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r.welfare

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  1. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from Spottedlaurel in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    Enjoying the sunshine now it’s here and doing the traditional middle-aged bald man looking like a berk in a convertible thing.  Had this old crate for a year now and very fond of it.  Even got the a/c working back in March by changing the condenser and receiver dryer which was an involved job requiring most of the front of the car to be taken off.
    Going to make the most of it this summer (if we have one) as I suspect I will sell it next summer and get a Fiat 500 to share with my daughter when she learns to drive…either that or keep the SLK and sell my Touran!
  2. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to horriblemercedes in eBay tat volume 3.   
    I thought it was to spoil us
  3. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from GMcD in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    Enjoying the sunshine now it’s here and doing the traditional middle-aged bald man looking like a berk in a convertible thing.  Had this old crate for a year now and very fond of it.  Even got the a/c working back in March by changing the condenser and receiver dryer which was an involved job requiring most of the front of the car to be taken off.
    Going to make the most of it this summer (if we have one) as I suspect I will sell it next summer and get a Fiat 500 to share with my daughter when she learns to drive…either that or keep the SLK and sell my Touran!
  4. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from dome in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    Enjoying the sunshine now it’s here and doing the traditional middle-aged bald man looking like a berk in a convertible thing.  Had this old crate for a year now and very fond of it.  Even got the a/c working back in March by changing the condenser and receiver dryer which was an involved job requiring most of the front of the car to be taken off.
    Going to make the most of it this summer (if we have one) as I suspect I will sell it next summer and get a Fiat 500 to share with my daughter when she learns to drive…either that or keep the SLK and sell my Touran!
  5. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from Floatylight in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    Enjoying the sunshine now it’s here and doing the traditional middle-aged bald man looking like a berk in a convertible thing.  Had this old crate for a year now and very fond of it.  Even got the a/c working back in March by changing the condenser and receiver dryer which was an involved job requiring most of the front of the car to be taken off.
    Going to make the most of it this summer (if we have one) as I suspect I will sell it next summer and get a Fiat 500 to share with my daughter when she learns to drive…either that or keep the SLK and sell my Touran!
  6. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from Wibble in Lazy spotters thread   
    Saw some nice cars presumably coming back from the show on the A340 earlier.
  7. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from privatewire in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    Enjoying the sunshine now it’s here and doing the traditional middle-aged bald man looking like a berk in a convertible thing.  Had this old crate for a year now and very fond of it.  Even got the a/c working back in March by changing the condenser and receiver dryer which was an involved job requiring most of the front of the car to be taken off.
    Going to make the most of it this summer (if we have one) as I suspect I will sell it next summer and get a Fiat 500 to share with my daughter when she learns to drive…either that or keep the SLK and sell my Touran!
  8. Like
    r.welfare reacted to SEATMad in Euro tat thread vol 1   
    https://www.lesanciennes.com/annonce/talbot-horizon-sherlock-1985-a692351



  9. Agree
    r.welfare got a reaction from Joey spud in Euro tat thread vol 1   
    There’s not a bad line on those Rekord D’s, what lookers they are.
  10. Like
    r.welfare reacted to Mr_Bo11ox in Euro tat thread vol 1   
    damn right, check this one out as well, 3300€
    https://www.leboncoin.fr/ad/voitures/2674441221

  11. Like
    r.welfare got a reaction from egg in PSA: MANNOL 5w-30 oil currently working out at less than £2 a litre...! (Again!) OFFER EXPIRES TOMORROW 30/10   
    20% off deal time again so this time I’ve ordered 20 litres of VW Longlife 5W30 for £43.99 - let’s see if it actually gets delivered!
  12. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to Cavcraft in eBay tat volume 3.   
    Greetings, listeners, here's this week Tenuous Top Ten Turds
    Straight in at 10 it's Elkie Brooks and 'Pearl's a SW13GER' 

    (I'd not arf  like to stand up and tickle her Ovaries)
    SW13GER (SWINGER) Cherished Private Number Plate | eBay
    Today's number 9, former no.1 and last weeks number 8 is  'VA11 URY' by Amy Winehouse

    (I wanted to 'cum all over' Valerie but they wouldn't let me in the Blue Peter changing rooms) 
    Cherished number plate VA11 URY VAL Valerie on retention with all fees paid | eBay
    Straight in at 8 and it's Pulp who are SO12TED Out for Es and Whizz

    (I took shit loads of both and still can't see that saying 'sorted')
    Private Number Plate - ‘SORTED’ | eBay
    In at number 7 in 7th place slap bang between 6 and 8,  is CR22TAL Gayle and 'Talking In Your Sleep'

    (I'd like to see her brown eye go blue, but I'd best not mention that on air)
    CR22 TAL Superb Crystal plate for vehicles from March 2022 onwards | eBay
    Hovering still in last week's position at No.6 it's Tom P10BBO-inson and '2,4 6, 8 Motorway'

    (That fucking retention certificate should be thrown onto the M6 on a piss wet day in rush hour)
    ROBBO. ROBINSON. ROB. PLOBBO. | eBay
    At 5 it's our old mate XK61THXerin Jenkins with the b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l rendition of 'When You Wish Upon A Star'

    (I wish I could see her star, but keep that one to yourself, pop pickers!)
    KEITH KATH XK61 THX Private Number Plate Personal Car Reg On Retention | eBay
    No change at 4 for our old mate CH74RLEs Aznevour and 'She'

    (Maybe a plate I can't forget. What a pile of shit ) 
    CHARLIE CHARLYS CHARLES PRIVATE REGISTRATION CHERISHED CAR NUMBER PLATE CH74 RLE | eBay
    Boom! Straight in at number 3 this week and it's Eric Clapton with his catchy little number 'I Shot The S113RFF'

    (I'd rather shoot myself in the rusty S113RFF's badge than put that fucker on my car, dear listener)
    Private Registration "SHERIFF" on certificate till 2028 | eBay
    At 2, and  last weeks top hit it's..... Derek and the Dominos 'LA71AHS' 

    (These plates have 'got me on my knees'. Unscrewing the fuckers and throwing them into the sea)
    Cherished Licence Number Plate LA71 AHS - ‘LAYLAH’ Retention & Fees Inc. | eBay
    Well, the moment you've been all waiting for, the big reveal.  This weeks number one IS......... Dr Hook and the Medicine Show's 'SY61LVA's Mother'

    (Not sure about Sylvia's mother, but I bet her dad would have wished he'd worn an 'umbrella' if his daughter rocked up with this sack of shit attached to her car) 
    SYLVIA - SY61LVA -PRIVATE REGISTRATION PLATE | eBay
     
    Until next week/never, listeners.
  13. Like
    r.welfare reacted to egg in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    I asked Gemini AI the following question: can you please write a short poem about a man driving a Simca 1100 from Spain to the UK?
    Through Basque hills the Simca strains,
    A Gallic sigh, a box on wheels.
    A lone Brit at the wheel it reigns,
    Chasing memories, sun-kissed fields.
    The engine hums a steady song,
    Miles tick by, the landscape flies.
    The Pyrenees they lumber along,
    A ribbon unwinds beneath blue skies.
    French countryside, a blur of green,
    Then darkness falls, the Simca dips.
    Beneath the Channel, unseen,
    The tunnel swallows them in its grips.
    On English soil they burst anew,
    A world transformed, yet strangely near.
    The Simca sighs, its journey through,
    A Spanish dream, forever clear.
  14. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to Mr_Bo11ox in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    What!!!!!! That's fantastic. Chew on that John Betjeman!!!
  15. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to Mr_Bo11ox in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    'HABILEAD I CAN FLY' famously sung in tribute to the budget tyre brand by notorious child minder R_Kelly
  16. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to Mr_Bo11ox in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    Had a swap round of the wheels earlier to make the job easier to explain/understand. Check out this lot:


    It's absolutely immaculate under here. Seems a shame to bring it to our rainy salty island really. I'll bosh some anti rust gloop under here I guess but it's hard to keep it away 100% I can imagine in a year or two this car finding its way to that lad in Chesterfield to have a new pair of inner sills welded on using a PP9 battery or whatever it is he's got
  17. Like
    r.welfare reacted to RoadworkUK in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    I've just been upstairs to throw all my books away. None of them are a patch on this thread.
    I'm going to print it out later.
  18. Like
    r.welfare reacted to wuvvum in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    I just became an uncle for the second time.  Little Noah was born earlier this evening.  This is especially good news as we all thought my sister in law wouldn't be able to have more kids, after complications with my other nephew (now nearly 7).
    My planned trip to Belgium and Germany next month is now going to incorporate a detour southwest to Grenoble to meet the new arrival.
  19. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to HillmanImp in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    15 people liking a picture of some food? What is this friggin Facebook?
    What next, some cryptic message like 'SO SAD, WON'T BELEVE WUT HAPPEND.' followed by loads of 'Inbox me hun' posts. 
    Made up motivational quotes next to a picture of Robert Opron? 

    /s
    Anyhow, good work getting this far. It looks too easy, its making me want to do it even more now. 
    I'd also like to add that when I went to get that photo I accidentally typed Robert Pron, which brought up loads of gay porn. 😂  
    Thats the story I'm telling MrsImp anyway. 
  20. Like
    r.welfare reacted to Angrydicky in I’ve just bought two deceased OAP cars. NUMBER PL8 PR0N   
    Just before Christmas a lineup of used cars started appearing outside a local farm. I drive past there everyday to work and back and always have a look, though it’s always dull modern stuff like Peugeot 207s and Ford C-Max, that sort of thing.
    Earlier this week I did a double take as I drove past to see a pretty clean looking Mk1 Laguna, in ‘old man gold’. Obviously I stopped to have a look, the weather was miserable that day but it looked pretty tidy from what I could see. 
    I’ve always liked these and they’ve really thinned out along with most of these 1990s family cars. Hadn’t seen one for at least a year or so. The price in the window was reasonable, and it was ONO.


    I told my dad about it and he was keen to have a look, so we drove down on Saturday and had a poke around it. In the cold light of a warm sunny day I could see the rear arches were a bit scabby, seen a lot worse though, and it needed a pair of front discs soon. It was unlocked so we had a good poke about under the bonnet and inside, dipped the oil, it was on the full mark although dirty. It’s a 1.8 petrol manual in ‘Sport’ spec. I think that just means 16” alloys and a tailgate spoiler.
    Rang the seller on the number in the window, he came out with the key and paperwork and fired it up. It sounded good and I couldn’t really fault it on a test drive. I was expecting it to have a slipping or at least high clutch, as it had been owned by an old man who had died, but it actually felt really good and pulled well.
    Agreed a price, left a deposit and returned  half an hour later having made a visit to the post office to withdraw the balance.
    On my return, we did the paperwork and were chatting about old cars when he said he had something else in the back that might interest me. Followed him down into his cavernous yard filled with all kinds of shite, old lorries, tractors and even a Peugeot 404 pickup. Right at the back was  a sorry looking red Rover 75. 
    He explained it had belonged to his father, who died around Christmas and it’s just been sitting around since then. The mot had run out and it was pretty filthy, but what it did have in its favour was that it was a diesel auto, in Connoisseur SE spec with the lovely beige leather upholstery. It was pretty mint inside too, never smoked in. I agreed a price for that as well.


    It started straight up with a jump and I drove it the mile or so home.
    Back to the Renault.
    All I could really fault with the way it drove was the clutch cable which was sticking a little bit when moving off in first or reverse. I disconnected it under the bonnet and hung it up, then dribbled 3-in-1 oil down it. This made a huge difference, and it feels incredibly smooth now. The clutch is also nice and light.
    The interior was brown and sticky from all the nicotine. Everywhere the previous owner had touched was brown. It was pretty disgusting and I spent a whole day cleaning it and wet-vac’d the drivers seat. The others need doing as well but it’s not too bad now.





    I’ve cleaned and polished the exterior and it’s come up really well, the chap who owned this car must have been a really careful driver as there’s no parking scrapes at all, the paintwork is in remarkable condition for a 24 year old motor. There’s a couple of tiny car park dings but you’ve got to look very hard to see them. In the boot, I found the original unused Michelin spare and the unused tool kit. The bonnet catches were very sticky, a weak point on the Laguna 1 and twice it jammed shut and I had to fiddle around with a screwdriver and pry bar to manipulate the catches from underneath and pop it open. Anyway,  I’ve cleaned and greased them up and they seem ok now, the plastic lever needs a good old pull up to release the bonnet but at least it does release every time now.





     

    The mileage doesn’t show up, I googled it and it’s a common fault, the bulb blows so it can’t be illuminated but it’s still working. I shone a torch at it and managed to make out the actual mileage, 100,848.
    I found the service book and, oh dear, the last stamp was for a major service in 2004 @ 40000 miles. Surely it had been serviced since then?
    Unfortunately, I don’t think it had. The aux belt was a genuine Renault one and cracked all over, so the cambelt will be the original too. I’m not using it again until I replace it. I went to ECP and bought oil, oil filter,  air filter and plugs for it.
    The oil had been in there so long it had a brown tinge to it, which had even stained the dipstick, the air filter was utterly filthy, and the spark plugs were seized in and when I did finally get them out, they were genuine Renault and the electrodes were all worn down.







    Why do people neglect cars to this extent? I genuinely believe the last time this was serviced was 20 years and 60k ago.
    I scrubbed up the dipstick to get the brown residue off it, and it’s looking a lot better now, but it’s so manky in there it really needs changing again. This abuse is testament to how strong these 1990s engines are, I’m sure a fragile modern engine wouldn’t take this abuse. It runs beautifully,  better than it did when I first got it but it really wasn’t bad then to be honest.
     
     
    Over to the Rover.
    I drove it home and the only thing I noticed was it was pulling to one side a bit. Checked the tyre pressures, 38, 33, 12, and 13. Well I guess it’s to be expected after months sitting around. Set them all at 30.
    I’ve given it a once over for the mot and all it seems to need is one rear tyre (sidewall all split open) a windscreen washer pump and a small 3x2” patch on the os sill. It’s never been welded before and is in fantastic condition underneath for one of these. It’s only done 96k so has loads of life left in it.


    Obviously it’s nowhere near as good bodily as the Renner but it looked quite presentable after a wash and polish.





    First one I’ve had to use a toothbrush on to get the greenery out from around the windows, for quite a while. The boot on this one was full of water and the carpet and spare wheel were all mouldy, lovely. It runs and drives fantastically, it has only done 2000 miles since the last service. I’ve cleared out the bulkhead drains and a lot of water came out, once I got all the leaves out.
    Bodywise it’s nowhere near as mint as the Laguna with a lot of parking dents and scrapes but being the SE it’s incredibly well-specced and all the toys still work, including the rear window blind!
    Fatha-AD has taken a shine to the Rover so he’ll probably be having that. 
    I’ll take the plate off the Laguna and will probably roffle it if there’s likely to be any interest in it, it will then hopefully revert back to its original reg X47 FBP and I’ll get some decent number plates made up for it. It’ll be good to get rid of the previous giffer’s homemade effort, as amazing as it was to save £15.
    Once I’ve done the discs, pads and belts on the Renault I think it’ll be up for grabs as well as I just don’t have any use for it.
    Personally I think getting two nice cars for a grand is pretty good going in 2024. What do you think?
     
     
     
     
  21. Like
    r.welfare reacted to MJK 24 in The new news 24 thread   
    But saving the best for last.  Car of the show for me by a long long way…
    Pristine!  In the condition you used to see them in when they were 6-12 months old!
    And it’s got the big block fitted:

     
     
  22. Like
    r.welfare reacted to Mr_Bo11ox in collection mission to SPAIN!!!! COMPLETED IT M8   
    Hey all,
    I've barely posted anything on here for a couple of years (or indeed anywhere, I have pretty much canned all internet posting since Twitter turned into a bin fire) but I've got something interesting coming up and we all love a good collection thread so lets see how we get on here.
    I've not left the country for several years now although I used to love travelling. Nowadays, an unenthusiastic-about-travelling Mrs_Bo11ox, a no-longer-valid dog passport, all the br*x*t bollocks and just the hugely increased cost of everything (particularly channel crossings), make the bar much higher for getting off shite island. But a few weeks back, after scanning Leboncoin and Wallapop for the 1000th time, I said 'fuck it' and decided to treat myself to a new old heap with a decent collection mission. I warned Mrs_Nuts that I was doing it and she'd just have to manage without me for a few days, which to my surprise didnt cause too much friction.
    Since buying this book a few months back I've had a mega urge for one of these noisy, flimsy shitters and I've watched quite a few coming and going on those two sites. Messaged a few sellers but never reached 'critical mass'

     
    This one had been on Wallapop for ages, located in Spain, but on French number plates. I like the later ones that look a bit 'end of the line' with the smooth doorhandles and later dash that looks like an Avenger. Also love the 70's colours these come in, bright oranges and metallic greens and whatnot (although most of the metallic-coloured ones all seem to have lost their lacquer years ago). Anyway metallic chocolate brown sounds good to me. 1300€ was the asking price.

    Anyway I struck up a convo with the seller and he seemed decent, honest and that, didn't mind waiting a bit for me to collect. Sent a few videos by whatsapp which revealed an honest looking old motor, one rear wing in grey primer, and noisy but not unhealthy-sounding engine (theyre always noisy these things arent they, known for tappet rattle). He said it had belonged to his wife's parents from new but now he needed to move it on cos he was not big into old cars and it was just a hassle he could do without, although he was still bobbing about in it here and there.  

    What about the logistics? Well the car is just outside Valencia. After some researching I found I could leave home (Derbyshire) at 8 am and catch a train to Stansted, then jump on a ryanair flight and be in Valencia by 6pm ish. Seller said he would come and pick me up from the airport so I could in theory be heading home the same day in my new brownmobile. So that all seemed alright as well. I'd been looking at a few old heaps in the S of France and seeing if I could get there on the train, its certainly doable but its a €250+ touch - this was a lot cheaper (albeit worse news for polar bears).

    Still chit-chatting with the seller he sent me a few more pics where I saw one of the rear doors is a bit sad. But by now I had pretty much made up my mind to buy it anyway.

     
    I had a ratch on Leboncoin and found someone selling a few Simca 1100 panels including 2 rear doors that was very close to my likely route North. Obvs these will need painting but I have recently bought myself a spray gun and am steadily learning how to use it (been spraying panels from my Mazda 929 with increasingly shiny results), so that's all manageable I think. 

    https://www.leboncoin.fr/ad/equipement_auto/2450559206
    So, all the moons were slowly coming into alignment. The seller knocked 100€ off to cover the cost of some doors, and he also offered to leave the insurance on it for my journey home (!) and so we did a virtual handshake. I sent him €200 deposit and started booking some travel and some time off work.

    So, heres the route.

    2000km. I'm flying out on the Wednesday and need to be back at work the following Monday. Belpech is where I'm picking the doors up and Paulmy is the home of Mutha Bo11ox who I am gonna drop in on too. Got hotels booked for the Weds and Thursday nights and I'm hoping to do the Paulmy-Derbyshire leg in one go if I can, on the Sunday. Thats just under 600 miles in a day in a Simca 1100, I don't know if thats too ambitious or not but I'm gonna get moving at the crack of dawn and if the car has made it that far, I'm thinking it'll probably be OK. But will I? I'm nearly friggin 50 man. 600 miles in an 1100cc car with 4 gears and no headrests? Jesus. I doubt very much I'll be getting to work on time on the Monday.
    Still, I honestly can't wait. I'll just have to down a big cup of the old 'getoverittaccino' from a roadside cafe or something if it all gets too much on the last leg. What I'm really looking forward to is the Thursday and Friday when I'm driving through Catalonia and the Pyrenees on my own, in the sunshine (hopefully), stopping here and there for a drink or a bite to eat or a leg-stretch or whatever. Seems completely blissful.

    The seller later realised that French law says he has to sell the car with a recent MOT, pass or not. If he doesn't, he can't declare it sold at his end (actually I knew this myself but forgot all about it in the excitement) Being in Spain he can't take it for an MOT so now I have to do it!!!! I've got to drop in on an MOT station on the way home so thats another little job. (Seller is paying for it). I'm staying in a B&B near where the replacement doors are, so I'm takin it for its MOT on the friday morning.
    Anyway thats the big mission. I am taking a check-in bag so I can bring some tools and I keep thinking of more and more things that I should take - 3/8 socket set, some screwdrivers & spanners, pliers, cutters, cable ties, tape, WD-40, spare points & condensor, mechanics gloves, head torch, jubilees, fuel pipe/hose, wire, photocopied maps, power bank, bluetooth speaker, sun hat, fuck knows what else. Got a week to think of more stuff as I'm setting off a week on Wednesday. Fingers crossed!!!
     
     
  23. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to Mr_Bo11ox in eBay tat volume 3.   
    This is so mind bogglingly, indescribably shit I can't even believe it. I've had to come out of retirement to drag it. Just look at the friggin state of that half inch thick 'carbon fibre' grille with two washing machine doors for headlight surrounds. And you're never even gonna know if the friggin suns out with that ridiculous forehead/brow on it. You'll just be rattlin along in the bastard dark all the time, stinking of diesel and (no doubt) chip fat. The door step looks like part of a climbing frame from the garden of a 'Harvester' pub. Just endless delight as every detail looks like a team of 100+ 'Last of the Summer Wine' castoffs have worked day and night to come up with the worst possible idea and execution.   Honestly this should be in a museum.
     
     
  24. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to djoptix in LIVE (○\|€[+!0n ♧hr£@d   
    I reckon most of the buyers did have a young hip, but the rest of them was old.
  25. Haha
    r.welfare reacted to Cavcraft in eBay tat volume 3.   
    based on the Honda SS50 
    50cc Geared Motorbike Motorcycle based on the Honda SS50 MOT December 2024 | eBay
    'This bike is based on a Honda SS50'




    '...just like an AP50 or Fizzy etc'
     


    ' based on the Honda SS50 '



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