LOOOOL Swedish dectective LOOOL flatpack Ikea moose LOOOOL

[Partridge]

Recently I was thinking about giving up on shite. I've sold the Jag, so did the only reasonable thing, and went out and bought an old Volvo estate.

It was for sale in Thetford, which is a bonus because I love Thetford - bits of it remind me of the Deep Forest (snigger) track in the Gran Turismo series. Plus, there's US air bases near by so lots of Yank chod is rolling around, and flying around.

 

Anyway, the car.

Nearly 170k on the clock (just broken in m8), no history, £460. Did I buy it? You betcha.

 

My other half drove me to get it in her Fiat Panda for added LOLZ. Gave the seller some little bits of paper with pictures of The Queen Fill up, get the money shot and go.

No big collection capers to report, which is a good thing. The temperature gauge climbed halfway and stayed there, and it sat on the A14 and got on with it. 

 

Only faults I've picked up so far is what sounds like a binding caliper on the back (rear Ds&Ps and shagged anyway) and it sits slightly low on the passenger side.

 

It's proper, proper comfy and the heated seats will actually roast your arse if left unchecked. The sound system is pretty good as well. Working tildy slidy sunny glassy thing as well.

 

Satisfyingly beige and gopping.

 

Pointless but adorable and weirdly cool headlamp wipers. Gr13 for clearing Scandinavian snow, but feck all use in Cambs.

 

Push it, aaaaaaaaah, push it, push it reeeeeeeeaaaaallllll good.

 

2.0s are saaaaaaad.

 

I think somebody as used this poor headrest as a dart board. LICK AND SHEAR TO SHOW UR SUPPORT FOR ENDING THIS CRUELTY.

 

So yeah, it's a Volvo with leather.

Partridge, over and out.

[rantingYoof]

20v or 10v?

 

Either way you're winner.

[alcyonecorporation]

Yeah this is pretty awful. 

The boot carpet looks like a lawn. 

[Heidel_Kakao]

Nice, I should probably try one of these new fangled FWD Volvo estates at some point to see how they compare to a "proper" RWD one.

[Partridge]

Nice, I should probably try one of these new fangled FWD Volvo estates at some point to see how they compare to a "proper" RWD one.

[Partridge]

Yeah this is pretty awful. 

 

The boot carpet looks like a lawn. 

Yeah, I'm going to set the swing ball up in there and spray it with Evergreen Feed 'N' Seed later.

Appropriate, because it has more tree than the Forestry Commission.

[Brodders]

Ooh, my ideal spec V70. Dark blue (same as Gus' from Breaking Bad), cream leather and lots of 90s wood*. Well bought.

 

Any interesting Yank shite spotted during the collection? Last time I was in Thetford I saw a late 90s Ford Taurus, which was awful, but still appealing to me anyway.

[Partridge]

I had to google it, and it is very similar to mine - even has the same alloys. If it's been in a program about drugs, does that make it cool?

[Supernaut]

If it's been in a program about drugs, does that make it cool?

Possibly, but the way you asked the question cancelled all the coolness out.

 

Which is fine, as this is autoshite. We're not cool.

[Uncle Jimmy]

Craig David prefers FWD Volvos?

[Sir Snipes]

I thought that was Drake......

[Partridge]

Come to a compromise? Craig Drake? Sounds like a Marvel Comics baddie.

[garethj]

All the best people have those phase 1 V70s. Ours has just done 2000 miles to France and because it's the diesel that does almost 700 miles to a tank, it only needed a refill twice while on the journey.

 

It was on fumes when I took it to work this morning, like

[inconsistant]

You must have gone the long way, France is only about 140 miles away from bed ford shire.

 

Well bought Mr P, all the best people have Volvos that people who like proper Volvos consider to be not proper Volvos.

[Partridge]

So, I've just done the 300 mile round to trip to my folks house in it, and can sate that it is gr13. Relaxing as Ovaltine and as reassuring as Trevor McDonald's voice.

 

I have found my I'm-driving-a-£460-car-with-working-heated-seats face.

 

Smugness soon turned to sadness.

I wondered where those fucking splinters were coming from.

 

Sad now.

A steering wheel cover has gone right to the top of the list. Where can I get a suitably gopping one?

 

Other than buying a piece of tat from Argos, I've found what other jobs need doing on it:

 

Find out where a bloody annoying scraping sound is coming from. Worst case, wheel bearing, best case, just the knackered pads making a racket.

 

There's a creaking sound from the aux belt. Better get that looked at.

 

The driver's side heated mirror doesn't work.

 

Change the gearbox oil, because it is rank.

 

Still dead chuffed with this car though. I can see why my Dad liked them, 'back in the day'.

[Partridge]

You must have gone the long way, France is only about 140 miles away from bed ford shire.

 

Well bought Mr P, all the best people have Volvos that people who like proper Volvos consider to be not proper Volvos.

Bedford? Fucking Bedford??????? I'm in CAMBS. Much better class of slightly incesty towns.

 

I consider it a proper Volvo, even though I know it's not a proper Volvo - but to me it's a proper Volvo because it's not a proper Volvo.

[garethj]

No, but I'm in Bedfordshire, it was a targeted gag. That future as a niteclub comic is looking increasingly unrealistic, I say that to all the people who make funnier jokes than me to try and put them off.