KruJoe

On Friday night I was to be found with a a few beers in me and a laptop on my knee with eBay open.
 
Today I collected my shite purchase, which was approximately 150 miles away from where I live. By an amazing stroke of luck the seller was in the next town along from me for the weekend visiting family and was happy to give me a lift up to Oxford to collect it from him.
 
My ride was a Range Rover P38 which was pretty plush inside but not as comfy as I was used to in the XM -

This was a mostly uneventful journey up the M5 and M4, then along the A49 to his units.

 
The seller is an Jaguar specialist and a very interesting guy. He suited a Jaaaaaag almost better than anyone else I've ever met.

Here is just one part of his lock up - Janspeed Turbo XJ40 in the foreground XJS in the middle with an XJC above then a Lynx Eventer behind.

There was about another 20 Jaguars around the site in varying states of repair, including two race spec XJSs, the carbon tub of an XJR-15 and a six liter wide arch XJS with some of the most beautiful wheels I have ever seen:

 
But enough of that very welcome diversion. Here is what I was there to collect:
This carphone:

Which is attached to this car:

A Toyota Supra 3.0i that has been laid up since the tax ran out in 2005 and has done all of 40 miles in that time. It was recently dragged out of storage and put through an MOT with just a new front caliper and a battery required.
It needs a bit of a clean inside and out but it seems to be nearly immaculate - I have found 2 small scratches on the rear quarter and that is it so far. The one majorly odd thing is the odometer which is showing 288,000 miles and yet no other part of the car is showing this sort of milage, it all looks as if it has done just 28,000 so I think there may have been a weird fault with that at some point but there is no service history so I can't confirm this.
 
Here it is driven out of the lockup -

The alloys are original and in excellent nick, even if the tyres have all the grip of banana skins.
What more everything works. The headlamps pop up, the cruise control cruises and even the air con works!
 
I set off with a little trepidation as this was to be its longest journey for a long time. I needn't have worried as it was perfect blazzing back at about 70-75 with the cruise control on. It was relaxing, comfortable, quick and generally superb. The only two issues were the radio, which was a bit rubbish and the tyres which desperately need changing.
Here it was close to home in a service station as I got back from a quick break.

I plan on giving it a damn good service. Oil and filter, air filter, cam belt and fuel filter, then change the tyres and just drive it about, wearing shades, pulling my cool face and impressing all the ladies with my pop up headlamps and remotely adjustable lumbar support.

Everything comes of age eventually I suppose and I'd happily give to space to a mk1 Laguna. 2.0 RTi or 3.0 with 200bhp please

I dunno . I think the mk1 mondeo is just starting to come through the worthless banger state. Most of the ones left that I see are quite tidy and looked after

Not sure if this is glasscock but I was just trying a new search engine and clicked on the wrong Autoshite link and came up with this:
 
http://www.funnyjunk.com/Autoshite/funny-pictures/5073763/
 

 
 

thanks for your replies guys - i will put up threads when i get around to it, i have an imp on the go at the moment that has had very major welding done to it, so when its complete i will be back on my own cars and will start new threads.

I'll be the one with an FSO

Pulling up outside the shop to collect the Friday evening takeaway, I couldn't help noticing a not unattractive girl walking down the pavement towards me. As she drew level with the car I couldn't resist giving another sideways glance, only to see her giving me an identical look out of the corner of her eyes. Admittedly she was probably only looking to see who the hell would be driving a tatty old BX round, but we both broke into wide grins as our eyes met!

I'm currently attempting to reassemble the engine bay and the bits under the dash so I can start it and see if it's got any oil pressure.  I'd hoped to refit the heater today but forgot to buy some new rubber hose so I had a go at the pedal box and master cylinders instead.
 

 
They were an absolute swine,  the pedal box has 4 threaded rods that go through the bulkhead and form studs for the brake and clutch master cylinders in the engine bay. There are 4 other securing bolts too so it seemed sensible to fit them and do the m/c's after.  This was not the case though as I couldn't get anything to fit (I have a horrible feeling that I've buggered up the alignment of something or other).
 

 
After the 3rd swearing fit I refitted the washer bottle and pipes as a stress free job to calm down.  There was a bit of overspray on the bracket though so I took it into the shed to clean up with the knot brush.  Obviously I caught it at a funny angle and sent it flying out of the vice in a new and interesting shape but a but of hammer time saw it near enough right to screw back in place.
 

 
I then returned to the pedal box,  wedging the rods through the bulkhead and a screwdriver through a bolthole held it more or less in place so I could tighten a nut onto one rod to hold it in place.  I was just fitting the brake master cylinder when Ms C arrived home and informed me that the window was stuck in the door of the Disco so I gave up on the Austin and set to bodgeing that back together.
 
First off was the grab handle swiftly followed by the doorcard and placcy liner
 

 
I pushed the window up and safely secured it.
 

 
and found this in the bottom of the door (pic taken after some wire brush action)
 

 
Next I found a 5 year old tube of windscreen sealant, unblocked it with the drill and plastered it all over the rusty lifter channel to hold the rubber in place,  wriggled it onto the mechanism then glued the window into that and shut the window and got ready for work.
 
I'll find out if that has worked in the morning
 
 
 

Scrapyard fuses are surely better value?

I've failed a few this week, a XF with a rear brake hose fouling on the parking brake mechanism, a XJ with a front brake hose fouling on the tyre on full lock, an Octavia on an anti roll bar link boot & a sharp edge (bumper corner sticking out) and a 2010 Mercedes E350 convertible on a rear tyre and an indicator repeater, it also had slight kinks in all of its inner wheel rims.
 
Reference the speed bumps, with large diameter alloy wheels and low profile tyres, you need to inspect very carefully any areas of wheel damage as cracked wheels are not unknown.
 
Talking of tyres, people just don't seem to check them.

For sale is my Citroen XM Exclusive 2.1 turbo diesel with an auto box.

 
It has MOT until March 2015 (11 months) and is currently taxed for another 5 months but this will be £80 on top of the purchase price of the car because I am a tight bastard like that.
 
At its MOT it passed with no advisories, but only after I had welded up both front jacking points, so that is now done and so this common rot spot will not need to be worried about. The bodywork is now entirely solid, it needs no welding and I cannot see it needing any welding any time soon, the bodywork does have some small dents, scuffs and stone chips as you would expect of a 1996 car with 171,000 miles.


The engine runs perfectly, and as it has a Bosch fuel pump it will run on diesel, vegetable oil, or many other vaguely flammable liquids, it also gets up to temperature nice and quickly and then stays at just below 90 degrees. The auto box changes through all its gears nice and smoothly and makes for a very relaxing drive.
 
The suspension works, and works well. It goes up, it goes down, it doesn’t leak and it has new accumulator, front and rear spheres on the under-side (these are the difficult ones to get to) and the front and rear corner spheres are nearly new.


The interior is luxurious and an exceedingly nice place to be. It has climate control (air conditioning) electric front seats, original sound system with steering wheel controls, all round electric windows and an electrically adjustable front arm-rest. The upholstery is half black leather and half alcantara which is in mostly very good condition except for a rip on the drivers’ door side bolster but material to fix this comes with the car. In the rear there are blinds incorporated into the rear parcel shelf and a Perspex screen between the rear seats and the rear hatch to stop warm air from the car escaping when the hatch is opened. Everything except the cruise control works.

The boot is massive and with the rear seat squab flipped into the foot well the rear seats fold down flat to make a massive load area.


I have been using the car daily and have racked up about 5-6 thousand miles in the past 6 months in it. I would happily drive it across Europe tomorrow and not expect any problems and for it to do about 45-50MPG.
 
It has new Khumo tyres on the front that have done all of about 200 miles and good tread on the rears. These are on its original alloy wheels. I can also offer a set of 4 winter tyres with good tread on steel wheels with XM wheel trims for £60.

Free to Autoshiters with this purchase is a new set of front disc brakes and pads, spare dot matrix display and clock and a home-made sphere removal tool.
 
So what are you waiting for, get your arse down to Tiverton, Devon (5 minutes from junction 27 of the M5) with £900 and drive away with the frugal executive barge to impress all your friends.

OMFG Bucketboy, what have you done?!
 

I'd forgotten all about those Lancer fastbacks... floating rooflines too... wibble.
Phit as phuq.
 
*Heads off for sneaky ebay search*

try again

I have been very quiet lately, mostly because I left UK and raced home to NZ after the UK govt decided that I was staying too long and gave me 2 weeks to get out. Fortunately they did not (and will not) cancel the fortnightly payment I receive from the pensions people. I actually get NZ, Aussie and Uk pensions as I spent some years in all 3 countries. I also have permanent residence in UK but somehow that has expired !
But back to home, I left a somewhat damp UK mid-Jan and arrived to the remains of a tropical cyclone, very wet but very hot and 99o/o humidity, that had gone next day and now it is just hot and sunny every day, making me think you might all want to join me !
The Corsa went to a relative so is in good hands as wifely transport. pulled into my drive at home and there was the old Audi waiting for me (thanks Jon) it has been useful since but has to go as we old pensioners find it too expensive to run.
So the hunt has been on for something a wee bit more economical and with auto trans
Finally I settled on something Japanese, white and low to the ground for added speed, it was also close by so when collecting it tomorrow there will be no saga as it should make the 45 min trip home.
The car: 1994 Mazda Lantis ex Japan and in very tidy condition, small, and with 1800 cc so should go well and be economical. More after I get it home.

Time for the Tagora of the month.
 
Let's go racing!
 

Today I saw this. One wonders if they noticed...
 

I saw a bathroom sink dumped on the side of the road this morning...
 
But I think the most numerous is the piss stained mattress or the obligatory Fridge Freezer or a cheap Halfords hubcap in a hedgerow.
 
I did find a bin liner once when I was a kid filled with packets of unopened menthol cigs which took me and my mates months to smoke down the local Rec.
 
And back in the day there always seemed to be Cassettes on the roadside where someone had got pissed off with their Harry Moss chewing them up and chucked the offending item out the car window in disgust.

Shit (dog, horse, human).

Being a cripple (broke my back 18 months ago - slipped on the decking!) I get my shopping delivered. Nice man from Sainsburys has just turned up and given me a load of money back as certain items were 'out of stock'.
 
Checking the shopping everything I ordered is there and in the correct quantities - free nosh!

Why don't councils fill in potholes by digging up speed bumps? 

I'd better start this new thread, as promised.
 
Up and running full time now on the ATL(Much prefer the old way). New garage taking off and getting busy so I'm opening this to list anything interesting,surprising or downright Autoshite.
 
So far it's been all mainstream stuff, and surprisingly as we are doing MOT's for a tenner,mostly 3-5 year old stuff. Getting a frightening amount of failures on tyres- Failed a MINT MX5 last week on all 4- plenty tread and sidewalls perfect, but has deep cracks right down to the cords all the way round the tread, in the same place on each tyre (Yokohama's). Also had the same on Dunlops and Bridgestones,all about 3-4 years old. Very odd.
 
Headlights are an issue as well, these little self levelling boxes on the suspension with the little link rod seem to be very fragile,and causing a few failures. Halfords can't fit bulbs, and have ruined a few headlights that I have seen. Orange bulbs are still a stupid idea.Most people don't realise Mk3 Mondeo's have 3 taillight bulbs each side...
 
Emissions don't seem to be an issue at all now- most cars fly through the BET test with no effort, a few newish Diesels struggle but a thrash up the road seems to sort it.
 
Broken springs, very common- Fiesta's, 206's,Ka's, Vectra's,Corsa's- they all do it. 206 and Picasso Strut top bearings are a common issue too
 
I'll keep y'all posted.

It has taken hours just to remove that knackered piston, way beyond the effin' and jeffin and right along to calling it all the c**ts under the sun.
 
I have located a replacement barrel which will need a rebore, and I can get a NOS piston, so who knows, perhaps it'll ride again?