Cars that don't exist but should

[quicksilver]

We've had cars you never knew existed and those you forgot existed, but what about cars you think should exist and the manufacturers have missed an opportunity by not making them? We all love a bit of armchair engineering, so to start the ball rolling I present my two candidates:

 

1. A modern retro-styled Citroen 2CV. The roaring success of retro cars like the Bini, Beetle and Fiat 500 is clear to see, so Citroen must be missing a trick by not taking a C2 or whatever and clothing it in a curvy body with two-tone paint and a canvas roof that looks something like the original 2CV, then selling it to trendy urban hipster types.

 

2. A Land Rover pickup. Yes I know you could get the Defender as a pickup but that really wasn't a rival for the likes of the Hilux and Navara. 4x4 pickups are big business, especially in double-cab form with big blingy alloys, so I imagine one with a Land Rover badge would sell like hotcakes on the strength of the name alone.

 

What else do you think the car manufacturers should be making but aren't?

[kinkersaab]

Citroen tried it with the pluriel.....euuurgh. FAIL   I would like to see subaru bring out a Dacia Duster type basic petrol 4x4. with the Subaru badge they would sell very well. 

[Datsuncog]

A modern retro-styled Citroen 2CV. The roaring success of retro cars like the Bini, Beetle and Fiat 500 is clear to see, so Citroen must be missing a trick by not taking a C2 or whatever and clothing it in a curvy body with two-tone paint and a canvas roof that looks something like the original 2CV, then selling it to trendy urban hipster types.

 

Agree that Citroen are missing a 2CV-shaped trick - I suppose the C3 Pluriel/Pleurisy was a stab at just such a thing, but (aside from the dreadful leaks and reliability issues) I think they didn't make enough of the heritage link, and it emerged as neither one thing nor t'other.

 

 

A retro-Renault with a nod to the original R4 stylings, possibly wearing Dacia badges, should be a winner. Think how much those Nissan Pao imports seem to go for...

 

EDIT: aah, Kinkersaab beat me to it with the Cit!

[anonymous user]

A Morris Minor Traveller, no frills, still with sliding rear windows and double rear doors rather than some new-fangled tailgate.

 

Not sure who would make it, given the demise of the parent company, perhaps Chinese MG might want to do one

[RayMK]

Citroen thought about it in 2005 but this attractive retro 2cv did not make it.

 

https://www.autoexpress.co.uk/1817/legend-returns-as-2cv-is-reborn-pictures

[JimH]

Two on my list to Santa would be

 

1. A better built but just as simple proper Ford Ka.

2. A proper coupe MX-5 with a nice hatch and low, flat boot floor. Just like a less bollocks MGB GT.

[mercrocker]

A Morris Minor Traveller, no frills, still with sliding rear windows and double rear doors rather than some new-fangled tailgate.

 

Not sure who would make it, given the demise of the parent company, perhaps Chinese MG might want to do one

 

I had this very thought the other day when stuck in traffic.  What prompted this musing was a Bini van in front of me.  Rather too "frilled up" to fit the New Traveller idea but certainly on the right sort of lines. 

 

A modern equivalent I crave is the spiritual successor to things like LX Granadas or FD Victors.   A big saloon, RWD, with absolutely no electronics beyond those demanded by law or basic operation.   Cloth seats, analogue instruments, wheel trims you could take off and store until re-sale and a proper steering wheel that did not pander to the gamer generation.   You would probably have to make a fundamental "I Know What I am Doing" declaration to the dealership in order to buy it but that is the kind of car I crave.   Not for now, for about 5 years time when I could buy it secondhand.....

[Dan the van]

Proper car derived vans rather than the horrid Postman Pat stuff.I loved my Astravans,they sold gazillions of all models.Fuck knows why Vauxhall stopped making them.

[Guest Conan]

Factory 190E with M111 or M104. C-Class W202 was crap and they should've just keep on making the 190E for another few years.

[Supernaut]

I had this very thought the other day when stuck in traffic.  What prompted this musing was a Bini van in front of me.  Rather too "frilled up" to fit the New Traveller idea but certainly on the right sort of lines. 

 

A modern equivalent I crave is the spiritual successor to things like LX Granadas or FD Victors.   A big saloon, RWD, with absolutely no electronics beyond those demanded by law or basic operation.   Cloth seats, analogue instruments, wheel trims you could take off and store until re-sale and a proper steering wheel that did not pander to the gamer generation.   You would probably have to make a fundamental "I Know What I am Doing" declaration to the dealership in order to buy it but that is the kind of car I crave.   Not for now, for about 5 years time when I could buy it secondhand.....

Yes! I've been thinking the same thing recently.

I want a big, comfy car that's also basic. Not full of electronics. Simply comfortable and quiet but basic with cloth/velour seats, steel wheels etc. The only concession to laziness I would want in a car like that would be cruise control.

 

Kind of why I still rather like my E36 coupe. Ok, it's not a 'big' car these days, but in its day it was a reasonable size, and it's still much better insulated than an equivalent supermini or whatever. It's otherwise fairly basic though, relative to current cars anyway.

[Stanky]

What options are there for normal car-derived pickups too? My late father lamented the discontinuation of the VW Caddy/Skoda Pickup/Felicia Fun (he had 2 of these) as the last 1/2 tonne pickups.

 

The Proton Jumbuck came along a couple of years later but since they were binned off in the UK in ~2005 (?) its just been the Hilux/Navarra/L200 pickups beloved of people with steriod problems and fuses measured in nanometres. Other stereotypes are available on demand.

 

Presumably there isn't a market for car-based pickups any more which is a shame. I loved the two Felicia Fun's he had when i was a teenager, they were great for transporting stuff around the smallholding we had and for moving tat around generally, and were an entirely viable family 4 seater with the truckman top fitted for poorer weather, though on the move without the top, you rarely got wet in the back seats unless you were stationary, the airflow blew most of it over the cab top.

 

You'd not get more than 6 bales of straw or whatever in the back of a Navarra crew cab, so the load bay is really no bigger than it was in the Felicia Fun with the back seats folded up. What weight are they rated to carry? A tonne presumably? (before snapping the chassis etc etc)

[Dan the van]

My mate can get 16 small bales on the back of his Navara.It looks highly unstable lol.

[UltraWomble]

Modern "breadvan" small 3 door estate type car.

 

I had a Polo breadvan when they were not fashion items and it was a brilliantly versatile car.

[Squire_Dawson]

Yes! I've been thinking the same thing recently.

I want a big, comfy car that's also basic. Not full of electronics. Simply comfortable and quiet but basic with cloth/velour seats, steel wheels etc. The only concession to laziness I would want in a car like that would be cruise control.

 

Kind of why I still rather like my E36 coupe. Ok, it's not a 'big' car these days, but in its day it was a reasonable size, and it's still much better insulated than an equivalent supermini or whatever. It's otherwise fairly basic though, relative to current cars anyway.

 

Ford Crown Vic? That's the closest modern equivalent I can think of.

[Datsuncog]

What options are there for normal car-derived pickups too?

 

Grey imports from Bakkie-land (SA)...

 

 

 

Or crack out the angle grinder and Poundland rattlecans?

 

[Lacquer Peel]

What options are there for normal car-derived pickups too? My late father lamented the discontinuation of the VW Caddy/Skoda Pickup/Felicia Fun (he had 2 of these) as the last 1/2 tonne pickups.

 

The Proton Jumbuck came along a couple of years later but since they were binned off in the UK in ~2005 (?) its just been the Hilux/Navarra/L200 pickups beloved of people with steriod problems and fuses measured in nanometres. Other stereotypes are available on demand.

 

Presumably there isn't a market for car-based pickups any more which is a shame. I loved the two Felicia Fun's he had when i was a teenager, they were great for transporting stuff around the smallholding we had and for moving tat around generally, and were an entirely viable family 4 seater with the truckman top fitted for poorer weather, though on the move without the top, you rarely got wet in the back seats unless you were stationary, the airflow blew most of it over the cab top.

 

You'd not get more than 6 bales of straw or whatever in the back of a Navarra crew cab, so the load bay is really no bigger than it was in the Felicia Fun with the back seats folded up. What weight are they rated to carry? A tonne presumably? (before snapping the chassis etc etc)

Small car based pickups exist but not for us sadly.

 

 

 

 

 

[sierraman]

Cavalier mk3 Estate. I don’t know why they never did this?

[angle]

Yes! I've been thinking the same thing recently.

I want a big, comfy car that's also basic. Not full of electronics. Simply comfortable and quiet but basic with cloth/velour seats, steel wheels etc. The only concession to laziness I would want in a car like that would be cruise control.

 

Kind of why I still rather like my E36 coupe. Ok, it's not a 'big' car these days, but in its day it was a reasonable size, and it's still much better insulated than an equivalent supermini or whatever. It's otherwise fairly basic though, relative to current cars anyway.

Probably doesn't meet the 'not full of electrics' requirement, but grey import Crown Comfort hybrid? Thousands of Osaka taxi drivers can't be wrong...

 

https://m.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C952738

 

[Stanky]

Small car based pickups exist but not for us sadly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry yes, I was bemoaning the lack of availability in the UK market, rather than not being made anywhere. Some of them look genuinely decent and I'm astonished they aren't sold here. There must be a niche below farmers with proper offroaders for those needing to move stuff about , but who don't want either a hilux because its overkill or a modeo estate that'd end up full of straw and crap. Maybe its just me, and thats why they don't bother.

[Uncle Jimmy]

A proper fucking Volvo made out of steel plate and built in a brick shithouse factory in Gothenburg by some big hirsuit blokes with no sense of humour.

[Uncle Jimmy]

Was there not supposed to be a newold Renner 4 entering production soon?

[Stanky]

Grey imports from Bakkie-land (SA)...

 

Opel Corsa B Pickup.jpg

 

 

Or crack out the angle grinder and Poundland rattlecans?

 

UK Vauxhall Corsa pickup.jpg

 

Somewhere, there is a graph showing the exact point in time when they stopped selling 1/2 tonne pickups in the UK, and people started using angle grinders to turn mk1 tigras into 'pickups' which are all out of MOT but 'shud pass anuvva 1 ezi m8'

 

dismal.

[Uncle Jimmy]

A Morris Minor Traveller, no frills,

This.

Is what many shitters would love to be able to buy and work on. I suppose we could all decamp to Nigeria and start production of a new Marse Miner there.

[Uncle Jimmy]

Somewhere, there is a graph showing the exact point in time when they stopped selling 1/2 tonne pickups in the UK, and people started using angle grinders to turn mk1 tigras into 'pickups' which are all out of MOT but 'shud pass anuvva 1 ezi m8'

 

dismal.

1986.

[tooSavvy]

Skoda *Estelle, late rear suspension/twin pot brakes + RoverKettle [supercharged, for SuicideJockeys !!]

 

*for an Elise owner who goes out with friends......

[Aston Martin]

The S-Cargo was 2cv-ish.

 

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nissan_S-Cargo#/media/File%3ANissan_S-Cargo_001.JPG

[Spottedlaurel]

Isn't the issue with small, car-derived vans and pickups sold here and in Europe something to do with their minimum payload/loadbay dimensions and how they're taxed?

 

This is quite specific, but as for me I'd like an estate version of the Lexus IS or GS, or the forthcoming Camry. The German makers churn out all manner of non-SUV estates in a huge variety of engine/trim combinations, but there's very little competition to them from the Japanese makers.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

A Morris Minor Traveller, no frills, still with sliding rear windows and double rear doors rather than some new-fangled tailgate.

Not sure who would make it, given the demise of the parent company, perhaps Chinese MG might want to do one

[D Spares & Tyres]

A brand new car with no daft electrics that could be serviced by the home mechanic. If such a thing existed then I would seriously consider buying one. Always fancied a new car but I'm not wasting any money on these newfangled white goods as I want something I can maintain myself indefinitely.

[solid61]

Rover 827 estate would have been nice,would have taken sales from Volvo,ford and many others,another opportunity missed and it would have looked stunning(in my opinion).