michael t

No. I've actually never heard of it, please elaborate before I panic!!

Oh, so that INCREDIBLY annoying wiper squeak is actually a worn bush. Mine does exactly the same thing and it's infuriating. I'd assumed it was the shit Hellfrauds wiper blades I'd bought

Following on from my Clio thread I thought I'd update all you wonderful people on the other shitters on the fleet. First up is my wonderfully mediocre K11 Micra. I started a new job back in the summer which involved a significantly longer commute than my previous place of employment. At the time I was dailying a 2001 Volvo V40 1.8 (auto, petrol. More on this later) which was rather thirsty on fuel and therefore crippling me financially. To try and preserve my monies I decided to invest in a smaller, more economical motor. I perused the small ads and online cesspit sites and came across this rather clean (from a distance, of about 13 miles) K11 Micra. The reassuring online reviews that promised OMGLOTSRELIABLES & OMGLOWPETTYCOSTS convinced me to take a trip to Greystones in Co. Wicklow, about 30 mins from Dublin. On arrival I realised it was a little less clean than I had originally believed but seemed ok in all the right places. The brief test drive did nothing to disparage such thoughts and after handing over just €550 it was mine. It's NCT'd/MOT'd until next May and was taxed for another two weeks. Serious bargain territory considering used cars now usually command one of any body part you have two of. The drive home was uneventful, as was the next few weeks of 90 miles per day motoring. Its relatively comfortable, reasonably roomy and the visibility is excellent. Despite only being a 1L petrol it's pretty nippy and stops on a sixpence. It sips fuel like Bear Grylls conserving his own piss and being absolutely vry smoll means I can park it almost anywhere. Now this is usually where such threads take a turn for the worse, and this thread is no excep/ actually it is because thankfully it's been absolutely faultless. Apart from needing (rather desperately) a service, new auxiliary belts and a cabin filter it has handled 500 miles per week impeccably. The gearbox is gradually dying and gets stiffer the longer the journey. Especially in low gears. It needs a new front driver's side tyre and the tracking is a little off. The radiator has a very slow leak and so an occasional topping up of coolant is required. But hey for €550 I ain't complaining. More mediocre Micra content shall follow in due course.

Yeah I've heard that's a common fault. It's my next port of call once I've re-tried the relay. Thanks for the heads up

I'm Louth. Where abouts are you?

Thanks everyone for the helpful comments. It turns out it was a flat battery. I really should've guessed so beforehand but it drove a good 60 miles home and didn't miss a beat so presumed the battery was fully charged. Anyhow I jump started it and BINGO! The Clio lives. The indicators still don't work and I've been chatting naff French via Google Translate on FB Marketplace to try and secure a replacement hazard relay. This is currently a 'work in progress'. Here's a quick update on the state of Clio play...

Update time, and it's not necessarily good news. Unless you hate old Clio's of course.. Before I go into any negativity here's the link to the collection calamity which actually turned out to be wonderfully straight forward and uneventful. Now the bad stuff. Ever since I purchased the little shitter the indicators have been faulty. They either work absolutely perfectly or not at all. Over recent weeks it's been 'not at all'. I figured it was likely a dodgy flasher relay and so I replaced it. Predictably this easy and cheap fix did nothing to solve the problem. I then disconnected the battery, reconnected it (positive first etc..) which has now rendered the car immobile. I suppose this serves me, a complete car electronics novice, right. Does anybody have any idea what might be wrong? It tries to fire but just dies almost instantly. Hopefully the below video portrays this..

Thanks everyone for the comments. The weather here has been utterly appalling since I purchased it last Sunday. I've only really had an hour or two to take a better look at it. I briefly got the indicators/hazards working by jigging about a relay in the fuse box. They worked for about a day before dying again. I'm a complete car electrics novice but I'm pretty sure it's a dodgy relay as it ticks briefly before stopping. Does anybody know which relay controls the indicators/hazards? The first video is also up on YouTube - More Clio ramblings to come over the weekend!

Hi all, It's been quite a while since I ventured on here to post anything. Not at all a reflection of this wonderful place, more on the general busy-ness of all things life. For anybody who follows the mundane mutterings of CrapCarCollective you'll be well accustomed to the array of old shitters I've purchased over the last couple of years. My latest purchase however is considerably shitter than most. It is the 'infamous' Bray Clio. This little munter is well known to any Irish old car fanatics, especially those of a Dublin/Wicklow regionality. I first spotted it back in 2017 and immediately wanted it. The lack of wheel trims, the differing shades of blue, the dents, the scratches. Perfection. I wandered past it again in 2021 and earlier this year which is when I decided to leave a note. I heard nothing back and with its NCT (Irish MOT) having expired in May I naturally feared the worst. That was until my phone rings in early October. It was a pleasant lady offering me the shiters chance of a lifetime. A shonky Renault Clio with more battle scars than Simon Weston? Yes bloody please! A price was agreed, and I collected it last Sunday. The weather was rather fitting for such a momentously mediocre event, lashing rain and gusty winds. The drive home was exceptionally uneventful. The 1.2 petrol powerplant under the frontally hinged bonnet ushers it along adequately and it seems well able to keep up with modern motorway traffic albeit stunted by the hideous weather conditions. The interior is relatively clean and almost everything seems to work. The radio head unit has been nicked as has the interior light lens in an apparent attempt to disable the immobiliser. Any old Clio owner will know to run for the hills if theirs is equipped with a sunroof. The ridiculous placement of the immobiliser until directly in front of it means that when they inevitably leak it does so directly into the electronic gizmos. Thankfully this particular example is without a sunroof which should prevent any moist electricals and all the fun* that brings. The interior door handles are cracked and so replacements will be needed. It has front electric windows. The time in which it takes to wind them back up can only be measured accurately with a calendar. The oil level dial on the dash works fine with the ignition on but dies once on the move (videos online suggest this is actually normal). The clutch is a little high, but the gear change is smooth. The seats are wonderfully comfortable and hold you securely whilst cornerning. It failed its NCT on an exhaust leak and the airbag warning light which is constantly on. I also suspect another lighting issue, but the previous owner has misplaced the failure sheet.. It's booked in for a retest, but I may cancel and concentrate on getting it right during the winter. I'd hate to subject it salty roads. It deserves more. Also, whilst driving home the indicators and hazards failed. There's no ticking noise or lights on the dash so I suspect a possible relay failure? Anybody got any ideas? I'm a little busy with work at the moment so I'll try and post updates whenever possible. Let me know what you think!!

I can confirm these are awesome little machines

Time for an update… This little Korean buzzbox has really exceeded my expectations (which were fairly low to begin with). Thankfully no major mechanical issues so far and she’s extremely frugal on Kuwaits finest distilled… In fact things had been (yes past tense..) so well that life was actually getting a little dull. The Atoz fulfils the ‘car’ brief absolutely perfectly but just lacks that exciting/intriguing spark that I’m after, oh and I’d spotted something pretty damn grotty online that piqued my interest. The potential €500 bill for the belts and oil leaks didn’t help either. I sold her to a friend for a little less than I was ideally prepared to accept but the knowledge she was going to a good home and a decent owner convinced me. Chod Speed in the name of the shite cause little Hyundai. We may meet again some day.

Wonderful purchase, absolutely wonderful. Good Luck with it!!

These are superb! Wud by agen 12/10

I received mine in the post yesterday and I’m delighted with them. No shite old car is complete without one of these! Wud by agen 12.34/10. GR9 product

Alright shiters? Atoz/Amica update.... After around 500 miles and 3 weeks of ownership I’m delighted to report that all is well with the mighty shitebox™️. I’ve been daily-ing it for most of that time driving it to and from work (15 mile round trip) and for general journeys and boredom alleviating spins. So far she hasn’t missed a beat and despite the various rattles and crashy ride quality I haven’t developed tinnitus or a bad back (yet...). The aforementioned poor brakes have actually improved slightly, or at least my perception of them has. The seller advised that new brake pads had been fitted but without receipts or ANY service history I assumed this to be a falsehood, the seller though did seam a reasonable chap. The car isn’t without issue though. The steering geometry needs correcting as even with the wheels set dead straight the steering wheel sits at a rather pronounced angle. It has also developed a slight* oil leak from the sump, I’m hoping though that this will be a cheap fix (??). These though are relatively minor issues which will be sorted in the near future. Earlier in the thread I had claimed to have eradicated the Scent Du OAP from the interior. Although it now smells a lot better there is still a lingering pensioner odour that persists. I suppose it adds to the cars character... Anyhow without further delay.. Images...