quicksilver Posted April 27, 2018 Share Posted April 27, 2018 Datsuncog on top formHonoured and humbled as I am to have my nom-de-guerre held in such high regard, I would find it hard to consider myself anywhere near the Shite Hero levels of so many legends who battle daily on these beige pages. I would tend to view myself as both of the Chuckle Brothers smooshed together to create a gestalt entity, who then decide to self-harm through the medium of decrepit French hatchbacks. But it's nice to know that my inept histrionics can raise a smile, nonetheless. And an equally brilliant responseYou see the use of terms such as nom-de-guerre, gestalt entity, and Chuckle Brothers in the same post is just one of those things that sets this place apart! wuvvum, Faker, adw1977 and 10 others 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted April 29, 2018 Share Posted April 29, 2018 Stop the fucking bus a min, judge the best chap based on a load of old flannel on the internet???? Get out in the real world you freaks, book a village hall and do some real trials, points system, who can down a pint of diesel fastest, snort a line of Datsun Sunny bell housing dust, retrieve a sump plug from a washing up bowl of hot 20W40 treacle with your mouth, that kind of crack. Base Maestro and AVAS knuckle tattoo for the winner, trendy £150 haircut and a years supply of tights booby prize.Posted on this thread with no irony intended! abelw44, Sigmund Fraud, Exiled_Tat_Gatherer and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayts450 Posted April 30, 2018 Share Posted April 30, 2018 njgleeds on the merits of the structural integrity of a C3 Pluriel, recently advertised here You could park one of these fuckers in the middle of a third world drought hit country and the foot wells would be full by the following lunchtime. Exiled_Tat_Gatherer, Ghosty, AMC Rebel and 7 others 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted May 2, 2018 Share Posted May 2, 2018 Mrs Talbot's words of wisdom about the Great Roffle of Randomness: "I dunno why we're guessing. It's probably some crappy old Laguna in a colour that no-one can agree on, with so much "personality" that you have to study under some obscure Chineese master in order to be able to actually get it to move". chaseracer, clayts450, chodweaver and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flat4alfa Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 Roffle Thought Flow chart* Ohh that looks a nice carIts only how much a ticket ..that’s a bargain..that’s for a whole car!I will be such a winner driving round in that…Right I will have a ticket ..Just one isn’t enough …maybe two…Yes two ..“Two tickets please mister”Daydreams driving the motor through crowded streetsAll the kids stop and point at the winner driving by…They whisper that he stuck it to the man…Wanders round in bliss for 10 minutes …Checks car location …Fucking Shetland…Arse…Thinks about cancelling …Scared that strange people on the internet will judge himRationalises it as a sort of holiday that the other half will tolerate/almost like/let him go by himselfBreathes again…Its ok …unlikely to win it …Panics …but I better have another lookOhh that looks a nice carIts only how much a ticket ..that’s a bargain..that’s for a whole car!I will be such a winner driving round in that…Right I will have a another ticket .. *other thought processes are available. davehedgehog31, cms206, eddyramrod and 19 others 22 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spartacus Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 "You gotta be quick here mate - any time that lovely green tag pops up we're like tramps on chips..."clayts450 on a for sale thread. chodweaver, Faker, clayts450 and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davehedgehog31 Posted May 3, 2018 Share Posted May 3, 2018 Some tremendous patter in this thread. DatsunCogs Samuel Pepys tale of woe takes the biscuit though, tears of laughter. myglaren, The Moog, AMC Rebel and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flat4alfa Posted May 4, 2018 Share Posted May 4, 2018 The Samuel Pepys tale of woe wins the whole biscuit aisle! Sir Cog of Dat has his own blog in case you fancied a wanderhttps://datsuncog.wordpress.com/ eddyramrod, Cavcraft, chaseracer and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayts450 Posted May 4, 2018 Share Posted May 4, 2018 Datsuncog on the rollercoaster Brown Trout E39 roffle/sale thread There's more twists and turns here than trying to scoop an actual trout with ADHD into a Teflon bucket filled with KY Jelly using graphite-coated gloves, all the while being sprayed with silicone grease by a meddlesome bystander. Brodders, Exiled_Tat_Gatherer, Cavcraft and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave_Q Posted May 5, 2018 Share Posted May 5, 2018 Stop all the clocks, switch off the mobile phone,Watch it there on the flatbed busted and aloneSilence the Pianos, mark off the dateRemember it was totally fucking fucked M8 Safely on the HIAB tuckedLet the message go out - the Zafira is fuckedTake a deep breath, surrender, and be bolderAnd on the internet write “nite nite litl Solja” (“All Vauxhall’s are shit”, W H Auden 1967)On WWs dead Zafira. loserone, djim, somewhatfoolish and 12 others 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigmund Fraud Posted May 6, 2018 Share Posted May 6, 2018 AS has always been the car forum where people with issues can find a home. May I nominate this to be the new forum subtitle ? purplebargeken, warren t claim, jumpingjehovahs and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted May 7, 2018 Share Posted May 7, 2018 I wasn't really looking for a robin at all I fancied a volvo 240, but these came up eddyramrod and Jim Bell 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted May 7, 2018 Share Posted May 7, 2018 May I nominate this to be the new forum subtitle ? Your issueshite is our concern? Sigmund Fraud 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somewhatfoolish Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 I was staying in a cheap Etap hotel on some road trip or other. The rooms are often mirror images of each other to ease construction and plumbing. This became apparent when I was brushing my teeth and could clearly hear the guy in the next room having a shit as his toilet was likely back to back with mine with just the wall between them. This was confirmed when he flushed and bits of turd bobbed up in my toilet bowl accompanied by a worrying rise in water level. I flushed it and from the obscenities heard they made a re-appearance chez him. We "snowballed" these poonuggets back and forth a couple more times before they finally went down the soil pipe, with me laughing and him cursing at the absurdity of the situation. dozeydustman, Tam, Disco Fever and 17 others 20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 My parents got new bathooms installed about 12 years ago and I remember noting mid- construction that 2 of the toilets had been moved so that they sat back-to-back and had a common soil pipe. I will need to run this test Faker, somewhatfoolish and purplebargeken 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cort1977 Posted May 11, 2018 Share Posted May 11, 2018 "sub £500 jewels of the net" WilsonWilson discussing his regrettably short term Nissan. Junkman, bangernomics and somewhatfoolish 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Split_Pin Posted May 14, 2018 Share Posted May 14, 2018 Do we need to develop our own AS Dating Service? Plenty Of Rust? OKQuartic? AngleGrindr? Sigmund Fraud, Cavcraft, Ghosty and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chodweaver Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Another corker from Datsuncog: "speak like a depressed marmoset with a wet sports sock in its mouth, channelling the spirit of Ian Paisley." Faker, Exiled_Tat_Gatherer, GrumpiusMaximus and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaseracer Posted May 20, 2018 Author Share Posted May 20, 2018 I thought I'd get away with it Parcelfarce at the PO, but the cashier had vernier eyeballs. tooSavvy and DSdriver 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twosmoke300 Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 Missed that originally but that’s brilliant . Mk1 eyeball never fails Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catsinthewelder Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 I bought my old Robin from this fellow a few years back - the seller is a very pleasant retired fellow who used to work for Bond and now spends his spare time converting Robins to pick-ups, God only knows why. Mine made it to the M4 before it conked out in a puff of smoke and had to be towed home to Surrey. 6 months later (after replacing pretty well everything on the car which was a total lemon) I managed to drive it to Oslo, Norway where I was based at the time. Radiator blew a mile into journey though radweld did its job nicely until I'ld limped to the ferry port in Denmark after many autobahn adventures. Wouldn't start to disembark ferry arriving in Norway, luckily a loaned hammer and thwack on the (new) starter and it whirred back into life. Made it to my garage before timing chain slipped and clutch went. Eventually sold it to a retired bearded Viking who's hobby was converting cars to amphibious vehicles and touring the lakes of Europe in them - suspect Robin is now at the bottom of Lake Garda. Interestingly the Norwegians classed it as a motorbike not a car, so was able to cruise Oslo's electric-car-lanes avoiding traffic-jams. Incidentally Robin was a bit of a babe-magnet and a hoot to drive. bunglebus, Faker, chaseracer and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flat4alfa Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 2-times-Wilson's noisy Picasso gearbox experience Just sounds like someone is standing on a cat once you get up to 30.Then sounds like someone is standing on two cats at 40.At 50, the man standing on cats has obviously run out of legs so its sounds like two men standing on three cats. One cat bearing the weight of two men, then one cat under the other foot of both men. Definitely louder in the middle because of the increased weight applied there.At 70 it sounds like a world war 2 hand wound air raid siren, operated at full chat by these two men standing on three cats. Justin Case, Sausage5000, Datsuncog and 11 others 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaseracer Posted May 27, 2018 Author Share Posted May 27, 2018 ...I guess to shiters like us lot somebody has finally left this world when their cars are no more... Indeed. chodweaver and Datsuncog 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig the Princess Posted May 30, 2018 Share Posted May 30, 2018 I'm still curious as to why Yugoplod pulled you over. To me, two hippies in an ancient Dacia doesn't immediately scream "easy financial gain"... warren t claim, Cavcraft, chaseracer and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayts450 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Dave numbers on waterless chod cleaning products Im no three-bucket pervert or anything, but I personally wouldnt use it. I would guess that DetailingWorld types already have about 15 layers of wax made from Queen Nefertitis breast milk, and farting near the car would be enough to blow most dirt off its molecularly smooth paint. GrumpiusMaximus, chodweaver, Kiltox and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somewhatfoolish Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Yes, ta, I'll stick with the AA for now. Eventually I find an actual garage and pay £40 for a new battery on the promise I'll be paid back. If I don't, it's being set on fire and driven through their office window, and I don't care it's on the first floor. clayts450 and catsinthewelder 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 If I see this hawking over-priced hipster food somewhere later this summer, I will set fire to the fucker's beard and piss in his Skinny Latte Mochamuck.[url=https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Classic-1958-Trojan-Personnel-Wagon-Van-Camper-Catering-vehicle-Minibus/153044202679 Sigmund Fraud, Craig the Princess, clayts450 and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datsuncog Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 Sierraman's succinct take on Ebay buyers who want your item alright, but mysteriously only ever appear to have half the cash: I pity the people that have to live with these people. If you chucked their head on a fire it'd burn for a month. Tadhg Tiogar, Junkman, clayts450 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chodweaver Posted June 15, 2018 Share Posted June 15, 2018 Pieman on everyone's* favourite* Premiership footballer* Cristiano Hypertwat Ronaldo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorrisItalSLX Posted June 17, 2018 Share Posted June 17, 2018 cms206 answering the question "What is the SVM?" "Between 1986 and 1990, a commando arsecrack unit was hunted down and sent to prison by a military court for a skidmark they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Glasgow Underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of misfortune. If you have antiques to move, sheep to rustle, stuff to flytip or things to deep fry, if no one else can help, and if you can find them... maybe you can hire The SVM-Team." Ghosty, rml2345, skattrd and 16 others 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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