catsinthewelder Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Cavcraft, on 08 Nov 2018 - 6:39 PM, said: Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of Junedumpin' conifers and logsCab orange roof with a beacon onAnd Jimmy usin' the hedge for a bogWee is headin' for his rigger boots'Bout a mile outta Heckmondwike TownI says, "Big Ben, here comes the VOSA boys.FFS put the cherry down!" https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1999-ldv-convoy-pickup-only-done-88k/173628221902?hash=item286d0c69ce:g:nSoAAOSwGYhb4xLO:rk:17:pf:0 Cause we got an LDV ConvoyWhat a pile of shiteYeah, we got an LDV Convoy,who wants Listeria tonight?Come on and join our ConvoyAin't nothin' gonna get in our way.Buy a burger from our Convoyand you'll be shitting all day'Cross the UKConvoy! https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-FOOD-VAN-3-5T/223186840343?hash=item33f6f8eb17:g:k-0AAOSwrwhbuUKA:rk:16:pf:0 By the time we got into Huddersfield Town,We syphoned eighty-five trucks in all.But there's an officious fucker in the council yard,And we can't tip there at allYeah, the rust is thick on all 'cept the bumperfrom the sides right up to the airI says, "Callin' all trucks, this here's the Duck."We're about to rob a jet washer https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2005-LDV-Convoy-Tipper-4x2-Ex-Council-Very-Low-Mileage/264015816527?hash=item3d7891a74f:g:IUsAAOSwnqpbwEKD:rk:20:pf:0 'Cause we got an LDV Convoywhat a steaming pile of shite.Yeah, we got an LDV Convoy,Going pony rustling tonightCome on and join our ConvoyAin't nothin' gonna get in our way.We gonna roll this fucking Convoyto a horse fair todayCONVOY! https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-400-CONVOY-3-5-TON-HORSE-BOX/183497982576?hash=item2ab9550270:g:vQgAAOSwVRBbzeXB:rk:21:pf:0 Well, we rolled up near Brum on the A41Like an asthmatic ant that's been affixed with nails.We tore up all of our weighbridge sheets,And left 'em sittin' on the scales.By the time we hit that Bilston town,we legged it pretty smart:They'd brought up some reinforcementsFrom the Angle Ring VOSA yardThere's shit old cars, my LDV and even a Merc MLAnd rigs of ev'ry size.Check out those chicken wire/baked bean tin wings And sills from Fray Bentos pies. https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1997-LDV-400-CONVOY-D-LWB-Recovery-Truck-NO-VAT/223220153532?hash=item33f8f53cbc:g:~GQAAOSwF1tb4ciA:rk:12:pf:0 Well, we shot the line and we went for broketo an Exeter camp siteAn' five gnarly dudes on a mountain bikesIn a piss stained mini-bus. Well, we laid a strip for the Dartmouth shoreAnd prepared to cross the lineI could see the field was lined with foalsbut I didn't have a dog-goned dime.I says, AA this here's the Rubber Duck.and we ain't got the ferry money,coz we crashed the gate doing 28and the steering box has gone again https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-Convoy-converted-campervan-former-17-seater-minibus/223215648035?hash=item33f8b07d23:g:FMkAAOSwHSRbuKlu:rk:11:pf:0 Cause we got an LDV convoyRustin' heap of shite.Yeah, we got an LDV Convoy,How much cash tonightCome on and scrap our ConvoySwap a broken XBOX M8We gonna roll this fucking Convoyright though the weighbridge gate CONVOY https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/LDV-convoy-ally-tipper-1-Spares-or-repair-no-reserve-low-Milage-Engine-export/232978242267?hash=item363e95dadb:g:aEEAAOSwfhxbn1bO:rk:36:pf:0 eddyramrod, wuvvum, xtriple and 36 others 39 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightBulbFun Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 ^^^ I want to go to AS19 just on the off chance someone might end up actually singing that chadders, eddyramrod, Tadhg Tiogar and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beko1987 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Holy shit that's magnificent! michael t, LightBulbFun and oldcars 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiltox Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Was going to nominate Cav for that post. Fuck me what a belter. michael t, oldcars, LightBulbFun and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beko1987 Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 What thread is it from? I missed it completely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldcars Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 What thread is it from? I missed it completelyEbay tat. It really is brilliant. Its the bit about Vosa and cherry that cracks me up. Brilliant. LightBulbFun 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michael t Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 ^^^ Must've read that 3 or 4 times now and I still end up with tears rolling down my cheek, incredible wordsmithing!! eddyramrod, LightBulbFun, oldcars and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tadhg Tiogar Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Holy shit that's magnificent! Someone clearly has the gift for parody. #weirdalyankovic beko1987 and LightBulbFun 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tadhg Tiogar Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Strela's Christmas wish Cavcraft 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outlaw118 Posted November 24, 2018 Share Posted November 24, 2018 Mr Cav does remarkably well, considering English is not his main language. And he buggers whippets. (Both or neither of the statements may be false.) cms206, Cavcraft, chaseracer and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spartacus Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 "Coldplay.... what can I say about the whining twats that hasn't been said already.... a friend of mine was having a relationship with a young-ish lady who wanted to experiment.... toys, bumming, weeing, slapping and punching, you name it. Their "safe" word(s) were "I love Coldplay"....." Jesus this made me laugh, and still does every time I think of it.outlaw118 in the 'Worst Album Evah' thread. Craig the Princess and Brodders 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somewhatfoolish Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 My old GreatWall Deer XLWB with the 2.2 petrol engine: electronically limited to 120km/h but never managed more than 110 even downhill. 0-100km/h 44 seconds. Loved that thing though. Managed a 1900km journey stopping only for fuel (3 drivers in rotation) without a single hitch (other than a side window on the back box popping out thanks to a pothole, and dented wing due to water buffalo disagreement. Dave_Q, davehedgehog31 and Ohdearme 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flat4alfa Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 abominfuckination LightBulbFun 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Utter brilliance from Richard in the 'Celebrities you'd like to slap' thread. Yes, exactly that. Take your ginger wig, your shitty golf course and your horrible Poundland clock and fuck off. Richard, clayts450 and The Reverend Bluejeans 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uncle Jimmy Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Chris Evans ain't so bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angle Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Sills, lower B-pillars are seriously fucked. I'm going back to collect it shortly.Spirit of Autoshite, right there. Saabnut, spartacus, Skizzer and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Utter brilliance from Richard in the 'Celebrities you'd like to slap' thread. This is the clock I was talking about, it's at the entrance to his environmental disaster of a golf course. It looks as if he got a job lot of them from somewhere, there seem to be more of them on the course itself. https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@57.2782965,-2.0525752,3a,70.2y,139.8h,95.18t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sR_PYYre-BRTOhBDIARjhUA!2e0!7i13312!8i6656?hl=en Cavcraft 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sutty2006 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 I just sang that ...... ...... no I am not ashamed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somewhatfoolish Posted December 5, 2018 Share Posted December 5, 2018 This would have been going through the shredder this week if Sir Weldalot hadn't galloped up, mig torch held aloft along and his shiny Argon shield , think about that you moaning pessimistic buggers I'm sure it'll all work out fine, well done FOAD ! DSdriver and tooSavvy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
captain_cal Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Dollywobbler on swapping his wafty Rover for an asthmatic Skoda: Most people on The Internet think I'm an idiot. Situation normal. egg 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldcars Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Other than Cav's LDV song this is the funniest thing i have read on here all year. In the single and sad thread. Brough to us by The Reverend Bluejeans Posted Yesterday, 07:27 AMHere’s Jacinda and Ben. He does some scum job in recruiting, she runs a drop in centre for one legged transgender lesbians. Here’s Ben being dragged around a market in some third world shithole by this sour faced trout and it’s the last place he wants to be. Learn from The Reverend mate. Kids with this Quinoa munching twat are next. I mean, just look at the miserable bossy cow. Uncle Jimmy, Cavcraft, Brodders and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Insignias got everything shampoo and shower gel,Deodorant and after shave and an EML light as well Junkman, Matty, rml2345 and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matty Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Liked for Parky's quote obvs. How I missed that I don't know oldcars 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reverend Bluejeans Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Other than Cav's LDV song this is the funniest thing i have read on here all year. In the single and sad thread. Brough to us byThe Reverend Bluejeans Posted Yesterday, 07:27 AMHere’s Jacinda and Ben. He does some scum job in recruiting, she runs a drop in centre for one legged transgender lesbians. Here’s Ben being dragged around a market in some third world shithole by this sour faced trout and it’s the last place he wants to be. Learn from The Reverend mate. Kids with this Quinoa munching twat are next. I mean, just look at the miserable bossy cow. Thank you. oldcars 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reverend Bluejeans Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 From Saabnut today: "My friend recently paid for a days Land Rover Experience. They put him in a new Range Rover and drove 10 miles to the nearest motorway, where they parked on the hard shoulder and left him there for 4 hours. The rest of the day was spent in cabs of various recovery vehicles." oldcars, bunglebus, clayts450 and 9 others 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richardthestag Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Herr boll for DaveD's Mk4 Golf thread http://autoshite.com/topic/33953-dave-does-a-stupid-thing-and-buys-another-bleeding-golf/?do=findComment&comment=1690001 Gotta be honest I'm not sure which I'd choose out of being given this free of charge, or paying £100 to be given a 'habanero chili & lime' enema by Michael Gove live on TV Gotta be honest I'm not sure which I'd choose out of being given this free of charge, or paying £100 to be given a 'habanero chili & lime' enema by Michael Gove live on TV jumpingjehovahs, clayts450, chadders and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reverend Bluejeans Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 That does take some beating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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