and keep your crotch to yourself of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I reckon for a 'full Woolard' you need to have your leg nearest the camera lifted up on the wheel/bumper/tortoise etc, and you need the arm on that same side resting on the leg. Smiling is out as is any kind of tomfoolery, but also looking morbid is out as well. The look you are going for is 'earnest'. Not that I have a 2:1 B.Woold. (Hons) degree from the University of Allman Brothers Band of course, these are just the notes of an interested observer. mouseflakes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John F Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I have to agree will Bollox here.1) Woollard attempt using wrong leg ≠woollard2) Grinning or any other facial expression other than intense / earnest whilst attempting a woollard ≠woollard3) Foot placed on wheel instead of front bumper ≠woollard. I suggest these and other incorrect woollarding techniques are referred to as foollards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSparrow Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I agree too. More seriousness is needed. The bonnet is open so imagine discussing something concerning like poor access to spark plugs or a low capacity washer fluid bottle or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 I think I prefer Foolarding. It's the way forward. catsinthewelder, johngarty, chaseracer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthonyG Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 But what car is featured in the original Woollard pic? Is it a Vauxhall of some type? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted June 10, 2013 Share Posted June 10, 2013 But what car is featured in the original Woollard pic? Is it a Vauxhall of some type? That's a very good question. My guess is Honda Civic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Mike Oxgreen Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I have to agree will Bollox here. 1) Woollard attempt using wrong leg ≠woollard2) Grinning or any other facial expression other than intense / earnest whilst attempting a woollard ≠woollard3) Foot placed on wheel instead of front bumper ≠woollard. I suggest these and other incorrect woollarding techniques are referred to as foollards. But those of us with rearward opening bonnets have no real alternative but to use the wheel. It is, after all, essential that the engine is visible. Otherwise I agree - for conventional forward bonnets, the foot should be on the bumper with the crotch fully out of sight. It is, IMHO, no coincidence that the brownest, beigest Woollards so far have each featured a Rover V8. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John F Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 But those of us with rearward opening bonnets have no real alternative but to use the wheel. It is, after all, essential that the engine is visible. Otherwise I agree - for conventional forward bonnets, the foot should be on the bumper with the crotch fully out of sight. It is, IMHO, no coincidence that the brownest, beigest Woollards so far have each featured a Rover V8. OK, then... in the absence of any photographic evidence of the man himself sanctioning such a pose for a front-hinged bonnet, I propose as a pro tem measure that the official term is "wheellard" for vehicles with rearward-opening bonnets, but all other woollarding conventions should be observed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I’m mildly concerned that might lead to confusion in the (admittedly rare) case when it is necessary to perform a ‘Wellard’, which is of course standing earnestly with one foot on the head of Robbie Jackson’s dog out of Eastenders. mouseflakes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inconsistant Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 1) Woollard attempt using wrong leg ≠woollard3) Foot placed on wheel instead of front bumper ≠woollard. Woollard was a more diverse performer than he's being given credit for, seamlessly adapting his house style here. Check the gentle right handed body caress, the crotch-forward stance, and the reassured use of the front wheel in the absence of a bumper or other bodywork ledge. No wonder he found such inner peace later in life. Quality. Absolute quality. Jerzy Woking, scruff, Leyland Worldmaster and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigger Posted June 11, 2013 Author Share Posted June 11, 2013 God, I have a man crush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inconsistant Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Getting a Woollardon, Trigger? John F and johngarty 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John F Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Fucking hell. He's adopting the "crotch on display" pose too. All bets are off, then. It seems that freestyle woollarding knows no bounds. Speaking for myself, I am now prepared to concede that a woollard is valid where the woollardist is gently knocking their forehead against the vehicle's bonnet whilst riding an adjacent exercise bicycle naked from the waist down, shrieking verses of the koran through a vuvuzela. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSparrow Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I just found out he is a Buddhist.So there you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John F Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Ah, good point. Not the koran, then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Holy cow that ‘Tractor Woolard’ is taking it to another level. I’ve just checked him out on Wiki, says he’s an oxford graduate and trained fighter pilot! The guy is more hardcore than I thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cort16 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 He's like Chuck Norris in stay press slacks. mouseflakes, Vince70 and ShiteRider 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Case Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Things were not always so: http://www.tvcream.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/twrodd.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSparrow Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 For those of you who haven't seen it here is an ace episode of old Top Gear from 1983 where our man goes to Poland to check out FSOs being cobbled together.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU6NUInl9dk For Fiats Sake and Sealtainn 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilko220 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Where is Woollard now? Someone needs to track the man down to give the definitive ruling on this... PS - the FSO episode is well worth a watch for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSparrow Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Here is his facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/william.woollard.5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilko220 Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 Simply fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted June 11, 2013 Share Posted June 11, 2013 I love that Poland thing, flipping brilliant. They should get Woolard on the new top gear, him and Clarkson can compare their life stories to see who is the most badass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Woollardoceptor. Apologies for shortage of beige. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I like that. You look most frustrated that the bonnet won't allow for proper Woollarding. Almost as if the man himself is considering writing to all motor manufacturers to point out the inherent weakness of the forward-tilt bonnet design. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warren t claim Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Here is his facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/william.woollard.5Looks like he's found religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John F Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Looks like he's found religion. Poor bastard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Looks like he's found religion. Too easy.Wasnt even lost. I'd like to see him find my spare key. ShiteRider and Banger Kenny 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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