If anybody wants I can let Hirst know you are all thinking of him. I'll drop him a text this afternoon. I'm full of grumps at the moment. 1) My Grandad is in hospital with his breathing as he's unable to get enough oxygen due to silicosis. We know this and the NHS professionals know this but he's still been in since his Dr sent him to A&E on the 26th! That in itself is not the grump, dementia is what I really want to rail on as while my Grandad is in my Nana is completely lost. They have both always been fairly dependent on each other but over the last few months my Nana has been getting slowly more confused, less sure of what is going on, forgetting what we're talking about or losing track of everything entirely. Mum is staying at their house but that can only go on for so long as even when my Grandad is home I don't think they're going to be able to continue living there(tiny house, massive garden, stairs in the house at both sides so no easy access). They've been there 56 years and I'm worried what the shock of moving might cause. Getting old is the cruelest joke of all. 2) I couldn't make Chumley yesterday, especially gutting as last year was scuppered by the Volvo shitting itself on the M62 the day before. This year it's money (or lack thereof) that meant I couldn't come. I hate that I never have enough at the end of the month to put towards anything meaningful, I hate that I haven't had a holiday in over 10years with no view to going on one anytime soon, I hate that money is always the defacto argument material. I'm not sure what I can do about it really. Move jobs to something better paid, perhaps - though I have little by the way of qualifications and experiential learning only goes so far. On top of that I actually quite like what I do right now (even if it is infuriating sometimes -- a grump for another time I feel) I'm already in the cheapest accommodation I could find without it being a house share. I'm driving a car that is worth less than most peoples spare TV and only just afford to put fuel in to get to work. The one recurring thought is I should part out the escRot just to gain some capital. Maybe pay off a couple of small debts that are beginning to feel like millstones, get a passport and fuck off somewhere, maybe to teach abroad, I don't know. But I'm not sure I can stomach breaking and selling something that means so much to me even if (and this is being very honest) it'll not see the road again this decade, if ever. Folks have it worse I know, far worse infact, but, it doesn't lessen the fact that I feel like I've been treading water for 10+years, just making ends meet - just getting by, and it's really starting to get to me.