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Datsuncog's Heaps: 17/09/18 - L'il Thunder: MOT day - PHURTHER PHAILS!!


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#511 OFFLINE   Parky

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 07:52 AM

Most Mk1 Lagunas avoid emissions based road tax.


Ah, good point. Best let Perry Mason know he can stand down
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#512 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 08:58 AM

Most Mk1 Lagunas avoid emissions based road tax.

 

Most of my Mk1 Lagunas avoid emissions entirely, through the simple act of not running.

 

Still a bit confused about this capacity nonsense - but now leaning towards Wikipedia being incorrect, as artdjones' sleuthing has indicated that 8v 1783cc units are indeed to be found outside of my driveway too.

 

Something incorrect on the internet, who'd ever have thought it? :o

 

I'm shocked, shocked I say.

 

Planning on beaking out of work a smidge early this afternoon, to see if I can prise the replacement dizzy cap from the reluctant clutches of Royal Mail and get it bucked on. Updates, and possibly video footage of triumph/despair, may follow.


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#513 ONLINE   Hooli

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 12:27 PM

The  most surprising thing about emissions taxed frog cars is any of them stayed running long enough to complete the test.


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#514 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 09:20 PM

Well, here we are again.

 

Another damp night, another twentysomething Laguna with the bonnet up... déja vu is becoming a bit of a thing round here.

 

Let's rewind a bit.

 

Leaping heroically* from the train, I high-tailed it on up to the Royal Mail sorting office and received... this.

 

20180413_180328.jpg

 

Errrrr... a few moments of confusion, but then I realised 'twas merely an outer box. Inside - as hoped.

 

20180413_180427.jpg

 

20180413_180507.jpg

 

And the all-important centre contact was where it ought to be...

 

20180413_180525.jpg

 

Always reassuring to see that 'Made in Italy' mark on electrical components, I find.

 

So, after dinner, out I skipped to KAZ. The interior is still dripping in anti-mould stuff, so I'm gonna need to be doing some serious drying out... but! First things first, yeah?

 

First up: comparison. The two dizzy caps ain't identical, but they seem functionally close, anyway.

 

20180413_200045.jpg

 

I still can't get the bloody rotor arm off, and since there literally doesn't seem to be one closer than Lithuania, I'm not in a hurry to force it, at this stage anyway. I satisfy myself with taking the green mank off using a fibreglass pencil; it's not great, but it'll do for now.

 

I also stick in a new air filter, since I have one to hand and need to get the airbox off to access the dizzy cap's retaining Torx bolts.

 

20180413_195243.jpg

 

Finally, I empty some of a can of fresh(er) petrol into KAZ's scantily-filled tank. Some I pour down the side of the car, and the rest I pour over my shoes, because I definitely* mean to do that.

 

20180413_195344.jpg

 

There's not much else to do then, as the light falls, except put the key in and see whether anything happens. It's another Schrodinger's Laguna - it's both perfect and fucked simultanously, right up to the point the starter turns over.

 

 

Well, knock me down with a feather. Straight off. Boom!

 

Okay, it sounds bloody awful - but then it always sounded like that. The nuck-nuck-nuck from the top end has been there for 30k now in my gentle hands and seems to get no better or worse, despite the occasional Molyslip gargle poured down the filler neck.

 

I take it up and down the driveway a few times - gears select as they should, brakes grind horribly but seem to work. All the electrics are doing what they should, too. There's a rather odd tinkling sound from behind the dashboard though, like a charming relaxing water feature, although surprisingly it neither charms nor relaxes me... maybe there's a reason the carpet is damp beyond the open window and useless doorseals?

 

Also, there's a fair bit of white smoke from the exhaust as the engine reaches normal operating temperature. I can well imagine the exhaust's full of water after nine months of disuse, and it does seem to clear after a few minutes of gently puffing... or am I being horribly naive here?

 

Anyway... these are questions for tomorrow... Stage 1 is complete; KAZ does indeed live.

 

I also obtained a fill of heating oil and bled the air out of the boiler, so the house is heating up for the first time in 48 hours.

 

All in all, I think it's not unreasonable for me to reach into the fridge for one of these...

 

20180413_205528.jpg

 

And maybe sip it genteely while having a listen to this...

 

20180413_205716.jpg

 

All while wearing my ver' special King of Shite tee.

 

20180413_210158.jpg

 

Wins have been a bit thin on the ground of late, so I think I'll take this one tonight. A good Friday night to you all, kind folks!


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#515 OFFLINE   320touring

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 09:28 PM

Great success! :)
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#516 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 09:37 PM

Cheers, dude! I'm certainly mildly pleased... one step closer to the road again. This has been a brilliant car to me, and I feel horribly guilty for casting her aside just because TAZ swanked up with all the lah-di-dah airbags, sunroof and high-level stop light...

 

Well, who's laughing now? Tomorrow, the TAZ teardown begins.


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#517 OFFLINE   mrbenn

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 09:46 PM

Brilliant, nice work! Fired up very well to say it's been sitting for a good few months.

 

This car definitely wants to live 8)


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#518 ONLINE   Pillock

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 10:04 PM

Hooray for Kaz! Hooray for the French! Hooray for Beer!


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#519 ONLINE   SiC

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 10:05 PM

So you went through all the heart ache and stress with TAZ because KAZ died ... died because the distributor cap was knackered? :rolleyes:

Congrats on the win though! I still need to dig that technical stuff out for you too.
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#520 OFFLINE   mrbenn

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 10:06 PM

Btw I wouldn't worry unduly about the exhaust steam at this stage. As you say, a lot of condensation will likely be hiding in there. I started a car that hadn't been used for a month recently and that gave out quite dense steam which it wouldn't normally. Cleared after being driven a bit.

 

Can you nick the door seals from TAZ or are they different too?


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#521 OFFLINE   beko1987

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 10:18 PM

Yey!
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#522 OFFLINE   catsinthewelder

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Posted 13 April 2018 - 10:19 PM

Well done DC I'm so glad that something has gone well after spending the last few days mesmerized by all the disasters (how did I miss this thread?).

After the layup I'd be tempted to save the brake calipers from TAZ just in case.
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#523 OFFLINE   Split_Pin

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 05:40 AM

Yusss!
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#524 OFFLINE   davehedgehog31

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 06:42 AM

Good work sir, great report.
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#525 OFFLINE   Parky

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 07:17 AM

.

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#526 OFFLINE   artdjones

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 07:52 AM

Excellent,these are lovely cars for an unstressed drive,one of the last traditional French cars.
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#527 OFFLINE   Tadhg Tiogar

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 09:41 AM

I bet the neighbours haven't heard that sound for a good long while.
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#528 ONLINE   Hooli

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 09:58 AM

Great success but please never buy a decent car, your posts are much to entertaining for them to stop.


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Opinions expressed are those of this cunt, not any other cunt. They do not represent the views of those responsible for this forum.
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#529 OFFLINE   artdjones

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Posted 14 April 2018 - 01:46 PM

My brother has one of these,a 96 rn in Spain.Identical trim to yours but with a/c ,as even base models of this size of car had it in Spain by then.It has the multipoint engine, though.(Don't know the cc!).The paintwork is terrible but the underneath is like new.About 250 k Kms now.He has owned it for about 16 years.So nice to drive.The dash adds to the comfort,as it slopes away from the driver and makes the car feel very airy, unlike the German style of making the fascia a black, high, oppressive cliff.
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#530 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 15 April 2018 - 10:05 AM

Cheers for all your kind words and encouragement, folks -  it genuinely does help to feel that the Autoshite Massive are willing this one along!

 

So you went through all the heart ache and stress with TAZ because KAZ died ... died because the distributor cap was knackered? :rolleyes:

Congrats on the win though! I still need to dig that technical stuff out for you too.

 

Ah, well that was the funny thing - KAZ didn't actually die.

 

KAZ was a straight swap with the erstwhile R9UKE of this parish in May 2014 - a scrapper for a scrapper. I got KAZ, hideously battered and dejected-looking but still with a few months MOT, in exchange for a sexy-looking but syphilitic 04-plate Alfa 156 Veloce that I'd grown to hate, and not even the scrapman wanted. I'd never even looked twice at a Laguna, and I saw KAZ very much as disposible stop-gap transport until I'd licked my wounds from the Alfa and stopped fretting over the financial loss.

 

DSC00104.JPG

 

And then... I kind of became quite attached to her. The povo-spec bASe nature, the sweet and willing (if slightly agricultural) little engine, the fact that she was, as artdjones points out, a surprisingly pleasant and unstressed drive. I could simply jump into her and tootle down to Dublin in full confidence that we'd make it there and back (something the Alfa had conspicuously failed to manage on more than one occasion).

 

She was surprisingly sound structurally, though even when scrubbed up, all the dents made her look very rough up close.

 

DSC00277.JPG

 

Then a Presbyterian minister (of all people) reversed into me at speed in a car park, cracking the number plate and (it later transpired) breaking the headlight beam adjuster blocks and retaining clips on the grille - thus requiring a replacement (stripped from a Fiji Green scrapper) to pass the MOT and giving her an odd racoon-like appearance.

 

IMG_20170330_185110.jpg

 

I really liked her, but after three years of basic maintenance and not much else she was looking very shabby. I made a few half-hearted and unsuccessful attempts to pull the worst of the dents out (apparently the fella R9UKE bought her off had acquired her to learn to drive in, and going by the bashes and scrapes he wasn't exactly doing a top job of it).

 

One day I found myself required to chauffeur three senior executives in my organisation up to a Very Important Meeting at the Northern Ireland Assembly's Parliament Buildings, and I'm ashamed to admit just how embarrassed I was to rock up in such a shabby-looking car - dings, scrapes, different coloured panels, broken door mirror, black gaffer tape over rust holes. There was also a massive purple stain on the back seat where I'd had a bit of an accident with a rhubarb crumble (obvious American Pie-related jokes only, please). I mean, no-one said anything - not the bigwigs, not the security officers at Stormont - but I felt my face burning the whole time anyway. Vanity, eh? Turns out even I have it, deep down.

 

Normally I don't care what my car looks like, but that day I really felt horribly self-conscious. All I could think about was Onslow's Cortina in Keeping Up Appearances, and the laughter track that accompanied every scene where it appeared.

 

Not long after that episode I started thinking that although I really did like the Laguna I, maybe I should start looking out for a really nice example - ideally a low-mile, one owner from new car with a few more bells and whistles. Good examples rarely seemed to break the £600 barrier, even for top of the line Monaco/RXE models.

 

Then in June last year, KAZ ftp'd for the first time ever. She was very nice about it - just a total absence of starting, on my MIL's drive. She could have done it earlier that day in a hellhole estate some thirty miles away, but as it was we just had to walk home round the corner.

 

First thing I tested was the battery using my multimeter, and on measuring 12.7v, ruled that out (there was also a little 'battery condition' porthole showing a reassuring green for good, and the receipt I found amongst KAZ's paperwork showed that that it had been replaced just before it came to me). So I hastily ruled that out as the source of the problem, and then spent a further week titting about underneath her with the starter motor and the ignition barrel and various solenoids and relays before, in a state of semi-crazed frustration, hefted the battery out and took it down to the local motor factor. They hooked up their tester and immediately diagnosed a blown cell - £60 later, a new unit fired her up straight away.

 

I felt stupid, and frustrated, and that somehow it was the car's fault (it really wasn't, in fairness). And, because I was now alert to further problems (having only ever blithely turned the stereo up whenever I heard noises I didn't like) I started imagining all sorts of other problems about to manifest... in short, I'd lost confidence. And then a few weeks later, TAZ was flagged to me on Autotrader - one owner from new, RT Sport spec, only down the road - and £350 ono. Slinky Fiji Green too, and those lovely criss-cross alloys. It'd be rude not to, yeah?

 

So TAZ was procured from Mr Bodgit (who at the time I believed to be a master craftsman - although, in fairness to him, he considered the car to be end-of-life and ready for scrapping, but had punted it up on Autotrader just in the off-chance that he'd find some gullible idiot - and, of course, muggins here stumped up).

 

But the gearshift was really stiff and the rear wheel bearings were grumbly, and although the plan had been to find KAZ a new home (I delicately didn't specify whether this home might involve a tall chain-link fence, some forklifts and an awful lot of German Shepherds roaming around) I decided to postpone that decision until TAZ, still an unknown quantity, had proven itself to be reliable transportation.

 

By the time I'd put new wheel bearings etc in TAZ, and realised that it seemed to be otherwise okay, attempts to start KAZ were met with much eager turning-over, but no actual starting. Next-Door commented that it sounded like fuel starvation, so I bought a can of Easy Start... and that was as far as it went, before autumn turned to winter, and TAZ blew a coil pack on the return leg from Galway...

 

And that's where we come in on Page 1 of this thread!

 

But yeah - it seems that the central carbon contact on the distributor cap somehow disintegrated while KAZ was lying idle between August and October, and that was the sole cause of the starting problems.

 

In a way, the ease with which she started up with the new cap on Friday night was kinda heartbreaking. This is such an honest and genuine little car.

 

Btw I wouldn't worry unduly about the exhaust steam at this stage. As you say, a lot of condensation will likely be hiding in there. I started a car that hadn't been used for a month recently and that gave out quite dense steam which it wouldn't normally. Cleared after being driven a bit.

 

Can you nick the door seals from TAZ or are they different too?

 

I started her up again yesterday, and the steam seems to have cleared now - so hopefully no more drama!

 

The poor rear door seals seem to be a known fault, and the cure is to drill them to avoid water ingress. TAZ's owner had done this, so I may either swap them over or drill the existing ones - whichever option works out easier to my lazy arse.

 

Well done DC I'm so glad that something has gone well after spending the last few days mesmerized by all the disasters (how did I miss this thread?).

After the layup I'd be tempted to save the brake calipers from TAZ just in case.

 

Hey, cheers! At the moment I'm tempted to do a full teardown on TAZ and strip as much out as possible before ringing the yard.

 

I found these fragments on the driveway yesterday morning after Friday's short test run, which may be just disc corrosion coming off but suggest to me that all is not well in the braking department... will investigate this afternoon, if the rain relents.

 

20180414_125504.jpg

 

I bet the neighbours haven't heard that sound for a good long while.

 

Heh, nope - although since Next-Door's just fitted a full Peco Big-Bore system to his Evo 9, KAZ doesn't stand much chance of coming out on top in a sound-off!

 

Great success but please never buy a decent car, your posts are much to entertaining for them to stop.

 

Dude, no car of mine will ever be decent, you can assure yourself of that... my one attempt at a 'modern' turned out to be worse than nearly all the others put together!

 

I really must get the head down and crack on with my 'Life In Shite' opus, like SierraMikeHotel and SpottedLaurel's fantastic voyages through their motoring past.

 

My brother has one of these,a 96 rn in Spain.Identical trim to yours but with a/c ,as even base models of this size of car had it in Spain by then.It has the multipoint engine, though.(Don't know the cc!).The paintwork is terrible but the underneath is like new.About 250 k Kms now.He has owned it for about 16 years.So nice to drive.The dash adds to the comfort,as it slopes away from the driver and makes the car feel very airy, unlike the German style of making the fascia a black, high, oppressive cliff.

 

They really are lovely cars inside and out, and it's the airiness which makes them so... I was in a friend's new Mercedes C-class a few months back and it felt like being trapped in a very small (if well-appointed) submarine. Hope your brother's continues to thrive!


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#531 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 15 April 2018 - 10:53 AM

Okay, so another very minor update, then:

 

Yesterday was spent on sundry delivery, shopping and household tasks, so not much car work. I popped out before lunch though to make sure KAZ still fires, and I didn't just dream it (yes, and with less smoke/steam this time), and to try a few things with TAZ.

 

I noticed first off that, althought the mould killer spray did a top-notch job on the seats, there's been a bit of a problem with the carpets. It's bleached them, badly. Now agreed, it's hardly the end of the world, but it did puzzle me. They mustn't be colourfast in the same way.

 

20180414_125609.jpg

 

20180414_125554.jpg

 

Solution is probably to strip out KAZ's interior, dry the floor out properly (passenger side front and rear footwells are swimming) and get everything drilled, sealed and watertight again, before refitting the dry carpet out of TAZ. I suspect TAZ has more soundproofing too, so will see what's what when everything comes out.

 

TAZ's black velour sports seats are badly split in several places on the driver's side, and Mrs DC finds them awkward to get in and out of anyway, so the original grey seats will be going back in again once they've been thoroughly cleaned up.

 

I procured a jiggle siphon from Halfrauds on my morning rounds, as I've been meaning to get one for years and because TAZ still has 2/3 of a tank of BP unleaded from its final fill, mere hours before its demise.

 

20180414_121800.jpg

 

Unfortunately, attempts to retrieve the fuel into a 25l drum were unsucessful as although the siphon went all the way to the bottom of the filler neck, there seems to be a wiggly bit before getting into the tank proper - and so I couldn't induce any out, much as I jiggled enthusiastically. Hmm. It may be a job for a drill and a large funnel, unless someone well versed in such deeds (I'm looking in your general direction, Cavcraft...) can offer any pointers.

 

With that job proving wholly unsuccessful, but with only about half an hour before another pressing appointment, I thought I might whip the cam cover off and see whether any damage was visible, to sate my own curiosity and that of others on this thread.

 

20180414_124924.jpg

 

8mm socket, small ratchet wrench... six nuts. Five came off perfectly easily, although needing a bit of a tug... but then #6, the last one, just immediately rounded on me like it was crafted from Camembert.

 

Imperial sizes, smaller 7mm socket tapped over it... every attempt just rounded it off even more. Until I accepted that it had become so mutilated that it's not coming off anytime soon. Ever. This car seems determined to take its secrets to the grave.

 

20180414_124936.jpg

 

Even in death, TAZ is proving cunty.

 

In a way, this is almost why I'm hesitant to do all that much parts swapping - ridiculous as it sounds, the difference in personality between these two Lagunas makes me reluctant to put much of TAZ into KAZ. It's like I don't want to infect KAZ with bad juju. I need new front panels, but I'm thinking that I'd sooner trawl scrappies for silver ones and pay for them, than keep these for free and just get them painted.

 

Yes, I'm nuts...

 

More updates if the rain stops.


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#532 OFFLINE   Zelandeth

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Posted 15 April 2018 - 11:25 AM

Given the engine's destined for the scrap heap, just zap that nut with an angle grinder?

As for getting the fuel out, sticking a hose down the filler neck is unlikely to work as many cars by this point had security measures in the neck to prevent exactly that happening.

Disconnect the fuel line up front, stick it in a can and apply 12V to the fuel pump is by far the easiest solution.
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#533 OFFLINE   jbz2079

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Posted 15 April 2018 - 01:57 PM

Thanks for the update, so glad that KAZ decided you were due a break and sprang into life.

I've owned cars like TAZ, no matter what you done for them it was returned by more hassle and total unreliability.

The one I was thinking about was a red Allegro three door estate, bought because someone had demolished my 1500 Special Allegro by crashing into it.

 

I thought I'd use the original car for spares, but like your two similar cars everything mechanical was rather different, I mean everything.

Nothing would swap.

I got out of Allegro ownership and ran a few Mini's (stop laughing at the back!)

I could write a book on those too.

 

By the way, your writing style is excellent.


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#534 ONLINE   Noel Tidybeard

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Posted 15 April 2018 - 06:59 PM

make sure you tie some string to each of the wiring routes before taking the tailgate off KAZ so that rerouting the wires through TAZ's tailgate is easier= u kan haz high level brake light

 

fog lights in base bumper FTW

bonnet, wings doors?

then add a bit of orange for a slightly off irish flag colour scheme lol


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#535 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 04:03 PM

Given the engine's destined for the scrap heap, just zap that nut with an angle grinder?

As for getting the fuel out, sticking a hose down the filler neck is unlikely to work as many cars by this point had security measures in the neck to prevent exactly that happening.

Disconnect the fuel line up front, stick it in a can and apply 12V to the fuel pump is by far the easiest solution.

 

If I had an angle grinder, I may well have done so... but I don't at the minute! Stupidly lent it to my cousin, who returned it with the collar jammed and threaded and the cable nearly severed at the grinder body, with a smashed disc stuck in it. Cheers cuz.

 

I suspected that there may be some sort of sneaky anti-siphon device, so may well try the fuel pump trick instead... thanks for that!



#536 OFFLINE   Tadhg Tiogar

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 05:25 PM

Given the engine's destined for the scrap heap, just zap that nut with an angle grinder?.....


Would a nut splitter work? Less unwieldy than a whole angle grinder.
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#537 OFFLINE   Parky

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 05:36 PM

Hammer, screwdriver, crowbar, pickaxe, then sledgehammer.....

#538 OFFLINE   Zelandeth

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 06:19 PM

If the but is at the extreme one end, get a lever in under the far end and brute force? The cam cover is just an ally casting, doubt it'll be massively strong...

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#539 OFFLINE   dave j

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 09:00 PM

For getting the fuel out is there an access panel on the boot floor or under the back seat where the fuel sender is? If there is then you should be able to remove that to siphon it out

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#540 OFFLINE   Dirk Diggler

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Posted 16 April 2018 - 09:15 PM

The best advice re getting the fuel out is above; but Renault's of that age have an anti siphon device which can be bursted out with violence and a pry bar of that's your wont




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