TheOtherStu

I think that has to be the most depressing and dystopian one so far.  Well done.

The just-passed-after-eight-attempts bimbo with her first car. Usually blonde with lots of fake tan, late teens to early twenties. Looks almost identical to both her sisters and her 44-year-old mum. Hobbies include taking selfies, watching Love Island and throwing up at hen parties. 
Car of choice is whatever three-door base-model supermini she could get insured on. Usually a Fiat Grande Punto 1.2 8v, Fiat 500 Pop or one of those new* Fiat-based Ford Kas. Possibly a BINI, but only if it's a Mini One. Often wears a cheap private plate, usually something like "M155XXX". 
It has two mismatching wheel trims, bumper scuffs on every corner, a cracked front bumper, and a huge crack spanning the entire width of the windscreen. One of the sills is dented quite badly too. And one of the mirrors will be hanging off. 
The inside of the car is horrific, despite the 23 air-fresheners hanging from the rear-view mirror. 
The car doesn't get serviced, but does get MOT'd roughly every 16 months. The tyres are all at about 10PSI.
Remarkably, the car clocks up about 20,000 miles a year without leaving a 10-mile radius of the owner's residence. The engine will sometimes be running for several hours a day, usually with the cooling fan working overtime. It will average two drive-thru visits per day and spends most of its time on the verge of boiling over in stationary traffic. It never has more than a quarter of a tank. 
The driver's attention is focused on scrolling through her socials on the smartphone (worth about the same as the car) balanced precariously on her lap.
Meanwhile, the stereo will be tuned into Kiss 100 or Capital FM with the volume turned up to max. From outside the car, all you can hear is the door cards rattling at 120BPM.
The owner will eventually be forced to finance a 9-year-old Vauxhall Mokka or Mini Countryman in a couple of years when she gets knocked up by her sister's ex. 

The Family - have a C-Max that they paid an absolute bomb for at the local garage that generations of the same family have been getting rogered at over the years. Drive a 35mph everywhere, through towns, A Roads, you name it. Sometimes does 49mph on the motorway ideally in front of a 38 tonne juggernaut. Has its annual MOT and the father in law will service it with the wrong oil. They don’t drink or smoke, they might have a glass of wine at Christmas but only after the meal and it’ll be a really shit generic brand like Banrock Station, and then not in front of the kids as if they see them enjoying alcohol responsibly they will almost certainly end up on heroin. They go annually to the East Coast in it for two weeks, they could go abroad but but are worried about terrorists and it will be too hot for them and there will be foreign food there. Plus the children are only 10 so they’d not appreciate it. They have a new build as they knew someone once that had an old house and they had to spend some money on it, so they bought a £375,000 Bellway job with the help of some elderly Daily Mail reading relatives that persistently remind them that they funded 50% of it. Despite being new it’s built on the site of a former mustard gas factory or something equally awful. The garden is just grass, nothing else, boring as hell like it’s inhabitants. There is a small patio done in Marshall’s Utility Buff like every new house is. There are some tit bits around that they got from Asda. They’ve all persistently got colds or the flu, every day to them is a Wednesday at 2pm in February. 

The Block Paver.
Normally 'driving' a shiny pickup, with some sort of homo-erotic moniker such as Barbarian, Gladiator etc. 
Seems to have moved on to Ford Ranger Raptors in recent times. 
On 'The Gear', or charlie/nosebag or a combo of the two, which will go some way to explaining their angry demeanour. Will, when not shouting abuse grunt terms such as 'Cheat Day', 'PB', 'Protein Shake'.. 
Generic tattoo sleeves,  riggers and hand perpetually shoved down the front of his grey trakkies.
Generally double parked, whilst collecting their Blond Beautician bird up from the shop, who literally has the same looks as Janice from The Muppets, but with none of the hippy vibe. In fact quite the exact opposite attitude and manner.
The fact that he probably fantasises over his gym buddy Stevo rather than her (and she knows it) probably doesn't help the situation.

The giffer. Aged somewhere around a hundred and twenty-twelve, can't see or hear properly  and drives everywhere at 40mph in a Honda Jazz with the indicators permanently flashing.

How about 3 in one post?
Spot the one that's slightly wrong 😆

I did a buy.

Back in 2009 I bought a new Pug 107.  I proceeded to then load it up with near enough every option available (except for the "automatic" gearbox for obvious reasons).  In doing that I managed to just tip the scales over £10K.  I just tried to look what the current equivalent would be...only to discover that the 1** series has completely ceased to exist now.  Guess it was too cheap and not making enough money...Oh, and everyone just seems to want a bloody pseudo SUV now so the small car is dying a death in general.
Talking of Rolls, my take is that they hit their peak really with the late Shadow/early Spirit.  Not maybe quite as pleasing to the eye as some of the earlier models, but in terms of producing a vehicle which completely isolates you from the chaos of the outside world and allows you to travel in complete and total serene comfort it's tough to beat.  Different kettle of fish to a 20s/30s car though!  I have been finding myself more and more drawn to things from that era lately, and really do quite fancy a Model T.  Albeit maybe not while living in Milton Keynes...That's frenetic enough in a Rover P4.

Nothing formal, just a cup of coffee and a natter about old cars for an hour or so. Will go with majority location decision.
Sorry for short(ish) notice.
 
EDIT - decision on location made. 1:30pm, or half past 13 if you're that way inclined.
https://www.brewhouseproject.co.uk

I don't think you're wrong there. I think manufacturers are using that as a way of pushing prices up.
The cheapest Ford Focus is currently £28,000.
A Kia Picanto Wave 1.0 is not a million miles away from a Kia Picanto "1".
It's now £13,655 compared with £9,233 for the old model. I get its a minor facelift, but realistically, nothing has changed. Same engine etc.
My Mum has just paid £12k for a 21 plate pre-facelift. Make of that what you will. It's more than the list price was.

Even P reg are apparently rare as rocking horse shit. This Police car was registered in October 1996, despite the MY being 825 with the KV6.
I did spot on "How many left" that 1 was actually registered in 2001.

I could manage this if it's not too early - it's a good hour for me from the bottom of the forest.

All of the hybrid/EV renaults are called e-tech.

The Austral is a hybrid. Also available as a Nissan Qashqai e-Power.
I think it's been mentioned already, but the Scenic is returning. Funny enough, the designer left Peugeot for Renault.
You really can't tell why

Thing is, the original scenic was in itself a nonsense car that answered a question that wasn't asked, but at least you can argue it was very different. Like a megane on steroids.
Original megane....

Original scenic

But this is the new Megane

Believe me, it's huge. Bigger than a Qashqai.
The Scenic just looks like a 3008 EV. It should be pointed out too that the designer of the Scenic has recently joined from Peugeot

 
By the way, thanks to @Brenfor this thread. I'm thoroughly enjoying it, but will try not to take it over.

All of the hybrid/EV renaults are called e-tech.

The Austral is a hybrid. Also available as a Nissan Qashqai e-Power.
I think it's been mentioned already, but the Scenic is returning. Funny enough, the designer left Peugeot for Renault.
You really can't tell why

How about some real, genuine Rozzer shite? Someone posted this on the Number plates page on Facebook and taken this morning.
To be fair, other than the Piggy plate (which isn't really), it's a genuine heritage vehicle still owned (and driven) by the Metropolitan Police.

It's apparently still in exactly the same spec that it was released in 1996. I'm going to add this to the "Late Registration" page too because it is an 827 Si registered in October 1996. There are virtual no P reg 827s that I can find. The last were N reg.
It's somehow squeaked through an MOT (failed on tyres being down to the cords, which is worrying for a Police owned car).

Because it has blues and twos and full Police decals, it has to be driven by a genuine Police officer and apparently was when spotted.

How about some real, genuine Rozzer shite? Someone posted this on the Number plates page on Facebook and taken this morning.
To be fair, other than the Piggy plate (which isn't really), it's a genuine heritage vehicle still owned (and driven) by the Metropolitan Police.

It's apparently still in exactly the same spec that it was released in 1996. I'm going to add this to the "Late Registration" page too because it is an 827 Si registered in October 1996. There are virtual no P reg 827s that I can find. The last were N reg.
It's somehow squeaked through an MOT (failed on tyres being down to the cords, which is worrying for a Police owned car).

Because it has blues and twos and full Police decals, it has to be driven by a genuine Police officer and apparently was when spotted.

To be ULEZ compliant, it has to be a post 2002 (ish) Pez

Is that really tiny? The wooden part looks like it’s carved from a lolly stick.

You leave a pair of scissors ? 

I hate Tim Martin and his Brexit propaganda in Spoons pubs. 
But, I'm also tight and lazy. 
You can see my dilemma. I once bought a round in Spoons for a fairly big group and nearly fell over when they asked for under £20. 
The one in Tavistock was pretty good when it opened but it's gone a bit downhill since. But I'd still drink in there because you can lazily order from your phone without getting up. 
+1 for the breakfasts @brownnova. They always meet the minimum standard of alright whereas if you decide to chance an independent cafe, there's a 50% chance of it being total shit. Also, I think Spoons is bottomless coffee. 
In summary: cheap beer is hard to argue with. But Tim Martin isn't, the thick twat. 
 

How about some real, genuine Rozzer shite? Someone posted this on the Number plates page on Facebook and taken this morning.
To be fair, other than the Piggy plate (which isn't really), it's a genuine heritage vehicle still owned (and driven) by the Metropolitan Police.

It's apparently still in exactly the same spec that it was released in 1996. I'm going to add this to the "Late Registration" page too because it is an 827 Si registered in October 1996. There are virtual no P reg 827s that I can find. The last were N reg.
It's somehow squeaked through an MOT (failed on tyres being down to the cords, which is worrying for a Police owned car).

Because it has blues and twos and full Police decals, it has to be driven by a genuine Police officer and apparently was when spotted.

How about some real, genuine Rozzer shite? Someone posted this on the Number plates page on Facebook and taken this morning.
To be fair, other than the Piggy plate (which isn't really), it's a genuine heritage vehicle still owned (and driven) by the Metropolitan Police.

It's apparently still in exactly the same spec that it was released in 1996. I'm going to add this to the "Late Registration" page too because it is an 827 Si registered in October 1996. There are virtual no P reg 827s that I can find. The last were N reg.
It's somehow squeaked through an MOT (failed on tyres being down to the cords, which is worrying for a Police owned car).

Because it has blues and twos and full Police decals, it has to be driven by a genuine Police officer and apparently was when spotted.

How about some real, genuine Rozzer shite? Someone posted this on the Number plates page on Facebook and taken this morning.
To be fair, other than the Piggy plate (which isn't really), it's a genuine heritage vehicle still owned (and driven) by the Metropolitan Police.

It's apparently still in exactly the same spec that it was released in 1996. I'm going to add this to the "Late Registration" page too because it is an 827 Si registered in October 1996. There are virtual no P reg 827s that I can find. The last were N reg.
It's somehow squeaked through an MOT (failed on tyres being down to the cords, which is worrying for a Police owned car).

Because it has blues and twos and full Police decals, it has to be driven by a genuine Police officer and apparently was when spotted.

How about some real, genuine Rozzer shite? Someone posted this on the Number plates page on Facebook and taken this morning.
To be fair, other than the Piggy plate (which isn't really), it's a genuine heritage vehicle still owned (and driven) by the Metropolitan Police.

It's apparently still in exactly the same spec that it was released in 1996. I'm going to add this to the "Late Registration" page too because it is an 827 Si registered in October 1996. There are virtual no P reg 827s that I can find. The last were N reg.
It's somehow squeaked through an MOT (failed on tyres being down to the cords, which is worrying for a Police owned car).

Because it has blues and twos and full Police decals, it has to be driven by a genuine Police officer and apparently was when spotted.