Parky

That’s good that. The purple one is suitable for mine (VW/Audi/Seat/Skoda) and listed at £27 on the Asda site so a tidy saving

Its all looking very Edd China over there. I am assuming you are wearing a short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve t-shirt and are about to break out the contact adhesive?

Well it seems that despite providing national insurance details, passport numbers, driving licence info, company director information and Experian references, HMRC are unable to positively identify me and therefore can’t give me my state pension forecast. They can positively identify how much money I owe them though. Funny that...

Chips were invented by famed designer Chip Foose while he was restyling a potato.

Admin. I don’t mind a bit of admin but sometimes red tape makes no sense. Utilities. I want to change my power tariff. Happy to stay with my provider but I want the one they offer on uSwitch which isn’t on their website. Nope, you have to close your account with us and open a new one. Why not just give me the new tariff? Nope, can’t, won’t, we shall not. Just why? Water. Hello, I am in credit and would like a refund of the (not insubstantial) balance as the cash is of more use to me in my account, what with it being mine and all. Anyone would think I just asked the man to convert my Cat into solid gold. Does he really think my water consumption is likely to double in the next six months? Pension. Nope, we don’t have your pension anymore, it’s with someone else. Here is their address. No we can’t give you a number for them. Or a website. I have to send a letter. What is this, 1981? i really don’t think I am asking for very much to be honest. Plus all my internet, broadband, printer connectivity seems to be sodding about this morning and things that just worked last night don’t want to this morning. Next up - state pension update. I bet I don’t exist or something stupid like that. Mind you if that’s the case that will mean that all my taxes are surely refundable. Let’s go see.....

The Chinese version of the Elk test is called “Dissident re-education test”

William Woollard developed a new type of hard wearing wool but was unable to call it “Wool-hard” owing to consumer confusion between TV presenters and yarn

Derek “Red Robbo” Robinson, legendary BL shop steward used to be responsible for naming the colours of the cars. “Blaze” was originally named Red Robbo after him, but this was overruled by Michael Edwardes, BL chief who was a notorious arsonist

Think about it. Ten francs for a wheel nut. Have four less per car. Multiply that across a million cars and suddenly M.Le Patrons mistress has a nice pad in St.Tropez and as much Campari Soda as a seventies stereotype can handle

I was hell bent on buying a diesel Leon when I got mine in 2008 until I did the maths and realised I would need to do 30000 miles a year to justify the extra outlay. Not an issue on a second hand but for £500 you are in 15 year old Astra and Focus territory with interstellar mileage as we all know. Warranty? Service history? Yeah, get someone else to find something as even if you did find a car that was a perfect fit you just know you will be responsible if a bulb blows six months down the track. Well swerved

Can I also thank you all for your comments and sympathies, they all meant a lot at a very stressful time. Just wanted you all to know it is thoroughly appreciated, every one of you.

Went back to work yesterday. Probably a bit too soon. Drove to Peterborough and did a meeting which was fine, drove back after. However forgot I had a second meeting in Huntingdon so managed to rearrange that but surprised I did that, first time in 20 years.... Went to office, felt odd, bit weak, sweaty, etc. Got through the day, made it home. Last night another flare up. Been awake all night in agony, but have been sick (a lot) this morning and feel a lot better. Still feel like I have been trampled by a load of cows so fucked today off as I am still not quite right. Thank god it’s the weekend. Should have taken yesterday off and returned for an easy transition today instead. Really need to start facing the fact I am 46 not 26 and because the steroids make me feel invincible, I really am not! Repair place did an initial assessment of the car and it’s actually not as bad as first thought. The impact missed the key structural stuff and it doesn’t appear to be out of whack (laser jig will confirm but the guys are confident it’s actually alright). Estimate of £7000 repair and three weeks to do it. Assessor amazed I was unhurt, everyone seems to be. I bloody am! They have been really fastidious and identified a couple of parking dink’s I didn’t know about so they are being attributed as part of the damage and sorted for free. Nice one. Am gradually letting it go as have been driving myself insane reliving it over and over and considering “what ifs?” and that sort of thing. I can now see exactly how the guy lost it, and why he overcorrected so much. Basically he slid on a wet manhole cover and as he corrected the road surface changed to a dry one as it went under an underpass - his tyres suddenly had grip on the dry road explaining how it snapped back so violently. I didn’t think of that at the time. Little things help me make sense of it. Poor sod wasn’t expecting the car to spin, just did what comes naturally (dab of oppo) and after that he could have gone anywhere. He had his kid in the car, it could have been a high speed head on with something else, or a rollover. Two fucked cars, three unfucked humans, I think we will call that a win and draw a line under it now.

Am awake at 3.30am, large doses of steroids and ravishing hunger after three days nil by mouth will do that to a man. Depressions back. Events of the last few days have put me on a high speed trajectory towards the ground but booked some therapy last night which my company medical pay for 100%. Amazing. Folk who say my car will be written off, i think you are right. The passenger door is proud of the rest of the car even though it is shut tight so I think the car is slightly bent. Still can’t work out why I took the Mini and not my own car, and the series of very odd events on the journey towards the accident, each one delaying me just a little more each time as if it was going to happen anyway. Watched the side impact NCAP crash test for the latest Mini and it is EXACTLY what happened to me. Damage, airbag behaviour, even the fuel filler popping open, all identical. Don’t know why I am compelled to keep watching it. Seeing the same in a Seat Leon makes me realise I definitely would have been more badly hurt had i taken my own car I dunno, shock, steroids, hunger, general misery plus a load of other shit in my life right now I kind of feel like a stuck cd, the track is just bouncing off the same note and I can’t skip to the next track. Nearly weekend, just survive today and tomorrow and a lovely weekend will help I am sure.

Reckon I will be a write off at this rate. Back in the hospital. Went to work Monday morning despite the pain in the neck and shoulders. For the first time in my life I was scared being in a car, every other car on the road was just there to wipe me out. A Merc pulled a ridiculous undertaking move on me, stopped over across two lanes forcing someone else to emergency brake who nearly swerved into me and with that I stopped on the hard shoulder and had a cry. Cancelled my appointments and drove home slowly on side roads. Developed incredible stomachache, as a Crohns sufferer I an prone to having problems when in stressful situations. Pain got worse and worse until A&E was the only option as Morphine is the only thing that works during a proper flare up. Came in at 8pm last night, got the morphia at 6am and that was only because the third doctor i spoke to took me seriously enough to check my records which clearly say “man is Crohns sufferer, is to be given morphia upon demand” despite being in crippling pain for the ten hours I was here (as well as the ten hours before coming in) So haven’t slept for a couple of days, haven’t eaten since Saturday night, am heavily medicated in hospital. Mrs P didn’t actually give a shit about the car, when she heard what happened and saw that it wasn’t my fault she just shrugged it off. Got the hire car yesterday (Black 5 door mini) and ours is being picked up by their insurer Thursday. I am assuming my insurance company is aware of all this happening. Very angry with the other driver. Yes, shit happens and at least nobodies seriously hurt but i am dosed up on morphia in hospital with a wrecked car on my drive. He was unhurt and yes his car was wrecked but he will be at work having a normal life right now. Not fucking fair. Just because he can’t control a car in the wet my life gets fucked about with. Standing there shrugging his shoulders saying “ah well, one of those things!” Cunt.

Cheers, quite pleased about it myself!