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Les voitures de merde


Karmann Ghiaman

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Heh, my dad is about to order a Golf Plus, but I can sort-of understand his reasoning - he's getting on a bit and wants something a little higher to get in and out of, a little shorter than his 2000 Accord so he won't biff it on the garden walls, and he doesn't want a 4x4 or a 7-seat MPV. Oh, and did I mention it has to be a diesel automatic too [...] the Jap stuff and C-Max are only manual with DERV lumps

You can get a 2-pedal C Max with the TDCI lump. I quite like the concept of one of these boy-racered up a bit. Like an anti-family car, if you will. Someone sooner or later will paint one up orange with ST alloys etc etc
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You can get a 2-pedal C Max with the TDCI lump. I quite like the concept of one of these boy-racered up a bit. Like an anti-family car, if you will. Someone sooner or later will paint one up orange with ST alloys etc etc

O RLY? Can't find such a combo on the Ford webshite - only auto available is with the 2.0 Duratech petrol. Maybe they dropped the dizzler auto from the old model - the old man had a just-replaced Mondeo TDCi auto a few years back that lunched the gearbox within 125 miles of delivery. Anyway, Golf is ordered and blow me, he's gone all techno and ordered the turbo/supercharged TSI thingy...
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Anyway, Golf is ordered and blow me, he's gone all techno and ordered the turbo/supercharged TSI thingy...

Isn’t that the engine that’s only 1.4-litre or something? Seemed quite an interesting idea.In some ways the Golf+ makes more point than the normal one and Touran (snore), especially as I imagine the Polo does as much as you’d really want a normal Golf to do.Funny isn’t it, how I (and others) like pointless duplication and overlap when it comes to 1980’s Japanese cars, yet get bemused by how a ‘rational’ German manufacturer does the same thing?...
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What is the pinnacle of journalism anyway?

That's very subjective....In a motoring context, for me it's the work that Brian Laban did for "Performance Car" during the late '80s (coincidentally, the same time that the inside back cover was the domain of a young Mr.Clarkson, who was then, as he is now....Largely ill-informed, but very funny!)....Laban's road tests of stuff such as the Lamborghini Countach, De Tomaso Pantera etc were entertaining, evocative and informative, and made me ACHE to be a motoring journalist! :roll:

 

Steve Cropley (currently of "Autocar" of course) has a similar talent, and has an obvious passion for everything Automotive....I have a lot of respect and admiration for him....He's been around for a surprisingly long time aswell! :shock:

 

Mark Hales also....I loved his work for "Fast Lane" magazine back in the late '80s....Helluva driver too! 8)

 

And then there's the great L.J.K.S. himself....A man of great charisma, and immense knowledge....I always needed a dictionary handy when reading his musings though! :D

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I think my favourite car article of all time is when Russell Bulgin tries to max the Lotus Carlton on the german autobahn for CAR magazine.

Yes, another talented/enigmatic motoring writer....Sadly missed :(
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Notable journalists for me would be pretty much anyone from 1980’s/early 90’s Car – Bremner, Llewellyn (?), Ruppert etc in addition to those mentioned above. Used to enjoy George Bishop’s column too. Peter Chrisp and Terry Grimwood in Auto Performance/CCC were funny and seemed to know their subject.

 

I think there’s some good writing in Car & Driver, it’s the only magazine I buy every month. PC is closest to the cars I like, but I just don’t have the enthusiasm to pick it up and read it even when I’ve bought a copy (like I did the last two in support of the DC/SL/Hirst Galant) whereas I’ll read a C & D article about something I’m not remotely interested in.

 

Was never so keen on Andy Willsheer (freelancer on loads of titles), Brock Yates (his latter stuff in C & D was all a bit me-me-me, I invented the Cannonball Run you know, this is my latest book) nor Brian ‘Badger’ Crichton who wrote in Street Machine and whatever was their sister magazine (Car Mechanics maybe?), though I might have got him muddled with someone else who possibly had the initials TB but wasn’t Tony Beadle. Still with me?...

 

While Googling for some info on the above, I found this neat quote on a bike forum:

 

“The trend I have to say is not positive. Every year they seem to know less, write in an ever more cliched form (journalism long since ceased to involve creative writing), be even more self centred and distant from their readership etc. Far as I can see the mag managements hire them young and malleable (and cheap), and fire them as soon as they start knowing anything or growing anything remotely like backbone. The only ones that seem to be any good at all are the freelancers, guys like Kevin Ash, Alan Cathcart (oft slagged off but knows his bikes)and so on. MCN of course take the prize for the ultimate in self interested cynicism, but the dead hand of emap is all the time widening it's influence...â€Â

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Bulgin was good before he did his half-page column next to the reader's letters in Autocar. His CAR stuff was particularly good. Ditto Bishop, LJKS and Llewellin in 80's CAR too. Although Bishop was plainly mad. Cropley used to be good but seems more interested in eating lunch these days.Whatever happened to Gavin Green by the way - the last of the 'Australian Invasion' on CAR magazine? Speaking of which, it's amazing how similar the early 80's copies of 'Wheels' are in writing style to CAR of the time.I still rank Jalopy right up there, Rod Ker's 'Fleet News' was always superb, 'Running Out Of Road' by Mark Williams (didn't he found 'BIKE'?) was excellent (as was his page on bangers in 'Car Choice' in the early 90s), but for me Frank Westworth's 'Round The Bend' columns have stood the test of time best.

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And then there's the great L.J.K.S. himself....A man of great charisma, and immense knowledge....I always needed a dictionary handy when reading his musings though! :D

Top bloke and much missed. I met him once and have a subsequent letter from him framed by my workbench. I can't remember specific writers but I was a big fan of Performance Car, for the photography as much as anything.Currently I really enjoy Martin Buckley's contribuitons in C&SC, partly because they often seem to be about cars you really wouldn't expect to read about in that publication.
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I used to be an avid reader of 'Car'. Some great articles and writers in there, I did have stacks of them in my parents loft, so may dig out and scan whilst i'm there over Crimbo...My favorite article of all time was 'Edinburgh on a monkey' if anyone remembers it, it was a buy a car in london for £100 and get to edinburgh as fast as possible, loads of tat was viewed, and they ended up with a Renault 18 and a Renault 14... :D I'll try and find it.

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My favorite article of all time was 'Edinburgh on a monkey' if anyone remembers it, it was a buy a car in london for £100 and get to edinburgh as fast as possible, loads of tat was viewed, and they ended up with a Renault 18 and a Renault 14... :D I'll try and find it.

Wasn't it more like £500? One of my favourites too, whatever. In the days before banger rallies it seemed like an epic trip - the cars they looked at and eventually got were pretty dire compared to what you get nowadays (though no doubting their shite credentials). 18's seat had to be propped up with wood IIRC? It met its fate at Wisbech in another entertaining article.
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Yes, maybe your right with the £500 SL. As remembering now that amount had to include the cost of getting there as well... Was the first 'banger rally' / 'top gear type shite challenge' I ever saw.True about the vehicles they looked at, some real sheds in comparison to what you can get now for essencially less money.I just remember the description of the 'accesories' in the Renault 14's boot, assorted coat hangers, a spare wheel (alloy - different size to rest on car) and plastic boules :D Can even picture the cars now.. right.. I'm on a mission to find that article now...

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Yes indeed!I remember the "Edinburgh on a monkey" article as well. :D It was £500, with which they had to buy, insure and fuel up for Edinburgh with.It did even to me at the time seem to be quite a tall order to do such a challenge with £500. :shock: CAR was indeed a great magazine for so many reasons.Setright, Bulgin, etc provided hours of entertaining and interesting reading.The much copied "The Good, the bad, and the Ugly" car guide was always a good laugh as well. :D

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As others have said, Car used to be really good up until mid / late '90's when it all went downhill. Car looks more like some fancy lifestyle type magazine now...Like r.welfare, for me Frank Westworths 'Round the Bend' in Jalopy was and still is great reading. I particularly like the stuff Colin Goodwin does for Autocar, seems to be a genuine enthusiast as well as good at translating it to the readership. I also find James May good to read although he seems to be writing less and less about cars...

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My favorite article of all time was 'Edinburgh on a monkey' if anyone remembers it, it was a buy a car in london for £100 and get to edinburgh as fast as possible, loads of tat was viewed, and they ended up with a Renault 18 and a Renault 14... :D

Shades of the later Top Gear piece which I think was Land's End - John O'Groats in a £50 wreck. Car of choice on this occasion an Avenger estate! Will endeavour to scan it and post here if I can muster up enough enthusiasm to dig it out
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DSJ and LJKS - must be something about big beards that makes a great motoring writer. These chaps weren't afraid to be honest.Bill Boddy, who is now in his 90s is another of the old guard and still writes a column for Motor Sport. He related a story about DSJ testing an Austin A90 for the mag in the fifties and not being particularly complimentary and Austin threatened to remove their advertising! He also tested a Bristol or something and the makers claimed the top speed was too low that they had published so they ran it again and got exactly the same figures...None of this pandering to manufacturers whims!

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Shades of the later Top Gear piece which I think was Land's End - John O'Groats in a £50 wreck. Car of choice on this occasion an Avenger estate! Will endeavour to scan it and post here if I can muster up enough enthusiasm to dig it out

Yes please, I hae been looking for that article for ages. IIRC, it was a really battered yellow avenger with red bits and a nice line in carbon monoxide poisoning.
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Yeah, I'd like to see the TG Avenger piece too. As I recall they ran it from Lands' End to John O' Groats - then did it again, for shits and giggles. ACE.I remember the 'Edinburgh For A Monkey' Car piece too - top stuff. Seem to recall that Deals On Wheels did something similar - Mike Brewer was challenged to get to Edinburgh cheaper and quicker than Richard Sutton who took cabs/train/flight - he scored a nice 760 Turbo for the ride.Bill Boddy - detailed roadtests or what? I read some of his 60's and 70's output, telling you what all the column stalks and switches did. John Bolster's stuff in Autosport was similarly good.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Yes, maybe your right with the £500 SL. As remembering now that amount had to include the cost of getting there as well... Was the first 'banger rally' / 'top gear type shite challenge' I ever saw.True about the vehicles they looked at, some real sheds in comparison to what you can get now for essencially less money.I just remember the description of the 'accesories' in the Renault 14's boot, assorted coat hangers, a spare wheel (alloy - different size to rest on car) and plastic boules :D Can even picture the cars now.. right.. I'm on a mission to find that article now...

Yes please! :wink:
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another of those stupid lists:

http://www.orange.co.uk/cars/pics/3175_ ... gingmotors

 

minging motors including of course the 2cv and VP allegro and the alfa 75 :shock:

I just went through that list, what a load of tosh! You had to choose at the end which you thought was the ugliest, so I naturally chose the Fiat Multipla (I don't hate them as I can see the appeal on the inside but no one can deny it ain't no looker!). Couldn't believe the result, what were these people on?? Must be a mistake!

 

Posted Image

 

Oh and the Fiat Strada is NOT a Supermini - duh! :roll:

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I've got to be honest, I always thought the 75 was a very poor restyle of the Giulietta saloon it was based on. Just lots of unattractive plastic bits getting in the way of the basic lines - very reminiscient of MG Rover and their final go at the 25/45/75 in 2004 - Peter Stevens trying to stick Japanese motorcycle headlights on a Rover 75 and failing badly.

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