Turbowomble

Already half-introduced myself in another thread, but will do it once more with feeling for the sake of formalities:
Hello esteemed league of shedders, bargers and shitters. I’m a 28 year accountant from Northern Ireland - as far as Tinder bios go, this is one of the sexier ones I’ve come up with. I’ve been driving for 13 years (thanks for Florida for letting adolescents operate heavy machinery - as a 15 year old, I was licensed to drive any vehicle with a gross weight of 26,000lbs. Mind boggling). From there, I’ve driven all manner of shonky skips-on-wheels, ranging from a big-block ‘74 Ford Ranchero to a manual mid-90s Mustang Cobra via some old Lexus LS’ and E-Classes.
When I passed my test over here, I set about committing my own automotive deviancies; I had a ‘90 Range Rover Vogue with the 3.9 and a non-functioning first gear (which, with an auto, is a right pain in the dick), which got booted and replaced with a ‘95 Mitsubishi FTO that kept seizing brake callipers. It was an auto too, a merit which won it the award of “Most God-Awful Engine-Gearbox Pairing In The History Of Engine-Gearbox Pairings, Maybe Ever”. It also got waved on its merry way and replaced with an E36 328i, with a rattle can paint job performed by one of its 18(!) previous owners in its 190k miles. It also bit the dust. Then I had a Ford Puma with the 1.7 Yamaha engine for the sum total of a week before the rozzers pulled me over to inform me that the reputable gentleman I had bought it off had himself procured it without the previous owner’s consent, so it was taken away to the great scrappy in the sky.
Given that all of the above happened in the space of 10 months, when an elderly relative gifted me an ‘07 Focus 1.6 Titanium I decided that maybe risky picks weren’t my style, and that I should play it sensible. That’s exactly what I did, for 5 years and 72k miles. It was a fine slogger, giving no issues outside of routine maintenance. However, I decided that I was fed up of having a rainy day fund and so flogged the Focus to my sister-in-law and so have found myself back in a BMW, this time an ‘04 525i Touring with mileage the wrong side of 167,000. I’ve owned it 3 months, which it’s spent 40% off not working, owing to electrical gremlins that slowly but surely killed everything that it needed until finally the alternator said “Nah bruv, I’m done”. Got that replaced - had a bit of free time come up recently - and now she’s purring like an elderly asthmatic cat, as the cam sensor’s shot and an airbag light’s come on, and the blower doesn’t work, and the rear light cluster keeps blowing bulbs, and the TPW keeps thinking there’s a puncture, and, and, and....
It’s either great that I’ve found a society of similarly-afflicted individuals, or it’ll be a dreadful enabler. Either way, goes to show that fools seldom differ. Now, if anyone can point me in the direction of an automatic Safrane or XM then that’d be greatly appreciated.