bunglebus Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Yep another eBay thread. Why are there so many seemingly illiterate sellers on there? If you don't have at least average English skills, find someone who does! Show me the worst examples. I'll start with this; http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1999-T-FORD-FIESTA-1-2-EX-POLICE-TV-SHOW-CAR-WARRANTED-82K-NO-RESERVE-/272718314180?hash=item3f7f473ac4:g:Ge0AAOSwMvtZQgtQ WELCOME BACK MY LOVELIES DUE TO EBAY RULES ONE HAS WATCH WHAT IS WRITTEN DUE TO EBAY POLICE POLICY THE ROZZERSBOSTON TILLY ADMINISTRATION SALE LOT FUZZ 1999 ON A T/THE LOVELY FORD BEST SELLER CLASSIC FIESTA CHEAP CAR OWN & RUN FUEL & BEES WAX1 P START HAS TO BE SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER MAY WE WISH YOU GOOD LUCK FORD FIEST ZETIC 1.2 5 SPEED IN WHITE GENUNIE 82K 2 OWNER CAR EVERYTHING WORKS FROM THE WINDOWS TO THE HOT SCREENS TV PROP VEHICLE BOBYWORK OFERD IN GOOD ORDER STRAIGHT NO DAMAGE ENGINE RUNS SWEET AS A NUT STARTS FIRST TIME I COLLECTED THIS CAR FROM TV HIRE PROP VEHICLE WAS A GREAT CAR TO DRIVE BACK FROM THE COAST FUNNY NO MANY PEOPLE PASSED ONE GEARBOX SMOOTH POWER WINDOWS TO THE FRONT FULLY FUNCTIONAL MUM WINDS DOWN THE BACK WINDOWS THE PAINTWORK WAS GLEAMING THIS SUNNY AM WASH & DETAILED DUE TO EBAY POLICE RULES WINE TASTERS PHOTOS TELL THE STORY .THE MOT HAS EXPIRED 6TH JUNE SELLING ON BEHALF OF MY CLIENT WHO IS HAVING HARD TIMES .& STORAGE IS A PROBLEM HE THINKS THE CAR IS A FUTURE INVESTMENT . YOU DECIDED WE HAVE LOG BOOK KEY WE PURCHASED FORD MUSIC PANNEL HE HAS THROWN IN CONTROL BOX HE HAS HAD SINCE HIS CARS WHERE ON THE BILL TV SHOW BACK IN THE DAYS ACTION CARS NOT ACTION VEHICLES LIGHT SWITCH ON GLOVE BOX THE ROOF THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTERPLEASE BEAR IN MIND THE FIESTA IS GETTING OLD & MOT HAS EXPIRED PLEASE BEAR THIS IN MIND MUST BE COLLECTED OUR DELIVERED IN 7 DAYS WE CAN ARRANGE 4 U PLEASE ALLOW MONEY FOR THE MOT SOLD AS SENN NO WARRNTHY GIVEN OUR IMPLIED SOLD ON THE TERMS ONLY DEBIT CARDS TAKEN HPI CLEAR TAXED DRIVEAWAY GET THE TRAIN ILL SEND A DRIVER FOR YOU THANK YOU BOSTON TILLY ON 07886 782375 BONJOUR 0ldCh0d, fred and brickwall 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cpjitservices Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Its not just ebay check out the facebook car for sale groups or Gumtree... The line that always makes me laugh is 'Must av a bit of MOT'... what the hell does that mean ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamworthbay Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Its not just ebay check out the facebook car for sale groups or Gumtree... The line that always makes me laugh is 'Must av a bit of MOT'... what the hell does that mean ?It means he can't be arsed to find the bit of paper he lost sometime last year. Twiggy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spartacus Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Jesus, what a fucking div. Despite the lack of basic grammar and spelling skills he's still managed over 700 transactions on eBay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooSavvy Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Worst? One that convinces me to buy the fri99in useless tosh TS DeeJay 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John F Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Don't get me started on the atrocious state of spelling & grammar since the educational establishment in this once-fine country decided it "wasn't important"... D Spares & Tyres, oldcars, chodweaver and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D Spares & Tyres Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Lots of the letters I get sent from school have grammatical errors. I like to send them back with corrections spartacus, Bobthebeard and puddlethumper 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puddlethumper Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Why do people put what colour it is ? I CAN SEE THE PHOTO FFS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierraman Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I really do think you ought not be allowed to leave school until you can form a fucking sentence in written prose. I'm still at a loss as to what it is he's selling? tooSavvy, Twiggy, spartacus and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robinmasters Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Although he's managed to use the wrong words most of the time, he's only spelled a few incorrectly. I counted six. However, two of those were 'Fiesta' and 'Zetec'. AMC Rebel and chodweaver 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bianconeri Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I really do think you ought not be allowed to leave school until you can form a fucking sentence in written prose. I'm still at a loss as to what it is he's selling?I will add: You must be able to do basic arithmetic without reaching for a calculator. It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name.Write your name ( not in crayon).Know the times tables.Write a coherent sentence legibly.Sign a document that says "I am an adult, I recognise that for every right I claim there I have an equivalent responsibility. I agree that I am no more important than anyone else and that my wants and needs do not automatically take priority over everyone else's. I will take responsibility for my actions and realise that things do go wrong without there being an automatic assumption that I can sue someone for compensation.".If going on the Further Education, agree that it's a "university" not a "uni".When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get". There are more but that's a start. 59Impala, cros, puddlethumper and 12 others 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clayts450 Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get". My absolute pet hate this expression. If I worked somewhere where someone said this to me I'd answer "No, you don't work here so you can't get..." John F 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie Honda Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 If going on the Further Education, agree that it's a "university" not a "uni". college. FTFY The Moog and face 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiperCub Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Lots of the letters I get sent from school have grammatical errors. I like to send them back with corrections Hope you use red pen and for the worst - put 'See me' at the bottom. My favourite ebay ad ever was for a Clio. The was one photo, taken in the dark using a really shit phone camera (back when phone cameras were largely all shit) that to be frank, could have been pretty much any small hatchback built in the last 30 years but the listing did say 'Clio' so assume it was that. The ad read: car for sale Seriously, that was it. (I did resist the temptation to wind the guy up feigning interest at his doubtless fine automobile). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiperCub Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I will add: You must be able to do basic arithmetic without reaching for a calculator. It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name.Write your name ( not in crayon).Know the times tables.Write a coherent sentence legibly.Sign a document that says "I am an adult, I recognise that for every right I claim there I have an equivalent responsibility. I agree that I am no more important than anyone else and that my wants and needs do not automatically take priority over everyone else's. I will take responsibility for my actions and realise that things do go wrong without there being an automatic assumption that I can sue someone for compensation.".If going on the Further Education, agree that it's a "university" not a "uni".When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get". There are more but that's a start. This is one of those posts that makes me reach for the response: Don't get me started. Agree with arithmetic - I always enjoy leaving the younger generation agog at the way I can not only do arithmetic very quickly in my head but can also work out percentages and do fractions as well. Want to improve your mental arithmetic? Work in a busy pub! I'd add to that - you aren't entitled to anything, you need to earn it. Oh, 'Can I get' is just another awful Americanism along with 'Mom' and 'I'm going to need you to <do some task>' Bianconeri and Twiggy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tooSavvy Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I really do think you ought not be allowed to leave school until you can form a fucking sentence in written prose.So... You sayinn 'No NVQ - No child' ... ? Canute.. Or ffinn What??? Sozz! TS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fred Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 I'm assuming ''Their client'' is a Three toed sloth who managed to drive a Fiesta , but sadly lacked the effort to write his own Advert due to his habit of sleeping 23 hours a day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiperCub Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Love the line: He thinks the car is a future investment. Oh please, STFU. To quote the great John Cooper Clarke: What kind of creature bore you?Was it some kind of bat?They can't find a good word for youI can - Twat. cros, Semi-C, Ghosty and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilA Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 You can, but you may not. I tell our kids that. They're learning it from my grandfather, via me. Phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bianconeri Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 FTFYYes, mea culpe. Meant to write "Higher Education" but your fix highlights yet another problem. One I missed, if I am using my cellphone while in a queue I must give up my place at the head of the queue until I have finished my call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anonymous user Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I'm not sure about them being worst, but I did enjoy Raymanboy's various adverts for cars, scooters, pianos, etc. I'm not sure what his current eBay identity is, but the adverts are surreal with stream of consciousness gibberish, embedded home made video and multiple references to Baron Von Richtofen and Charlotte Rampling via Google translate. Rusty_Rocket 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldcars Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Don't get me started on the atrocious state of spelling & grammar since the educational establishment in this once-fine country decided it "wasn't important"...My first boss back in 1994 used to write " WHAT IS THIS PISH?" in big red marker pen across any letters to clients with spelling errors. John F 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlabamaShrimp Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Was he Sean Connery? Dick Longbridge, oldcars, face and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMC Rebel Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 When ordering anything in a cafe, restaurant or pub agree that the correct form begins "may I have" and never "can I get". My absolute pet hate this expression. If I worked somewhere where someone said this to me I'd answer "No, you don't work here so you can't get..." The epitome of this shit was in the 2010 film Soul Boy - in which he uses that form in the pub - in a scene set in the 1970s - yeah sure - clearly no-one involved in the film was around in the 70s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMC Rebel Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 You must be able to do basic arithmetic without reaching for a calculator. It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name. This is one of those posts that makes me reach for the response: Don't get me started. Agree with arithmetic - I always enjoy leaving the younger generation agog at the way I can not only do arithmetic very quickly in my head but can also work out percentages and do fractions as well. Want to improve your mental arithmetic? Work in a busy pub! And I would never have left school. Despite being reasonably bright, I never have been able to get a handle on mental arithmetic - it's one of those things that "clever" people have been using to shame and ridicule me all my life. I have worked in a busy shop - my arithmetic didn't improve at all, but I started to get to know that 3xsome item came to x - but from memory of items and previous transactions, not because my arithmetic improved. Calculators are a total godsend to me, and I'm not bad at maths, just arithmetic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMC Rebel Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Love the line: He thinks the car is a future investment. Oh please, STFU. To quote the great John Cooper Clarke: What kind of creature bore you?Was it some kind of bat?They can't find a good word for youI can - Twat. Ha ha You put the er.....ahem in ScunthorpePut the pain in Spain'appy days are done for and you're the one I blame. and yet another reason I feel old is JCC is on the school curriculum. chodweaver 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunglebus Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 I will add:It is NOT maths, it's arithmetic and as important as being able to write your name......it's a "university" not a "uni". So you don't like "Uni" but "maths" (instead of "mathematics") is OK? Just being a pedant really, I agree with most of what you wrote. However change is inevitable within language, there will be those fighting for change and those fighting against it, thus we reach an acceptable rate of change. I'm pretty sure you don't refer to the radio as the "wireless" for example. There are some words which really get on my tits, "Legos" being one of them. They are Lego, Lego blocks, Lego bricks, Lego pieces, Lego parts etc. There are no "Legos". Anyhow this has gone hugely off topic - find some crap adverts please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunglebus Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Here's some other brilliant advertising; Even our sister branch when I worked at VW got it wrong; And my absolute favourite; Dick Longbridge, FakeConcern, strangeangel and 4 others 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zantimisfit Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 So you don't like "Uni" but "maths" (instead of "mathematics") is OK? Just being a pedant really, I agree with most of what you wrote. However change is inevitable within language, there will be those fighting for change and those fighting against it, thus we reach an acceptable rate of change. I'm pretty sure you don't refer to the radio as the "wireless" for example. There are some words which really get on my tits, "Legos" being one of them. They are Lego, Lego blocks, Lego bricks, Lego pieces, Lego parts etc. There are no "Legos". Anyhow this has gone hugely off topic - find some crap adverts please! My son is studying 'math' That's all I have to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spartacus Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 "Needs tested"...Is this a local thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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