Driving lessons from long, long ago

[Karmann Ghiaman]

I've managed to collect a few old books with titles like How to drive a car, dating back to the 1920s. Even as late as the '70s it's ANOTHER WORLD.

 

This one also tells you quite a lot about 'horse drawn vehicles' (basically still a threat to the few people in cars):

 

 

They don't make cars (or tramps) like this any more:

 

 

Still plenty of shite ruling the road in '69. Today the cyclist would get community service for not dressing like a child, wearing a helmet or being leader of the Conservative Party:

 

 

Political correctness had not yet been thought of in the 1960s. They called a spade a fookin' shovel, oh yes:

 

[M'coli]

L]

 

 

 

Today's version:-

Learn how to time your door opening just right and you can kill or maim a passing cyclist without scratching your own vehicle. That'll be another of those tree hugging barstards off the road!!!

(This is virtually from personal experience...)

[Karmann Ghiaman]

Interesting to compare the 'driver's view' of 1920 and 1970:

 

 

 

Both artists seem to find it necessary to give our hero GLOVES. In 1970 the pretty market town is quickly being swamped with shite... I suspect that the old lady who is about to find out what the front of a Triumph Herald feels like might, as her life flashes before her eyes, remember when she was last run over, 50 years earlier:

 

 

...of course in those days they weren't 'Hoodies', they were 'Hoopies'.

 

Anybody else got any interesting ol' motoring manuals?

 

(Don't forget to use your advance-retard lever).

[bigstraight6]

(Don't forget to use your advance-retard lever).

If only this was the thing of concern on todays roads, more likely to be "don't forget to be aware of the retard in the Corsa"

[Karmann Ghiaman]

The horse problem was obviously going to be solved by cars replacing those horses altogether:

 

 

Pretty incredible that they worked that out as early as about 1830. Someone had estimated that we'd all be drowning in horseshit by 2030, but YOU SEE, the CAR came along and saved us! (This is a useful piece of information to impart to eco-idiots).

 

A typical 1920s accident where you can obviously blame the horse:

 

 

This isn't in the Highway Code any more, but you still need to know it in case you're ever driving near Harrods:

 

 

One way to deal with them (though I suspect he fancies the farmer's daughter):

 

 

This guy brought a spare 2hp, but you suspect that early motorists were often torn between showing off their wheels or their horseflesh. They probably had stickers on the backs of their cars which said things like 'My other carriage is a Phaeton':

 

 

Anyway, the horses had to go. They were all dirty & smelly & Steptoe, whereas motorists had nice clean, shiny cars, hats and gloves. Four legs bad, four wheels nice...

 

 

[pompei]

I came across a couple last week who were involved in a horse accident a few months ago - it seems a crowd of pikeys had been doing some horse rustling and one escaped on the motorway - can't remember where exactly. This nag legged it into the front of their BMW, decapitating itself, writing off the car and almost killing them. The woman now has a Saab convertible It's bright yellow. She said that the colour would deter a horse were she unfortunate to find herself in a similar position again.

[STUNO]

CHLDREN, CHILDREN. I had to learn those handsignals to get a driving licence in 1963. And I still remember them!

[Karmann Ghiaman]

Having dealt with gee-gees & children, early drivers soon realised that the horseless carriage was a Babe Magnet (or Unchaperoned Lady-Attractor, as they called it in those days).

 

Unbelievably this one is from 1829. Even more unbelievably he's filling up with coke 'cos the charcoal's too expensive! This artist was clearly a prophetic genius of the first order:

 

 

Obviously it was the French who used early cars to get the girl (and drive like shit):

 

 

Once read a story about all these snazzy Ferraris & suchlike cruisin' along the beachfront at St Tropez. Unfortunately for Mr Snazzy Ferrari Man a tanned topless babe suddenly swung her superbly-rounded breasts and lissom hips onto the promenade! He promptly ran into the back of the Porsche in front (as one would). Apparently his girlfriend in the passenger seat was somewhat cross with him. Anyway, here's the 1920s equivalent (the girl's ankle on the left):

 

 

This chap, from the immortal Brockbank, bitterly regrets joining in with the bubblecar craze of the 1950s:

 

 

Three Wheeler experts: Is that a Messerschmitt they're in?

 

Hot chick in two minis from the Ministry of Transport, 1973:

 

 

Phwoar! Look at her sensible shoes!

 

Here's Janet, also from the Ministry, spotting her dream shitemobile, an Austin Maxi 1750, coming up behind her. She gazes in awe at its automotive pulchritude:

 

 

(Note that that's a deliberate hairstyle in '73, not just caused by constantly sticking her head out of the window).

[Volksy]

Here's Janet, also from the Ministry, spotting her dream shitemobile, an Austin Maxi 1750, coming up behind her. She gazes in awe at its automotive pulchritude:

 

 

(Note that that's a deliberate hairstyle in '73, not just caused by constantly sticking her head out of the window).

She's probably thinking, "Why has that idiot bought a Maxi? Do they not know that Escorts are going to be worth Zillions in a few years! Mwuhahaha!!!"

[Richard]

The Sensible Shoes car certainly looks like a Mini but I don't think it can be with a speedo like that. I don't think it's an 1100/1300 either because the wipers go the opposite way. Could she be a big girl in an Austin 1800?The Charley Says DVD offers excellent shite spotting opportunities, and quite a few jaw-dropping moments of political incorrectness. Worth every penny of £6.97.

[Karmann Ghiaman]

Thanks, Richard: I'm going to buy it. Always found it rather unlikely that cats gave a f*ck about any kind of stupid accident we might inflict upon ourselves, but still remember his quavering voice and ahead-of-its-time interest in health & safety. I am annoyed to discover that someone has just done a 'funny' book of old Highway Codes, but will probably pick one up as soon as it hits the remainder shops.

 

Irritated, too, shopping in Nottingham this morning, by a cheap copy of the toy my sister got for her birthday in 1970 clumsily labelled 'Retro Space Hopper'. The same shop had cheap fake 'Janet and John' books in the window. NO! There is no irony or amusement in such things. They are laughing AT, not smiling WITH, and probably made in that beastly Commucapitalist China too. Bah!

[Karmann Ghiaman]

Sorry, just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

Now, to get back on topic; yes, I thought that about the strange dash in Miss Sensible Shoes' car. Perhaps it was really a Maxi? Janet certainly put that through its paces:

 

 

Even from the earliest days of motoring, drivers were harrassed by the so-called forces of law & order. No doubt that chap with the foxy coquette and coke-powered car of 1829 was constantly being bothered by the Bow Street Runners. We now turn to the vexed question of those boys in blue, the rozzers, Babylon, the filth, the pigs, the busies, smokey bear, the Old Bill, Polizei, Garda, the coppers, bobbies, flatfoots, Jim Nimble - call them what you will...

 

 

No doubt STUNO remembers the above. Actually, they still like to stand in the road and wave us around, don't they? (Usually with some frightful scene of crumpled car carnage in the background).

 

In this one the policeman's saying "Looking at her ankles, was you, sir?"

 

 

Here's a nice one from Osbert Lancaster which is still relevant today (though he didn't take quite so much trouble as Brockbank did about drawing the car in the gag):

 

[STUNO]

Her in the mini is sitting in a MORRIS 1800.I had the experience of Mr Plod on traffic duty on Thursday when a power sub station here blew up and caught fire, no traffic lights for hours nad most of the shops had to close.

[Karmann Ghiaman]

Well I think we should start photographing & posting these coppers going about their busy business. And if they say, 'You can't take pictures of police officers at work, SIR.' I'll say, 'What about the three fucking photos you took of me - the ones that cost me £180 and nine points, eh? EH? I'll photograph what I like. You work for me, not the other way round, Constable.'

[garethj]

Cool scans!I've got some 1940s 'basic mechanics' books at home, probably equivalent to a dozen GCSEs today but interesting reading anyway

[Karmann Ghiaman]

'Basic' books from the '20s up till the early 1960s often require a child of 8 to have more engineering skills than a modern university professor would possess. As far as driving's concerned, I do think there's a big difference between the time when there were a limited number of 'Motorists' and today - when almost everyone has a car as a matter of course. Anyway.

 

The 1970s Department of Transport book still hasn't finished with the vexed subject of CHILDREN. Here's an unbelievably historic shot:

 

 

Prams! Remember them? The baby's wheels are as classic as the cars in that long-lost world. Note also the small family business shops which had been there since the 1880s, but are just now (at the tail end of the 1960s) beginning to fail (the ominous TO LET sign). That street will now consist of McDonalds, Next, Primark, Starbucks, Wilko, etc. Is that a Hillman Imp being stared down by the sinister trio?

 

Another picture with children in it is, if anything, even more disturbing. Just in case you couldn't imagine it for yourself they set up this unconvincing one of some of the little darlings 'playing in the street':

 

 

An early photoshoot for the late Paula Yates by the looks of things.

 

Another fetishist at the DoT couldn't resist a close-up of the SENSIBLE SHOES:

 

 

My wife will probably say that they are from Dolcis's 'Charley Girl' range of 1972. But what's the car?

 

Occasionally they managed to tear themselves away from children & horses and put in a few pictures of, er, motor cars. Shitehawks will gaze in awe at this, including the van:

 

 

Could it have been taken from a bridge? A lovely scene, but tragedy lurked just around the corner...

 

 

When will they ever learn?

[Richard]

Here is a Ladybird book about The Policeman. They were innocent times Click

[pompei]

Loved that Ladybird pastiche

[Karmann Ghiaman]

Loved that Ladybird pastiche

Me too! Genius

[bones96]

them ladybird books are genius