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For Chod & Ulster: Ballyclare Auction write-up, Wed Jan 16th!!

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308 replies to this topic

#301 OFFLINE   Maurice Marina

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 08:56 PM

We opted to let the charges of attempted homicide lie on file.
 
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What actually is that?

#302 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 17 January 2019 - 10:51 PM

What actually is that?


It's the remains of that pinnacle of Ulster gastronomy, the cheesy chip, with a squeeze of something that called itself 'baconnaise'. Yeah. I know. I should have taken pics before whaling into it.

It wasn't really all that nice, but I can confirm it was less green in reality than the weird lights make it look.

4/10 - next time, McDonalds drive-thru would provide just as awful an experience for less cash.



#303 OFFLINE   R9UKE

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Posted 18 January 2019 - 06:21 AM

I allowed £150 for the purple Modus in p/ex, the electric power steering wasn't working and apparently the columns are coded to each car, so you have to buy a new one.  Needless to say I was over the moon with £220.

 

Excellent write up as always!   The Hyundai Coupe near the beginning reminded me of being in The States as a ten year old and my parents had one.  Only there it was called the Hyundai "Tiburon".  Always loved the front on them.


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French is best.

#304 OFFLINE   The_Equalizer

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Posted 18 January 2019 - 09:16 AM

I allowed £150 for the purple Modus in p/ex, the electric power steering wasn't working and apparently the columns are coded to each car, so you have to buy a new one.  Needless to say I was over the moon with £220.

 

Excellent write up as always!   The Hyundai Coupe near the beginning reminded me of being in The States as a ten year old and my parents had one.  Only there it was called the Hyundai "Tiburon".  Always loved the front on them.

 

Sounds like the purple thing worked out well for you. Datsuncog and I had a bit of a chitchat about the Hyundai when it went through, saying pretty much what you have. We will find you one day and I would love to know more about the 'inner workings' of Ballyclare. To me it just seems like a total punt; full of dealer stock that no one’s is interested in hence the very low prices on many things. That said, there did not appear to be the same number of obviously sha66ed cars this Wednesday and a few look quite acceptable.


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#305 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 18 January 2019 - 12:56 PM

And now, back to our programme.

 

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Inside the hall, things were getting kinda twitchy. The place was full of wise guys, weirdos and beatniks, each of them eyeing us up. 

 

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Despite our rigorous attention to detail, it seems the classic Crombie coats were a giveaway. Have these punks never heard of classic style?

 

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A cold chill shot through me. I noticed that the plum spot beside the auctioneer booth was empty.

 

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By rights, the crustiest shed in the whole auction should be sat there, dropping rustflakes. But tonight - nothing but some old chairs, carpet and light fittings. Did they know we were coming? Were they laughing at us? I had my suspicions.

 

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Meanwhile, the old nails kept on rolling through. They were cheap. And they were nasty. I turned my special G-issue spycam on so I could document the depths of depravity into which the human heart can sink.

 

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I'll need to have a word with Mac in supplies, because the camera really isn't very good.

 

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This bit of fancy French fluff saw the hammer fall at £250.

 

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Mazda 6, crunchy as New England snow, shuffled out the door at £190.

 

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£350 saw this Mercedes fade into the night with a new owner.

 

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And still they came, boom boom boom. One after the other. This Mondeo hit £190, and topped out.

 

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A frankly astonishing £180 took this Audi A3, even though it was purple as a baboon's ass. These things weren't reaching much over scrap prices.

 

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Another Mondeo, with a crease on the front n/s wing, made £260.

 

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This sporty Fiat managed £325. Still chicken feed.

 

And then the Big Enchilada entered the ring. A fully loaded Toureg W10. Things just got very interesting.

 

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But just then, I felt a tug on my sleeve. I looked around. One of the auction goons was right beside me; another was opening the door to a small office. They were inviting me inside, and they weren't going to take no for an answer.

 

[TO BE CONTINUED!!!]


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#306 OFFLINE   R9UKE

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Posted 18 January 2019 - 06:43 PM

Talk about a cliffhanger!! 


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French is best.

#307 OFFLINE   barmatt

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Posted 19 January 2019 - 09:35 PM

Holy crap balls, the suspense is killing me. What happened?


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#308 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted Yesterday, 12:13 AM

With my compadres unaware of what was happening, I couldn't risk the whole shebang by pulling out my badge in the middle of this hive. I'd have to play along, and hope I didn't need to reach for my piece if things turned nasty.

I stepped into the office, with a goofy grin pasted across my chops. Inside, it smelled of cheap cigars and even cheaper cologne. The first goon closed the door and turned to me.

"So, wise guy, coupla regulars tell me you're taking some souvenir pictures, and it's making 'em feel kinda twitchy. Wanna tell me why?"

I decided to play it dumb, and see where that got me. I scanned the office. If worst came to absolute worst, I could break a chair across his mug and wriggle out through the skylight. I flashed him my best country-hick grin.

"G-gee mister, I didn't mean to do nuthin' wrong - I was just takin' some pictures of them there cars."

"Oh yeah? So you're big into old Mondeos, hey? Do ya think I came up the Lagan in a bubble? What are ya, cops? IRS? FBI?"

"N-no, sir, I just like to take pictures of old cars. I - er - kinda take an interest in older models going through the auction..."

He looked me up and down. I didn't know if he was buying it or not. I ploughed on.

"I-I just take pictures, sir, I like to see what they sell for, especially the older ones. I like to just... look at them."

I decided to keep schtum about Autoshite.com, for the time being. True, I was being lightly boiled - but I was no stool pigeon. The goon looked me in the eye again.

"Just pictures, huh? Just the cars?"

I nodded. He narrowed his eyes.

"Not pictures of the punters, hey? Cos some of these fellas, they know the taxman's a busy guy, they don't like to bother him. You get me?"

"N-no, I don't want anyone in the pictures, just the cars... I make sure to crop'em out..."

I could feel his eyes boring into mine. I shifted on one foot and drew my coat back a little, the better to reach for my piece if this whole deal went six ways to Sunday. Finally, he spoke.

"Well, okay. But you oughta know, your card's been marked. You get me? I'm just letting you know. Kapish?"

I nodded. He'd bought it. The second goon opened the office door, and the smell of diesel and frying burgers hit me like the taste of freedom as I stepped outside. But I knew I had to be careful.

The Toureg W10 was long gone, and I tried not to show I was rattled as I rejoined The_Equalizer by the booth.

It had been a close one, but I knew I had a job to finish - and I wasn't going to back out now.

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#309 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted Yesterday, 11:50 AM

Back in the ring, things were cooling down. The sub-£200 feeding frenzy had passed while I was getting grilled like a hot cheese sandwich, and even if they weren't selling, these latest yo-yos were reaching the bigger bucks.

 

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Or maybe... the real cheapie chod had escaped out the back door while the hired goons put the pressure on me. Either way, it looked like we were on a busted flush.

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