The Blue Lumiere!

But hey, that's capitalism. The church was invented to make capitalism work better. It'd be ironic if it wasn't, you know, diseased and hideous.

Feeling you brother. Up in the Western Isles and highlands, the Free Presbytarian Kirk or WTF they call themselves. The "wee frees", as they're known have a slogan: 'Keep The Sabbath Special'. I made up my own slogan, as a witty retort: 'Fuck off back to the seventeenth century ya shower of fuckin' knob jockeys'. Bit wordy, maybe. Needs PR work.Their ministers get paid, I'm guessing, to work on Sundays. I'd love one of them to take a coronary and go: "Phone an ambulance!" and have his enraged flock kick him to death for being a heretic then the ambulance to come and the crew on time and 3/4 plus overtime mopping them up.And for lightning to knock the fuckin' steeple down, right into the minister's Audi.

Ah, well you see apparently if they didn't scribble 'serving suggestion' on the packet, you can legally expect the company to supply everything else in the photo other than the product you just bought. In your case you'd be able to write to the salad cream guys and DEMAND a bit of manky lettuce and a tomato. My favourite is the cornflakes packet - how else do you eat cornflakes t'other than with a bowl?Oh, and in case you were wondering, this message was composed in a protective environment."TIME TROUSER", Sept 08:".....as comedy, worldwide, was quite simply stood upon it's head when it was noticed that the serving suggestions on food packaging tended to illustrate the most obvious method of serving the food contained therein........if I could walk that way, would I be buying an athletic support, I countered..........the Englishman, Irishman and Welshman's replies notwithstanding, I said...."

I thought they'd already done that and it ends up in Kent.It'll just end up a total fiasco, like the whole 'Mini Cheddars' thing. Look: Those are NOT Cheddars, of any size. They are pub snacks, like Tescos Cheese Savouries or Victoria Wine's own brand 'Cheese Snips', and they have been fashioned to resemble a very small cheese flavoured snack cracker. It's grotesque.When Dr Alexander Fleming noticed the unsightly mould which had grown on the petrie dish he'd left unwashed overnight, he immediately thought: "This could quite easily be formed into small, bitesize morsels and sold in public houses as Cheese Moments and Scampi Fries". He did not think it could somehow be marketed as some kind of miniaturised version of an already popular savoury snack item. No, he immediately contacted the girl with the bakelite headset at the hospital reception and told her: "Munich, long distance. I must speak urgently with doktor Klaus KitKat Chunky!"

You sound uncannily like a bloke I know called Tom. He comes out with bizarre ideas like that GM stuff. I mean really - I think he did too much acid back in the 60's and left his mind in a Black Hole somewhwere - talking of which - is anyone concerned by this experiment in France to create mini Black Holes?Of course. That bloke you know called Tom had quite slipped my mind there!And fair play to you for working in the phrase "too much acid back in the 60s"! Fab gear. I bet his hair's so long you can't tell if he's a boy or a girl and he listens to that bleedin' jungle music where you can't hear the words and there's never a tune you can dance to......

1300 ohc? Do you mean Pinto engines? Can't be many of them, anywhere. They DO happen, though. When I was working as a mechanic, around 1990, we took in a Sierra to fit a timing belt to it. It was badged 'L'. We took it be a 1600. When the belt we ordered didn't fit, we wondered 'Could it be a 2.0? Surely not?' I drove the car in question up to the factors, to get another belt. While doing so I could feel that it was definitely not a 2 litre. We were amazed, after checking the engine number, to find it was a 1300cc Pinto. What in the name of god is the point of that? The 1600 wasn't even really up to the task of hauling a motor the size of a Sierra. I remember (though I never met one) that Capris could be had with 1300cc engines. Were they Pintos? Or were they Essex crossflows? Whatever they were it can't have been much of a 'pin you to the seat' experience

What does that mean?

I quite like that. That would look like a bit of a brute if it's wheels and it's tail pipe weren't so comically small.....

These strips were originally developed by General Motors in the early '60s. They were intended not for discharging static and reducing motion sickness, but to enable motorists to manipulate the very fabric of the universe; to bend time and space and allow cars to travel into other, previously undreamt of dimensions.When a Chevrolet Ordinaire, equipped with the first prototype of the strip was hurled into a hole in the space-time continuum which GM had built outside Dire City, Michigan, engineers were dismayed when it was hurled back 20 minutes later. The test driver was alive, but hopelessly addicted to heroin, mobile phones and criminal compensation claims. He had, however, suffered no noticeable signs of motion sickness and the car was bafflingly free of static electricity.The test driver's name? Patrick Halford Hopkirk......

Touche.

I'm sure I used to work with that fella. We used to let him have first shout on the overtime when he was saving up for his operation....

It's got me stumped, too. It was published in The Swinging Pocketwatch: Official Trade Journal Of The Guild Of British Stage Hypnotists. I turned up for my anger management class and I was told it was cancelled. I went mental and wrecked the joint.

Ooooh, Taunus. In brown. Classy.Does anyone else think the Taunus looks like the mkIII Cortina AND the mkIV, at the same time?Just me, then..

I dunno, for a 'non news' story, it's generated a healthy two pages full of debate.When I wrote my article "Why Cancer, Fascism, Cruelty To Animals And Slum Landlords Are All Absolutely Brilliant", no one even read it!

"It's paint."