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12 Days of shite-mas

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#1 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 25 November 2017 - 10:46 PM

To supplement the secret santa this year we've decided to have a bit of amusement in the form of an AS parody of the 12 days of christmas song.

 

From the 27th November to the 8th December inclusive we invite a line a day from members via PM to the dedicated (temporary) mod account 12days. Points will be awarded for the lines we find the most amusing and the 3 members with the most points on the 9th December will win mystery prizes!

 

I know that the proper 12 days of christmas don't start until the 25th December, but if we do it earlier then there is a chance that the prizes will make it to the winners by the 25th.

 

As a starter, here are some ideas

 

"On the fifth day of christshitemas, the MOT man gave wept to me

 

Five gol-den rims

Four flat tyres

Three bent valves

Two warning lights

And a camchain ratting freeeeeee!"

 

and repeat...

 

points awarded by the admin team

 

3 points for best submission

2 points for runner up

1 point for next best

 

We will post up a daily top 5 entries, but not who they were submitted by.

 

on the 9th we will tot up the points and the members with the most points will be announced. We'll also compile a full run-through of the song with the best lyrics from the assembled multitudes.

 

All entries via PM to mod 12days. One line each day please.


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#2 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 26 November 2017 - 06:16 PM

...and a fail sheet as long as Nicholas Lyndhurst's faaace.


  • mercrocker and dome like this

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

1989 F  730i. Prestigious.

1999 S  E36 318i Touring. Daily shitter.

1994 M 318Ti - Track whore


#3 ONLINE   The Moog

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Posted 27 November 2017 - 07:26 AM

On the first day of Christmas my .....


Entries sent to 12days Christmas account.

2000 - Ford Poo ma 
2003 - Getz 


#4 ONLINE   The Moog

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Posted 27 November 2017 - 11:38 PM

Day one entries in no particular order:

  • My true love shite-friend sent to me a matte black Austin Maaaxiiiiiii
  •  
  • On the first day of shitemas Red Robbo sent to me,...A Corsa with a bent MoT
  •  
  • On the first day of shitemas my Laguna gave to me....A world of total mi-se-ry!


Some got carried away and rushed ahead:

On the sixths day of xmas, my Tagora failed on me

Six french cylinders
Five working fine
Four floats to check
Three barrels a side
Two screws each
And the linkage needs adjustment too...

on the 2nd day of Christmas, Dollywobbler sent to me- 2 Invacars and a 2cv in a garage



Remember you can enter any day. There are three top prizes to win for those with the best points total.


  • spike60 likes this

2000 - Ford Poo ma 
2003 - Getz 


#5 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 29 November 2017 - 09:16 AM

Day two entries - best of:

 

On the second day of shitemas my shitheaps gave to me, Two-oo turbos blown...

 

On the second day of shitemas my Series Landy proved to be... several chequer plates and a plate-raped coil chassis

 

On the second day of shitemas Red Robbo gave to me.... two Savvy


  • The Moog likes this
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#6 OFFLINE   Sudsprint

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Posted 29 November 2017 - 09:48 PM

Ford Thunderbirds

Three Y10s

Two Triumph Doves

And a Hartge engined Beemer M3


Maserati Ghibli

911 Carrera 2

Fiat 900E Amigo

Ferrari 308 GT4

Lancia Flavia PF Coupe


#7 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 30 November 2017 - 01:09 PM

Picks of day 3 entries:

 

On the third day of shitemas my velour seats gave to me.. a case of pregnancy

 

On the third day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee, Three broken light bulbs, Two knackered ball joints, And a p-u-ddle on the g-a-rage flooooor

 

On the 3rd day of shitemas I risked an MOT...003 Play in wishbone...

 

On the third day of shitemas duff door seals gave to me :Three drenched footwells...

 

On the 3rd day of shitemas someone gave to me, a 3 cylinder Daewoo


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#8 ONLINE   The Moog

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Posted 30 November 2017 - 01:43 PM

Just to get the juices flowing...

One of the prizes on offer....

a8e0d9ef08481efe294779a6995c5565.jpg
  • Craig the Princess, adw1977 and MorrisItalSLX like this

2000 - Ford Poo ma 
2003 - Getz 


#9 OFFLINE   John F

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Posted 30 November 2017 - 02:45 PM

Just to get the juices flowing...

 

I see what you did there :-)


Never knowingly under-ambitious

 

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'94 Vauxhall Calibra V6
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'88 Yamaha XJ900F

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#10 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 01 December 2017 - 09:35 AM

Day four choice picks

 

On the fourth day of shitemas Red Robbo gave to me...Four meters of welding needed

On the 4th day of shitemas, upon the Bay of e... I impulse-bought a WBOD

On the fourth day of shitemas, someone gave to me, Four perished tyres


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#11 ONLINE   Junkman

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Posted 02 December 2017 - 02:46 AM

I don't know any people that manages to make a bigger shambles of Christmas than the English.

 

Thus I don you this.

 


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1967 Renault 16 TL............................................now with floor and MoT

1971 Mercedes 280SE............................................................fucked

1979 Mobylette AV89............................................................running
1997 Peugeot 405 2.0 Executive Estate.................now with aircon and brakes


#12 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 02 December 2017 - 10:20 AM

Some picks from day 5

 

theshadow gave to me... FIVE FOOOOORD KAAAAAS

At the 5th day of shitemas ISIS gave to me.. five R20, all for free

On the fifth day of shitemas an oil leak revealed to me; Five shagged O rings...

On the fifth day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee Fiiivvveee MPGeee


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#13 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 03 December 2017 - 04:49 PM

A selection from day 6

 

On the 6th day of shitemas I sorted out my scrap... six Fiats to weigh-in...

On the sixth day of shitemas my V6 gave to me Six pots a-throbbing

On the sixth day of shitemas someone gave to me - a Six seater Multipla

On the 6th day oh shitemas a raffled 604 came to me, i'm now a divorcee

On the sixth day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee - Six missing wheelnuts


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#14 ONLINE   Sloth in a bowl

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Posted 03 December 2017 - 11:05 PM

On the first day of Shitemas my true love sent to me, an Escort in a Pear* tree

 

Car_in_tree.jpg


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Future Shite - 2014 Skoda Octavia VRS

Past Shite - 1974 Datsun 260Z

Current Shite - 2003 Megane Coupe

To be fixed Shite - 1981 Suzuki SC100

 

Previously owned shite

84 Fiat Uno - Rusty

94 Renault Laguna Mk1 - Breaky

02 Volvo V40 - Steady

99 The Scotoshite Kia/Volvo Pride - Funny

00 Ford Puma - Giggly

 


#15 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 04 December 2017 - 06:02 PM

Day 7 entries worthy of mention

 

On the 7th day of shitemas ebay gave to me, a crowbar since i lost my key

On the seventh day of shitemas, leboncoin gave to me - Seven Simcas rattling

on the 7th day of ASmas my range rover gave to me- firing on all 7!

On the seventh day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee - Seven carpark scratches

On the seventh day of shitemas Red Robbo gave to me - my missing 7mm socket

On the 7th day of shitemas I'm not surprised to see... seven SWMBOs a-swearing


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#16 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 04 December 2017 - 06:07 PM

Another teaser of what exciting prizes you could win. You TOO could be as suave* and sophisticated* as this handsome chap with the strictly limited and highly sought after, hand-crafted from the finest stainless steel and (probably) Mazak, medallion.

 

post-5525-0-16886200-1512082235.jpg

 

Tshirt available by separate negotiation to complete the look. Pictures without the tshirt available to all, whether they want them or not, unless ransom paid within 24 hours. used notes. No consecutive numbers.


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#17 OFFLINE   John F

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Posted 04 December 2017 - 06:29 PM

Speaking of rollin', is that the smallest rollie in the world in your mouth?


  • Stanky likes this

Never knowingly under-ambitious

 

'97 Land Rover Discovery 300 TDi

'94 Vauxhall Calibra V6
'91 Maserati 222 SE

'88 Yamaha XJ900F

'86 Honda CBX 750F
'82 Suzuki GSX1100SZ Katana


#18 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 04 December 2017 - 07:28 PM

Sadly not, my smoking days are over! Its a lip-ring


1996 Nissan Almera GX (departed)
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#19 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 09:04 PM

Day 8 - into the closing straight

 

On the 8th day of shitemas Talbot gave to me... a V8 PRV, but it was only reverie

On the eighth day of Shitemas,a slipped cam belt gave to me - Eight valves a bending...

On the eighth day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee - Eight rusty patches

On the eighth day off shitemas Red Robbo gave to me - 8 grazed knuckles

On the 8th day of shitemas, Sod's law gave to me.... eight rads a-leaking...

On the 8th day of Shitemas, my Kia gave to me 8 missing wheel nuts


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#20 OFFLINE   Talbot

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Posted 06 December 2017 - 10:39 AM

This was written by a couple of friends a few years back, and slightly modified seems appropriate here.  Not an entry in the competition, but fits the tune and is all on one subject:

 

On the Twelfth day of Shitemas, my garage gave to me:

 

Twelve leaky O-rings,

Eleven blowing gaskets,

Ten ragged edges,

Nine worn-out bushes,

Eight miles of welding,

Seven fraying seatbelts,

Six failed glowplugs,

Five piston rings, with blow by,

Four perished tyres,

Three blown bulbs,

Two cloudy lamps,

And a badly failed MOT.


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#21 OFFLINE   LC Torana

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Posted 06 December 2017 - 12:41 PM

On the 5th day of the Test Match, the yobbos had for lunch:

5 Chiko Rolls

4 Kentucky Fried

3 meat pies

2 sausage rolls

and an Esky full of Fosters.


  • MorrisItalSLX likes this

Before you criticize anyone, walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, after you've criticized them, you're a mile away and you've got their shoes.


#22 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 09:05 PM

Day 9 - because I forgot to update yesterday

 

On the 9th day of shitemas my candyman gave to me... a 405 in psychedelic livery

On the 9th day of shitemas I gave my MGB... nine hours of welding

On the ninth day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee - Nine warning lights

On the ninth day off shitemas Red Robbo gave to me, a 9/16th spanner


1996 Nissan Almera GX (departed)
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#23 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 09:11 PM

Day 10 to bring us up to date

 

On the tenth day of shitemas leboncoin showed to me - Ten Tagoras... tempting!

On the tenth day off shitemas someone gave to me, Half a Renault 20 if ISIS haven't banned Christmas yet,

On the tenth day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee - Ten loose connections

On the 10th day of shitemas i broke my knee... that 104 is way too small for me.

On the 10th day of shitemas, I found much to my glee... 10 Fords on Leboncoin


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#24 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 09:28 PM

Almost there now

 

On the eleventh day of shitemas Joe Lucas gave to me; Eleven electric nightmares

On the eleventh day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee Eleven MOT advisories

On the 11th day of shitemas Santa gave to me... a railpass for a year, collections are now free

On the eleventh day off shitemas Red Robbo gave to me, Eleven fault codes showing

On the 11th day of shitemas, I hit a bloody tree... eleven brake pipes a-leaking


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#25 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 09:29 PM

The top 3 are very very close, and tomorrow is the final day. Entries on the backs of postage stamps please!


  • The Moog likes this
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#26 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted 09 December 2017 - 10:00 PM

Picks of the final day's entries. Winners to be announced tomorrow!

 

On the twelfth day of shitemas my gumtree ad brought to me; Twelve twats mouth-breathing

On the twelveth day off shitemas ECP gave to me, The wrong part twelve times

On the twelfth day of shitemas my Jaguar gave to meeeeee Twelve reasons to scrap it

On the 12th day of shitemas, a barn find brought to me... 12 Humbers crumbling...

On the 12th day of shitemas AS gave to me... a fun forum for another yeeear


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2004 SAAB 9-3

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#27 OFFLINE   Stanky

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Posted Yesterday, 03:44 PM

And on the 13th Day of Shite-mas we had some WINNERS!

 

Thanks all for your valuable contributions, and for being good sports. We have 4 unmissable prizes which we'll send out to the top 4 placed entrats over the last 12 days. As I said yesterday the top 5 places were very closely fought but the top 4 were:

 

John F

PShome

Andy W201

Craigtheprincess

 

Well done you 4, and thanks for your contributions everyone else!

 

Winners, please PM me or the 12days account with your addresses and we'll get the prizes posted to you ASAP, ideally in time for Christmas.

 

Thanks again all!

 


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