anonymous user

Unless it's on a Sunday as the DVLA computer has time off.

Remind me, are we still on revision four of the booklet? That came out as "I'm dreadfully upset old bean, you really shouldn't extract the micturition"

The real idiot wouldn't have waited for the angle grinder to stop spinning and would be taking their severed fingers to hospital in a bag of frozen peas. I know someone who did this but with a bandsaw, trying to reach past it while it was going, same person managed to build his hearing aid into the garden wall (took it out when he was working and put it on the wall that he was constructing and laid a bed of stone over it) and another time his top set if teeth fell in the cesspool (he'd put them in his shirt pocket so that he wouldn't lose them and they fell out of his pocket into the tank when he was trying to replace the cover)

The Berlina is such a lovely shape, I know just about everyone else prefers the coupe, but they're just wrong

Dear Mr Delmonti, we apologise for the inconvenience but it appears we neglected to include the hairnet translation booklet in your welcome pack. Unfortunately this is beyond our control as the translator is currently recovering from stressful anxiety and dyslexia following his attempt at the tooSavvy booklet and the printers have gone on strike

There is a growl with them shut (which they are most of the time) if you operate the switch to open them it sounds like a Nascar escapee

This one is too early to have the shutting off thing on it. I need to recalibrate my head when driving it as it is going quicker than I think some of the time. I have got the spare key working with a new battery and ordered a new key shell as the buttons are manky on that one. I will need to get the radio/cd/sat-nav fixed or replaced as it's not working properly and will only pick up radio1, which I am 30 years too old for. I've been out wasting petrol, the nasty growl it makes is addictive. I need a bigger wallet to keep all the petrol receipts in.

And let that be a lesson not to park near a railway sidings

On my way home this morning I saw a semi-reverse stanced Qashqai, obviously unintentional, it was on a trailer, the bodywork was undamaged but both wheels on the passenger side were sticking out at the top and in at the bottom. Not sure how you'd achieve that the only thing I could think was slamming into a kerb sideways.

Finally home, it does fit on the drive and I managed not to reverse it into my mate's Mini. (Reversing up the slope for the first time in an automatic was interesting) The verdict so far, it's quite comfortable, bar the hard plastic on the door armrest and centre console which made my elbow hurt. The car reminded me of something and I finally worked out it is a Rover P5B. It's fine on the motorway but feels very big on minor roads. It has a daft contraption fitted with electrically operated exhaust bypass valves. Apart from wanting to try to wake the dead, I'm not sure what you'd use it for. Still not quite sure why I bought it, it's probably wasted on me, but I'll hopefully have a bit of fun with it for a while. Look out for the for sale thread (in a few weeks/days) when it finally sinks in what I've done

Am I the only one who wondered that there was paperwork for two Ferraris that weren't there and two Ferraris there without paperwork. Is there a chance that the storage chap pushed two wrong cars in the field that he was storing for someone else and still has the others (and the Rolls Royces) in his lock up?

Well so far the car is going better than I am, I'm knackered. Decided to stop for the night, currently at a Holiday Inn just off J15 of M6. I'm just not used to 5 am starts anymore.

Apparently it is traditional to stop at Tebay, so I have. About to eat some food and stick some petrol in. Not sure whether to believe the trip thing (haven't completely worked out how it works yet) but that says I'm averaging 30mpg (it must be lying) although so far I'm sitting at 70mph doing 2000rpm.

It's a long way home, just got to first services on M74, over 7 hrs to get home, will probably stop for the night somewhere later. Hardly been over 50mph, 1500 rpm yet due to traffic. First fill up only £67.

And now in Fairlie, in the pub. (Hadn't realised the station was a platform outside the village) Now just an hour to wait for the vendor to finish work and get here. Currently drinking espresso to set me up for the journey home. The shame of being in the pub and not having a quick one.