Station

Two of my mates worked in a guitar shop in Liverpool (Micro Music), they used to get a slightly unhinged lad in who was starting to play the guitar.
He bought a small guitar amp and two weeks later came in saying the amp no longer works. They took the back off the amp and found he had removed all the wiring and circuitry and had wired up a 100 watt bulb to make the amp louder. At least one of my mates involuntarily remarked 'Haha'.

I've been waiting months to use this image:
 

One year to the day I crashed this beast I fixed everything! Hurrah!! Not a single dent or chip on the body (apart from the bonnet but I'll get that done by a pro).
 

 

 

 

 

 
Extremely pleased with it and shows what you can do if you just work at it.

Here's some pics yo! I don't claim to be a pro at this at all, so this was a learning process for me and if I do something like this again, there's things I will and won't do.
 

 

 
I cut across the narrowest part of the door shut panel as I thought it would be easier to weld and to avoid cracking of filler from the impact, it meant cutting through undamaged metal, but it was a risk I thought I'd take.
 

 
I just put the panel onto the overlap of the cut out part, clamped it all down, and then cut straight through it. I had to tack weld it several times to get everything lined up correctly, really stressful that bit.
 

 
I think this was as straight as I was going to get it:
 

 

 
There was dust everywhere:
 

 
I painted it literally straight after and you can see the dents in the rear wing.
 

I bet he kept saying once it's off his driveway 'I don't want nuffin to do wiv it', double negatives 'n' all.
 
I contacted V8Scania about this, but there was an hour left on the ebay auction, and I thought that was it. He said if he gets let down by the buyer, he'll contact me. And sure enough, he was let down by the buyer (saying that he could only travel 20 miles due to 'sickness'). I travelled to Kettering station (which is only about 40 miles from work, but the train took me to Birmingham New Street, then to Leicester, and then to Kettering - a three hour journey, and over 100 miles!).
My dad has been going on for a while about one of these (he had two - both were handed down to me), so after missing out on one for sale recently, this would probably be my last chance to get one.
It needs a clutch (these go for around 20 pounds on ebay - which I've just bought ) and a few interior bits tidying up, but made the 40 miles home no trouble.
There's hardly any rust. Does anyone know what colour these are?
 

 

 

 

I did lose a key for the crooklok on my Micra. After cutting it off with help from heavy hitting WtClaim, I found the key in my MR2.
Can anyone with a Micra check under seats for a Disklok key?

Not too sure, there is salad cream everywhere! Starting to make me hungry to be honest.
 
There's no turning back now!

Sorry.
 

Yes, the bottom of the body is a load of crap. I found out why the petrol cap surround goes. You can put your hand inside the arch and feel the cavity, which is usually full of mud and further amounts of chunks of thin metal which has departed from the rest of the car. The wheel flicks all the stuff off the road about a foot into this area, what a bunch of idiots Ford are.
 
Incidentally, has anyone not had a metal car ramp either rocket off away from the car as soon as the wheel touches it, or somehow insert itself into the sill, -behind- the wheel?
 

 
Needlesstosay, it went straight through as this is a Ford Ka.
 
Also these things:
 

 
The very rusty backbox gave way before I managed to get it off the other hook. Slathered with grease, they're easy to get on, but if they've been on for a while they are a frigging nightmare to remove:
 
 
 
What do they make exhaust pipes from? Dare I say it, the same metal as they make Ford Ka's from? Must be the worst, cheapest kind of metal available.
 

 
I bought this used exhaust pipe from Nottingham (50 mile diversion driving home from work) for £7.50 after weighing up paying 60 quid for a complete one, or £10 on diesel. The bloke had a big handlebar moustache and came out in just his undies and must've weighed 28 stone. I wanted to take a good photo of him for you all, but I fear he may killed me.
 

 
I had to stick it to the roof of my Astra estate as I couldn't believe how long exhaust pipes are. It's like it came off a Cadillac Eldorado.
It was strapped down well as I conveniently had a load of bungee cords in the boot and it didn't move an inch, but it whistled like a recorder all the way home.
 
Lastly brake shoes - horrible job from start to finish:
 

 
TBH, the rest of the car is superb (handling, engine, interior), I can't fault anything about it really.

I remember someone in the mid 90's with a blue Astra mk2 - the thing I remember was the steering wheel rubber had been picked completely off!
 
Also getting bladdered at a free bar while working for Sony in 1997, getting a taxi home through the Mersey Tunnel, vomitting at the toll gate, doing a runner, and have the police chase me. I was told this, I can't remember a thing. That was in a Granada.

I'm very guilty of that, even unwittingly exposing my poor parents to several hours of the stuff through double glazed windows. Both neighbours have moved out in the past 6 months, it might be down to this.

Episode 3
 
Skoda Favorit
 
"I wonder who's going to reviewing this then?"
 

 
"Surprise Surprise! It's Chris Goffey!"
 

 
"The diminutive Skoda handles beautifully when taken at a leisurely pace around B-roads"
 

 
"The HUD, the 'head up display', provides relevant information about the distance per set time you are travelling, and a handy clock, to tell you the time with ... "
 

 
"The gearchange is smooth, once the fluid is warmed up ..."
 

 
"Fuck! I took that a bit quick then!"
 

 

 
"The velour fabric seats provide amply support to the buttocks, while offering little to no support to the lumbar area, thanks to it's hardcore filling ..."
 

 
"The cheap plastic will no doubt be ripped off by a stray exitting knee, however they offer adequate storage for first aid kit, Fisherman's Friend lozenges, compass ..."
 

 
"I've fucking broke it!"
 

 
Boring crap about motorcycle safety, featuring the knock-eyed feller from the unleaded article
 

 
More boring, pointless, yet mandatory shite about old, obsolete, specialist cars (was there ever an episode without them?)
 

 
Interesting, but 'nothing new' article about stolen cars
 
"There's one thing about all these cars ... apart from all being Ford ... they're all stolen ..."
 

 
"This Stanza has had a new engine - a very likely sign it's been clocked."
 

 
"This ones been chopped in half - that means it's going to completely break in half when you're driving it!"
 

 
"Look out for little things, like a missing fuel cap. This is a sign, the car is stolen!"
 

 
"Always arrange to meet in a public place - like this elderly lady's front garden ... "
 

 
More shit on motorsport
 

 
"I'm so angry"
 

 
"Is that an XM between the mk1 Transit and the blue Toledo?"
 

Resetting the trip counter by putting my arm through the steering wheel on a bend.
Anyone who has done this will know the outcome.

Resetting the trip counter by putting my arm through the steering wheel on a bend.
Anyone who has done this will know the outcome.

I think the most likely explanation is that it has fallen off some time ago, and the engineers just haven't noticed it.

"I've removed the engine and gearbox but the car is complete" - I've removed the engine and gearbox but the car is complete, apart from all the useful stuff I've removed that you won't know about until you get home and find out, which I will then put on eBay, as I'm a crafty shit, also I haven't simply unplugged a connector, I've cut it off. On the car side of course. Oh, I also took the wipers as spares.
 
There's also woodscrews and scotchblocks present.

Groved brake discs
 
It's GROOVED you idiot.

I used to love doing this.
I bought a FILTHY 300ZX, had been owned by previous for 20 years and the latter years used to take two alsations to the park.
 

 
A few days cleaning and polishing:
 

 
Gaffer taped the rusty wing as I could find another one.
I loved this car!

It's a Munter Fromage GX.

Imagine the horrors of complete engine failure because the windscreen wiper got jammed on a twig.

Imagine the horrors of complete engine failure because the windscreen wiper got jammed on a twig.

Have we missed somebody?
 

 
Simon Cunting Cowell! This block headed ball bag was lucky enough to have a daddy as an executive for BMG, and shot him from the mailroom to head ofg A&R within a year. I know there was a lot of shite in the charts in the 80's, but at least it was listenable in a way, but this cunt and his cocksucking bretheren are the reason we are wading through 100% cock in the charts, and the reason decent artists are dropped in favour of a copycat quick money making spin. I would happily pay £1000 to watch him be burnt at the stake.

Yeah, I've sold about 7 through that very car park, probably equating to a rough total of  250 pounds.

I have a photo of me passed out in a gutter after drinking too much, I look exactly like that Cortina.

Aren't they called 'Fate -O' tyres?
 
Best name ever is Manlung.