barefoot

You do know who I work for, right? And you are correct, getting through to speak to me will be your worst fucking nightmare.

My bay went to about one hundred & seventy-five thousand without needing a head rebuild. Everything else was about fucked though.

Ho Ho Ho

Ah yes, the common or garden flat four 1600cc lawnmower.

Sat outside the pub this evening and found myself momentarily distracted… The fair wife asked, ‘Were you looking at that woman?’ ’No’ says I, ‘ I was looking at her tits’ Amazingly I seemed to get away with it and continued… ’Sorry love, was she pretty? I was momentarily distracted by the firm swell of her unfettered young breasts’. Fucking got away with it again and life returned to normal. Proof that honesty is the best policy or what?

It's the headlining isn't it?

CS is Consort Sportival and CC is Consort Comfort?

Surely CD stand for Consort Diplomatique?

Nicely spaced at the ends. These can be tricky to get properly centred, you know.

I'm only laughing at the absurdity of the modern world, not you.

Surely this is the business opportunity of a lifetime? Folk will always keep on dying, all you need is half a dozen mates in suits & a faceache page advertising your competitively priced services.

Mend it yourself with a kit from ebay. Even I managed to make an invisible repair for about eight quid and there was enough left to do a second.

Me too, like a potential customer taking it for a spin.

Surely it would be covered by his trade insurance whilst on his trade plates?

MGBGTRV8?

Get a cat.

Now the little fucker has popped my luxury expanding & ultra convenient hose pipe.

And my fucking cat has punctured the paddling pool & pissed in it.

Multi Grump - What the fuck was this thread doing on page two? Are we not collectively as grumpy as we should be? A couple of weeks ago, my garage door handle snapped off. It's made from what used to be called monkey metal, something that I understand now has to be referred to as spelter. A few days passed by before I thought to order a replacement, beginning at £31 I soon found one for a tenner inc postage on ebay. Much to my amazement it turned up promptly and was the correct part. My mechanical skills are utter shite & it took another couple of days before I ventured out for a look at the garage, but by simply unbolting an 8mm bolt & pulling a split pin, I successfully removed the old unit. Would the new fucker go through the slot that the old one had come out of? Would it fuck as like. More grumbling ensued, a cup of tea later and in temper I phoned the first apparently* local garage door repairer that the internet offered. https://gdfcastledonington.co.uk/garage-door-automatic-opener-repair.php Cheery woman answered, 'Yes, we'll have a chap out this very afternoon, he'll give you a quote & can do the work there & then'. Alarm bells began to ring. Phone rang at 15:00 & a bloke announced that my fitter would be there within the hour & he was, a nice bloke who had a look and told me he'd phone the office who would call straight back with a price... Ring ring, "Well sir, with the VAT it comes to one oh eight'. 'ONE HUNDRED & EIGHT POUNDS', I ejaculated! "I'd have given you forty or even fifty at a push but you are taking the piss" I hung up & went back out to speak to the lad in the van, I apologised for wasting his time & thanked him for coming so promptly. The fair wife then emerged from the house with the phone, she told me there was a bloke on the phone wanting to do a deal. "I was going to offer you a special deal, but you hung up on me". "Yes, and I'm going to hang up on you again". About five minutes later, the lad in the van knocked at my door and said, "Although I can't re-connect the cable, I could refit the handle for you & you might like to give me a tip, but technically I won't have completed the job so it won't go against the terms of my contract'. I gave him a couple of tenners & he connected the cable as well. Apparently you simply have to bend a bit of the original garage door bracings. Chancing bastards - and their Trustpilot page appears to have gone AWOL.

Problems with Adrian Flux, eh?

Were they 13 inch, like what racing cars used to wear in the 1980's?

Why is it not on a Q plate?

Had another shit?

I'm not being funny, but how many times have you taken a shit this morning and what did you have for breakfast?

Think £7 for a drink was bad, how about a large Yorkshire pudding filled with sausages, chips & gravy for £15.50? Or a pizza which came in a 10/12 inch box and when opened revealed a 7 inch Asda style microwave pizza for about £12? I realise these vendors have to make their money, but the price for a pitch must be astronomical. At least the pedestrian entrance was back where it should be by Coppice Corner. Last year we had to walk down through the car park, right down to the bottom of the hill where the entrance led us across the track at McLaine's before we had to trudge all the way back up the fucking hill, cross the track again to emerge by the exhibition centre where the arena entrance was. Highlights included Slipknot, a young woman wearing a fishnet top with crosses of black insulating tape covering her nipples and a particularly cool looking young man wearing leopard skin leggings, a slash sleeve T shirt and a head band. He stopped directly in front of us, put four paper pint pots of Red bull down on the ground, tousled his hair, phoned some people, tousled his hair some more before turning round & kicking over two of his drinks. Bearing in mind that I've had to buy a smartphone to put my £110 day ticket on, and can only take in an A4 sized bag with no alcohol, my days of visiting the festival on my doorstep are over.