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No bucket wrong'un: the stoner cast off E46 318CI


HMC

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So I sold my mondeo st220 at the weekend and part of the deal was for me to deliver the car. One man's one way ticket on public transport is this man's opportunity to buy a new tub. Cos I needed a ride back you see. It was the only* logical* choice. My only non negotiables were that it ran and had an MOT and of course was very very cheap.

 

All this saw me pedalling across Plymouth whilst ill, toward a grotty, partly documentless (read on) bodged and neglected and broken BMW. You know the sort- old, tatty, appealing to people on a shoestring after a cheap status symbol. The vendors were friendly but seemingly had not bothered to unearth any paperwork, and seemed confused and spaced out. Digging about the house produced the owners books and service history and a scribbled out and re written v5c/2 but nothing more.

The car has-

 

Rusty wheel arches x4

Broken window regulator x1

Broken door handle x1

Broken temperature guage

Broken radiator fan

Broken secondary air pump

Sticking OSF calliper

Sticking handbrake

Tyres of brands I've never heard of

Exhaust blow

Interior smells funny

 

Obviously I should have 'walked' but the cycling had all but finished me off. I Politely explained the various issues and a price was agreed. I can't help thinking had I been fitter I would probably have just got back on my bike and cycled the rest of the way home. Risking the need for medical intervention may well have been preferable.

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So I sold my mondeo st220 at the weekend and part of the deal was for me to deliver the car. One man's one way ticket on public transport is this man's opportunity to buy a new tub. Cos I needed a ride back you see. It was the only* logical* choice. My only non negotiables were that it ran and had an MOT and of course was very very cheap.

 

All this saw me pedalling across Plymouth whilst ill, toward a grotty, partly documentless (read on) bodged and neglected and broken BMW. You know the sort- old, tatty, appealing to people on a shoestring after a cheap status symbol. The vendors were friendly but seemingly had not bothered to unearth any paperwork, and seemed confused and spaced out. Digging about the house produced the owners books and service history and a scribbled out and re written v5c/2 but nothing more.

The car has-

 

Rusty wheel arches x4

Broken window regulator x1

Broken door handle x1

Broken temperature guage

Broken radiator fan

Broken secondary air pump

Sticking OSF calliper

Sticking handbrake

Tyres of brands I've never heard of

Exhaust blow

Interior smells funny

 

Obviously I should have 'walked' but the cycling had all but finished me off. I Politely explained the various issues and a price was agreed. I can't help thinking had I been fitter I would probably have just got back on my bike and cycled the rest of the way home. Risking the need for medical intervention may well have been preferable.

 

 

 

Sounds awful.

 

When's the raffle?

 

Just don't use the term 'Beemer' or 'Bimmer', an offence liable to prosecution in the Autoshite People's Court.

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Funnily enough, I have found myself oblivious to the charms of these tubs after listening to the tales of joy* from my brother and Dome.

 

Although you are much further south than their e46s were, so may have a chance of some bolts being bolt shaped rather than just crud.

 

I hope the sticking Caliper is not a rear one:)

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Funnily enough, I have found myself oblivious to the charms of these tubs after listening to the tales of joy* from my brother and Dome.

 

Although you are much further south than their e46s were, so may have a chance of some bolts being bolt shaped rather than just crud.

 

I hope the sticking Caliper is not a rear one:)

 

Mine lived by the sea for 8 years before I got it. I still have nightmares. 

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Funnily enough, I have found myself oblivious to the charms of these tubs after listening to the tales of joy* from my brother and Dome.

Although you are much further south than their e46s were, so may have a chance of some bolts being bolt shaped rather than just crud.

I hope the sticking Caliper is not a rear one:)

I think it's just the OSF one. Just had it off the disc and cleaned up thecorroded piston and worked it a bit. Seems to be a lot better now but have also discovered the ARB drop link on that side has fallen apart...
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It always amuses me that e46s vie with the PT Cruiser as the car that's too shit for Autoshite, although I've never owned one, I've driven a couple of 330s. An auto diesel saloon which was great and a manual petrol coupe which was a bit dissapointing, although my experience was somewhat clouded by some scrote nicking a wheel and leaving it on bricks. It cost me £300 for a refurbed MV2 and a tyre- I only borrowed it to save a £30 taxi fare!

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Exactly, speaking as a former E28/34/39 owner I recognise enough DNA to keep me happy but I agree these days these e46s have got a hard to define but very definite presence and image that fascinates me but I know won't appeal to everyone on there.

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Nice drive but endless money pits at this age regardless of how well they've been looked after. My wife keeps making noises about having another one. I'm sure the thought of that is accelerating the rate at which my hair is greying!

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^^ That sort of sums up the E46. I talked to a local specialist BMW Indy a couple of years back when I was considering one and his (polite/diplomatic) assessment was along the lines of a really nice car when new and for the first 5-6 years, then pretty much anything/everything can go wrong (as said - almost regardless of how its been treated). Plus his assertion was that they'd cheapened alot of the parts, using cheap plastic where possible presumably to save weight and cost and they were not nice to work on especially for the DIY'er as there was often the need to resort to special tools for some normally straightforward jobs. 

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I've had a few, starting in 2001 with a W plate 320d Touring which was a nice thing. I wouldn't touch one now though unless it was 100 quid and l could flog some parts from it. I turned down a free 2004 Compact 316Ti last month as it would have cost £120 to go and get it, and there weren't £120 worth of parts on it. Scrapyards are just full of them and at least 50% of owners are semi literate mongs - check out the E46 Arsebook pages. Do u drift 'em pal?

 

They are a mini E39, inasmuch that every job on them is an utter cunt where you're combining stupid design with 15 years of ageing/neglect. Imagine an E36 redesigned by PSA and built by Ford, and that's about right. They're quite nice when they run and work properly but they're not a car to preserve for the future. 

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Well I've spent only a fairly short bit of time on this and the brakes are now behaving and after cleaning up and lubricating the passenger door lock mechanism and actuating cables, that door now opens from the outside. I also properly refitted the door card so now it doesn't half fall off when you try and close the door. So far just a bit of effort spent and it feels slightly less scabby now.

 

I've also bought a replacement drop link off e bay (£5 so it may be shit will let you know) and a £5 coolant temp sensor, important as the radiator fan is broken. I've done a few diagnostic tests and a new assembly is needed- I've got my eye on a few second hand tested ones on e bay- new ones are not banger money. Sums up one aspect of the problem these cars face.

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I've had a few, starting in 2001 with a W plate 320d Touring which was a nice thing. I wouldn't touch one now though unless it was 100 quid and l could flog some parts from it. I turned down a free 2004 Compact 316Ti last month as it would have cost £120 to go and get it, and there weren't £120 worth of parts on it. Scrapyards are just full of them and at least 50% of owners are semi literate mongs - check out the E46 Arsebook pages. Do u drift 'em pal?

 

They are a mini E39, inasmuch that every job on them is an utter cunt where you're combining stupid design with 15 years of ageing/neglect. Imagine an E36 redesigned by PSA and built by Ford, and that's about right. They're quite nice when they run and work properly but they're not a car to preserve for the future. 

 

That was the vibe I got when I was interested, was nice, now probably a bit of a liability. Plus they are now usually owned by those can can afford to buy but not to run them. If offered one locally for minimum money (as in sub £100) running and driving, I might have a punt for shits & giggles but otherwise, I'm oot. 

 

An E36 redesigned (pres. by committee if it's PSA) by PSA & built by Ford is a scary thought indeed! 

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Have to say, I used to hate them almost with as much passion as the Rev_Blue, but having got mine I'm converted, I really do like them now and admire them. Mine does exactly what I want it to do (mind you, so did the KV6) and doesn't (so far) cost a fortune to run.

 

Whats the engine in yours?

 

 

You've been exceptionally lucky with yours though.

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That's pretty awful I must say. *shudders*

 

However, a days fragging and:

 

Scabby MV 'loyz £100

Pair of door mirrors £80

CD player £35

Bonnet £50

Diff £100

Cylinder head £100

ECU and lock set £50

Bootlid £30

Passenger wing £25 if decent

Rest of it £weighbridge

 

You can't lose on that. You are probably the last owner before it has an appointment with a baler but run the shitbox thru the winter, frag it and ur kwidz in m8.

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these days these e46s have got a hard to define but very definite presence and image that fascinates me but I know won't appeal to everyone on there.

 

Does that mean you'll be turning it into a "poundland gangster" replica, with loud exhaust, bubbling tints and ebay ///M badges on every panel ?

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Does that mean you'll be turning it into a "poundland gangster" replica, with loud exhaust, bubbling tints and ebay ///M badges on every panel ?

 

^^ Ahhh, the late 90's - those were the days. M-Sport badges on pretty much every E30 (usually a 316 or 318) round my old neck of the woods and the air was full of: "S' em-free innit mate".

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