sofarsogood

In Europe, fuel duty hasn't been used for the infrastructure since the 1930s, it's merely a "because we can" tax since then.
The European road infrastructure is crumbling because every available Cent is pumped into Eastern Europe since 1990,
and in 2008 they ordered another crisis being rolled out, which is still ongoing, because people are to dull for the slightest
little revolution and put up with every fucking thing.

Been thinking for a while about putting up a little piece about this little gem! As you can see we are so fond of the Renault that we have gave it a appropriate name.
 
Wasn't sure if having another thread up about another Laguna II is a good idea with Scaryoldcortinas thread already in full swing / misery?
 
Well like all good / bad stories best start back at well the start.
 
So back in August this year me and my brother had a problem. We had just over two weeks holiday booked off for the middle of September and we didn't have a big enough car as my Cavalier was and sadly is still off the road and there wasn't enough time left to get it sorted either.
 
So started looking about for something suitable and cheap but typically when you start looking you can't find one, anyway my Dad mentioned that a guy we know down his local pub had a 53 reg Renault Laguna II Diesel Estate with a Mot till next April for £600.
 
Now we know these Renaults don't have the best rep for reliability so weren't that keen so said we would keep it in mind and carry on looking in the meantime. A few weeks past and after looking at more heaps we became more desperate and my Dads mate said down the pub that he had been messed about by a few people over selling the Renault so if we were interested we could have it for £400.
 
At this point we thought a Estate Diesel Car with a Long Mot seamed worth a go even though it was a Laguna II I mean how bad can it be?
 
So a few days later we went an viewed the car an it became apparent it needed some tlc. 3 tyres were scrap due to a mixture of wear/ tears in the side wall.
Anyway I'd remenbered a local scrapyard had a set of the same alloys with tyres for sale so that wouldn't be a problem.
 
The main thing for us was that it was minging inside and out! It clearly hadn't been cleaned in ages so needed sorting asap plus it smelt of dog. But on the plus side it wasn't due a cambelt for another 20,000 and had a oil change and some front bushes changed for the last Mot. It started ok, clutch felt fine and everything we tried seamed to work fine.
 
We couldn't test drive it because it had no insurance on it so couldn't test drive it further than the driveway then the guy said as I know you dad if you want it just pay me half now and half after your holiday.
 
So this seamed like a win win situation. Holiday car sorted for little monies, get it cleaned up and buy the set of used wheel and tyres for the scrappy. An with the money saved from only paying half up front could be used towards are Holiday fund.
 
Job done. So we agreed to pick it up that weekend, I went an picked up the secondhand alloys with Tyres for £100 and my brother sorted out the insurance an Tax.
 
Went down with the alloys and swapped them over on the drive. At this point we made an interesting discovery. He'd blew up the tyres before we came and the nearside tyre which was one that was going to changed anyway was clearly hissing air as I jacked it up. Turned out the rim was bent on the inside about 4 inches across.
 
So glad we brought those secondhand wheels with us. So with the 'new' wheels fitted he then told us the tailgate realase button had stopped working and that he was just using the rear window hatch instead! But if you opened it and used a small blade you could pop the tailgate open from the latch. Great another job to add to the list.
 
1st stop was the nearest carwash to get the worse of the grime off it before we tackled the rest. The lads there found it highly amusing that I used a flat blade screwdriver to open the tailgate so they could vac it. Anyway 15 minutes later it looked alot better so we nipped off to a local supermarket before getting some diesel.
 
Locked the Laguna and came back 10 minutes later. Pressed the key to unlock it and wtf? Nothing. Tried the doors all locked except the Drivers door it opened thankfully but the Alarm went off. Oh dear.
 
If wanna here more then I can write another depressing installment in due course.
 

Bonus points for the 1980's council estate trackie top-i'll have 14 & 26 if you roffle that!

t5-r

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1995-VOLVO-850-T5-R-GREEN-MANUAL-RARE-/221945287834?hash=item33acf8549a:g:Kw4AAOSwsFpWTfBc

Afternoon all,
 
Apologies for the absence, I'm one of those fools who kind of converted to the Facebook page purely for convenience of uploading spots etc.  
 
Anyway, I've missed you lot.
 
It's rude to barge one's way back into a clan without bringing some candy, so here goes.
 
As you're probably aware, Northern Ireland has a massive lack of shite compared to the mainland.  That's probably due to the pathetic amount of "keeping up with the Jones'" types here with their Audi Q3s and when they can't get the finance on one of those, Nissan Pukes.  Basically, it can be a dull place to be.
 
That's why, when I see someone still driving something vaguely shite, it really makes me smile.  
 
You can imagine then, the feeling of fluffy puppy I got every time I've headed to my girlfriend's house and passed this magnificent residence in probably the most affluent part of Belfast.... with a 1998 Renault Safrane sat outside the front door.  It's fair to say that the guaranteed sight of it on my way to her place has supported me through the less pleasing times of our relationship...
 

 
I had always meant to knock on the door but it never really moved and those solid wooden gates are bloody intimidating.  Anyway, a few weeks back I was driving past Renault and spot it.
 

 
Had a good look around it, not as mint as I had hoped, but it's a Safrane that's surely on the brink of being traded in?  I had no worries here, as that dealership send every trade in to the auction I frequent every week.
 
Went past the house again a few days later and b*llocks..... look what's in the driveway.
 

 
They've bought a Ford.... something I didn't count on.
 
Straight on the phone to the nearest Ford dealer, gave them the details of the Safrane, they couldn't tell me if they'd gotten the car but did tell me an auction of where all their trade ins go - one I don't ever go to.  
 
Called that auction, gave them the reg, "yes sir, that car is here and will be sold on Thursday morning".
 
YUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
 
This is a rather posh auction house, with an app and a mechanical inspection for every car.  Logged on and there it is, what a sight!
 

 

 

 
Report shows faults with the suspension, exhaust blowing and the MOT is up the day of sale.
 
Thursday comes, I'm there for the start of the sale, get my bidding number and set out for the lots.
 
Lo and behold, looking lonely.
 

 
Of course, it's lot three-hundred-and-something, I find myself sitting around drinking shit coffee and watching the otherwise dull selection of modern crap being auctioned off.  The Safrane finally starts on the button, the voice computer had nothing to say past "Welcome, the vehicle's computer is now checking systems for you".  It's a bit crusty around the rear arches, but the interior and engine bay are the definition of immaculate.  
 
It comes into the ring after a Meriva, auctioneer introduces it, punters look completely disinterested.... "£200 anyone?, £200?...... £150???"..... I decide not to completely take the piss "£100????", hand up, hammer down, SOLD.  
 
Now I've not been to this auction before.  My normal stomping ground would stick a £60 fee on that which is fair enough.  This place??? The car worked out at £220.  That's £100 sale price, £75 auctioneer fee and the rest was that chuffing mechanical inspection which you have no choice but to pay for.  Bastards.  Little more than I wanted to pay for a Safrane with no MOT, but hey, I had to have it.
 
So I get the keys and the V5.  Last owner since 1999!  Jump in and WOW... I'd forgotten how bloody perfect those seats are.
 

 
Volvo 5 cylinder lump roars into life and the car drives home like a new Safrane.  Perfect ride, gearbox brilliant and the smell of leather in the air.
 

 

 

 

 
Faults?? Well the exhaust ISN'T blowing, and the suspension fault seems to relate to a slightly weeping shock.  The car seems massively well looked after, it meets it's friends and it's position in the fleet in confirmed.
 

 
 
So with such a well maintained car.... I decide to ring Renault on the off chance they have a bit of service history.  "Yes sir, we have a complete record from 1998 up to three weeks ago, I'll print it off for you and you can collect it."
 
Christ alive, timing belt done, brought to them for MOT every year and a service (sometimes twice a year).  Every little thing, it went to Renault - The CD changer stopped working in 2012 and he bought a new one off them!!
 

 

 

 
Add it all up, just under £10k spent over the years.  Now the last item is an MOT checkover.  An MOT checkover which was obviously the straw that broke the camel's back, as he decided not to go ahead with it and traded it in instead.
 
Time to do it, I knocked on the door of the aforementioned house, cussing at their bland Focus as I walked up the drive.  A mature gentleman answers in his dressing gown, as soon as I mention the Safrane, he insists I come in.
 
Brings me through to the kitchen and we sit their high circular marble dining table.  I explain my hunt, my passion for Renaults and show him the picture of his Safrane now with mine.  He actually had a tear in his eye and was lost for words.  The wife appeared, he explained why I was there and she hugs me and says "I'm so glad you've called, Paul has been distraught thinking that the car was guaranteed for the crusher".  We sat for a good half an hour, they were fascinated with my interests and replied with many stories about the Safrane and how she felt like a Queen being a passenger in it and they took it to France every year to visit her sister.  
 
We moved on to the last MOT checkover and Paul presented me with the check list Renault had given him.
 

 
You can see the sheer bollocks flowing.  Ã‚£3500 of work.  AC service???? Rear calipers leaking??? - they got £650 from him for that job last year, so clearly thought they'd try it again.  Basically, they put the scares on him and basically said it was too old for them to look after it any more.
 
I explained to them that most of that list is complete tripe, and I will be chucking the car through test and letting them know the ACTUAL list of what it needs - if anything.
 
They couldn't stop thanking me, insisted I take their home phone number and keep them posted about the Safrane.  They said the Focus was an impulse buy as the they had left it so close to the MOT expiration and needed a car.  
 
As I was leaving, the wife welcomed me to call by any time and thanked me for reassuring her husband that the beloved Safrane was in good hands.
 
A very satisfying mission that gave me a great sense of the spirit of shite.
 
One less Safrane in the wild, one more in The McCorry Collection!
 
I will hopefully get round to an MOT before Christmas, but things are a bit hectic.

Chronology of events.
 
Some essential tools were packed.
 

 
Sadly it wasn't exactly a Thunderbird that was a go.
 

 
Met Bub in Matlock. Quick check revealed that his is indeed the first Sacksow of EVAH that shat its gearbox.
All the linkages are fine, they move stuff at the gearbox etc., but no gear engages. Looks like something inside the box is broken.
 
Hence towage to the Bub towers in Ripley.
Then, between Ripley and Stockport, tonight a 405 estate was observed in low altitude flight. The Turkish Air Force claims it was in Turkish airspace, which it wasn't, I swerz.
Had a bit of a dogfight with two Murat and an Anadol fighter planes, but thanks to the shitty weather, they abandoned pursuit.
 
I'm home now and have this:
 

 
IMO well deserved.
 
I think there are a lot of people around this here forum who would have done the same thing.

1st in 2001-1979 mk2 Escort
 

 
2nd-1989 Rs Turbo
 

 
3rd-1993 Ford Transit
 

Post pictures you boring gits or this is the worzt fred eva!

1974 Land Rover SIII 88"
 
1983 Volkswagen Golf GTI
 
1983 Volkswagen Golf GTI

1974 Land Rover SIII 88"
 
1983 Volkswagen Golf GTI
 
1983 Volkswagen Golf GTI

That is class, a German telling a Yorkshireman in Spanish how to fix a French car.
 
Fuck you, ISIS, you hear me? FUCK YOU!

I had a spare 10 minutes today so i tried the doors on the Focus to see how far out everything is.
 
The results are fairly predictable....
 
 
 

 
The main problems causing the dicky alignment is the B post which is in at the bottom, the rear door hinges which need tweaking forward and the back edge of the sill is preventing the door from closing up.
 

 

 
So it will need a tug in a few places to make them fit nicely and then replace the sill, repair the wing and quarter panel.
 
Shame it's not as straightforward as i hoped but still worth doing i feel

Surely it's more about HOW you arrive. I would suggest driving through empty boxes before J turning into a parking space. That way they will know you are a professional.

Owing to a lack of space and 'too many cars' I am thinking of selling/ doing a raffle for the Honda Prelude. Simply not used enough nowadays. Any interest? Value approx £900 on here... More on ebay but cannot be arsed!

Just a suggestion, but is it possible to have a pinned thread for members who are willing to offer diagnostic tool scans in exchange for beer tokens with a map, even if it just approximate?
 
A VW forum I belonged to many years ago had this, with members who would offer scanning for a small charge or free (i'm acutely aware how much a decent scanning setup costs to buy and maintain) and there was a map so you could send a PM to a local member with a VAG-COM and have your car scanned/fault codes cleared.
 
Just a suggestion - was there not a member map thread around somewhere which could possibly be pinned and those willing to offer up services annotated? Mods? might this work?

best bit so far - the footpump I bought for a fiver is a Duplex Kismet Master, and they go on ebay for between 40 and 100 quid.

Right, first things first. Flat tyre isn't a problem if I can't get the car to start so let's have another go.
 

 
This time I pressed down on the "key" while it was in the slot and all the dash lights came on.
 

 
So...
 

 
and...... nothing.
 
Hold down key while pressing start with other hand however, and it started. No noises, didn't cut out when I let go of the key. Actually you can remove the key at this point, it seems to only want it when starting. Left it to warm up a bit while I considered the tyre situation. I didn't think to bring a pump or a compressor. Check valve, tyre is not completely flat. This is a good sign, so
 

 

 

 
One inflated tyre later...
 

 

 
And off I go back to the yard via the back lanes (because SORN)

SOLD OUT. PAID UP.
 
WILL BE DRAWN TONIGHT.

Social housing complex number plate aside, this is one fit looking car. I reckon the kit and the wheels really suit this... 
 
 

 
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1987-MERCEDES-190E-AUTO-BLACK-/111825492202?hash=item1a095198ea:g:xA4AAOSwiwVWSfmP

We've gone over half way, and I've finally persuaded my spreadsheet to copy and paste, so here's the running so far.
Copy, paste and add your name if you want a ticket, please. 
 
1
2
3
4 EddyRamrod
5 WilsonWilson
6 Chaseracer
7 The Moog
8
9 Brownnova
10 Chaseracer
11
12 MeshKing
13 Honey Badger
14
15
16 Honey Badger
17 Jazoli
18
19 RobinMasters
20
21 Jazoli
22 AlBundy
23 FatHarris
24 Tamworthbay
25
26 Lord Sterling
27 MarvinsMom
28 Chaseracer
29 Lord Sterling
30 JohnK
31 Cavcraft
32
33 Tickman
34
35
36 Nyphur
37 The Moog
38
39
40 Tickman
41
42
43 Sealtainn
44 SoFarSoGood
45
46
47 Chatsharris
48
49
50 FatHarris
51
52
53 JohnK
54
55
59 EddyRamrod

This Mondeo has the rare 'excessive JPEG compression' paint finish.
 

 
https://www.gumtree.com/p/ford/ford-mondeo-2.0-zetec-mot-until-march-2016/1141519283

I've got some,thank you though. I really need to go digging my tools out

Well done Eddy, you lucky* man perhaps you could raffle the MG early?!