The air lay heavy and dense over us, like a dense and heavy blanket. We still had many miles to travel, my Japanese companion and I.
It was time to take a break. The relentless, pounding, quivering pace was taking it's toll on me. We stopped just off the Motor Highway and I found some nearby facilities to powder my bits.
After visiting a quaint little artisan bakery by the name of Gregg's (no Quail eggs or three duck roulade though. These poor deprived northern neanderthal folks!) the heavens opened so I slipped back inside my warm, willing oriental accomplice.
He accommodated my ample girth comfortably. His seats were beautifully curved, like a well made bell, and they accepted my taught rippling torso with relish.
Looking ahead, there was anonymity. No badges or brands. A cabin of grey simplicity, no clue to the character beneath. It was almost like he was trying to hide, maybe running from something. Or someone.
His previous master, a Mr J Gareth, had sent me a telegram in the preceding days urging me to 'give it the beans in 2nd, 3rd and 4th'. As my Asian amour and I exited the Motor ServiceWay Station I gave him all my beans. A big tin too, not one of those little ones, and with the sausages that look like newborn mice.
He took my stick and with a small quiver, we flew into the distance. By crikey he can move. And being Japanese he can take these spankings and come back for more, over and over again.
Upon our arrival in Newcastle by the sea, we were met by the men of the north. They were gentle men, but firm in all the right places. They were dignified men of honour, their manes billowing in the sultry wind, rippling and quivering muscles barely contained under their silken garments. They took their Suzuki, plied me with alcohol, pecked me on the cheek, patted my bum and sent me on my way.
I got an express motorcoach from a ladyboy revue bar to a village called Milton Keynes. From there I walked along many wistful country lanes, my long fluttering golden locks shone in the ravishing sunlight.
It was a very pleasant promenade through the countryside, with joy in my heart and sweat in my crack.
I then had a poo in a field, saw some geese and went home. The end.