Worst eBay adverts

[bunglebus]

Yep another eBay thread. Why are there so many seemingly illiterate sellers on there? If you don't have at least average English skills, find someone who does!

 

Show me the worst examples.

 

I'll start with this;

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1999-T-FORD-FIESTA-1-2-EX-POLICE-TV-SHOW-CAR-WARRANTED-82K-NO-RESERVE-/272718314180?hash=item3f7f473ac4:g:Ge0AAOSwMvtZQgtQ

 

WELCOME BACK MY LOVELIES DUE TO EBAY RULES 

ONE HAS WATCH WHAT IS WRITTEN DUE TO EBAY POLICE POLICY 

THE ROZZERS

BOSTON TILLY ADMINISTRATION SALE LOT FUZZ 1999 ON A T/THE LOVELY FORD BEST SELLER CLASSIC FIESTA CHEAP CAR  OWN & RUN FUEL & BEES WAX

1 P START HAS TO BE SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER MAY WE WISH YOU GOOD LUCK 

FORD FIEST ZETIC 1.2 5 SPEED IN WHITE 

GENUNIE 82K 2 OWNER CAR 

EVERYTHING WORKS FROM THE WINDOWS TO THE HOT SCREENS TV PROP VEHICLE 

BOBYWORK OFERD IN GOOD ORDER  STRAIGHT NO DAMAGE 

ENGINE RUNS SWEET AS A NUT STARTS FIRST TIME 

I COLLECTED THIS CAR FROM TV HIRE PROP VEHICLE  WAS A GREAT CAR TO  DRIVE BACK FROM THE COAST 

FUNNY NO MANY PEOPLE PASSED ONE 

GEARBOX SMOOTH POWER WINDOWS TO THE FRONT FULLY FUNCTIONAL MUM WINDS DOWN THE BACK WINDOWS THE PAINTWORK WAS GLEAMING THIS SUNNY AM WASH & DETAILED DUE TO EBAY POLICE RULES

 WINE TASTERS  PHOTOS TELL THE STORY 

 .THE MOT HAS EXPIRED 6TH JUNE SELLING ON BEHALF OF MY CLIENT  WHO IS HAVING HARD TIMES .& STORAGE IS A PROBLEM HE THINKS THE CAR IS A FUTURE INVESTMENT  . YOU DECIDED 

WE HAVE LOG BOOK KEY WE PURCHASED FORD MUSIC PANNEL 

HE HAS THROWN IN CONTROL BOX HE HAS HAD SINCE HIS CARS WHERE ON THE BILL TV SHOW  BACK IN THE DAYS ACTION CARS NOT ACTION VEHICLES LIGHT SWITCH ON GLOVE BOX THE ROOF 

THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER

PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THE FIESTA IS GETTING OLD & MOT HAS EXPIRED PLEASE BEAR THIS IN MIND 

 

MUST BE COLLECTED OUR DELIVERED IN 7 DAYS WE CAN ARRANGE 4 U PLEASE ALLOW MONEY FOR THE MOT SOLD AS SENN NO WARRNTHY GIVEN OUR IMPLIED SOLD ON THE TERMS ONLY DEBIT CARDS TAKEN HPI CLEAR TAXED DRIVEAWAY GET THE TRAIN ILL SEND A DRIVER FOR YOU 

THANK YOU BOSTON TILLY ON 07886 782375 BONJOUR 

[cpjitservices]

Its not just ebay check out the facebook car for sale groups or Gumtree... 

 

The line that always makes me laugh is 'Must av a bit of MOT'... what the hell does that mean ?

[Tamworthbay]

Its not just ebay check out the facebook car for sale groups or Gumtree... 

 

The line that always makes me laugh is 'Must av a bit of MOT'... what the hell does that mean ?

It means he can't be arsed to find the bit of paper he lost sometime last year.

[spartacus]

Jesus, what a fucking div. Despite the lack of basic grammar and spelling skills he's still managed over 700 transactions on eBay!

[tooSavvy]

Worst? One that convinces me to buy the fri99in useless tosh

 

TS

[John F]

Don't get me started on the atrocious state of spelling & grammar since the educational establishment in this once-fine country decided it "wasn't important"...

[D Spares & Tyres]

Lots of the letters I get sent from school have grammatical errors.

 

I like to send them back with corrections

[puddlethumper]

Why do people put what colour it is ?  I CAN SEE THE PHOTO FFS.

[sierraman]

I really do think you ought not be allowed to leave school until you can form a fucking sentence in written prose.

 

I'm still at a loss as to what it is he's selling?

[robinmasters]

Although he's managed to use the wrong words most of the time, he's only spelled a few incorrectly. I counted six.

 

However, two of those were 'Fiesta' and 'Zetec'. 

[Bianconeri]

I really do think you ought not be allowed to leave school until you can form a fucking sentence in written prose.

I'm still at a loss as to what it is he's selling?

I will add:

 

You must be able to do basic arithmetic without reaching for a calculator. It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name.

Write your name ( not in crayon).

Know the times tables.

Write a coherent sentence legibly.

Sign a document that says "I am an adult, I recognise that for every right I claim there I have an equivalent responsibility. I agree that I am no more important than anyone else and that my wants and needs do not automatically take priority over everyone else's. I will take responsibility for my actions and realise that things do go wrong without there being an automatic assumption that I can sue someone for compensation.".

If going on the Further Education, agree that it's a "university" not a "uni".

When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get".

 

There are more but that's a start.

[clayts450]

When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get".

 

 

 

My absolute pet hate this expression. If I worked somewhere where someone said this to me I'd answer "No, you don't work here so you can't get..."

[Eddie Honda]

If going on the Further Education, agree that it's a "university" not a "uni". college.

 

 

FTFY

[PiperCub]

Lots of the letters I get sent from school have grammatical errors.

 

I like to send them back with corrections

 

Hope you use red pen and for the worst - put 'See me' at the bottom.

 

 

 

My favourite ebay ad ever was for a Clio. 

 

The was one photo, taken in the dark using a really shit phone camera (back when phone cameras were largely all shit) that to be frank, could have been pretty much any small hatchback built in the last 30 years but the listing did say 'Clio' so assume it was that.

 

The ad read:

 

 

car for sale

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously, that was it. (I did resist the temptation to wind the guy up feigning interest at his doubtless fine automobile). 

[PiperCub]

I will add:

 

You must be able to do basic arithmetic without reaching for a calculator. It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name.

Write your name ( not in crayon).

Know the times tables.

Write a coherent sentence legibly.

Sign a document that says "I am an adult, I recognise that for every right I claim there I have an equivalent responsibility. I agree that I am no more important than anyone else and that my wants and needs do not automatically take priority over everyone else's. I will take responsibility for my actions and realise that things do go wrong without there being an automatic assumption that I can sue someone for compensation.".

If going on the Further Education, agree that it's a "university" not a "uni".

When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get".

 

There are more but that's a start.

 

This is one of those posts that makes me reach for the response: Don't get me started. 

 

Agree with arithmetic - I always enjoy leaving the younger generation agog at the way I can not only do arithmetic very quickly in my head but can also work out percentages and do fractions as well. Want to improve your mental arithmetic? Work in a busy pub! 

 

I'd add to that - you aren't entitled to anything, you need to earn it. 

 

Oh, 'Can I get' is just another awful Americanism along with 'Mom' and 'I'm going to need you to <do some task>'

[tooSavvy]

I really do think you ought not be allowed to leave school until you can form a fucking sentence in written prose.

So... You sayinn 'No NVQ - No child' ... ?

 

Canute.. Or ffinn What???

 

 

Sozz!

 

 

TS

[fred]

I'm assuming ''Their client'' is a Three toed sloth who managed to drive a Fiesta , but sadly lacked the effort to write his own Advert due to his habit of sleeping 23 hours a day

[PiperCub]

Love the line:

 

He thinks the car is a future investment.

 

Oh please, STFU.

 

 

To quote the great John Cooper Clarke:

 

What kind of creature bore you?

Was it some kind of bat?

They can't find a good word for you

I can - Twat. 

[PhilA]

You can, but you may not.

 

I tell our kids that. They're learning it from my grandfather, via me.

 

Phil

[Bianconeri]

FTFY

Yes, mea culpe. Meant to write "Higher Education" but your fix highlights yet another problem.

 

One I missed, if I am using my cellphone while in a queue I must give up my place at the head of the queue until I have finished my call.

[anonymous user]

I'm not sure about them being worst, but I did enjoy Raymanboy's various adverts for cars, scooters, pianos, etc. I'm not sure what his current eBay identity is, but the adverts are surreal with stream of consciousness gibberish, embedded home made video and multiple references to Baron Von Richtofen and Charlotte Rampling via Google translate.

[oldcars]

Don't get me started on the atrocious state of spelling & grammar since the educational establishment in this once-fine country decided it "wasn't important"...

My first boss back in 1994 used to write " WHAT IS THIS PISH?" in big red marker pen across any letters to clients with spelling errors.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Was he Sean Connery?

[AMC Rebel]

When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get".

 

 

 

 

My absolute pet hate this expression. If I worked somewhere where someone said this to me I'd answer "No, you don't work here so you can't get..."

 

The epitome of this shit was in the 2010 film Soul Boy - in which he uses that form in the pub - in a scene set in the 1970s - yeah sure - clearly no-one involved in the film was around in the 70s.

[AMC Rebel]

You must be able to do basic arithmetic without reaching for a calculator. It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name.

 

This is one of those posts that makes me reach for the response: Don't get me started. 

 

Agree with arithmetic - I always enjoy leaving the younger generation agog at the way I can not only do arithmetic very quickly in my head but can also work out percentages and do fractions as well. Want to improve your mental arithmetic? Work in a busy pub! 

 

 

And I would never have left school.  

 

Despite being reasonably bright, I never have been able to get a handle on mental arithmetic - it's one of those things that "clever" people have been using to shame and ridicule me all my life.  

 

I have worked in a busy shop - my arithmetic didn't improve at all, but I started to get to know that 3xsome item came to x - but from memory of items and previous transactions, not because my arithmetic improved.  Calculators are a total godsend to me, and I'm not bad at maths, just arithmetic.

[AMC Rebel]

Love the line:

 

He thinks the car is a future investment.

 

Oh please, STFU.

 

 

To quote the great John Cooper Clarke:

 

What kind of creature bore you?

Was it some kind of bat?

They can't find a good word for you

I can - Twat. 

Ha ha

 

You put the er.....ahem in Scunthorpe

Put the pain in Spain

'appy days are done for 

and you're the one I blame.

 

 

and yet another reason I feel old is JCC is on the school curriculum.

[bunglebus]

I will add:

It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name...

...it's a "university" not a "uni".

 

So you don't like "Uni" but "maths" (instead of "mathematics") is OK?

 

Just being a pedant really, I agree with most of what you wrote. However change is inevitable within language, there will be those fighting for change and those fighting against it, thus we reach an acceptable rate of change. I'm pretty sure you don't refer to the radio as the "wireless" for example.

 

There are some words which really get on my tits, "Legos" being one of them. They are Lego, Lego blocks, Lego bricks, Lego pieces, Lego parts etc. There are no "Legos".

 

Anyhow this has gone hugely off topic - find some crap adverts please!

[bunglebus]

Here's some other brilliant advertising;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even our sister branch when I worked at VW got it wrong;

 

 

 

 

 

 

And my absolute favourite;

 

[Zantimisfit]

So you don't like "Uni" but "maths" (instead of "mathematics") is OK?

 

Just being a pedant really, I agree with most of what you wrote. However change is inevitable within language, there will be those fighting for change and those fighting against it, thus we reach an acceptable rate of change. I'm pretty sure you don't refer to the radio as the "wireless" for example.

 

There are some words which really get on my tits, "Legos" being one of them. They are Lego, Lego blocks, Lego bricks, Lego pieces, Lego parts etc. There are no "Legos".

 

Anyhow this has gone hugely off topic - find some crap adverts please!

My son is studying 'math'

 

That's all I have to say

[spartacus]

"Needs tested"...

Is this a local thing?