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twosmoke300

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  1. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to Split_Pin in Dodgy shit hidden by sellers   
    Mine wyfe and I wen'st ooer The Forth to thon Kingdom of Fyfe, Inbhir-keithing to be precise.
    The Vauxhall Corsa B 1.4 Sport didst look gye rough as we approached, thon leading edge of the bonnet be'ist adorned in excess with oxide-pox.
    We hadst taken leave of our abode in Polmonte so took the hansom for a test up the brae neer'theeless. 
    "By my hilt!" I doth exclaimed, "This fucquer doth tug droite-wards when'st I brake to slow! Fuque this".
    Onst our return to his abode, he doth exclaim "It be a poorly pad, nothing 5 minutes at the local Kwik Smythe wouldn't remedy". 
    "Pray, when'st was the tyming-lathe last inspectit?"
    "It was changeth last yestermorn"
    "Doest ye have a gilt to affirm, dear chap"
    "Nay, twas may mayte,  Calum the Squint wot did the deed, I can get thou a gilt by the morn's morn"
    Not that cænt again.
    "I bidst you good day young man".
    "Fuckying chanty-wrastler", I said to my wyfe. "Pray let us take leave of this shichten-hoosen and get our arses back to Polmonte ".
  2. Like
  3. Like
    twosmoke300 got a reaction from The Vicar in Dilemma: Metro Turbo   
    7 k and it needs an engine rebuild , welding and a respray ? 
    Fuck that !
    Its a Metro not a blower Bentley ffs
  4. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to chaseracer in The grumpy thread   
  5. Like
    twosmoke300 reacted to Spurious in The grumpy thread   
    The knowledge of some people here is fantastic. 
    Light bulbs. Who knew they could be interesting. Off to watch more Bigclive on YT. 
  6. Like
    twosmoke300 reacted to cobblers in The grumpy thread   
    Business centre still getting arsey about me having my vans parked here. They're all used regularly, all commercial vehicles and 2 of the 3 are owned by my company. I'm always at work well before anyone and leave after everyone else so to the part timers from the council it looks like my stuff never leaves. I rent two units and have a max of 2 vehicles parked outside overnight, with 5 in total in the day including my staff
    There's a delivery company with one unit who have 30+ vans parked overnight and 30+ staff cars here all day and somehow I'm the problem? 
    The next time they give me grief I think I'll struggle to be as polite as I usually am
  7. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to Bren in The grumpy thread   
    When I was welding for a living my foreman would state " IT WAS  ALRIGHT YESTERDAY" when I told him my plant had died - which was often.
    Eventually I pointed out the titanic was alright when it sailed out of Southampton.
  8. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to GrumpiusMaximus in The grumpy thread   
    Grow a beard and wear your hair long.  Also, a drum kit in the back helps.

    I did once overtake a Pagani Zonda in my Ka on the A2 near Dartford.  That was the highlight of my driving life.
  9. Thanks
    twosmoke300 got a reaction from beko1987 in Shitefest 22 North Wales - 15-17th July!!   
    You better be there - got a hoover for u
  10. Like
    twosmoke300 got a reaction from The Moog in Dilemma: Metro Turbo   
    Oh shit - I forgot it wasn’t my money .
    Fucking crack on and get it bought man .
     
     
     
    Bought it yet ?
  11. Like
    twosmoke300 got a reaction from The Moog in Dilemma: Metro Turbo   
    Puma is a better drive than any metro ( well any metro in hat doesn’t have a v6 behind your head )
  12. Like
    twosmoke300 reacted to beko1987 in Shitefest 22 North Wales - 15-17th July!!   
    I started saving a little while ago, for mostly this reason 😂
  13. Like
    twosmoke300 reacted to Spurious in Most stupid message while flogging a shiter   
    Why on earth do people expect a discount for cash. I've to drive to the bank, feel on edge whilst I've 4k in my pocket and then the bank needs to make sure it's not monopoly money.  I'm not a dealer avoiding the taxman. 
     
    Bank transfer all day.
  14. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to DodgyBastard in Most stupid message while flogging a shiter   
    From car and classic, cunt wanted photos of the service history so sent him that plus a link to photos of every single bit of rust on the car.
     
    Then he comes back with this.
     

    Best price??? Oh do fuck off. I'm not going to begin answering his fucking questions.
     
  15. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to Boycie in Dodgy shit hidden by sellers   
    The mk1 Laguna was near indestructible ...the mk2 fell apart driving off the transporter into the showroom !! 
  16. Like
    twosmoke300 reacted to HMC in HMC new - Chevy pickup   
    I was still having problems with the pickup stalling, particularly on the overrun, with a bit of clever footwork needed to prevent loss of braking and steering on descents.
    In the end replacing more vacuum line and using larger bolts to seal redundant vacuum tubes has done the trick. Also now the gearbox has a proper vacuum supply it shifts up nicely on a light throttle. This definitely helps the nascar soundtrack as around town it’s relatively discrete and not deafening. 
    I’m finding it amusing that whilst some drivers pick a noisy exhaust and then let everyone know about it, I didn’t choose the exhaust system on the truck and I’m tip toeing around with it. It actually is quite a cruisy sort of vehicle anyway and suits a laid back approach; and anything that avoids kickdown stops Detroit iron heaven/hell being unleashed.
    I celebrated by going for a pizza


     
     
  17. Like
    twosmoke300 reacted to HMC in HMC new - Chevy pickup   
    I also got hold of a roll back vinyl cover for the truck bed. Its not lockable, it’s just about keeping the good old Dartmoor weather out of the back. 
    The company hq is in South Dakota, with a very USA name…

     
    Yes the company is called truXedo. A tuxedo for your pickup? 

  18. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to sierraman in Dodgy shit hidden by sellers   
    Saw a funny one today, a Fiesta 1.6 diesel as it goes, the ad said ‘sometimes goes into limp home mode if you floor it but it’s never bothered me, in fact it encourages you to drive gently given how much fuel costs at the moment...’
    What sort of arsehole do these people take prospective buyers for? 🤣
  19. Like
    twosmoke300 got a reaction from paulplom in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    I had one for 4 years . 
    Gone back to a normal bike now so I’m like an ex smoker or drinker 😂
  20. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to paulplom in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    You don't just press a button. It won't help you unless you're pedaling. It kind of puts the same effort in as you do. The one I hired in Spain was different. You just had to pretend you were pedaling and you were away.
  21. Haha
    twosmoke300 got a reaction from paulplom in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    “Cycled “
    😂
  22. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to myglaren in What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread   
    Eldest daughter had a wasp nest in her garden shed and was terrified of her kids being stung, lots of toys in the shed.
    Youngest daughter went in, grabbed the nest (no gloves or other protection) and hurled it over the fence into the field.  No stings.
  23. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to High Jetter in The grumpy thread   
    I'm guessing you're not married? 
  24. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to cobblers in The grumpy thread   
    i hope it doesnt work very well
  25. Haha
    twosmoke300 reacted to cobblers in The grumpy thread   
    We're like pistonheads only without the big budget or the ability to comfortably make eye contact while talking to people
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