Datsuncog's Heaps: Sept 2023 - Another Year's T-Met Exemption Certificate...

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

 

 

Don't you have a spares car with another engine in though?

 

 

A better idea:

[egg]

Bloody sad story this, I've had (almost) total oil loss on a Mk4 Astra before, but I could still drive the bugger home!

[Split_Pin]

Steamboat willy and his stupid driving, what an utter fud.

 

All elements of a thoroughly crap time in your very well written story, hope you at least get home soon where tis warm and dry.

[Datsuncog]

On 4/4/2018 at 3:18 PM, beko1987 said:

Yep, been there done that with 5 hours on the side of the m25 with a wheel missing.

Don't you have a spares car with another engine in though?

It's not uncommon, sadly... just not a nice day for it to happen! Keep telling myself it could have been worse if it'd let go at night, or on a fast stretch of rural road, or something like that.

I do have another 1.8 Laguna on the drive, the silver RN bASe... but it doesn't go, either! Still unsure whether it's a fuel pump issue or something to do with the electrics - have been intending to investigate once the weather stopped being a whiny bitch, but I'm still waiting for that!

 

On 4/4/2018 at 3:25 PM, SierraMikeHotel said:

Damn. That is spectacular. Sorry to see this dude

Cheers man. To be fair, this is the first total loss breakdown I've had in 20 years of driving, so in fairness I was probably long overdue... anything else has been fix at roadside, or nurse it home. Not the end of the world, but bloody irritating!

 

On 4/4/2018 at 3:37 PM, The Reverend Bluejeans said:

A better idea:

Yup, that's Mrs DC's preferred course of action. She doesn't much like TAZ.

She reckons it's an 'ungenuine' car, and has done from the start - KAZ has only ever been an old heap, but it's been an honest one, as detailed in previous threads, 

TAZ looks the part, but has been hiding much bodgery.

One or both of these cars will definitely be leaving in the next week or so.

 

On 4/4/2018 at 3:41 PM, egg said:

Bloody sad story this, I've had (almost) total oil loss on a Mk4 Astra before, but I could still drive the bugger home!

Yeah, and the thing was I had five litres of Helix 10/40 in the boot and I was tempted to see if I could refill it and nurse it home, since it hadn't actually seized... but it lost 4.5 litres in less than 10 mins so there's clearly a major leak, and I felt guilty enough at compromising other road users through turning the motorway into a skidpan... so decided to wait for the wagon.

 

On 4/4/2018 at 2:56 PM, Dirk Diggler said:

We need a not like button

Seconded.

[SiC]

Sad face that its died. Could it be that a oil pipe has simply popped off?

 

If it is, I'd give it another chance. Fix it, fill it with oil and see how it runs. I've seen Vauxhall petrol's near enough completely run out of oil, throw on an EML because the knock sensor has detected too much knocking and after refilling with oil, still soldier on for a few more years.

 

Alternatively, a day trip out and there is this: http://autoshite.com/topic/31407-1994-honda-accord-23-sr-price-drop-now-%C2%A3450/

[Split_Pin]

I will second that Accord.

[dave21478]

I "liked" for the goodest vocabulistics ive read on here for a while, not for the actual circumstances.

[drum]

I "liked" for the goodest vocabulistics ive read on here for a while, not for the actual circumstances.

Likewise liking

 

You'll be wishing you'd weighed it in at the junkyard.

[Guest Hooli]

I liked as you're posts yet again show the professional writers how to do a proper story about old chod.

 

Unfortunately, this is what frogchod does if you fix (or try to fix) anything. It finds a new worse fault to piss you off.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

AS's chief wordsmith! 37/10

[Zelandeth]

Reckon first thing we need to do is get some oil in it and see A: how it runs, and B: where the oil is coming from.

 

Breather blown off? The oil separator is built into the pipework rather than attached to the engine in these isn't it? Imagine that could lose quite a bit in short order. That or a blown core plug would be my favourites given the location where the oil seems to be coming from.

[Parky]

Quick compression test will reveal if something terminal has happened. It could be a pipe or hose or even something really simple like a split filter?

[Zelandeth]

Oh...and check if Autoaid offer cover in your area.

 

If so, ditch the RAC at the first opportunity. Bloody useless bunch of money grabbing idiots.

 

I had to show them where a main road was when I needed them because it wasn't "on their system" so they couldn't find me.

[lesapandre]

Very nice bit of writing though. Sorry to hear about car.

[davehedgehog31]

A finely written tale of woe, Sir. 

 

The weather looks slightly on the up, hopefully you can get a look at it shortly and it's not terminal.

[beko1987]

Assuming it's not a quick fix, I think you should scrap both lagunas. Scrap them, make the missus happy. Say you did it for her, because it's what she wanted, so you did it. Because your nice like that

 

Then go and buy yourself something much better, that you want!

 

Then write about it on here, lots and lots!

[mercedade]

 

I get a tiny little puff of tragic pride. I'm good at having breakdowns in useless old French shite. On one hand it's quite nice to be told you're doing something right by a professional, on the other it's like the most heartrending backhanded compliment ever. Police-approved FTP-er. Accredited breaker-downer. Maybe I can get a little badge made or something.

 

 

 

Some writers do words, others get words. 

 

A+++

[SiC]

Then go and buy yourself something much better, that you want!

 

Something better than a Laguna? Is there such a thing?! You of all people should know there is not.

[beko1987]

Something better than a Laguna? Is there such a thing?! You of all people should no there is not.

We all know the only thing you replace a laguna with is another laguna... One day, with prolific parts swapping you might reach the heady heights of a FULLY WORKING laguna! That would be a fine day...

 

I hope Datsuncog isnt crying in a corner somewhere, he's been awfully quiet today...

[Datsuncog]

Cheers for all the kind and comforting words about this latest little adventure... it deffo helps to feel that fellow shiters are willing success and a second chance upon this heap of frogchod. And there are some excellent points being made:

On 4/4/2018 at 4:14 PM, SiC said:

Sad face that its died. Could it be that a oil pipe has simply popped off?

If it is, I'd give it another chance. Fix it, fill it with oil and see how it runs. I've seen Vauxhall petrol's near enough completely run out of oil, throw on an EML because the knock sensor has detected too much knocking and after refilling with oil, still soldier on for a few more years.

 

On 4/5/2018 at 3:31 AM, Zelandeth said:

Reckon first thing we need to do is get some oil in it and see A: how it runs, and B: where the oil is coming from.

Breather blown off? The oil separator is built into the pipework rather than attached to the engine in these isn't it? Imagine that could lose quite a bit in short order. That or a blown core plug would be my favourites given the location where the oil seems to be coming from.

 

On 4/5/2018 at 3:38 AM, Parky said:

Quick compression test will reveal if something terminal has happened. It could be a pipe or hose or even something really simple like a split filter?

Aha. The oil pipe theory. Now, this did occur to me yesterday, in response to posing myself the question "how did so much oil come out so very quickly?" Because my initial thinking was - I'd redlined it to avoid Merc Boy piling into me at speed on that dodgy bit of corner, and in revving the head off it to get up to 50 I'd popped a gasket or something. But while a blown oil seal or whatever may well cause a leak and some noticeable drippage, I'd consider it unlikely that an engine could lose absolutely all of its lubrication in less than ten minutes this way.

So the concept of a faulty/self-disconnected oil pipe is a plausible one. What makes it even more plausible, thinking back to the fun and games in November with the dodgy coil pack, is when I clocked that some of the various pipes under the bonnet were artisanally crafted* by the former owner from lengths of aquatic piping, lino offcuts and jubilee clips... now, I'd thought these were only breather pipes etc, and certainly all the ones that I could see under the bonnet the other day still seemed in place - but this is looking highly likely as the potential culprit. I shall begin my investigation with this in mind as my prime suspect, down under the car.

Agnew Bloke had a quick squizz by the roadside and thought that the sump itself had let go - and as a works-prepared rally driver in his spare time, I would imagine he'd know a thing or two about catastrophic engine failures - while Faker wondered whether maybe there had been a previous repair to a damaged sump, say using Chemical Metal, which had let go at speed. So I think this may be my secondary suspect. I certainly don't remember hitting anything which could have caused sump damage, but who knows...

A blown core plug did also cross my mind, although I'd like to think there might have been a bit of a noise to announce this, But it's also a contender in the blame game.

One thing which has caused me a degree of disquiet is the fact that, as with the three-cylinder running, no EML or any other warning lights appeared. Whenever I start it normally, all the usual lights appear and then go off, including the oil warning light (the Laguna also has an oil level gauge that appears on startup for a few seconds in place of the odometer, just to show you how much oil is in it).

So why on earth did the oil warning light fail to indicate something was rather amiss, as there was clearly a total loss of pressure followed by a total loss of oil? In fact, this yoke has never thrown up a warning light. Initially this fact made me feel rather smug, but increasingly I'm feeling rather alarmed. Has previous owner blokey... bypassed it? I know he did something to the immobiliser to prevent its irritating 60-second reset... hmmm.

On 4/4/2018 at 9:04 PM, Hooli said:

Unfortunately, this is what frogchod does if you fix (or try to fix) anything. It finds a new worse fault to piss you off.

Very true... and this is also what's testing my patience and that of Mrs DC. In my mind it's no worse than my other cars. But it is. This thread chronicles only some of them (replacing the rear wheel bearings quickly became a pressing job immediately after I started using it - I know TADTS, but it was another £200 on top of purchase price) plus other odd bits of bodgery and running repairs as things keep jamming, falling off or otherwise misbehaving. The blower. The heater. The headlights. The dash lights. The weird rattle through the steering column. The stiff selector on second gear. The tracking. The tyres. The threaded hub. The split seat. The plastic airdams underneath. It goes on.

 

On 4/5/2018 at 8:41 AM, beko1987 said:

Assuming it's not a quick fix, I think you should scrap both lagunas. Scrap them, make the missus happy. Say you did it for her, because it's what she wanted, so you did it. Because your nice like that

Then go and buy yourself something much better, that you want!

Then write about it on here, lots and lots!

Yup, this. It's a horrible thought, as I'm quite attached to both of them and Mk1 (especially Phase 1) Lags are becoming quite few and far between - but the evening of my triumphant* return home accompanied by lots of flashing yellow lights did lead to some rather frank discussions about the future of my vehicular fleet.

Mrs DC does not like TAZ. She does not like driving TAZ. She does not like being a passenger in TAZ. She does not feel confident when we go out anywhere in TAZ. And she definitely wants it to have no part in our long-delayed honeymoon to Shetland, as I had planned. Shamefaced, I couldn't really muster any sort of rebuttal to these entirely understandable viewpoints. Her view is that it's my car and I can do what I like with it, but that doesn't extend to shared activities and it's not fair when it causes her worry or inconvenience, or blows a hole in our day off together like on Monday.

Conversely, she does still have a lot of affection for KAZ - despite looking like a total nail, it's a nicer car to drive, to get in and out of (flatter seats, lighter doors), better headroom with no sunroof - but she is utterly fed up having to squeeze past one dead car or another up the side of the house, year after year, while trying to get bins and lawnmowers in and out. I feel she has a fair point.

So I have promised to make a concerted effort to get both KAZ and TAZ running again in the next week or so, and then make arrangements to pass at least one of them on. Which one is up to me; both if necessary.

I would gladly pass both of them on if I could get something I really wanted... but I genuinely don't know what I want! I'm an opportunistic shiter at heart, I've only ever gone out looking for a particular car twice in my life (the Cortina estate, and the Polo breadvan) and, if I'm honest, neither of them were as good as hoped. My general MO is to scrape together about £300 and see what's in the paper that looks like it has a bit of life left in it.

Well, okay... I'd really like a Victor 3300 FD estate, but they don't come in anywhere near my meagre budget - and I'd only have something like that if I'd somewhere dry to store it and work at it. Much of my annoyance with the Lagunae is that they live outside, deteriorating, and making even simple jobs uncomfortable and awkward during winter months. That Yaris brake fluid change in the pissing rain at 4pm on a freezing January evening knocked my spannering mojo rather severely, and it still hasn't really returned.

But! I think you're right - see if either of them are an easy fix, and then start making serious long-term decisions.

 

On 4/5/2018 at 4:07 AM, Zelandeth said:

Oh...and check if Autoaid offer cover in your area.
If so, ditch the RAC at the first opportunity. Bloody useless bunch of money grabbing idiots.
I had to show them where a main road was when I needed them because it wasn't "on their system" so they couldn't find me.

I've never heard of Autoaid, but I've just had a look and they do indeed seem to offer cover to NI residents... the same cover I have, but at nearly a quarter of the RAC price. A quarter!!!

So thank you for that! I'm really not pleased with RAC at all after these latest shenanigans (they once hung up on me previously because I couldn't give them the postcode for the roundabout on the A27 outside Lewes, where I'd come to a halt - telling them "it's eastbound, four miles past the University of Sussex" was not, apparently, good enough) - so I think there might be a permanent parting of the ways coming up...

So yeah... last night I eschewed car dramas entirely and went out with an old chum for an evening of genteely restrained debauchery in central Belfast, which was probably what we both needed. This evening I'll take a proper look at both vehicles, and post my findings!

 

Cheers to all those who have let me know that they enjoy the writing, too - it really means a lot. I formally swore off writing forever last year, after a decade of wrangling a series of over-ambitious and ultimately untameable novels (plus an increasingly whiny and self-indulgent blog), and long before that harboured some stunted notions of motoring journalism which never came to fruition... but maybe this is more my niche. Less cut-throat, nothing to prove, and no commercial pressure to sell anything! Plus, a better calibre of reader.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

......My general MO is to scrape together about £300 and see what's in the paper that looks like it has a bit of life left in it......

 

I thought the money saved would probably be spent by Mrs DC's horse?

[Anthony]

One thing which has caused me a degree of disquiet is the fact that, as with the three-cylinder running, no EML or any other warning lights appeared. Whenever I start it normally, all the usual lights appear and then go off, including the oil warning light (the Laguna also has an oil level gauge that appears on startup for a few seconds in place of the odometer, just to show you how much oil is in it).

 

Oil pressure warning light will only come on at around 0.5 bar usually - if you still has some oil in the sump, that would probably have been enough to keep the oil pressure light off even if the pressure was way below what it should have been and, sadly, what the engine would have needed to protect the bearing shells and other moving parts.  Sadly it's not called the "engine f**ked" light for no reason as that's normally what it is by the time the light comes on.

 

Still, if you're sure the light didn't come on, throw some oil in there once you've identified and repaired/patched the leak temporarily and see how it sounds - you've nothing to lose really.  Assuming this has hydraulic tappets, they'd likely have been making a racket on their own - although it tends to be the big-ends that'll cry enough first if you lose oil pressure with the revs up and load on the engine.

 

As for the EML, I don't have any experience of early Laguna's in particular, but quite a few 90's era cars don't tend to illuminate the EML unless there's something pretty major wrong and often you can unplug various sensors with the engine running and still not illuminate the light.

[SiC]

Is the oil pressure light on and stay on when you turn the ignition on? Usually they switch off at a very low pressure (~5psi Vs 30-70psi when engine is running) and so if its a small bore feed, it could be plausible it's peeing out oil without having the light come on.

[beko1987]

"Conversely, she does still have a lot of affection for KAZ - despite looking like a total nail, it's a nicer car to drive, to get in and out of (flatter seats, lighter doors), better headroom with no sunroof - but she is utterly fed up having to squeeze past one dead car or another up the side of the house, year after year, while trying to get bins and lawnmowers in and out. I feel she has a fair point."

 

So what does KAZ need? Do a Vulgalor style list, and work out what you can use from TAZ and make 1 good* car out of both, but make the good car one that SWMBO likes. Should buy you a bit of time whilst you secretly amass £300 then go dunk shopping!

 

Then get rid of the other car, and be in her good books for at least 45 minutes

[Datsuncog]

On 4/5/2018 at 2:50 PM, Anthony said:

Oil pressure warning light will only come on at around 0.5 bar usually - if you still has some oil in the sump, that would probably have been enough to keep the oil pressure light off even if the pressure was way below what it should have been and, sadly, what the engine would have needed to protect the bearing shells and other moving parts.  Sadly it's not called the "engine f**ked" light for no reason as that's normally what it is by the time the light comes on.

Still, if you're sure the light didn't come on, throw some oil in there once you've identified and repaired/patched the leak temporarily and see how it sounds - you've nothing to lose really.  Assuming this has hydraulic tappets, they'd likely have been making a racket on their own - although it tends to be the big-ends that'll cry enough first if you lose oil pressure with the revs up and load on the engine.

As for the EML, I don't have any experience of early Laguna's in particular, but quite a few 90's era cars don't tend to illuminate the EML unless there's something pretty major wrong and often you can unplug various sensors with the engine running and still not illuminate the light.

That's really handy to know - both that there was a reason for the EML/warning light potentially not coming on, and also that perhaps the engine isn't entirely borked. There were definitely no warning lights on the dash by the time I switched the engine off on the hard shoulder, nor had the temp level climbed - as that was what I was puzzling over, while prodding the throttle - and also why I was so shocked to see all the oil out of it. I really hadn't expected to see that.

I'll see whether I can stitch together the dashcam footage and post it up on the original FTP post, as you can hear exactly what's going on.

 

On 4/5/2018 at 2:51 PM, SiC said:

Is the oil pressure light on and stay on when you turn the ignition on? Usually they switch off at a very low pressure (~5psi Vs 30-70psi when engine is running) and so if its a small bore feed, it could be plausible it's peeing out oil without having the light come on.

I'll have a look when I get home - haven't been near it since Monday's fun and games. Thanks!

 

On 4/5/2018 at 2:52 PM, beko1987 said:

"Conversely, she does still have a lot of affection for KAZ - despite looking like a total nail, it's a nicer car to drive, to get in and out of (flatter seats, lighter doors), better headroom with no sunroof - but she is utterly fed up having to squeeze past one dead car or another up the side of the house, year after year, while trying to get bins and lawnmowers in and out. I feel she has a fair point."

So what does KAZ need? Do a Vulgalor style list, and work out what you can use from TAZ and make 1 good* car out of both, but make the good car one that SWMBO likes. Should buy you a bit of time whilst you secretly amass £300 then go dunk shopping!

Then get rid of the other car, and be in her good books for at least 45 minutes

KAZ... is complex.

Running-wise, the main culprit is likely to be a blocked fuel filter, or maybe even just gunk in the tank. She was running fine when I came home with TAZ - but then a few weeks later, turned over fine but just wouldn't catch. I intend to try a squirt of Easy-Start just to see if the engine will catch and run for a bit, to confirm the diagnosis. Fuel pump and possibly a collapsed hose are other potential issues, if it turns out the filter's fine. But I'm quite certain it's not a major fault.

For MOT, all I'd reckon she needs is a new n/s front tyre and the tracking adjusted, and that's it. Mechanically she was in excellent health, and with only 80k on the clock still very tight all round. Cosmetically, it's a different story - dents and scrapes all over. The interior has also gone rather mouldy over the winter, which isn't good, but I'd imagine it might scrub up okay. There's really not much I'd need to take off TAZ - I had a near-identical scrap Laguna last year that I took some bits like driving lights etc from, and may yet build them into KAZ.

I like KAZ. I really do. I love the endearing bASe-ness; I just find her a much nicer car to drive than TAZ, for some reason. She's honest and willing - and prime Autoshite. A bit like Bornite's Sierra dangly, in some ways - battered and basic, but still eager and worth keeping. But I think the main issue with KAZ is in my head. And that's something I need to address and overcome.

EDIT: just remembered, there's also a bit of a leak coming from one of the PAS hoses - but again, that's hardly a difficult fix.

 

On 4/5/2018 at 2:34 PM, Tadhg Tiogar said:

I thought the money saved would probably be spent by Mrs DC's horse?

Ah, she's between horses at present... fortunately hers have all been part-loans rather than sole responsibility! Yeesh... I know. We'd be having to live in one of the cars, if she was paying to keep one in full livery!

[Tadhg Tiogar]

.... she's between horses at present... fortunately hers have all been part-loans rather than sole responsibility! Yeesh... I know. We'd be having to live in one of the cars, if she was paying to keep one in full livery!

 

That's a shame. I've now got two to exercise, as Finn McCool the crisp-eating skewbald has joined Bill on the job list.

[beko1987]

Could always pop one of TAZ's wheels onto KAZ, and tracking won't fail the MOT. Can you swap the fuel filter? (don't know if their the same engine though, so that might not help.

 

Full interior swap might fix the musty interior of the other one, and you'll feel like your still inside TAZ!

[Talbot]

Seconded on the "there must be one good car between the two there" theory. Fuel delivery from tank to engine can't be too hard to sort, and if it really does only need a few bits for the MOT, that seems to be the most sensible thing to do.

 

Agree with you wholeheartedly about the RAC though. Their drivers are capable enough, but the management of them is abysmal. This lead to Mrs. Talbot and the two small T's being left at the roadside for about 3hrs a little while ago.. in freezing conditions. I ended up recovering the vehicle myself before they managed to get there.

[Datsuncog]

On 4/5/2018 at 3:32 PM, beko1987 said:

Could always pop one of TAZ's wheels onto KAZ, and tracking won't fail the MOT. Can you swap the fuel filter? (don't know if their the same engine though, so that might not help.

Full interior swap might fix the musty interior of the other one, and you'll feel like your still inside TAZ!

I'm ashamed to say that I've a brand new fuel filter bought for KAZ sometime in 2014 and still not fitted. It's mounted up by the fuel tank, and I got scared by all the doomy warnings in the HBOL about pressurised fuel shooting out everywhere... I know, it's bloody easy stuff and I should just do it. As things stand, both cars are going to the crusher in short order so I've really nothing to lose.

I might consider swapping the alloys over onto KAZ, as I really do like the look of them and the tyres are only a few months old. But one of the things Mrs DC hates about TAZ is the sports seats, which she finds really awkward to get in and out of! The driver's seat is also badly split at both squab and back sections, probably for this very reason - you have to drop yourself in and haul yourself out of them. KAZ's flat seats are seen as far more preferable.

[Datsuncog]

On 4/5/2018 at 3:30 PM, Tadhg Tiogar said:

That's a shame. I've now got two to exercise, as Finn McCool the crisp-eating skewbald has joined Bill on the job list.

Heh, I thought that was just an interested equine gourmet in that pic you posted to the Crisp thread! Fantastic!

Have you tried him on these yet?