Not so much a grump as a wince, but my boss was just proudly telling me about how he managed to change the washer pump on his wife's Qashaqai (he's not really a car person). He Googled it and found out you had to go in through the wheelarch.
'So, I jacked the car up, but because the only jack I have is the one from my car (a 350Z) it only lifted it an inch or so, so I had to let all the air out of the tyre to get it off. It was definitely wobbling around a bit and I had to give the pump a few hits to get it off, but I got there in the end'.
Turned out the washer jets were blocked.