Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 Old on out. Wheres the new one. Whel. These dont look the same at all do they. This is where we SHOULD have stopped. However, it was sunny enough so we decided to push on. Got the new ecu in and set about the steering column. Bit of a fanny on, but got there. johngarty and The Moog 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 The battery was flat so I dug out the jump pack. I crossed my fingers and attached the jump pack. The alarm started going off and it started to rain. Car still dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 We disconnected the battery. The alarm continued to go off. Overrun resorted to the internet. THE SOUNDER IS IN THE PASSENGER SIDE WHEEL WELL. He shouted. Lord Stirling then texted me to say that he was buying a Daewoo Lanos for me so I had to dash in the house and arrange some insurance. Overrun attacked the inner arch protectors in my absence and I returned to see the sounder emerging. We unplugged it and threw it in the garden. The alarm stopped. Lord Sterling, egg, The Moog and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 With the sounder disconnected we reatached the jump pack to see if it would start. I crossed my fingers and turned the jump pack on. The alarm started going off again. This time via the traditional horns. For Fucking fucks sake. We found the horns near the back of the bumper and unplugged them. ILL BE VERY SURPRISED IF THE ALARM GOES OFF THIS TIME shouted Overrun as we were both mostly deaf by this point. I connected the jump pack again AND THE FUCKING ALARM WENT OFF AGAIN!!!! THERES A THIRD HORN HIDDEN UP UNDER THE SCUTTLE WHOS ONLY PURPOSE CAN BE TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE WHO A PRETTY SURE THE ALARM WONT GO OFF THIS TIME. purplebargeken, Bag'O'Spanners, drum and 22 others 25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beko1987 Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Blimey it really doesn't like you does it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 With the third secret horn unplugged, we connected the jump pack up again. It was dead. The battery was mega dead too. Errr ok. Lets try and jump it with the battery out of the e39. That didnt work either so we decided to take the battery out of the BM and put it in the Zafira. During this reasonably safe procedure, I dropped a ratchet which settled against the body and the live terminal of the battery. Sparks began and I did a bad fright. The ratchet was begining to weld itself to the car so I hooked it away with the handle of some pliers. Shit weld m8 egg, HillmanImp, mjrose78 and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig the Princess Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 During this reasonably safe procedure, I dropped a ratchet which settled against the body and the live terminal of the battery. Sparks began and I did a bad fright.Poo count increasing? BorniteIdentity, Jim Bell, egg and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 We got the got the battery in. With a good battery in, we finally turned the alarm off the plipper. We then prepared to start it. Fabergé Greggs and johngarty 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 So. Did it start? egg, Fabergé Greggs and johngarty 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jams Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 The greatly predictable answer is: No. No of course not. No. Its exactly the same as before we started. Either the new ecu is incompatible, it needs coded, its fucked or "something else". Whats for sure is that this car is going for scrap. Ive lost all motivation for any further efforts. All Vauxhalls are shit. madrat, theshadow and The Reverend Bluejeans 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiC Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 ...I guess you checked the fuses?! Also checked the earths? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeR Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 I did carry a ciggie lighter in the ash tray of my Zafira .....the cars last job would be to keep us warm whilst we waited for rescue !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 ...I guess you checked the fuses?! Also checked the earths? Checked the fuses. I dont THINK an earth would stop the car communicating via the OBD port but Im often very wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beko1987 Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 All Vauxhalls are shit.Never a truer word spoken! You'd have had the same result if you'd tried to change the rear number plate bulb or similar, their just all shit. Apparently the drivers windows started to go up and down on amys... Lalalalala fingers in my ears sorry love can't hear you madrat 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiC Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Checked the fuses. I dont THINK an earth would stop the car communicating via the OBD port but Im often very wrong.If the ECU isn't earthed then it wouldn't work. Did you check that multiway plug? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobblers Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Checked the fuses. I dont THINK an earth would stop the car communicating via the OBD port but Im often very wrong. Lack of earth to the ECU defo would stop communication If your check engine light isn't coming on and going off when you cycle the key as usual then it's either a dead ECU or no power to the ECU. I think these ECUs might ground through the case or something dumbarse like that. But I can totally understand if you're sick to death of the fucking thing and want to scrap it. Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 I really dunno how it earths and I didnt check anything else. Everything seemed to point to the ecu. Better men would persevere, but Im not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 Thanks very much to everyone that tried to help though. I dont mean to sound like such an ungrateful prick but Im in a right strop. drum, cobblers, Craig the Princess and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 If the ecu is not the same the car will never work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaac Hunt Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Thanks very much to everyone that tried to help though. I dont mean to sound like such an ungrateful prick but Im in a right strop.Understandable frustrationz caused by Electrocicrorilly Cunected Unets casusing FTP and a lot of faffing. It will be the last thing you try that will solve it. I would be worried the two ecu are differz. I'm due a trip down our local yard if you want me to see if there are any Zafiras in there. What year is yours ? Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madrat Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 We were better off with carbs and points Christine and mercrocker 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 Understandable frustrationz caused by Electrocicrorilly Cunected Unets casusing FTP and a lot of faffing. It will be the last thing you try that will solve it. I would be worried the two ecu are differz. I'm due a trip down our local yard if you want me to see if there are any Zafiras in there. What year is yours ? Its an 04. But some of the owners FB are saying even a correct one would need coded. Dunno if thats true or not, but I'm done with it fore double sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beko1987 Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Have a poo, that'll cheer you up. Jim Bell, DeeJay, The Reverend Bluejeans and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pillock Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 My response here is much the same as to Datsuncog when he was trying to make one Laguna out of two. You've tried your best, it's not worth the stress. Take the good bits off and get rid. Although, have you tried the pedal diagnostics? I hear there's a light that flashes on the dashboard..... The Moog, Datsuncog and madrat 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beko1987 Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 I think you should shit Billy up by saying your going to dump it outside his house, then go offline for 2 days so he's constantly looking out of the window... Jim Bell, purplebargeken, Split_Pin and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 Although, have you tried the pedal diagnostics? I hear there's a light that flashes on the dashboard..... ***HEAD EXPLURDS*** The Moog, madrat, Christine and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rml2345 Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 Push it into the Tyne. You'll deffo feel better afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted April 28, 2018 Author Share Posted April 28, 2018 I think you should shit Billy up by saying your going to dump it outside his house, then go offline for 2 days so he's constantly looking out of the window... He knows I couldnt be bothered to push it that far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted April 28, 2018 Share Posted April 28, 2018 If it's stressing you out, I agree, just get rid, you have the tantastic 5 series. Although, have you tried the pedal diagnostics? I hear there's a light that flashes on the dashboard.....As I had suggested the above in addition to other people I won't be so arrogant as to think that is a dig at me. I was only trying to help, having a car with exactly the same engine. Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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