r.welfare

It's been four and a half years since I last did this, but today I went on a trip to collect a car.
 

Reading station, 5pm.  Smelly Festivalgoers out of shot.
 

Paddington, 5.30pm.  Heading towards the Circle and Hammersmith & City Lines, to then change at Kings Cross for the Northern Line.  Never realised it was such a hike.  Citroen H van-mounted coffee vendor might be in shot.
 

6.30pm.  That there North London.  The wilds of Zone 4.  Totteridge to be exact.
 

7.30pm.  M4.  You might be able to make out the car is very low-geared - that's about 65mph at 3,000rpm.
 

8.15pm.  Home.  It's an imaginatively-named Mazda MPV.  Let me state here and now that I only have one child and therefore don't really need a 7-seater.  But we've got some DIY jobs coming up and clearing my in-laws house, so it will come in useful.  And it was damn cheap, considering it has 5 days shy of a year's ticket. 
 
Admiral obligingly set me up with a multicar policy that became almost disgustingly cheap when I complained about having a premium hike due to a non-fault accident (cf. Avensis, last year) that we didn't even claim on our policy for.  The lovely Welsh lass on the phone mirrored the 12 years NCB from the Honda onto this.  Interestingly, that newfangled DVLA MOT and tax checker site also says it's taxed until 31 January, even though there's no disc in the car.  So I was able to cruise home without worrying about ANPR.  No pez station shot because it actually had 1/2 a tank in.
 
Aside from the low gearing it drives pretty damn well.  "It's only got one advisory for a slight exhaust blow", the old boy selling it bellowed at me as the Mazda idled on his drive like a Lancaster bomber, "it's on the join, it just needs tightening up".  Hmm.  We'll see about that.  It does quieten down when warm though.  2-litre petrol in this one, same as the 626.  That explains the low gearing, it's only got 130bhp to propel nearly 2 tons.
 
Of course, there are a number of reasons why it was cheap.  There's no history whatsoever, although the V5 states only 2 owners from new and the last had it 10 years.  Therefore I'm playing cambelt roulette until my nerve goes.  Then there's this:
 

 
My crap photography shouldn't mask the fact the nearside rear wheelarch is right of shape.  Also the sliding door on that side is badly dented.  If it's a long-term keeper I'll try and score a secondhand replacement, hopefully in the same colour.
 
Then, because Mazda, there is of course this:
 

 
I managed to peel a load of the lip away by hand.  Anyone in the Home Counties good at welding and fancy earning some ££ if I bring it to your magic tickling stick?  Let me know.  I'll even do all the stripping and prep.
 

 
Inside it's quite nice.  The old boy said "Oh yeah, the aircon works" but buggered if I believe him.  I do reckon the pollen filter is absolutely clogged as the air throughput is shite, will need to check that out tomorrow.  The a/c light does come on when you press the button.  It might be low on gas.  It might be buggered.  A visit to Kwik-Fit beckons.  I like the two-tone steering wheel, as it happens.
 

 
Some middle seats.  They are not green - blame my iPhone camera - but a lovely sort of grey mousefur.  I can get the nearest seat's backrest to flip forward but not sure if it's meant to tip.  A handbook is on order from eBay.
 

 
Back seats.  I clambered in through the boot and found that the legroom is OK, although I'm only 5'10" and particularly short in the leg.  You even get separate heat/vent controls in the back here, there are two vents in the roof!!!1!.  They think of everything.  Also I found a bag of mouldy Maltesers in one of the cubbyholes.  I didn't eat them, even though I hadn't had any dinner yet.
 
So there you are.  Immediate plans are:
Put some tax on it Clean and polish it Check the oil, coolant, air filter etc and give it a basic service if required Drive it for a month or so to see if it's alright or not Fit some reversing sensors Have a go at knocking the nearside dent out on the wheelarch Kwik-Fit trip to see if the a/c is really dead Then if it's a keeper:
Cambelt and waterpump Refurb the wheels (maybe) Replace the nearside sliding door Get the wheelarch welded up Think about selling the Accord...  
 
 

It's been four and a half years since I last did this, but today I went on a trip to collect a car.
 

Reading station, 5pm.  Smelly Festivalgoers out of shot.
 

Paddington, 5.30pm.  Heading towards the Circle and Hammersmith & City Lines, to then change at Kings Cross for the Northern Line.  Never realised it was such a hike.  Citroen H van-mounted coffee vendor might be in shot.
 

6.30pm.  That there North London.  The wilds of Zone 4.  Totteridge to be exact.
 

7.30pm.  M4.  You might be able to make out the car is very low-geared - that's about 65mph at 3,000rpm.
 

8.15pm.  Home.  It's an imaginatively-named Mazda MPV.  Let me state here and now that I only have one child and therefore don't really need a 7-seater.  But we've got some DIY jobs coming up and clearing my in-laws house, so it will come in useful.  And it was damn cheap, considering it has 5 days shy of a year's ticket. 
 
Admiral obligingly set me up with a multicar policy that became almost disgustingly cheap when I complained about having a premium hike due to a non-fault accident (cf. Avensis, last year) that we didn't even claim on our policy for.  The lovely Welsh lass on the phone mirrored the 12 years NCB from the Honda onto this.  Interestingly, that newfangled DVLA MOT and tax checker site also says it's taxed until 31 January, even though there's no disc in the car.  So I was able to cruise home without worrying about ANPR.  No pez station shot because it actually had 1/2 a tank in.
 
Aside from the low gearing it drives pretty damn well.  "It's only got one advisory for a slight exhaust blow", the old boy selling it bellowed at me as the Mazda idled on his drive like a Lancaster bomber, "it's on the join, it just needs tightening up".  Hmm.  We'll see about that.  It does quieten down when warm though.  2-litre petrol in this one, same as the 626.  That explains the low gearing, it's only got 130bhp to propel nearly 2 tons.
 
Of course, there are a number of reasons why it was cheap.  There's no history whatsoever, although the V5 states only 2 owners from new and the last had it 10 years.  Therefore I'm playing cambelt roulette until my nerve goes.  Then there's this:
 

 
My crap photography shouldn't mask the fact the nearside rear wheelarch is right of shape.  Also the sliding door on that side is badly dented.  If it's a long-term keeper I'll try and score a secondhand replacement, hopefully in the same colour.
 
Then, because Mazda, there is of course this:
 

 
I managed to peel a load of the lip away by hand.  Anyone in the Home Counties good at welding and fancy earning some ££ if I bring it to your magic tickling stick?  Let me know.  I'll even do all the stripping and prep.
 

 
Inside it's quite nice.  The old boy said "Oh yeah, the aircon works" but buggered if I believe him.  I do reckon the pollen filter is absolutely clogged as the air throughput is shite, will need to check that out tomorrow.  The a/c light does come on when you press the button.  It might be low on gas.  It might be buggered.  A visit to Kwik-Fit beckons.  I like the two-tone steering wheel, as it happens.
 

 
Some middle seats.  They are not green - blame my iPhone camera - but a lovely sort of grey mousefur.  I can get the nearest seat's backrest to flip forward but not sure if it's meant to tip.  A handbook is on order from eBay.
 

 
Back seats.  I clambered in through the boot and found that the legroom is OK, although I'm only 5'10" and particularly short in the leg.  You even get separate heat/vent controls in the back here, there are two vents in the roof!!!1!.  They think of everything.  Also I found a bag of mouldy Maltesers in one of the cubbyholes.  I didn't eat them, even though I hadn't had any dinner yet.
 
So there you are.  Immediate plans are:
Put some tax on it Clean and polish it Check the oil, coolant, air filter etc and give it a basic service if required Drive it for a month or so to see if it's alright or not Fit some reversing sensors Have a go at knocking the nearside dent out on the wheelarch Kwik-Fit trip to see if the a/c is really dead Then if it's a keeper:
Cambelt and waterpump Refurb the wheels (maybe) Replace the nearside sliding door Get the wheelarch welded up Think about selling the Accord...  
 
 

Woof!  Royal Mail and Hermes deliver the goods!  Glad you're collectively happy, chaps.  Hope the Hermes boys enjoyed the gaffer taped boxes (I was out of parcel tape...).

Tall step-in height is attractive to old people and those with buggered backs but don't want a 4x4.  My dad, who is getting on a bit, loves his Nissan Note.
 
That said, I can see the point (sort of) for supermini-sized ones but not anything bigger.

What a beauty! The facelift models, in the right colour and on the right wheels (like this one) look fabulous.

Tall step-in height is attractive to old people and those with buggered backs but don't want a 4x4.  My dad, who is getting on a bit, loves his Nissan Note.
 
That said, I can see the point (sort of) for supermini-sized ones but not anything bigger.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

All those who have paid (and also Mr NorfolkNWeigh) have had their books posted today.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-620-SLI-AUTO-BLACK-/231307123210
 
1 previous owner 600 which may, or may not, be eligible for classic insurance as it's 20 years old.  Appears to have A/C and also not much rust.  Looks dismal in black though.

Apologies if a pearoast:
 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Rover-414-/291180172111
 
I'd love to rub some linseed oil into those bumpers.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-620-SLI-AUTO-BLACK-/231307123210
 
1 previous owner 600 which may, or may not, be eligible for classic insurance as it's 20 years old.  Appears to have A/C and also not much rust.  Looks dismal in black though.

Apologies if a pearoast:
 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Rover-414-/291180172111
 
I'd love to rub some linseed oil into those bumpers.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1994-ROVER-214I-SPRINT-WHITE-GOLD/221523975992
 
Strange eBay quotes, no. 47:
 
 
 Get much work as a vet, do you?

All those who have paid (and also Mr NorfolkNWeigh) have had their books posted today.

All those who have paid (and also Mr NorfolkNWeigh) have had their books posted today.

Your maths is better than mine though so we're even

For those who have already paid, I'll go to the Post Office (or Hermes drop-off point) first thing Monday.  Many thanks, and any more for any more?

Another +1 for the Ford sticky pads.  Nothing else works.

The vic check is just a guy spending a few minutes checking the car matches the details on his sheet of paper. Vin and engine number that's about it really, unless your car is hanging to bits then it will be a doddle.
Unless you are trailering it Your car has to be moted and insured to drive it to the vic but doesn't need tax.

http://www.leboncoin.fr/voitures/691081644.htm?ca=7_s
 
Phwoar!!! If I had this first I'd wash it in a 100.6:1 solution of de-ionised Buxton spring water and Poorboys' 'WASH LEVEL 1 SURFACTANT FLUID' using a natural sponge from the pacific ocean near Pitcairn island and a mimimum of 3 bucket changes. Then I'd use Meguiars ROUGH CUT NO.1 EURO PAINT CLAY using RENNER SURFACE LEVELLING TECHNOLOGY to remove baked-on impurities such as popping candy, penguin shit and space junk from the now open-pored paintwork (yes paint does have pores you know, not unlike the velvety soft yet firm cheeks of the unsullied, miraculous teenage boy that I still am at heart). Next the paint would need sealing with BRITEMAX Z8741X SPECSAVER AUTOMOTIVE SURFACE CURATIVE TREATMENT within a maximum 6-hour window using 3-5lb pressure at all times to ensure the Panthenol Pro-vitamin B5 penetrates to the required depth of 3-6 microns.  Of course you cant leave it like that if your results are to last longer than 1 minute so I'd then apply 4 coats of MONKEY NUTS' 'VAN HALEN' EXTRA VIRGIN MIGHTY CHUMP WAX as its natural candle-derived secret formula of WAX gives a shine VISIBLY DIFFERENT TO OTHER SHINES achievable with inferior products and GOD DAMN IT AM I EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD A PLACE OF MY OWN