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Adventures in the shallow end. A Jim Bell (TM) rolling tat thread.


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#1 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 25 January 2019 - 11:42 PM

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Thank you all for coming. Please take a seat and attach your name badge.

Feeling comfortable? Good.

Welcome to an introduction to CBT (Car Buying Tommorow).

In this workshop we will explore why I am buying a car tomorrow and talk about how this makes our undercroft feel. We will also look at techniques that may help us all NOT buy a car tomorrow.

Section 1) how do you feel?

See fig.1


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#2 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 25 January 2019 - 11:45 PM

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Module 1)
IDENTIFYING THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & BEHAVIOURS

The first step involves learning about how to notice when you have an irrational urge to buy a car, along with the associated feelings and behaviours. Normally, we simply react to thoughts and feelings rather than notice or question them.

Let's use a recent example, when you've been distressed - perhaps something has happened in the past week or so when you've felt particularly anxious, angry, or depressed. And this makes you want to buy a car.


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#3 OFFLINE   cobblers

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Posted 25 January 2019 - 11:46 PM

I've been listening to some podcast where an irish dude with a carrier bag on his head talks me through mental health strategies and I thought this was going to be a helpful post along those lines. It's not but there's going to be a car in the end so I'll absolutely take that.


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#4 OFFLINE   Supernaut

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Posted 25 January 2019 - 11:51 PM

I've been listening to some podcast where an irish dude with a carrier bag on his head talks me through mental health strategies and I thought this was going to be a helpful post along those lines. It's not but there's going to be a car in the end so I'll absolutely take that.


Irish dude with a plastic bag on his head?



Also, I'll laugh like fuck if it's one of the cars mentioned in that song.
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I don't have a 320touring, but I have a 320coupe, which previously belonged to 320touring.

Speak to other shiters on Discord!

#5 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 25 January 2019 - 11:52 PM

Module 2.

FEELINGS.

What distressing emotion/s did you feel when you saw a reasonably priced car from the 1990s for sale locally?
E.g. Anger, anxiety, terror, rage, depression, frustration, guilt, shame.

What did you notice in your body?
E.g. In anxiety and anger (and excitement) the body's adrenaline can result in us feeling physical sensations which include: heart pounding or racing, palpitations, rapid breathing, difficulty breathing, massive erection or 'wide-on', feeling light-headed, dizzy, shaky, sweaty, hot, red, pins & needles, tense or sore muscles, urge to go to the toilet, butterflies in the tummy, warm uncomfortable feeling in the abdomen or chest, difficulty concentrating, lump in throat. This is the fight & flight response - the body's survival mechanism which helps us escape or to stand up to the threat at times of real danger. The body is unable to differentiate between a real or imagined danger, so the alarm signal is pressed and activated regardless.

In depression, we can feel tired, lethargic, exhausted, experience appetite and sleep changes, aches and pains, headaches, digestive changes (e.g. constipation), agitation and feel unable to settle, experience lack of interest in sex, and have slow movement or speech.

All of these things are common when you decide to buy a car tomorrow and put a deposit down blind on the internet to some stranger called Gavin.

See fig 2.

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#6 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:11 AM

Module 7..

Fight or flight.

Imagine you are walking through a forest alone and hear the rustling of leaves and the ominous crack of a branch behind you. You freeze, listening hard to figure out what is back there. For fucks sake it could be a 1991 mark 5 Escort diesel with a full service history with a reasonable asking price of three hundred and fifty pounds. You turn slowly and see a E36 staring at you, ready to drive away for a good cash offer. Your heart is racing and you are rigid with fizzing energy. You have three choices: stay frozen, run, or turn and fight. And buy fight, I mean BUY A CAR.


The fear responses are generally considered:

1. Bid low and Avoid (vigilance, scan for bargains, avoid the danger if possible)

2. Flight (submission or retreat. I.e. be a timewaster)

4. Fight (dominance or attack buy doing a buy)

5. Freeze (immobility, paralyzed in fear, “scared stiff”)

6. Fold/Faint (bad fright immobility, helplessness, “panic attacks,” or dissociation once captured)

When humans detect a possible bargain car, the signals go to various parts of the brain, which triggers the adrenal glands to release hormones such as epinephrine (adrenaline). The body instantly responds with increased blood flow, heart rate, breathing, and sweating, left foot twitching in the case of manually geared cars, all preparing the body to quickly make an offer or shit pant. This process happens at a biochemical level that we are unaware of, yet is so powerful it allows us to instantly jump out of the way of a runaway car.

These hormonal responses also heighten the emotions. When you feel the urge to buy a reasonably priced car, your emotions are on high alert and can feel overwhelming. If you have ever been in a car accident, you know the sensation of your heart pounding and palms getting clammy afterward. You may also have shidded pant. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You may have been quick to anger afterwards they may have been nice trousers– did you want to yell at the other driver even if the accident was your fault? And let's face it, it was. Later, you may have felt shaky and tearful and wanted to leave the scene (flight). After stressful situations, such as arguments or crying, we often feel exhausted (fold response) and want to buy a brand new Kia on finance. You may not have realized you were at the mercy of a primal survival reaction.

The best way to remain prepared is to always carry £400 cash along with a spare pair of brown or yellow underpants.



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#7 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:11 AM

*break for lunch*
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#8 ONLINE   vulgalour

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:14 AM

Not the CBT I was expecting.  Don't internet that with your safe search off.


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#9 OFFLINE   83C

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:15 AM

You're already doing better than most courses like this, its lunch break and I've not fallen asleep!


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  • 1984 Leyland Tiger - big, slow. Much like the owner.
  • 1990 Land Rover 90 - awaiting regeneration.
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  • 2013 Kawasaki ZZR-1400 - small, fast. 

#10 ONLINE   vulgalour

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:19 AM

I haven't accidentally exploded a stress toy all over myself, the desk, and my neighbouring colleague so it's definitely doing better than the last meeting I was in.  Still, it meant I found out who was a human being and who wanted to climb the Ladder Of Despair and Incentivise Their Promotiveness to The Position Of Head Brown Nose by who found it amusing and who found it the least professional incident they'd ever witnessed.


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#11 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:21 AM

I don't call mine a stress toy but I know what you mean.

*Wink*
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#12 ONLINE   wuvvum

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:23 AM

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Hope it's not inappropriate of me to say that you have a very adequate pair of tits for a middle-aged northern bloke.


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#13 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:24 AM

Hope it's not inappropriate of me to say that you have a very adequate pair of tits for a middle-aged northern bloke.


Everyone says so.
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#14 OFFLINE   somewhatfoolish

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:30 AM

This is a duality thing, yes? Yin, the contemplative side wishing to bash Yang's incontinently auto-purchasing brains out with a rock for the good of humanity. I've never considered the irrational desire to buy random chod to be analogous to a rapey-looking bloke with a ski-mask. I'll be in the corner, rocking gently in my happy place.
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#15 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:30 AM

Oh I probably should have mentioned in the introduction that this thread is a placeholder for an ill-advised collection taking place tomorrow.

Guesses accepted but not encouraged.
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#16 OFFLINE   njgleeds

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:40 AM

Not the CBT I was expecting. Don't internet that with your safe search off.


I’m so glad I’m not the only one...
1993 T4 2.4D
1990 C124 300E
1994 C140 500 SEC
2005 XC90 D5 Dog cart
How many P38s??
1990 Eunos Roadster
2004 9-5 Aero HOT estate

#17 OFFLINE   somewhatfoolish

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:41 AM

Nissan Almera with a dodgy wheel bearing.
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#18 OFFLINE   chodweaver

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 12:45 AM

Oh, good! Ill advised collections are my absolute favourite. I get to live vicariously through the documenting of another shiter's new encumbrance. Its minging bits. Its bodges. Its expensive and inevitably missing parts of unobtainium. Its FTPs.

Please, do go on...

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

'Ridiculing shit engineering for over half a century'

 

Vomit colour Corsa 1.4 Comfort badermatic (the one constant, reliable thing in my life /Quentin)

XM 2.1 SEDTurbo (leaky driveway ornament)

LT Multicruiser (guest bedroom and backup kitchen)

Mk1 MR2 (rumours of its health are lies)

 

In the Voyager Sanitorium:

Chrysler Graf Spee Limited 3.3 + LPG (suspected OMGHG, Driver's window failure, ABS, AC and driver's seat heater failures)

Spears and reapers Chrysler Graf Spee Limited 3.3 + LPG (suspected long term abuse by PO, passenger's window failure)

 

(I'm sure I've forgotten at least one...)


#19 OFFLINE   binhoker668

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 01:19 AM

Absolute fucking tears here!
And I am buying a car tomorrow.
Unless it’s shit as fuck.
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1986 Austin Montego (Exec)
1988 Fiat Uno
1986 Volvo 340 DL
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1992 Peugeot 205 'Junior'

1993 Peugeot 205 'Junior'
1993 Ford Transit (Smiley)
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2000 Ford Transit (Smiley)
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1994 Peugeot 405 GLX
1995 Peugeot 405 GLX
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2004 Seat Toledo II TDi (PD130)

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#20 OFFLINE   derskine

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 01:40 AM

Brilliant, some shitpeas excellence right here.
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1966 MK1 Cortina 1500 Deluxe
1971 Hillman Imp

1983 Volkswagen Polo Breadvan
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#21 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 06:02 AM

Not the CBT I was expecting.  Don't internet that with your safe search off.

 

 

 

 

 

people_take_a_driving_test_for_drivers_l

 

 

c3.jpg

 

 

tenor.gif?itemid=5099051


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"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#22 ONLINE   Split_Pin

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 06:57 AM

This is all absolutely me right now.
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Audi 80 Cabrio  |  Renault Clio 172  |  Vauxhall Corsa B  |  Dacia Duster


#23 ONLINE   UltraWomble

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 07:08 AM

BMW 3 series floppy top


The Picasso is the future Morris Minor.

Citroen C8 Citroen Picasso Tomos Disco NVT Easy Rider Honda NH80 

 


#24 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 07:44 AM

BMW 3 series floppy top


Are you calling me an arsehole mate? Because it sounds like you're calling me an arsehole.
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#25 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 08:11 AM

Module 19c.

Coping mechanisms.
Weighing the pros and cons.

When faced with a decision about buying a car on impulse though it would be detrimental to our mental health, we sometimes may feel paralyzed or trapped. We may not know what is the best choice. One way to move forward is to weigh the short- and long-term pros and cons of a situation. Doing so can help us identify the best path (that is, a path that is associated with low risk and is consistent with our goals and priorities) to take. Take into consideration how much you value your testicles and how irate your loved ones or partner may be if a 1993 Toyota Carina appears on the driveway without warning.

It may be prudent to remind yourself periodically of your goal.

See fig 9.

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#26 ONLINE   loserone

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 08:20 AM

This is all very well, but when a sensible car turns up which you have no need for and is only slightly more than a full electric car chargers away, how could you not find some neighbouring street to keep it in far away from your newly double glazed home?
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405 with two engines, Leaf, 206 GTI  Legacy H6 Spec BMGF VVC


#27 OFFLINE   somewhatfoolish

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 08:25 AM

Do you have to use genuine 3M Post-It™ notes, or will cheapo knock-offs do?
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#28 OFFLINE   chaseracer

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 08:27 AM

Post-It bukkake?  This is taking a very strange turn, even for this place.

 

Carry on, do.


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2018 DS 3 - Domestic Management's staff car

2009 Cannondale Quick CX - too much like hard work
2003 Citroen Berlingo 2.0HDi - buggering on regardless
1995 Peugeot 205 Inca 1.7D - working
1982 Citroen Dyane 6 - hiding...

Completely Understanding Nuanced Thinking - Yes,

More Opinions Desired...


#29 ONLINE   paulscavalier

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 08:30 AM

Too late for me now. But scary accurate
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1991 Peugeot 405 SRi ( Daily Driver)
1993 Cavalier 1.8 Colorado (stored available)
2005 Honda Accord 2.2 CDTI Tourer (active)

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#30 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 January 2019 - 08:45 AM

Module 69 (nice).
Family.

Thoughts are powerful, and negative ones can create a host of communication and relationship problems within a family when you Buy a Car Tommorow without notice or warning. Try to work on replacing negative thoughts and beliefs with positive ones to improve family behavior. Try to be understanding of your partner's obsessions when it comes to knackered old motor vehicles. Remember to avoid direct confrontational behaviour and avoid using negative terms.

See fig roll.

20190126_083228.jpg


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