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    Abandoned in deep space
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    Tea. Biscuits.


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jakebullet's Achievements

Rank: Renault 16

Rank: Renault 16 (7/12)



  1. The Mrs's uncle died. Are we going to the funeral? No! Nobody has invited* me. It's Friday 2:30pm, they've put it on bookface. Still not going, I've not been invited. Ok, your call. Turns out that it could have been the best plan. His daughter decided to milk it for likes* Photos of hearse. N a video of the convoy shot from the family car. Bonus points for recycling the flowers by changing the card and dumping them on a different relative's grave. Stay classy!
  2. Seen a roadman* come out of one of the maisonettes near Mrs's flat wearing a balaclava, walking up the road looking in all the parked cars. Not remotely suspicious there you chav wanker.
  3. Hazel across the street went out for a meal at a pub. When she walked in she heard a familiar screeching, Mrs from cunts next door. She was very drunk and rowdy. 20 minutes later Mrs CND is punching a man in the head for spilling her pint. Landlord throws her out with your barred. Mrs. CND gets in the range rover sport, loads up her children and speeds off into the night. So Hazel, what did the cops say when you reported her for drink drive? Oh, I didn't report it because I didn't know the number to ring. DOH!!!!!!
  4. Skools must be on strike. Have a basic program: 10 screech "Gi-oooooooorRRRRRR" 20 delay(random(10)) 30 screech "For FUCKS sake" 40 increase volume 50 delay(random(5)) 60 goto 10
  5. So... once the timelord mystery is solved, which shitter has the renault 5 from the "It's grim up north" video? E792XGT, on sorn
  6. Ma was talking to Hazel across the street. Hazel is a big fan of cunts next door due to their habit of parking 2mm away from her car to intimidate her. Well a bit back CND bought his n hers range rover sports, which are of course top quality cars and never break down. Turns out the one 2mm from Hazel's bumper is fucked and doesn't run. So she has CND hammering on her door to move her car so he can get it on a pikey recovery truck. What a shame she was suddenly hard of hearing and didn't hear a thing. Took them quite a long time to push it up hill to be able to get it out and on the truck. She waits till they're strapping it down and strolls out and drives away.
  7. Totally a legit bargain* Not stolen. Original 1961 vin plate. Swapz for other stolen stuff.
  8. Do you get bonus points for moar colours? Only had 10 previous owners on the series 2a, but 4 previous colours. & 2 different fuels. (derv > pez).
  9. Finally spotted a single matching alloy for the disco on evilbay. £65 delivered. Turned up and the wheel is perfect, and has a zero miles michelin on it. Seller had guff about it being only for emergency spare use as 2011 dated. Which is fine as I only want it for a spare, but wouldn't hesitate to use it, there's no sign of deterioration at all, and can't see 11 years of being mounted but not used causing it to be dangerous.
  10. Just realised Ma's been doing her special skill of "The sideation" again while I was away at the weekend. That's her word for throwing things away that don't belong to her / she thinks are worthless / old / doesn't know purpose of, to make space for super valuable* things to be stored in the original items place. So there's a box of old crap* relating to my (rather dead) father gone. In it's place there's a fine collection of 99% empty aerosol cans, and some VHS tapes of "Catherine Cookson's really miserable Tyneside tales". Be handy if we ever want to waterproof 1/10th of a shoe while reminding ourselves that Sean Bean should not attempt accents.
  11. Spotted an expensive fail today. Tesla with AA van in attendance. I know nothing about electric cars, but I'd diagnose it was something to do with the recharging plug and 3 foot of broken cable hanging from it.
  12. As usual we went to the BP station for coffee yesterday. The nice older bloke was serving, so we grabbed a box of chocs and gave them to him for crimbo. For reasons unknown the BP app decided to give us £6 of bonus points, so a cheap do.
  13. Had a lovely cunt next door free silent day, as they fucked off somewhere in the pikey truck. Except they came back 10 minutes ago, and it's now screaming / crying child with Mr. Cunt shouting "you fucking bastard" and slamming doors. Guess such child rearing techniques did him no harm....
  14. There is no valid reason for them to be upping the cunt stakes. Hazel actively avoids them as she's afraid. It's chav bullying.
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