Have you gone too far trying to make things just perfect on a shed?
I think I may have crossed the line. I improved the wipers on Gerald the C1 by swapping the wiper stalk. As standard there's only one intermittent wipe time, but if you raid a toyota auris stalk it's a straight swap and by magic you've got variable intermittent time.
Trouble is the auris stalk has low & high positions for the rear wiper, and only high works on the C1, 'cos the car is only designed to have a single speed rear wiper. It's been bugging me for months, when I should really do what the rest of sane peeps do and treat low as a 2nd off.
First I thought I could connect low & high so they both turn the wiper on. But why not make low be intermittent? I could get a magic circuit board from China to do that for a tenner or so. Then one night I had a better plan.... why not make low variable intermittent by using a VW type 99 variable wipe relay? I would be the envy of C1 lickers everywhere. Make it so!
I compared stalks, and auris has a few more pins. So I hatched a plan of go to u-pull-it, raid a spare stalk and a wiring plug, and acquire a type 99 relay. Plus get a none busted aerial. It's only a 107 mile round trip WCPGW? er, I came back with an aerial. No auris stalks, and golf mk3's are no longer common. Only a tenner in fuel in Gerald.
To ebay! Spare stalk £12.99, golf relay £8.50. I then realised I haven't got a clue about the C1 wiring diagram so bought a haynes book of lies only to find it's rubbish. Paperback now, and the wiring diagram is not detailed. Maybe it will come in when something breaks.
I then realised yaris uses the same stalk as C1, and I could get a yaris wiring diagram on t'interweb. Got an auris one too so I could work out the differences. Turns out auris low is just a switch, and auris has a module to do the intermittent rear wiper, so I could be on to a winner with my VW relay. Next problem is C1 switches the earth wire, and VW is switching 12v. So I just need a double relay module pcb for £7.20 to make the VW relay see 12v, and then have the output converted back to earth.
Connected it all up on the table, and it doesn't work properly. VW relay is expecting an input from the wiper park switch. It expects it to go +12v when motor is running, and be earthed in wiper park position. Fucksocks. Without this input the relay just stays on. If I fake it by connecting the wire manually to +12v followed by earth the variable time & everything works. But the C1 isn't wired like that and I don't want to rewire it. So now I'm waiting on another pcb that will simulate* the park switch for only £10.
So I'm pretty confident it will all work, and I've only spent £50 developing a pointless feature.....
I have officially died.
I must have worn a mask for 7-8 hours today.
The car is fabulous obviously. The clutch pedal feels a bit heavy. The biggest issue is the steering wheel, it's horrendous. The outer layer has gone manky and you're left with bits of rubber everywhere.
I might try and buy a pair of gloves and be like Nicolas Parsons.
Not sure how well qualified this person is to advise you how to use the kit and start a successful valeting business when they can't be bothered to wash off the green slime round the top opening of the back doors of their own van.
This vacuum cleaner is so happy he looks like a 1970's Tory MP who has locked himself in the stationary cupboard with a few grams of Columbian marching powder and 10 year's worth of Boy Scouts magazines.