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Grumpy Old Man thread


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#68371 ONLINE   richardmorris

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:31 PM

Work Christmas party next week.  The company I work for do it in style, and we're all being whisked first class off to Cardiff for two days.  Conference in the National Museum and huge glam party afterwards.  Free accommodation, food, booze, the lot.
 
Only - I have SO much work to do, that I can't see how I can fit it all in.  Everything fits perfectly, so 48 hours causes mahoosive instrusion to not just me but the other companies I work for.
 
So I'm going to have to drive to Cardiff and back in a day.  In a 4 speed, 25 year old Merc that's revving it's titties off.  It's just shy of 400 miles.
 
I appreciate it's not cancer, but it's a bit of a pisser to have to miss out.  
 
Anyway - as you were.




I thought there were cost limits set out by HMRC for staff parties?
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#68372 OFFLINE   Pillock

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:44 PM

My BMW went into the garage for a service, as I said in some thread or another. They couldn't find an oil filter so have had it for 36 hours so far.

Today they phoned to tell me there's a gearbox oil leak and it needs further investigation.

So why have they only just noticed this, and why isn't there any oil on the road outside my house where I park it every night?

So I'm stuck with the non-indicating Sandero. Think I might ask the lease company for a proper hire car instead if it's going to be there a while.
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#68373 OFFLINE   Hooli

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:55 PM

I'm doing some overtime this evening, it seems.

 

Lunchtime: "Hi, can we arrange a time to get access to one of your sites, we have a fault with some equipment. We can arrange a time once we have a contact."

 

4PM: "The engineer is on his way there, he will be there for 6pm"

 

Thanks Janet. However, it is a fairly major bit of network infrastructure, so yeeeaaaah... ok. It's also my stupid fault for volunteering, but I'm the only person on the team who both lives nearby and has a car.

 

 

 

EDIT: They just phoned me to say they haven't even left yet and are 3 hours away. 6pm my arse. I asked them to re-schedule for office hours tomorrow instead. I'm sure I've mentioned it before... but I'm not paid enough for this shit (literally. Service desk are on a higher pay grade than I am right now).

 

Sounds like my week.

 

Got invited to a meeting about a new car parking system today, that uses our network to get around the site & out to the internet. First either me or the other network guy had heard of it. The meeting went 'This is going live saturday after being fitted friday afternoon, won't be a problem will it?' I'm not sure they liked the response of 'Good luck with that!'.

So yeah tomorrow we're creating a new VLAN, stretching around the site, racking their server & guessing what firewall rules they need. Saturday should be good as I'm in Brum getting pisssed & the other network guy is busy too. Still at least the 3rd line bloke on call has no networking experience....

 

I love well planned projects.


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#68374 OFFLINE   sierraman

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 07:02 PM

My BMW went into the garage for a service, as I said in some thread or another. They couldn't find an oil filter so have had it for 36 hours so far.

Today they phoned to tell me there's a gearbox oil leak and it needs further investigation.

So why have they only just noticed this, and why isn't there any oil on the road outside my house where I park it every night?

So I'm stuck with the non-indicating Sandero. Think I might ask the lease company for a proper hire car instead if it's going to be there a while.


That’s garage code for ‘made a massive cock up but don’t let slip’

My mate used to work at Eric Stead’s Rover, they used to do this all the time when they’d made a massive cock up. He once fitted a belt of a 420, don’t know what happened exactly but the timing went out, it got started and it bent a valve. They just told the owner it would take an extra day as they’d got no belts in. Sent him home in a courtesy car while my mate was on overtime lapping valves into another head. Owner none the wiser.
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#68375 ONLINE   sIartibartfast

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 07:03 PM

Sounds like my day!

"yea we want to add a field onto the contract document, can it be done asap?"

My superior was smirking as he wrote back explaining in huge detail how it would probably take 2 months, a fairly involved change in the system, database and a full re-write of the contract document to fit it all in (which needs doing anyway), plus a week's worth of regression testing by me as it touches so many parts of the system... They just replied with "ok, I'll have a think about it..."

They won't, but I can ignore it for now
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#68376 OFFLINE   MarvinsMom

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 07:44 PM

what a friggin' day.....

 

jumped into the car to set off for work, and was greeted with a terrible rubbing noise from the front of the car.

 

so, i stop, get out and have a look. 

 

nothing amiss, so try again. nope, wasn't dreaming, it IS making some terrible rubbing sound.

 

in a moment of inspired* common sense, i ran my hand over the front wheel. ah shit....

 

one broken spring with a bloody great big bit rubbibng on the inside of the tyre. 

 

call work, i won't be coming in and need holiday to get the car taken home. 

 

get home and the heating boiler has decided that it doesn't want to work, and is giving me the flashing red light of death, god knows why (well we all know why, it bloody cold, and running up to xmas, so what better time of year could you get for the heating to quit on you?)

 

and finally the new frock for work has a zip up the back, which i can, just about, really just about manage to fasten on my own.

 

just. so great for getting into and out of on my own, when i'm away from home during the week. when at work, which is what i bought it for!!

 

if my shoulders were double jointed then it would be fine.

 

bloody marvelous...... what man thought that was a good idea???

 

FFS, i should have stayed in bed this morning.


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#68377 ONLINE   dollywobbler

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 07:54 PM

Surely zip ties are your friend? Just pretend it's the latest fashion.

I do not speak from experience...
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#68378 ONLINE   twosmoke300

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:03 PM

Latest grump - adverts for cars as spares or repair but with a long mot but don’t tell you what’s fucking wrong with it !

Skoda Octavia 1.9tdi - the boring modern 

Fiat Ducato 2009 l3h2

Honda Crf250X

Suzuki TS50x

Kawasaki Ke175d

Prilla Pigsasshole 650

Saxo 1.5D

Land Rover 90 2.5 petrol

Honda CB250N super wet dream

 

 

 


#68379 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:05 PM

 

 

It's probably preferable to the alternative option...........

 

Not necessarily.



#68380 OFFLINE   Eddie Honda

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:11 PM

^^^^ Getting up in the evening is shit. I 'ate night shift.



#68381 ONLINE   DodgeRover

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:18 PM

what a friggin' day.....

jumped into the car to set off for work, and was greeted with a terrible rubbing noise from the front of the car.

so, i stop, get out and have a look.

nothing amiss, so try again. nope, wasn't dreaming, it IS making some terrible rubbing sound.

in a moment of inspired* common sense, i ran my hand over the front wheel. ah shit....

one broken spring with a bloody great big bit rubbibng on the inside of the tyre.

call work, i won't be coming in and need holiday to get the car taken home.

get home and the heating boiler has decided that it doesn't want to work, and is giving me the flashing red light of death, god knows why (well we all know why, it bloody cold, and running up to xmas, so what better time of year could you get for the heating to quit on you?)

and finally the new frock for work has a zip up the back, which i can, just about, really just about manage to fasten on my own.

just. so great for getting into and out of on my own, when i'm away from home during the week. when at work, which is what i bought it for!!

if my shoulders were double jointed then it would be fine.

bloody marvelous...... what man thought that was a good idea???

FFS, i should have stayed in bed this morning.

If the heating is a pressurised system check the water pressure and increase to around 1 bar if needed.

Edit the zip fasten a zip tie to the puller or for a more professional look a piece of ribbon. I need them for wetsuits so I can sympathise.
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#68382 OFFLINE   chaseracer

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:27 PM

...the new frock for work has a zip up the back, which i can, just about, really just about manage to fasten on my own.

 

just. so great for getting into and out of on my own, when i'm away from home during the week. when at work, which is what i bought it for!!

 

if my shoulders were double jointed then it would be fine.

 

bloody marvelous...... what man thought that was a good idea???

 

Tell me again: why is it a bloke's fault that you chose the wrong dress...?  

 

</runs, hides...>

 

;)


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#68383 OFFLINE   robinmasters

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:36 PM

I thought there were cost limits set out by HMRC for staff parties?


Hence the 'conference' presumably. Use an hour our two of unnecessary training to justify the travel food and accommodation, the actual party is only the evening do.
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#68384 ONLINE   twosmoke300

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:37 PM

Someone has his brave pants on tonight mr racer. Pity they are gonna be wedged up your crack if she ever gets hold of you
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Skoda Octavia 1.9tdi - the boring modern 

Fiat Ducato 2009 l3h2

Honda Crf250X

Suzuki TS50x

Kawasaki Ke175d

Prilla Pigsasshole 650

Saxo 1.5D

Land Rover 90 2.5 petrol

Honda CB250N super wet dream

 

 

 


#68385 OFFLINE   New POD

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:45 PM

So today I had said interview. I am grumpy because I am waiting to find out, and I want to know.


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#68386 OFFLINE   myglaren

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:49 PM

With great difficulty managed to report a boiler fault last Thursday - water pouring out of it.

It had only been repaired ten days previously and left pretty much in bits.

 

My son tried to report it but they wouldn't accept it from him.

I spent ages on the phone in their stupid queueing system and never managed to speak to anyone - made more difficult as we are prohibited from using phones at work.

Managed to speak to a proper person who agreed to pass on the repair request. She left a voicemail to say they would be there later that day or the following morning.

Son on night shift stayed up waiting but no-one showed.  Boiler mostly stopped leaking by that evening but leaks intermittently now.

They came yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon while son was asleep - no indication that they were coming.

Damned thing can leak until after Christmas now.


Sent from beyond the grave using the Force.


#68387 OFFLINE   eddyramrod

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:50 PM

Yeah, I understand that, Mr POD.  I've been the same all day over Memphis while she's been at the vet for some dental work.  Kept having visions of them calling and saying "oh, errrrrr..... Mr Rafter..... about your dog..."  Fortunately I've got her back in one piece, more or less, if minus a few teeth, and she is now snuggled up on my leg.


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#68388 ONLINE   BorniteIdentity

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 08:59 PM

Hence the 'conference' presumably. Use an hour our two of unnecessary training to justify the travel food and accommodation, the actual party is only the evening do.



Excuse my ignorance, but why would there be? If you’re not claiming it as a business expense, and you’re a private limited company, it matters not. Right? Or am I blissfully naive?!

I imagine they are claiming some of it, and I’m certain a lot of the drink is generously paid for by the CEO himself.

I’d never thought of all this!

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#68389 OFFLINE   SiC

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 09:07 PM

Excuse my ignorance, but why would there be? If you’re not claiming it as a business expense, and you’re a private limited company, it matters not. Right? Or am I blissfully naive?!

I imagine they are claiming some of it, and I’m certain a lot of the drink is generously paid for by the CEO himself.

I’d never thought of all this!

There is tax benefits by keeping it under £150.

https://www.gov.uk/e...nctions-parties

Going over it becomes more of a staff perk and tax is eligible on it.

Basically (being tax, there is more to it too).
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#68390 OFFLINE   New POD

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 09:15 PM

Hence the 'conference' presumably. Use an hour our two of unnecessary training to justify the travel food and accommodation, the actual party is only the evening do.

 

The American's do international conferences at Disney in the summer, and staff take their families, who get in free as part of the conference price.   

My boss went to one, to present jointly with a UK university professor about some research I had managed to get some PHD engineering students to complete. (I was their industrial contact and provided guidance which involved saying, "For fucksake, your professor is going to kill you if you don't stop pissing around" )  Eventually they achieved something and the bosses got the jolly.

My boss was amazed at the whole set up.  He was the sort that kept away from anything that looked like fun, although the Professor was not and  "missed" his connecting flight at JFK and "had" to spend the weekend in New York all on his own on expenses.



#68391 OFFLINE   omegod

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 11:09 PM

A virus is working it's way mercilessly through my system, throat like razors , sinuses smell like lamb stew , moderately dillusional and everything hurts like I am being mugged slowly. I have decided to try and kill said virus with a full bottle of Mount Gay Rum and have booked a days leave tommorrow.  I apologise for nothing that may be posted over the next few hours, at best I may have been brutally honest with one or two, at worst i may own a fucked 5 grand Rolls Royce, so it will be and I wish myself godspeed with flagrant disregard for anyone else. 


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#68392 OFFLINE   SiC

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 11:13 PM

at worst i may own a fucked 5 grand Rolls Royce, so it will be and I wish myself godspeed with flagrant disregard for anyone else.

I'll just leave this link here then:
https://rover.ebay.c...tm/382272878571
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#68393 ONLINE   Kiltox

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 03:30 AM

A virus is working it's way mercilessly through my system, throat like razors , sinuses smell like lamb stew , moderately dillusional and everything hurts like I am being mugged slowly. I have decided to try and kill said virus with a full bottle of Mount Gay Rum and have booked a days leave tommorrow. I apologise for nothing that may be posted over the next few hours, at best I may have been brutally honest with one or two, at worst i may own a fucked 5 grand Rolls Royce, so it will be and I wish myself godspeed with flagrant disregard for anyone else.


Can report that this fixes said condition for 8-12 hours but it comes back harder when you sober up. Stay drunk.
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#68394 OFFLINE   r.welfare

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 06:30 AM

Nice stuff though that Mount Gay.

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#68395 ONLINE   panhard65

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 07:51 AM

Did someone say they wanted to buy a fucked Rolls Royce for 5 grand ? I think I can help and you might even get change.

silver spur1.jpg


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#68396 OFFLINE   omegod

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 08:21 AM

Can report that this fixes said condition for 8-12 hours but it comes back harder when you sober up. Stay drunk.

 

OK which of you shoved barbed wire down my throat whilst I was comatose, I didn't buy a roller but have promised to buy an Omega off a church organist in Yorkshire  :)



#68397 ONLINE   BavarianRetro

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 08:37 AM

Seamaster? Aqua Terre?
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#68398 OFFLINE   NorfolkNWeigh

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 08:51 AM

Against my better judgment I got dragged to a Christmas thing at The Albert Hall last night, the best bit of which was Jona Louie being too pissed to do his only hit properly.
That's not the grump though, neither is having to eat at some ghastly chain Italian place , because it was all we could find open at 5pm.
Having to pay £9.00 for 1 1/2 hours on a meter in Kensington isn't the grump either.

No, the grump is the cunt in a white Porsche Cayenne that managed to hit the corner of the Volvo and then , of course, just fucked off!

To make me even angrier , we were sitting in the window of said chain Italian gaff and I saw the Cayenne leave the space, Mrs N thinks it's better I didn't see him do it as I'd have spent the night in a cell rather than the concert- I'm not that sure it would have been worse.

I'll photographically document before and after T-Cut and tears.
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#68399 OFFLINE   omegod

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 10:11 AM

Seamaster? Aqua Terre?

 

 

Even better...Vauxhall  :-D


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#68400 ONLINE   DodgeRover

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Posted 08 December 2017 - 11:09 AM

Caution sweary rant

Fucking school
Fucking part time teachers
Fucking TAs teaching the classes thinking they are god.
Fucking making shit up to cover their backs when witnesses say different
Fucking not following through on what they've said.
Fucking up my child's time at school and basically writing him off and washing their hands.
Christ we need to move out of the area.

Rant ends sorry




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