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Guest Message by DevFuse
 

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Brown Avensis. *Eyes down*

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428 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 10:44 PM

fd04.gif


Father Dowling: What troubles you my child.


Me: Forgive me father, for I have shited.
It has been almost three months since my last collection.
I have lusted after and coveted many cars in this time and my resolve of abstinence from sale and purchase hath failed. I have looked upon a car of low financial outlay and have decided to put myself inside it. I fear I will put myself inside it many times and be satisfied each time.
It is brown.
What would Freud say?

Bless me father for tonight I lay down carless and cleansed, and in tomorrow there lies mild debauchery and small adventure.


Father Dowling: Give me two hail holy Marys and three hello Dollys.

fd06.gif

Now go in peace.
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#2 ONLINE   SiC

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 10:46 PM

Getting a Triumph Dolomite? Or did I read into the above too literally.
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Oldies: 1972 Austin 1100 2dr - Project Rust bucket, 1974 MGB GT - A stereotypical classic car.
Moderns: 2008 Audi TT - Utterly boring but very compentent, 2010 Aldi A4 - Owned to placate the wife on my crap buying.

#3 OFFLINE   loserone

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 10:49 PM

Oh this is going to be good.


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405 with no head, Leaf, 206 GTI with a knackered axle, Legacy H6 Spec B.  Half a.. something. It's japanese and silver, but I don't remember it.
Moaty's cat's back, Zak.


#4 OFFLINE   Felly Magic

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:02 PM

Careful hanging round that 'priest', people end up dead when he's around. Personally I blame that young 'nun' who is clearly a convict on the run LOL


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Yer can't beat a bit o' Autoshite

Felly :P

#5 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:05 PM

Before retiring I consumed a meat pie that had been left in the sun at some length. It filled only some of the hole inside of me and churned as I slept.

Hours passed and I awoke with a start. I was sweating, I had pood the bed and before me was a shimmering vision of St Jude.

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St Jude:
I am St Jude. The patron saint of hopelessness and lost causes. You might recognise me from the internet. You will be going on a medium length journey. Be unafraid. You may have to pass into foreign land where money is slightly different. Do not worry. The sausages you encounter may be square, but be unafraid. What would Freud say? If you hear a noise that disturbs you, it may be the devil manifesting in a wheel bearing. Pay him no attention. Carry on your journey regardless.

Me: I dont feel well.


St Jude: Go back to Sleep.

Me: Ok. I like your big madalion.

St Jude: Thanks I got it at Argos. You can have a wear of it one day maybe.

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#6 OFFLINE   chancer

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:10 PM

Enjoy! Must say i was tempted by this brown girl...all them minicab drivers cant be wrong...
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#7 OFFLINE   FOAD

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:15 PM

You'll be up my neck of the woods, feel free to stop by to look at some shite cars if you like. You can have a go in your old 305 estate...


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#8 ONLINE   Parky

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:18 PM

I am slightly concerned there is some sort of chemical reaction going on with that pie, because that’s not St Jude, that’s 1976 Kris Kristofferson. He definitely would get his medallions at Argos.

Hope you feel better in the morning, and be thankful 1976 Kris Kristofferson didn’t bring Streisand with him as they might have started a duet in your bedroom. Although the profuse vomiting would have cleared the pie out nicely
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#9 ONLINE   Aston Martin

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:20 PM


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If you're going to have a funky car, have it in a funky colour.


#10 OFFLINE   davehedgehog31

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:20 PM

'Sunday Bloody Sunday'. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think "Sunday, bloody Sunday!".
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1994 Peugeot 405 GTXD - In hibernation

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#11 ONLINE   Pillock

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Posted 14 July 2018 - 11:28 PM

I'm drunk and I don't know what's happening.

I don't know if that's my fault or not, to be honest.


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#12 OFFLINE   chodweaver

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 12:30 AM

I'm drunk and I don't know what's happening.
I don't know if that's my fault or not, to be honest.

What would Freud say?

Don't worry. Put the kettle on. Sit down.
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'Ridiculing shit engineering for over half a century'

 

Vomit colour Corsa 1.4 Comfort badermatic (the one constant, reliable thing in my life /Quentin)

XM 2.1 SEDTurbo (leaky driveway ornament)

LT Multicruiser (guest bedroom and backup kitchen)

Mk1 MR2 (rumours of its health are lies)

 

In the Voyager Sanitorium:

Chrysler Graf Spee Limited 3.3 + LPG (suspected OMGHG, Driver's window failure, ABS, AC and driver's seat heater failures)

Spears and reapers Chrysler Graf Spee Limited 3.3 + LPG (suspected long term abuse by PO, passenger's window failure)

 

(I'm sure I've forgotten at least one...)


#13 OFFLINE   Tetleysmooth

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 06:50 AM

Wot, no conka?

 

Oh sorry, wrong thread.


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#14 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 06:59 AM

Wot, no conka?

Oh sorry, wrong thread.



Waaaait foooooor iiiiiit.
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#15 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:06 AM

Up and moving. The journey is underway. Still feel a bit clammy mind.
Crossing a bridge to catch a train I came across a man and boy.

20180715_075722.jpg



christopherGhirlandio.jpg


St Christopher: Good morro pilgrim. I am St Christopher and this is mine associate, Colin.

Me: Hiya.

Colin: Hiya Im Colin. Got this good conka. Its big an round like a wimmins bowb. Lol bowbs.

Me: lolbowbs.


St Christopher: Indeedbowbs. Now hurry on traveller for your train approaches, and I being the patron saint of travellers (but not those ones) must guide you on. Hurry for there is a long way to go and just a short time to get there. Like in that song.

Me: Ok thanks bye.

Colin: I hate you bye.
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#16 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:10 AM

And away we do go.



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Im pretending to drive because thats the best way to travel.
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#17 OFFLINE   Tetleysmooth

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:20 AM

All this religousnesnesses is very appropriate for a Sunday morning. Top marks.

 

Especially after England lost to Belgium a-bloody-gain.


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#18 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:24 AM

Alas, some travellers that are not guided correctly, can lose their soles (souls).

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#19 OFFLINE   Skizzer

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:30 AM

Wow, a Morrison’s own-brand train.
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75N Vauxhall 2300S | 76P Lotus Elite | 76P Renault 16TL | 79T Rover 3500 | 82X Lancia Gamma Coupe | 82Y Jaguar XJ-S HE | 83A Jaguar Sovereign 4.2 | 84B Talbot-Matra Rancho | 85C Ford Granada 2.8 estate | 91H Audi 80 2.0E | 91J VW Golf Rivage cabrio | 06 Alfa Brera 2.2JTS | 14 BMW 428i | 18 Skoda Kodiaq


#20 OFFLINE   Des

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:31 AM

That upskirt pic of Chris could get you into bother these days. Bit late now but it's worth hitting up St Anthony, he's the bomb at sniffing out chod, he'll knock on a random door and a half hour later he's dragging a delivery miles Solara from an asbestos garage while a nice old lady brings him tea, biccies and a fiver for his trouble.


  • Jim Bell, Junkman, Essex V6 and 2 others like this
Festering scum of the earth, yer motoring public.

#21 OFFLINE   Peter C

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:47 AM

No new Bentley content, you lose five points.
  • Jim Bell likes this
1985 Mercedes Benz W123 230E - Not shite
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2018 Hyundai Tucson SE Nav CRDI (mine) - New shite
2018 Hyundai Tucson SE Nav CRDI (wife’s) - New shite

#22 OFFLINE   ProgRocker

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:51 AM

Wow, a Morrison’s own-brand train.

 

I was thinking the same thing!!  :-D


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Shake your hair girl with your ponytail
Takes me right back

(when you were young)


#23 OFFLINE   ProgRocker

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:56 AM

Getting a Triumph Dolomite? Or did I read into the above too literally.

 

Citroen 2CV Dolly? Or a Louis Armstrong LP?


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Shake your hair girl with your ponytail
Takes me right back

(when you were young)


#24 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:57 AM

Big station.

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#25 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:58 AM

Big train.

20180715_085241(0).jpg
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#26 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 07:58 AM

Destination: north.

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#27 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 08:02 AM

Traditional.

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Seems theres no air con on this train. Glad its only set to be 25 degrees today then. Im already sweating like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
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#28 OFFLINE   JoeyEunos

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 08:07 AM

Subscribed :)


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#29 OFFLINE   D Spares & Tyres

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 08:12 AM

I just feel sorry for the man and the boy on the bridge, that must have been a nasty surprise for them. Collecting a new car can be exciting though.

I hope you manage to collect the car before the police catch up with you.
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#30 OFFLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 15 July 2018 - 08:15 AM

I still feel a bit funny. Not sure I should be eating.

I think theres a dog staring at me.



feature_image.jpeg


St Bernard: Good morning. I am St Bernard. The patron saint of people who have gotten themselves into trouble.

Me: Hello. I still dont feel well.

St Bernard: Do not worry, if you feel the need to be ill out of either end, I will appear to you in a form descriprive of how you are feeling so that you may be soothed.

Me: OK. Where were you at 0400 o clock this morning?

St Bernard: I had a lie in.
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