Jim Bell

And yes, before any of yous start, I have indeed put some rubber mats in it. No. This will not do.

Once the the brakes had cooled, they were absolutely spot on. Went the long way home and they were faultless even up and down all the countryside hills and dales. No dragging, no noise, just great pedal feel and excellent stopping. Greatly improved at the front and the back and I'm over the moon with how the car drives now. Big thanks to @Jimbob McGregor for getting the old G in top shelf fettle. Rides fantastic now. The Sxi having the SPROTSIER suspension and seats, you're really held in place when winding it out through the scenery.

Wolsingham Public Conveniences, 7/10. EXASPERATION SHIT completed, I bought some fresh friction cooland and called the river a cunt. Cunt.

Collected today and in fine fettle. Set off for home on a lovely summer day feeling great. I made it about 4 or 5 villages then beheld a great wailing from the osr. Like grinding. Combined with a smell I recall well enough. Right, that's it, I'm going for a toilet.

Dang it shut up Bobby.

Achievement unlocked. No EML.

Cooling fans still operate on speed one and on speed three so theres just the middle speed missing. Why? Who knows? Car stays cool on the road, in traffic and the fan kick in when running parked, so it's a head scratcher but not a massive concern.

It had a service light fault for one fan open circuit and a eml for LEAN running. Grabbed some fan relays from eBay Tried a whole PUZZLE of combinations of relay combinations and finally managed to get it from ONE fan open circuit failure, to TWO fan open circuit failures. FFS.

Timing belt inspected and declared FINE by professional and shopping list drawn up. After a front to back and a drive up and down the road, we decided on a nsf shock (was leaking and only slightly damping) a back box, front and back brake clean up and grease, alignment and hoover the Mr Kipling crumbs from the passenger seat. Verdict:

With that sorted, it was time for a run out to Weardale to see shitter extraordinaire @Jimbob McGregor for a good look over it on the ramp to see what the unseen delights on the dirty side were. Hup! Computer, track up and left. *Clicking noises* Computer, enhance. *Exhaust fart noises* Rotted through at the lowest point like one of them cars that's been sat still for a few years. Rest looked ok.

They have indeed literally been thrown into the river Wear. Not my favourite river, but it was the closest.

After a few days of just fucking driving it with that brake dragging and a socket stuck over a wheel nut, I decided to do what all red blooded males would do. I downloaded the grinder app and googled HOT MIDDLEAGED MEN IN MY AREA WHO TWIST YOUR NUTS FOR CASH. fantastic service. Whipped the other three locking nuts off within the hour for less than the price of a round of drinks.

Lol. Well that didn't work. Hammered it really hard too. But it just spins in place, doesn't bite, and is now firmly stuck.

As it's a tradition, an old charter and generally THE FUCKING LAW around here, we did consider hammering a slightly smaller socket over it. But there was on a slip ring collar on the locking bolt, so that wouldn't work.............. OR WOULD IT?!!? Maybe the smaller socket would crush the slip ring and bite. It's worth a go isn't it? Pam the dog was all for it so fuck yeah. Fetch the hammer.

On to the driver's side. Then the locking wheel nut key ate the locking wheel nut. So the drivers side wheel was going nowhere.

Luckily for me, there are shitters with greater skill and endeavour than me, who always seem keen on lending a hand. Step forward @Lacquer Peel who traveled far to aid the Astra's mobility. The brakes were attacked. Remove the drawer of win. Attach and grunt. Take photos so future generations can marvel at what we achieved. The passenger side cleaned up fine.

Well we left this on the naughty step, having a good long think about how it's behaved. I wasn't massively concerned. Sometimes I quite like GETTING THE BUS TO WORK.

Where the ven diagram meets, is where we play.

Yeah he said they normally only use that perticular wagon for really low sports cars with minimal ground clearance. So when he heard it was an Astra SXI, he knew he had to use the supercar wagon.

I bow to your superior automotive acronym knowledge sir.

Sport Xtra Injection aparently man. Vauxhall L = Lux LS = Lux Special GL = Grand Lux GLS = Grand Lux Sport SR = Sports Refinement SRi = Sports Refinement Injection SXi = Sports Xtra Injection GTE = Grand Touring Einspritz (German for Injection and probably spelt wrong) GSi = Grand Sport Injection CD = company Director CDX = Company Director Xtra (Or so says the internet)

I've no idea man. I didn't notice it till you pointed it out

Even still has the plastic cap covers on the wheel nuts to stop them getting dust on them. Which a hear can be very dangerous.