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Bad design bloopers


Morgan84

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Proper Minis! Everything you want to work on, you wind up with severe spanner rash because there's no hand-room whatsoever. And whose idea was it to let the bonnet open to about 45 degrees? The moment you straighten up from whatever it was you were trying to get at, you crack the back of your head on either the bonnet catch or the safety latch. Fibreglass flip-fronts were the best thing ever on these (voice of experience); a great idea ruined by sub-standard home-fitting. Should have been done at the factory, from Day One.

 

BMW what's-it-called...? i-Drive? Three issues here. 1: it's bloody impossible. 2: let's have capitals and lower-case in their correct places, shall we? 3: i-Drive? No you fucking don't, you're the machine! I drive! I drive you! Get used to that idea now buster because that's how it's going to be.

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Proper Minis! Everything you want to work on, you wind up with severe spanner rash because there's no hand-room whatsoever. And whose idea was it to let the bonnet open to about 45 degrees? The moment you straighten up from whatever it was you were trying to get at, you crack the back of your head on either the bonnet catch or the safety latch. Fibreglass flip-fronts were the best thing ever on these (voice of experience); a great idea ruined by sub-standard home-fitting. Should have been done at the factory, from Day One.

 

+++++++++++++++++window winder always jammed up against my knee. Bypass hose designed by a sadist. Slight drizzle 400 miles away would instantly shut down all ignition electrics. I could go on...

Triumph Stag V8.........how is it possible to get so many design faults in one engine.

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lol @ Volksy

 

The golvebox door mechanism on the Volvo 850 is both unnecessarily complicated and made from cheese so that if you're anything other than gentle with it, you'll break the mechanism.

The sun visors on the Yaris are crap if you're quite short. Actually, they're crap anyway.

Mounting the alternator on the 740 under the exhaust manifold so that if you have to change one all the identifying marks have been obliterated by heat and you scald yourself trying to get it out because it's enormous and the gap is quite tight.

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On the Merc W124's the put a bit of sound deadening sponge behind the front of the wings, which soaks in water and rots out the bottom of the wings at the front.

Ford Puma inner rear arch lining seems to be made out of a set of net curtains (nice and water proof).

 

On Vectra C's the alternator is bolted into threads in the block. What do you do if you mash the threads?

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More 60flaws.

 

Starter motor. If you've ever tried to change one you'll not want to do it again. It's above the steering rack, next to the nearside exhaust manifold and about as inaccessible as they could possibly make it.

 

Seat runners. Peugeot decided it'd make great sense to use curved seat runners instead of height / tilt adjustment on the seat. Could have been a good idea but just wasn't. I'm 6'2" with long legs, to get the seat back far enough means I'm almost on the floor as the seat goes to it's lowest height, move it forward a couple of inches and my legs brush the wheel and my head is against the sunroof. Barmy!

 

Adjusting the fan belt tension is something else altogether. The top bolt is easy to get to, the one the alternator pivots on is a right bugger to get to and has to be tighter than Kylie's arse cheeks to stand any chance of getting enough tension on the belt.

 

The distributor cap on an injection one is utterly buried. I've been fiddling with the car on and off for months and I've not actually seen the dizzy cap. It's there somewhere.

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I think the Alfa 166 has a front armrest that you have to pull up to operate the handbrake.

 

In very cold weather my 1999 SEAT Ibiza's driver's door wouldn't open. Somehow the central locking mechanism on this Spanish built car didn't like the British winter climate. A few times I had to climb into the driver's seat via the passenger side. :evil:

On the same car the lack of an interior boot light was a right royal pain the arse too. :x

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Much as I'm liking Merc ownership, the old Teutonic barge isn't without its foibles too.

As someone already mentioned about the Citroen XM, these dumb US style 'parking brake' pedals are a right PITA. After nearly 30 years of driving (and owning another car with a normal handbrake lever between the seats, where it should be) I just cannot help myself grabbing fresh air behind the gear selector every time I pull up at a set of lights. Then I remember what a faff it is to bring my left leg up to my chin to apply said brake, so I just decide to blind the poor fucker behind me with the brake lights instead. :oops:

 

Also it has the most dim-witted alarm plipper ever. Working by infra red light rather than radio signals, you have to aim it RIGHT AT the little knob under the rear view mirror and press it for a good 2-3 seconds before it unlocks the doors. (And that's with a new battery) This is especially annoying when the glass is frosted up on a winter's morning since the receiver can't see the signal until you've scraped a patch of ice off the door window.

But your scraper is in the car - AAAARGH! :evil:

 

The last car I had which was modern enough to have one of these plippers I could unlock it from the bedroom window, three floors up and across the street. :roll:

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Any car where the front seat backs are adjusted by a lever as opposed to knob. Can you get exactly the right spot for comfort? Can you fuck as like.

Citroën can take a red hot poker up the council for the incredibly fiddly seat bolt arrangement on the BX too. If I never change another BX interior it'll be too soon.

 

Oh, cars that seem to have the accelerator pedal set just at exactly the right angle as to be completely and utterly uncomfortable to drive no matter how short the journey.

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BMW E30 2 door seats , the reclining mechanism is biast towards springing back not forwards , first time i tried altering the seat angle whilst driving the fucking thing went fully back , its very difficult to drive whilst looking out the sunroof lying on your back

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Mk3 Golf:

The top of the sills in the front door shut rusts behind the the door seal - apparently because during the factory painting process the bodyshells were clamped here, so a small part never got painted!

 

The front wheelarch liners are shaped such that they trap massive amounts of mud behind the front wings, causing them to rot out at the bottom

 

Suzuki Cappuccino:

Very little/no rustproofing meant the sills, arches and floors were rotting after a couple of years.

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All you people struggling to change wiper blades on cars with semi-concealed wiper arms, ever thought to turn the wipers on, turn the ignition off when they're at the top of the stroke and THEN change the blades? ;)

 

Still impossible on a Mk3 Cavalier - this is why the facelift included wiper arms with hinges further up the arm...

 

Also, you cannot do the above trick on a Rover 75. The Germans won't have anything as ugly as wipers that have been stopped in the wrong place, so they carry on even with the ignition turned off!

 

MINIBIGI and Citroen BX Mk1. Rear view mirror is EXACTLY where you want to look through the windscreen to examine left hand bends/totty.

 

Rover P6. Internal rear view mirror is tiny, but curves to give you a rear view that's impossible to actually see anything in. Ask a motorcyclist I almost hit about this.

 

Citroen 2CV. Handbrake is in the same place for LHD and RHD. That's over on the nearside of a RHD car, right where my passenger's knee is. Which has its benefits to be fair...

 

Mini. All of it.

 

Early Landcrab. Even worse than the 2CV. Has a handbrake that cannot be operated if you're wearing your seatbelt as it's so far away. As are most of the dashboard switches. Nice one Issigonis! Genius my arse.

 

Riley Elf/Wolseley Hornet. A Mini with a bigger boot! Apart from the fact that the hinges for the new bootlid descend into the load space area, so you can't put too much in or the boot won't shut. Also, bonnet design. You think a Mini bonnet is dangerous!

 

Saab 900 - ignition switch on the centre console. Great for filling the barrel with spilt drinks, fluff and bits of food.

 

Peugeot 206/Renault Clio (of same vintage). For RHD, rather than move the wipers to the other side in traditional manner, both these cars use a cumbersome, quirky linkage which in theory, pushes the blade into the corner of the windscreen. It still doesn't clear the windscreen as efficiently as a normal RHD wiper pattern and I can't understand why they did it! Wasn't to make it the same for LHD and RHD as they just didn't bother with the quirky linkage on LHD. Nice work!

 

Range Rover Classic dashboard. All of it. Horrific. If it has air-con, it's even worse. What a half-arsed, shit job they made of that! On a luxury vehicle. Also, see previous comment about Marina doorhandles. And the stupid rear wiper that gets squashed when you open the tailgate.

 

Renault 21 2-litre. Starter motor replacement is a lot easier if you first remove almost all of the other engine components.

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Alfa GTV.

Impossible to get in to if it's frosty. If you manage to get one door unlocked, it drives the alarm crazy, and you still can't get in. If you do manage to get in, then get out again before the locks have thawed, then the interior handle breaks.

Wipers don't park in the park position until they are switched off, which means you can't just get 1 sweep.

Alternator is buried under about 4 hours of work. up or down.

Steel screws into steel inserts into plastic on the air filter. These sieze. If you drill them the plastic will melt. Bravo/Brava the same.

Frameless doors without auto drop windows. Unless you spend a few months getting the window set JUST right, it won't seal again until you put the windows down and up. If they are frozen, this will not work.

 

Fiat Punto/ VW Polo. Air filter box is held together by 278 screws.

 

Bloody VW's. Anything inside the doors. All of it.

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All you people struggling to change wiper blades on cars with semi-concealed wiper arms, ever thought to turn the wipers on, turn the ignition off when they're at the top of the stroke and THEN change the blades? ;)

 

 

Great idea in theory, until your kid/ apprentice decides he wants the radio on and turns the key while you are wrestling with the selection of clips. Usually ends with a broken screen,scratched bonnet and a lot of swear words.

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Wipers that don't work if the bonnet is open. Great, I guess, but if I'm carrying out a Test on a VW or Mercedes, I write "Wipers inop" on my little sheet until I take it out, and then try it again.

These cars (I'm looking at YOU VW) also have poor lighting configurations. Front indicators Mk4 Golf. Rear Indicators on later Pisshats. Front Indicators Mk1.5 Focus. Great, but if you are turning left, and I am waiting at the side road, and it's dark.... I sit there, and wait. You turn, I still wait, as I never saw the lamp. As for Passat rear lights.... why put one inside the other? 21W bulb inside a 21W bulb? That's going to be visible mate. Slam on the brakes... I still can't see it properly. It's all form over function. I like separate lamp units. Much nicer.

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Alfa Romeo Mito

 

1) Windows freeze closed in cold weather - the glass has to drop for the door to open

2) Center arm rest covers handbrake and prevents gearchanges

3) window switches on arm rest just waiting to be dripped on when you open the door

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Range Rover Classic dashboard. All of it. Horrific. If it has air-con, it's even worse. What a half-arsed, shit job they made of that! On a luxury vehicle.

 

Bear in mind that it was designed in 1970 for a slightly upmarket Land Rover with a petrol engine.

I imagine that 20 years of add-ons and rattly diesel may have meant yours wasn't the best.

 

More of a make-do job really.

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Mk1 Discovery - stupid interior door handle position.

 

Citroen Ax/106/saxo 5dr: handle mechanism freezes the door catch open in the winter, cue hours of fun trying to poke the bastards closed on winter mornings.

 

Mk1 Focus - Had a spam fingered chubster fit you a pollen filter? You'll have a footwell full of piss water soon afterwards.

 

Xsara/Xantia - that fucking fucking seat height adjuster, that when owned by midgets, pokes you up the arsehole everytime you get in or out.

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Range Rover Classic dashboard. All of it. Horrific. If it has air-con, it's even worse. What a half-arsed, shit job they made of that! On a luxury vehicle.

 

Bear in mind that it was designed in 1970 for a slightly upmarket Land Rover with a petrol engine.

I imagine that 20 years of add-ons and rattly diesel may have meant yours wasn't the best.

 

More of a make-do job really.

 

A make-do job that should never have been presented to the world as a luxury vehicle! The soft-dash was much better, but about ten years too late. I know there was probably sod all budget to do anything else earlier, but that doesn't stop it being shite design.

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