Most hilarious encounter with car salesmen, write em up

[Rocket88]

Renault salemen [in about 1972] who assured me that 12's were rear wheel drive................

[Guest]

I would say my most hilarious encounter with a used car salesman was when Vicsmith was running a Kinder Surprise toy "Scrappage Scheme" in his backroom with a giant vice.

[ashmicro]

A Jaguar salesman who told me my S-Type:*was built in Brown's Lane*Had a straight Six*Was 4 wheel drive*had a seven speed autoboxSome years ago, I took my almost new Rover wedge back to the dealer as it was eating brake pads. "It must be because you're towing a caravan"He failed to notice the lack of towbar.Booked my Mk1 Ka in for its first service in 1999. "What size engine is your Ka sir?"Quoth I "2.0 turbo diesel""OK, that will be fine, sir"

[Guest]

In 1989 my mate Dave stopped off at a Loughborough garage to look at a Mercedes 280ce coupe-he was 20/21 then. The sales man treated him to the piss off sonny routine-which changed to a excuse me sir come back when he saw Dave get into his older 280ce outside afterwards He bought a Toyota Crown from a nearby dealer instead

[brammy777]

Not necessarily that funny, but when the dealer part ex'd our then 8 year old impreza GL we got 2 grand on it, which is alot, considering the bumper lining was hanging off (bodged to make it look better ) and the one of the rear windows had jammed because it had insisted taking the lining with it.Also, when my mum went to get a newer Citroen, she chose one, and shoke the dealers hand and did all the details etc etc, we then got a call a few days later saying it had been sold seconds before to someone else, and to make up for it the dealer was forced to give us a brand new C3 (one of the first 20 facelift models sent to the UK) for the same price. Which was about 4 grand less than what it was meant to be....

[Guest]

Not necessarily that funny, but when the dealer part ex'd our then 8 year old impreza GL we got 2 grand on it, which is alot, considering the bumper lining was hanging off (bodged to make it look better ) and the one of the rear windows had jammed because it had insisted taking the lining with it.Also, when my mum went to get a newer Citroen, she chose one, and shoke the dealers hand and did all the details etc etc, we then got a call a few days later saying it had been sold seconds before to someone else, and to make up for it the dealer was forced to give us a brand new C3 (one of the first 20 facelift models sent to the UK) for the same price. Which was about 4 grand less than what it was meant to be....

Your mum paid money for a C3?

[brammy777]

hahaha yes, but in all honestly the 2 cars preceding it, were alot betterbefore the 2 c3s we had, a 1995 1.8 Subaru Impreza AWD GL and before that we had a 1990 Subaru Legacy 2.2 AWD turbo. Both from King and Sons in Aberfeldy, long gone dealership now though.Probably would have continued having Subarus if my dad was still alive.C3s are okay, really quite spacious inside, but the engine isnt gutsy at all, gives back pretty good economy though. The first one did manage to have alternator failure before it was a year old though...

[Station]

I once went into a dealer as I liked Tigras and wanted a newish one. Was at an age where I thought 'credit' was like some magical thing you really didn't have to pay for and the 8k car would've ended up as 13k after interest and APR!! I'd probably still be paying it off today. Haven't been in since though.

[Guest]

hahaha yes, but in all honestly the 2 cars preceding it, were alot betterbefore the 2 c3s we had, a 1995 1.8 Subaru Impreza AWD GL and before that we had a 1990 Subaru Legacy 2.2 AWD turbo. Both from King and Sons in Aberfeldy, long gone dealership now though.Probably would have continued having Subarus if my dad was still alive.C3s are okay, really quite spacious inside, but the engine isnt gutsy at all, gives back pretty good economy though. The first one did manage to have alternator failure before it was a year old though...

My friend Lucy whom I don't fancy at all has a C3 and I drove it once cos she had too many pints \ tequila slammers \ GHB. It was the worst thing evAr because of that gay semi auto gearbox it had and the crashy ride and the rubbish squealing brakes aaaargh.She didn't give a shit because I bought her a bottle of Dr Pepper and that of course was the funniest thing in the world. That and putting the window down and shouting BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARP at cyclists.Just say no kids.

[Guest]

Not a dealer, but still an element of the trade who was clearly used to taking punters for a ride - and the father of a kid in my class at secondary skool. My car (mk3 Fiesta) developed various an inability to start which despite my lesser mechanical knowledge at the time I had concluded was a worn out starter motor. This chap was insistent that it was the flywheel ring gear, and that the engine had to come out for the job to take place. I procured and fitted a replacement starter, problem solved. :roll:I also heard/read a tale (cant remember where from) about some guy in the eighties who had an early 323i or similar. Turns up at the village garage one day saying it had been running poorly for a couple of days, and no he hadnt buggered about with it. Mechanic spends all morning checking out bits and pieces, phones the owner to ask if he was sure he hadnt buggered about with it. No came the answer, so mechanic spends all afternoon performing ever more complicated tests to see whether its the injection system playing up, but nothing. Eventually decides to check the firing order, and finds two HT leads on the wrong spark plugs - swaps them and all is perfect. Punter comes back, pays the sizeable bill, asks what the fault was, mechanic says "carburettor mate", punter says "thought so".

[dollywobbler]

Smart dealership, early left-hand drive model. Blonde female sales person (though to be fair, I'm yet to meet a real car expert selling cars new)."It changes gear quicker than you do." Clearly she was mistaking me for an idiot who was trying to use broom handles for the pedals while a chimpanzee on cocaine tried to find the next gear. I did not buy (well, to be honest, I had no intention to. I got addicted to smarts for a while a drove loads of them. Good job the sales staff had a high turnover so I never got recognised.

[mcqueenmachine]

The late - and legendary - Lawrence Millet of Baeur Millet in Manchester once told his Senior Salesman to, 'Get rid of that herbert', pointing at a tattooed youth in a tatty jeans, 'wife-beater' singlet and woolly hat. 'But...its Robbie Williams!' said the salesman. 'I don't care if is Mork from Bloody Ork - get him out!'

[pogweasel]

You know I can't remember the last time I encountered a car salesman of the dealer type. There was the fella we got my original skoda off, a proper sheepskin coat 'n' bling geeza, who was probably glad that I wouldn't keep coming round and poking about at the various crud round the back of the showroom (The like of which if it were seen these days would cause the casual shiter to shoot his/her wad in a second). Then the rotund, village yokel type chaps who ran the traditional skoda garage not particularly near us [and now absorbed into the 'progress' chain], who flogged my dad his Favorit, they used to ply you with wine/ale/pork pies and thus never had to push for sales. In recent years the only encounter really is with the 'home trader', most recent of which was the obese, sweaty man who supplied our current focus, quality chap - clearly a bit dim and racist but very enthusiatic both with the gushing praise for his stock and the liberal application of tyre/cockpit shine products. I don't really 'do' salespeople though. I don't like people in general, and the 'sales' sub-species is one of my least faves.

[Pete-M]

The late - and legendary - Lawrence Millet of Bauer Millet in Manchester once told his Senior Salesman to, 'Get rid of that herbert', pointing at a tattooed youth in a tatty jeans, 'wife-beater' singlet and woolly hat. 'But...its Robbie Williams!' said the salesman. 'I don't care if is Mork from Bloody Ork - get him out!'

I met Robbie Coltrane @ Bauer Millett once. I was looking at a '66 Buick they had, but I'd never have got to use it. Lawrence Millett was a proper legend.

[vicsmith]

I would say my most hilarious encounter with a used car salesman was when Vicsmith was running a Kinder Surprise toy "Scrappage Scheme" in his backroom with a giant vice.

I spared the good ones, though, that sort of Soarer/MX-5 style plastic car and the angry looking dragon with a light-up head were kept around, but that blue robot chef thing just had to get the double bench-vice ecoflex treatment. It was good watching his eyes buckle.I don`t know I`ve just been calling people out for wanting to crush Mk2 Astras but this was the same thing scaled down really, I played judge, jury and executioner over those kinder toys, some of them didn`t even see the light of day, and were instead crushed still in their shells, as the slight translucence of the shell made it possible to condemn an unpromising toy without even having to open it or indeed find out what it looked like when made up.

[Pete-M]

I don`t know I`ve just been calling people out for wanting to crush Mk2 Astras

I'm not that fussy, Vic, I hate all Astras*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* with the slight exception of the Mk1 GTE.

[vicsmith]

What about Belmonts and 1980-1991 Opel Kadetts?

[Negative Creep]

Only mildly interesting story I have comes from going with my Dad to a car dealer when I was 5-6 years old. As we walked out I said how nice the salesmen had been, whereupon my Dad said to me "if you ever shake hands with a car dealer, make sure to clean it off afterwards"Parents eh? They do know best

[Rocket88]

................and count your fingers..................

[Justin Case]

Last year I went to look at a suspicously cheap Lancia Delta Integrale, just in case, as you do. The salesman (who made Arthur Daley look like the tooth fairy) explained the lack of service history on the lack of Integrale specialists in Britain. When I pointed out that one of the two leading specialists in Britain was a mere 12 miles away, his expression was worth every mile of a wasted journey

[Father Ted]

2 Things spring to mind, One was a Nissan Dealership local to me that I bought a Rover off with its gearbox that would not lock into any gear at 30mph - it just yo-yoed between 3rd and 2nd producing humerous kangaroo style driving. On its umptieth time back the dealer came with me for a test ride and when it was doing its kangarooing asked if it locked down at 40 - I said yes at 40 it was fine - he said no problem, no one drives at 30mph anyway. I booted him out of the car several miles from his dealership - in the days before mobile telephones were comonplace.The other one is more recent - I have a print out from my Vauxhall dealer saying that a) The service engineer has been on a course at Luton and states catagorically that the ECU software can not be upgraded at allb) the cars shit fuel consumption is normal for a car fitted with a K&N filter (it doesnt have one).Dealers - are they all twunts or what?

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Booked my Mk1 Ka in for its first service in 1999. "What size engine is your Ka sir?"Quoth I "2.0 turbo diesel""OK, that will be fine, sir"

In 1994 I took a 1955 Jaguar XK140 for an MOT at a local Ford dealer."Is that petrol or diesel?" The bloke at the counter next to me fell over laughing.

[outlaw118]

A few years ago, myself, my now wife, and the olds were wandering round CarLand @ Lakeside, looking for something for the old man.I was keen on the 3 year old Astra Sport Estate, he was keen on an Escort Finessse. Wifey had wandered off, towards a (then) new SmartCar, lhd.Saleman slithers up to her, and says "Well hello madam, I see you're looking at the Smart. It's a wonderful little thing isn't it?""No" she said, looking him straight in the eye..."It's shit.".We left soon after....

[Guest]

Saleman slithers up to her, and says "Well hello madam, I see you're looking at the Smart. It's a wonderful little thing isn't it?""No" she said, looking him straight in the eye..."It's shit.".We left soon after....

[autohausdolby]

I used to be a car salesman. It was fun/awful in equal quantities :lol:I especially enjoyed - Hillman Hunter - "there's one the same as this for 500 quid less down the road"Me - "That sounds like an excellent deal - I think you should buy it."Filthy Pikey turns up (this was 6/7 years ago at the height of the JDM import tat era) in a petrol auto JDM Pajaro on an L, in Gold and Navy, with 4 billion kids, scratty wife with jet black dyed hair etc. on board. "Now den, how much will you give me for dis?" As junior salesman I got pushed out onto the forcourt to deal with him. I diligently consulted CAP and Glasses for UK spec Shoguns, then rolled back outside."£750""I've just bought it and it's wert 7 grand!"At which he clambered back on board and roared off in a haze of oil smoke.Excellent. For some reason, especially on Saturdays, we used to get loads of idiots who'd just got a "CRACKING DEAL" on something coming by to get their excellence confirmed by the trade. In other related news, we once got a visit from a huge Nigerian one day, driving another Gold/Navy Pajero. On Saturdays it was my job to pimp 36 month old/36,000 mile ex-company cars in which we did a decent trade. We had something like 4 Mercs in of varying specs at the time, and the gentlemen announced he would be purchasing 3 of them. At this point I started getting a bit concerned, as there was only me and another salesman on who was very much in the traditional car salesman mold and hence would have probably set fire to me to distract anyone threatening if it gave him a chance to get to his Vectra SRI and speed away.3 blokes joined him in the showroom of similar appearence, all looking like they worked for Idi Amin's Special Services Brigade. They marched into the tiny office and we got all the paperwork out for the cars for them, at which point they paid, got in them and buggered off to the port. The first fella explained they'd be converted to LHD by local "master mechanics" and he'd make a healthy profit - everybody lived happily ever after, which was a surprise.

[Pete-M]

2 Things spring to mind, One was a Nissan Dealership local to me

I used to be a car salesman. It was fun/awful in equal quantities

For my sins..

 

 

This was many years ago, mind.

[Gompo]

everybody lived happily ever after, which was a surprise.

..Until somebody drove said converted cars.

[autohausdolby]

2 Things spring to mind, One was a Nissan Dealership local to me

I used to be a car salesman. It was fun/awful in equal quantities

For my sins..

 

 

This was many years ago, mind.

I never had a badge

[Cavcraft]

The bloke on the rostrum who started the cheap cars off at my local auction was always rather amusing. Every sodding car that came through was 'the best colour' and his attempts at bouncing bids off the wall were laughable as he'd look in the one direction no bleeder was actually stood in.He'd say things like 'nice set of alloys on this one' to which a few random voices would yell 'They're wheel trims you thick twat' and everyone would laugh at him.