You know you're driving shite when....

[25v6turbo]

P.S this a BRILLIANT THREAD....keep them comingmy mother in law just doesn,t get it!!

[hotford00]

When its MOT time and the patches that you previously welded in have rotted through for the third time

[Guest]

When these are in your car window

 

 

Or you "pocket" spark plugs when vising the scrappy as new ones are too dear for it

[Guest]

I got a replica Radio 1 sticker from that I Say Ding Dong person, because I'm a bit of a loser. Wish someone would do replicas of the rectangular "AA Relay" sticker.

[Justin Case]

When you wish to open a window you deftly remove the rubber wedge between glass and frame

[scrappylad]

When its MOT time you tape over rust holes in the sills & underseal over them in a vain attempt of a pass. Errr, and indeed, it passes!You remove drain plugs to allow the inevitable water leaks to drain out.You reposition the tax disc to disguise the crack thats appeared in the windscreen.The petrol attendant requests that you push your car off the forecourt before starting it due to the petrol pissing out from the rusted filler pipe during refuelling.You find out the cost of a new battery for your Sierra & decide jump starting every morning is quite acceptable.When you wash your car you need to get a weeks dirt on it before it looks in 'okay' condition again.You have to pull out the choke or employ some fancy foot work to keep the engine running when pulling up at junctions or such like, not even when the engine's cold.Any money you spend on repairs or new parts, you KNOW you're never gonna get anything back on it.When you enquire about trading your current car against something the guy says "It's only really worth scrap value, sorry to sound harsh"All true. There's many more.

[scrappylad]

When you wish to open a window you deftly remove the rubber wedge between glass and frame

Or you just open the door to pay the toll at the Forth Road bridge (tolls now abolished!).

[Albert Ross]

When you park in a town centre car park, you return to find NOBODY has parked next to you, even though other cars are circulating, prowling for spaces. You leave a window open, and a neighbour tells you, but you leave it open all night, and it's STILL there in the morning!You get a flat, and realise your spare is also flat, so you walk home to get another car with a good spare in, and when you get back to the first car, it has a "Police Aware" sticker on it.When a bird shits on it, you leave it on, to see how long it lasts........When changing lanes, at the last minute, you always seem to get across, as nobody wants you too close to their 58 plate Resin Rep Rocket.You go to your local motor factors, and ask for a spare part for your car, and he shakes his head, knowingly.When you go to the scrappy for a part for another car, the bloke at the office who saw you pull up says they only buy late model stuff, try the place around the corner.When you go to put fuel in, the filling station attendant laughs and suggests you've doubled the value.You go food shopping, and have to move a propshaft, spare battery, jack, toolkit, fuel can, and a box of other assorted crap, just to get the food in the boot.

[CortinaDave]

there are mice living in your boot/feasting on your seatsthe window winders are so stiff you have acquired one arm noticeably more built up than the other from the effort requiredThe window winders wont stay on, so you keep them in the centre console and bring them out when neededyou have a "car phone"you paint up to the trim line on the door with underseal to hide the rusting door bottoms.You employ a coathanger as an arielYou have an Atlantic 252 sticker ( by the way where did you find those old radio one stickers? I'd love something like that on my capri!)

[mk2_craig]

You know your car's shite when the neighbour opposite grumpily tells you they've had their house valued and the presence of your pride and joy in the vicinity knocked twenty grand off. (True story!)

[VWPowered]

when EVERYONE comes up and how they used to have one of those years ago...i had a mk1 scirocco and had a chap congratulate me on my fine passat and how much he loved his but his wife made him sell etc (i didnt have the heart to say its a scirocco lol)

[Guest]

In my case it was when looking for my next car my dad said he would be disowning me if I came back with a Reliant or triumph (On that occasion I got an Avenger)

[VWPowered]

when the scrapman arrives *scratches head* well guvnor tell you what 3à notes and i'll take it away cant say fairer than that if fact i still use the line now if im looking at a car, 'well have so many but i'll offer you more than the scrapman just to take it away thiunk about it give me a call'... provided me with years of cheap motoring pleasure

[AXrescuer]

You have an Atlantic 252 sticker ( by the way where did you find those old radio one stickers? I'd love something like that on my capri!)

Good old Atlantic 252, now you're talking! I'm good mates with Charlie Wolf, one of the presenters that used to be on there.

[VWPowered]

whore refuses to get in your car unless you pay full up front

[Talbot]

.. you can jump out of the car and fix a known problem under the bonnet within the time stopped at red traffic lights... you know that if it doesn't start first time, you'll be swapping batteries all day... you start using part-worn brake pads in order to roughly match the wear on all the other pads... you can read fuel / temperature gauges and get voltage information from them, and know if your alternator has failed (again)... you think nothing of pumping the brakes twice before getting any backpressure on the pedal... you know every single layby and parking area on your journey to work, and have broken down in most of them... you carry oil, water, brake fluid, belts, nuts, bolts, cables, relays, fuses, a full tool kit and just about anything else you can chance at the roadside on even the shortest of journeys... you find the reliability of modern cars rather boring and mundane.

[VWPowered]

you find the reliability of modern cars rather boring and mundane.

what new cars are now reliable, dont believe that for one second

[wuvvum]

When muppets in silver 53-plate BMW 320i's almost drive into traffic islands in an effort to stop your £150 shitter beating them away from the lights.

[Justin Case]

When the vicar asks you not to park in front of the church because it spoils the wedding photographs.

Game, set and match, Sir T

[mnde]

When you have mastered the art of double declutching, or changing gear without using the clutch.When you own a car from the 70s/80s that can be started using a handle.When you habitually park your car in 1st/reverse gear to stop it rolling on a hill because the handbrake is a vestigial contraption.When your handbrake or gearlever (or both) protude from the dashboard or steering column.When your car's engine runs-on for ages having switched off the ignition!When you forgive it for a legion of small faults that you'd be onto the garage about quick smart if it was a new car.When your passenger points at the flashing orange choke warning light on the instrument panel and asks if there's something wrong. When you explain it's for the choke they ask "What's a choke?" (It happened to me!)When you get the cloying aroma of engine oil (aircooled) or coolant (water cooled) in the cabin when you've got the heater on.When you can smell petrol (or two stroKe!) on the move with the windows open.When you have to slam the doors quite hard to get them to shut properly.When you have to lift the driver's door while shutting it.When you have to guide the glass back into its channel as you wind up the window.When the interior doorhandle is missing and you just pull on the rod through the apeture.When the rear demist doesn't.When someone approaches you in a carpark while you're under the bonnet of your car, and ask you if anything's wrong/"won't it start?". You reply that you're just checking the levels.When finding reverse in a friend's new acquisition is like being on the Krypton Factor (Saab 95! Took me a lot of trial and error the first time I took to the wheel!)When your car makes rattly noises under acceleration, but it's not the engine, it's the exhaust blowing.When you complain about squeaks, rattles, rumbles etc. and your friend just shrugs and says "turn up the radio!"